online relationship with ups and downs + first meet up

[neenoo]

Hi,

 

I posted this in the long distance relationship category because I think that is what is most at issue in my relationship. I'm looking for answers as to what's really going on because I keep getting hurt at my expectations I've been having.

 

I've been talking to a guy who had never had an online connection for about a year and a half. He's newly divorced. Although we skyped every day he was always weirded out by the lack of physicality and after about half a year he said he had to get out and date people near him. I wasn't threatened initially because I knew as a divorcee he would want to date up a storm and that it might actually be good for us in the long run. He'd tried to see me twice during the time we talked but I had some technical problems that didn't allow for it. He didn't think these problems were a big deal but I think he was clear that I thought they were a big deal.

 

Well, he had been dating at least two girls since then and he'd kept in touch with me, but after the second girl he was dating we had a huge fight and stopped talking. There was a combination of things that caused us to stop talking, I think, and one of these factors was the fact that he was going to come to my city for his male friend in a few weeks and I was angry that he was putting himself in a situation where he couldn't be free to explore what we had (he was getting more serious with a girl he was seeing there). Although I knew he was dating others and so knew we were not exclusive I felt hurt and angry that he had been telling me that he wanted me romantically and kept talking to me for a year, and is ready to not have that chance when he's in my city because of someone he just met. I know that time you spend with someone doesn't equate to the feelings you have for them, but on a friendship or human level I am still angry if he was lying to me about our level of friendship.. leading me on. I don't know if he was leading me on or not since we were never labeled. But I think it's not unreasonable to think someone cares about your feelings after acting that way for a long period of time, and then expecting that if they cared enough they would put in the time and effort to make sure you understand the situation. He's told me that he doesn't have to do this and doesn't owe me anything which I could maybe understand for a romantic situation but I still get hurt on the friend situation.. if he wants to continue the friendship as he has always maintained, why wouldn't he care enough to have more talks with me to work out my confusion?

 

We hadn't spoken for 2 months and then I got a message that he would be in my town for a few months, and that he wanted to meet up. During the interim I could have written him off as someone who used me as an emotional buoy, but the fact that he is trying to maintain a relationship makes me confused. I had feelings flood back of anger and hurt, and felt I needed to find out if he wanted to meet his friend or if he just wanted to fill up his time when he was bored and fufill a mild curiosity. I felt that the level of intimacy we shared as friends for a year required more in the way of an apology or effort (he hasn't been texting as often as he did before the fight and has asked me out only for morning coffee, and i feel that at this point I shouldn't have to be screened which is what a coffee meet up is often used for). I mean I can't be mad if he does not feel that way for me as I do for him, but I feel I do have a right to be angry if he lied to me about how he felt. He left a message after I didn't respond to his initial texts that he was really sorry for not keeping in contact, but again it left me semi cold as I wasn't sure how authentic it was if he wasn't willing to tell that to my face/in real time on the phone so that I could respond and talk it out with him. Also, he was sorry he didn't keep in touch but not sorry he led me on... which is what I was angry about. Again I don't know if I'm being unreasonable in my anger or if he owed me explanation, but that is how i feel. I feel if you care for someone, you don't want to see them hurt and if you know that you could explain things to allieviate their pain, you would.

 

What is your take on what is going on here? Why do you think he wants to meet and do you think I should express my feelings of hurt or just try to bury the hatchet for now (i don't think not meeting is an option, as I'll always wonder if the lack of physical meeting would have made a difference for us).

 

THanks.

Edited January 7, 2014 by neenoo

[nomadic_butterfly]

Hi,

 

What is your take on what is going on here? Why do you think he wants to meet and do you think I should express my feelings of hurt or just try to bury the hatchet for now (i don't think not meeting is an option, as I'll always wonder if the lack of physical meeting would have made a difference for us).

 

THanks.

 

Read the post I put up on here earlier today "When it all falls down." It has some similarities to yours. Honestly, how far apart do you live that you couldn't meet for over a year?

 

My advice to anyone looking into a LDR is be able to meet within 3 months or less as a rule of thumb. Others may think differently but unless there is some profound extenuating circumstance, two people who really want to meet, will meet. PERIOD. In my case at first it was just talking to kill time while job surfing, then when I finally got a job couldn't travel. He told me he'd book a ticket for me, but honestly I didn't sweat it b/c I thought maybe he needs to know me a bit more to make that kind of investment. He had a million visa excuses (will never know if it is legitimate or not). And if the biggest hinderance is $$ then perhaps a LDR is not something you should be trying to forge.

