ConcreteHeart Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 Hi all..it's been a while since I posted on here last. I have tried in the last 6 months to remain friends with my exMM and it has been challenging to say the least. There have been angry words and loving words back and forth, thinking that we can make it work. Thinking that we can go back to the time before our affair. My question is this...how do you go no contact when there hasn't been a d-day, when there isn't a PA anymore, but the love is there. I know the relationship isn't going anywhere, neither one of us can leave our spouses, but neither one of us can make that final break. He says he sees no problem being friends for the rest of our lives, but I keep finding myself wanting so much more. Does he? Or do I just face facts that he really has been able to look at me as just a friend and I'm the one holding out hope that we will one day find a way to be together? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConcreteHeart Posted January 8, 2014 Author Share Posted January 8, 2014 Tonight I even offered to show him how to block my number so that he could no longer receive texts or calls from me...but he just changed the subject and talked about a specific drink I should try next time I'm out? Link to post Share on other sites
PurpleCardigan Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 I'm in a similar spot where I'm trying to figure out if he has compartmentalized me as a friend or if there is still hope. He pursued me very heavily, and it was a few days before our "first date" when I asked him if he was married and he acknowledged it. It was several weeks later when I learned about their young child. But now he's backtracking on the PA saying that he feels like we moved too fast. Funny, he never said that as he was pushing for sex and saying ILY. But in any case, I think that for me he really does just want the EA (friendship) as I'd guess that he thinks that if there is no sex that he's not cheating. He gets his emotional needs met without the guilt. Maybe yours is the same? Link to post Share on other sites
wannabdone Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 Hi all..it's been a while since I posted on here last. I have tried in the last 6 months to remain friends with my exMM and it has been challenging to say the least. There have been angry words and loving words back and forth, thinking that we can make it work. Thinking that we can go back to the time before our affair. My question is this...how do you go no contact when there hasn't been a d-day, when there