 

I wasn't angry when suddenly 4 days before the deadline to book my ticket to see him next month he "fell in love on a mission trip in Africa." It's funny b/c I texted his best friend and he said, "yea, I heard a few days ago." So for the whole month no contact; no Merry Xmas or Happy New Year (though his best friend whom I did meet in October wished me happy holidays each time). I thought he might not have had access to the internet in the remote area of an underdeveloped country. He could have told me the moment he met her that all bets were off instead of waiting a few days before he was going to book my ticket. Why not even tell me the same time he told his best friend since he clearly had means to communicate abroad? I wanted him to book the ticket initially by the end of November to prove he's serious b/c I was tired of vague, unconfirmed plans and needed something concrete to look forward to(we Skyped at the first weekend of Nov) but he said "what's the rush? I can do it when I get back." It's almost like maybe he already had some trick up his sleeve the whole time. He also said he was going back to Europe from Africa on Wednesday yet he flew out yesterday and stopped in another country (probably where she lives). He even spoke of me meeting his whole family while there. LOL. These guys are experts and I wouldn't be surprised if they're looking for a Visa victim.

 

Now I am personally completely anti-LDR (always have been to be honest) but I wouldn't knock it or discourage anyone else from it if both parties are willing to meet within a reasonable time frame and put forth equal effort for constant communication.

 

There was no point in him telling you this on the phone or "talking it out." I never met the guy in real life and quite frankly neither one of us made firm commitments to each other. I am not angry or upset with him although I, and my other friends I told the story doesn't believe him one bit. Why waste my time and energy? Sometimes one door closes so a bigger and better one opens. If you already met and solidified a commitment I'd understand your plight but realistically he never ever met you in real life so it's not that serious to him. Men (and many woman) are visual creatures who need tangible things and LDR is unnatural as far as how we are fundamentally as human beings. We are social creatures meant to foster and fortify and forge relationships in real life.

 

On the bright side, I learned a lot about myself and the situation challenged me to be better. My world never started and wont end with him. I am confident that at some point I will cross paths with someone wonderful but until then I will remain true to self and not be hung up on what isn't; rather look forward to what is and what will be.

Edited January 8, 2014 by nomadic_butterfly

[neenoo]

hey, thanks for replying. I think the not meeting in 3 months was my fault, he first asked to meet up perhaps around that time I think (2-3 months), and thankfully since I am me I know what my motivations were (not because i didn't care for him deeply). Then he was not available after he got a more serious gf. He didn't want to upset her.

 

Could you or someone else speak more to the friendship side of this? Personally my standards for being friends with me and me opening my heart to you is if i feel I can trust you to care for my feelings. I understand it gets mucky when there was a romantic entanglement.. that's why I need some help. Like.... are you saying he doesn't feel a real friendship either since we hadn't met? And can i tell him that i'm hurt by it? If I don't put expectations on him?

 

Thirdly.. I think I'm sure I am going through with the meet.. I just need some more help on how to see the friendship before i go into the battlefield. All in all, I would like to continue a relationship (friendship at least) with this guy as a person I enjoy and care for.

Edited January 8, 2014 by neenoo

[neenoo]

There was no point in him telling you this on the phone or "talking it out." I never met the guy in real life and quite frankly neither one of us made firm commitments to each other.

 

ok, but do I have a right to be angry that he played a large part in why i thought we had a deeper connection? that's not something I put on him, its something he actively took part in. And I can't really be friends with someone whose words I can't trust, right?

 

If this is the case I could go into building an all new friendship with this person.. but I wouldn't normally go meet a stranger. Do you think he really views me as one? I'm trying to get some feedback on how his behavior indicates how much of a friend I am to him. I am offended that he is acting like we havent shared as much as we had.

[nomadic_butterfly]

hey, thanks for replying. I think the not meeting in 3 months was my fault, he first asked to meet up perhaps around that time I think (2-3 months), and thankfully since I am me I know what my motivations were (not because i didn't care for him deeply). Then he was not available after he got a more serious gf. He didn't want to upset her.

 

Could you or someone else speak more to the friendship side of this? Personally my standards for being friends with me and me opening my heart to you is if i feel I can trust you to care for my feelings. I understand it gets mucky when there was a romantic entanglement.. that's why I need some help. Like.... are you saying he doesn't feel a real friendship either since we hadn't met? And can i tell him that i'm hurt by it? If I don't put expectations on him?

 

Thirdly.. I think I'm sure I am going through with the meet.. I just need some more help on how to see the friendship before i go into the battlefield. All in all, I would like to continue a relationship (friendship at least) with this guy as a person I enjoy and care for.

 

It's quite simple, I'm 99% sure he wants you as a backup plan and will use friendship as a guise to have maintain access in your life.

 

I don't see the point in maintaining a friendship with him; you've never met and have no tangible benefit from it. He also will not respect you if you don't have standards and even if he got with you, he'd leave you in a heart beat for a woman who challenges him and show a great sense of self-esteem and awareness of her value. It seems you still have hope. Don't be so available.

 

I'm almost sure the guy I spoke of before would come back should this current new flame burn out. 99% of the times this has happened to me; a guy lies, plays games or goes off with another woman and when it doesn't pan out, they try to come running back be it a few months or a few years later.

 

If I were you, I'd just keep it moving. Nothing to be gained here. But I am generally very pragmatic and can usually separate how I feel from the cold, hard facts.

[nomadic_butterfly]

ok, but do I have a right to be angry that he played a large part in why i thought we had a deeper connection? that's not something I put on him, its something he actively took part in. And I can't really be friends with someone whose words I can't trust, right?

 

If this is the case I could go into building an all new friendship with this person.. but I wouldn't normally go meet a stranger. Do you think he really views me as one? I'm trying to get some feedback on how his behavior indicates how much of a friend I am to him. I am offended that he is acting like we havent shared as much as we had.

 

Lol. Well technically we are all "entitled" to our feelings; be it rational or not. I am just being practical here. I thought I had more in common with this guy than anyone else. I also thought we had a "deep connection" but....

 

#Fact: We never met

#Fact: We were not commited

#Fact: He showed his true colors

#Fact: He never made any concrete efforts to see if "we" could work

#Fact: My emotions will not change a darn thing. It is what it is.

#Fact: I can be mad or I can move on to a local/close distance relationship in which both of us will show with ACTIONS we want to make it work

#Fact: I can have self respect and know when to close a joker out of my life.

[neenoo]

i mean. I am not up for what i consider to be a superficial connection with anyone. I want to know if thats what he sees me as. And if that is a "bad" thing, meaning it wasn't created off of something that can't be changed by me or us.

[nomadic_butterfly]

i mean. I am not up for what i consider to be a superficial connection with anyone. I want to know if thats what he sees me as. And if that is a "bad" thing, meaning it wasn't created off of something that can't be changed by me or us.

 

Life has riddles and mysteries that are sometimes left unsolved. We have to know that. Sometimes we want closure in the form of direct answers but we may never get them. Sometimes we want answers and rather than listening to words from feigned lips, we should look at the actions from that source and draw the conclusions.

 

He can tell you a boatload of BS you want to here but the fact is that you may never truly fully know. You have to accept that. Why not just move on to a closer man? If he thought what you had was so special, he would have flown over the moon to see you. 1 1/2yrs is a long time. This is the reality. Face it. Only then will you be able to overcome the situation.

[neenoo]

i guess i would say again that not seeing someone doesn't mean I don't have strong feelings, and i don't see my friends even though I care for them. I understand if a gf is more imporatnt to someone.

 

But ok. I guess enough is in the air that i won't know, and there IS something I can do about it.. meet him.

 

thanks for the advice; i'm surprised it took me so long (before posting on LS) to get this kind of an answer (which you are giving). I will most likely tell him how i feel but won't dump it on him the first time we meet. By the way I haven't read your "when it all falls down" post yet but plan to.

[neenoo]

Lol. Well technically we are all "entitled" to our feelings; be it rational or not. I am just being practical here. I thought I had more in common with this guy than anyone else. I also thought we had a "deep connection" but....

 

#Fact: We never met

#Fact: We were not commited

#Fact: He showed his true colors

#Fact: He never made any concrete efforts to see if "we" could work

#Fact: My emotions will not change a darn thing. It is what it is.

#Fact: I can be mad or I can move on to a local/close distance relationship in which both of us will show with ACTIONS we want to make it work

#Fact: I can have self respect and know when to close a joker out of my life.

 

well i was asking whether i was rational with my feelings. i think you are saying i wasn't on the romantic level. but what abvout friends? if it didnt work out romantically, why does that mean he doesnt care as a person?

[neenoo]

It's quite simple, I'm 99% sure he wants you as a backup plan and will use friendship as a guise to have maintain access in your life.

 

I don't see the point in maintaining a friendship with him; you've never met and have no tangible benefit from it. He also will not respect you if you don't have standards and even if he got with you, he'd leave you in a heart beat for a woman who challenges him and show a great sense of self-esteem and awareness of her value. It seems you still have hope. Don't be so available.

 

I'm almost sure the guy I spoke of before would come back should this current new flame burn out. 99% of the times this has happened to me; a guy lies, plays games or goes off with another woman and when it doesn't pan out, they try to come running back be it a few months or a few years later.

 

If I were you, I'd just keep it moving. Nothing to be gained here. But I am generally very pragmatic and can usually separate how I feel from the cold, hard facts.

 

well i do think there are benefits from having him as a friend...he's helped me loads through talking about my life and my best friends are actually ones I don't see regularly (from college, etc). I guess I'm saying I don't care so much about the tangible.. I just care if he cares. I think.. as there is as you said in your last post, there is a lot I don't know. So I unfortunately I do think its worth it.. to continue a friendship.. and won't open myself up to romance if that is even a possibility from his side.. until hes proven more. I just didn't know if I was misinterpreting him as not caring for me too hastily... I don't think he'd use me as a backup plan because he has a gf as far as I know.. he's not a cheater.

 

I dont know if there's such a thing as bad timing, or what. I don't know.. so I think that I could go ahead with the meet and at least have hard evidence.. he would have it too and maybe if the worst case scenario is true he could see whether he would even want a back up with me. At least then it would be clear to both of us.

Edited January 8, 2014 by neenoo

[nomadic_butterfly]

well i do think there are benefits from having him as a friend...he's helped me loads through talking about my life and my best friends are actually ones I don't see regularly (from college, etc). I guess I'm saying I don't care so much about the tangible.. I just care if he cares. I think.. as there is as you said in your last post, there is a lot I don't know. So I unfortunately I do think its worth it.. to continue a friendship.. and won't open myself up to romance if that is even a possibility from his side.. until hes proven more. I just didn't know if I was misinterpreting him as not caring for me too hastily... I don't think he'd use me as a backup plan because he has a gf as far as I know.. he's not a cheater.

 

I dont know if there's such a thing as bad timing, or what. I don't know.. so I think that I could go ahead with the meet and at least have hard evidence.. he would have it too and maybe if the worst case scenario is true he could see whether he would even want a back up with me. At least then it would be clear to both of us.

 

Ok. Where do the two of you live and what mountain has prevented the two of you from putting forth the effort to meet in 1 1/2 yrs?

 

I can't believe you have hope on either end. You want him to validate your inner most desires which is for him to "choose you" since you've "been waiting patiently" and have a "deep connection." It's ok by you that instead of putting the effort to MEET YOU he instead put in effort with more than one other woman? This doesn't sound the alarms?

[OnlyHonesty]

You have invited lots of drama, expectations, anger, frustration and doubt into your life even if it does come along with good feelings. Much of the good feelings you have are unfortunately, fantasy based as is often the case when people connect without meeting (in reasonable time) online.

 

If you care to look a bit deeper and perhaps be brutally honest with yourself / each other you will see aspects of emotional unavailability. You are pursuing a divorced man who is currently dating who you have never met and who is online. Even if you tried, you couldn't pick a more unavailable person to pursue.

 

I wonder what you are afraid of. In his case, he is perhaps just looking for something lighthearted since he has come out of a marriage and who knows what else. My advice to you, be honest with yourself, ask yourself why you are chasing this fantasy and why you expend energy in this instead of someone local, physical and real.

 

It's possible you aren't ready to look beneath this situation because to do so will rob you of all of those good feelings. Good luck.

[nomadic_butterfly]

i guess i would say again that not seeing someone doesn't mean I don't have strong feelings, and i don't see my friends even though I care for them. I understand if a gf is more imporatnt to someone.

 

But ok. I guess enough is in the air that i won't know, and there IS something I can do about it.. meet him.

 

thanks for the advice; i'm surprised it took me so long (before posting on LS) to get this kind of an answer (which you are giving). I will most likely tell him how i feel but won't dump it on him the first time we meet. By the way I haven't read your "when it all falls down" post yet but plan to.

 

If you feel meeting will give you closure then, go ahead. But once more, where do you live and where does he live that in 1 1/2 years one couldn't visit the other?

[justwhoiam]

We hadn't spoken for 2 months and then I got a message that he would be in my town for a few months, and that he wanted to meet up.

...

has asked me out only for morning coffee, and i feel that at this point I shouldn't have to be screened which is what a coffee meet up is often used for

First of all, did you text him back at some point? After his invite to a morning coffee? If you didn't, you could simply text him: No, thanks.

 

A "no, thanks" text will make him think about his behavior with you. He might still care or not, we don't know. But you give him a chance to think it over. You also protect yourself, because you don't need to be screened now, nor be anyone's passtime. He can read that any way he wants, like you're mad at him, or simply uninterested or whatever. Should he care he won't give up and will be back with some other offer or a phone call.

 

Don't open up to him at this point, unless he opens up his heart to you. Because you don't want to get hurt any further. If you need to vent, do so with someone you trust, like a real friend, or come here and post about your frustration.

 

Most divorcees go through enough drama already, and they surely do not look for more drama in their lives. Actually, I guess if they sense any, or a difficult woman, they start to steer clear.

 

Now to your question: why is he back now? It could be for a number of reasons.

1) Before making an important decision that is going to affect your life, you want to make sure you are making the right decision. If you decide to be with someone and leaving someone behind, you need to know what you are really leaving behind. So if he's choosing a woman over you, he'd want to make sure you're not a better option than the one he chose.

2) He might still be at the dating stage, and needs to explore if there's a way with you. Why just a coffee? It's something quite casual that shouldn't get you worked up, nor trouble you excessively. You don't build expectations, because he just threw in a coffee, not a dinner or a night together.

3) If he's in a relationship now, chances are it'd be very difficult for him to be available at night, so that's why the morning coffee.

4) Maybe he's already feeling a bit suffocated, and needs some fresh air, hence he got back in touch with you.

5) Other possible reasons.

[neenoo]

First of all, did you text him back at some point?

 

Hi Justwhoiam, you seem like a peaceful person. thanks for your comforting reply.

 

Too late. We've been texting regularly but not nearly as much as we used to pre-fight. I made it clear that I thought we should meet up. But I've been busy when he's suggested, several times now. He told me he could meet any time, but he doesn't answer my texts to just chat every time. He does seem persistent. I feel that whether or not he cares, whatever his agenda is, he may be feeling that he's had enough of the texting and wants to finally meet me. It's one theory, one that could help me feel less slighted.

 

I also didn't respond to his initial attempts to contact me.. it was about a month after his first attempt that i replied back. When I did reply I just acted friendly but reserved.. though I have to say when we do get going I found myself slipping and throwing in a smiley face or two. I enjoy him.

Edited January 8, 2014 by neenoo

[justwhoiam]

Thank you for your kind words.

 

I don't think it's too late because, apparently, a) you haven't met him yet and b) you didn't get more than a casual coffee invite yet.

 

So when he's back reminding you of that, just say "No, thanks". If you keep showing interest, it's very likely you'll be kept on the back burner. Unless he breaks up, or his girlfriend is away for a few days, etc.

 

Be cool with him, treat him as if he were no big deal. Be vague in your answers, without playing games (as I said, no complications, no drama).

[nomadic_butterfly]

If the two of you are close enough in distance for "a coffee" why has it taken 1 1/2 yrs for a tentative meet up? This is what I don't get...answering this will make a lot of things clearer....

[justwhoiam]

If the two of you are close enough in distance for "a coffee" why has it taken 1 1/2 yrs for a tentative meet up? This is what I don't get...answering this will make a lot of things clearer....

He moved near where she is, because of the woman he's dating now (if I understood well).

[nomadic_butterfly]

He moved near where she is, because of the woman he's dating now (if I understood well).

 

Wow ok. So that's even more concerning. So he has been stringing her along all this time, put forth the effort to not only meet, but MOVE to the OP's hometown for his "girlfriend" yet he didn't/wouldn't move for the OP located in the SAME PLACE? He wouldn't even meet with her for a coffee before he even moved there?

 

I understand what you mean about the guy wanting no drama but it seems like he's treating her like second best which no one really deserves. I still think he is using her as a back up plan in case his main relationship falls through and it's unhealthy to forge a pseudo-friendship in secret hopes the guy will eventually fall for you the way he fell for someone else.

 

She should just date others and keep him on the backburner; this should fall in place naturally not because he knows if it doesn't work for girlfriend A, plan B is ready, willing, able and available. He will not fully respect or appreciate her especially since she's making it way too easy for him.

[neenoo]

He moved near where she is, because of the woman he's dating now (if I understood well).

 

no... he is here for work for a few months.

 

i have no idea if hes still with the gf. If i had to guess, id say they took a break but he is still interested in her.

[neenoo]

If the two of you are close enough in distance for "a coffee" why has it taken 1 1/2 yrs for a tentative meet up? This is what I don't get...answering this will make a lot of things clearer....

 

he tried to come visit me with a plane ride, one I couldn't make because of costs. He could handle the cost but i wouldn't let him for reasons that i felt were important but he didn't, they were technical in nature and he knew that i thought it was a big deal.

 

then after he started getting serious about the current girl we stopped trying to meet up. Now that he is in town for a long time and for some unknown reason he is trying to meet up for coffee.. maybe to not give me the wrong idea or some other reason i dunno. This reason will help me be more confident in whether or not I can trust him as a friend. Like I said, I'd like to salvage a friendship if it's possible. Obviously it's not possible if he doesn't care for me as a person or if he doesn't respect me. I am trying to come to a conclusion about it... the problem for me is i feel in order to feel more sure about it I will have to meet him so i know that he's had that input. I can't stop the nagging thought in my head that he needs the physical confirmation in order to put himself into the friendship.

 

oh, and the technical problems are no longer there.

Edited January 8, 2014 by neenoo

[nomadic_butterfly]

he tried to come visit me with a plane ride, one I couldn't make because of costs. He could handle the cost but i wouldn't let him for reasons that i felt were important but he didn't, they were technical in nature and he knew that i thought it was a big deal.

 

then after he started getting serious about the current girl we stopped trying to meet up. Now that he is in town for a long time and for some unknown reason he is trying to meet up for coffee.. maybe to not give me the wrong idea or some other reason i dunno. This reason will help me be more confident in whether or not I can trust him as a friend. Like I said, I'd like to salvage a friendship if it's possible. Obviously it's not possible if he doesn't care for me as a person or if he doesn't respect me. I am trying to come to a conclusion about it... the problem for me is i feel in order to feel more sure about it I will have to meet him so i know that he's had that input. I can't stop the nagging thought in my head that he needs the physical confirmation in order to put himself into the friendship.

 

oh, and the technical problems are no longer there.

 

Ok, cool. A lot clearer now. Yea, no harm in just a coffee but try not the get the hopes up too high. So he did indeed make attempts to meet long before. I think meeting him can also give you a bit of closure even if nothing comes from the end of it. You will know for sure if there is even physical attraction there and how online translates into real life. Well I wish you all the best!

[neenoo]

Thanks.

 

I am still more concerned with the friendship/base respect part. I think what I'm hearing is that my hurt/anger is not really founded since we were never committed, but what does it all tell me about his level of connection anyhow? As I said I do not open myself to many people at all. And I feel I was massively lied to and used or else have a poor understanding of what's normal in these online relationships.

 

How do I bring this all up to him? Or not at all?

[neenoo]

Thank you for your kind words.

 

I don't think it's too late because, apparently, a) you haven't met him yet and b) you didn't get more than a casual coffee invite yet.

 

So when he's back reminding you of that, just say "No, thanks". If you keep showing interest, it's very likely you'll be kept on the back burner. Unless he breaks up, or his girlfriend is away for a few days, etc.

 

Be cool with him, treat him as if he were no big deal. Be vague in your answers, without playing games (as I said, no complications, no drama).

 

Just to be clear, I'm also not sure if he just wants to be friends, which I am ok with if I know that's how he feels. Basically I want to find out what our status is. But, if i can tell that he lacks respect without putting myself out there again, that will affect what I do.

 

I just didn't want to be overreacting to things like coffee, etc being disrespectful of me.. i mean it sounds silly typing it out, but its not just the specifics its just it seems like everything is out of proportion to what I felt the level of friendship was. Again, not his fault.. but I felt I could be angry since he kept it going for so long and this that and the other thing he said to me when i warned him how i would take it.

Edited January 9, 2014 by neenoo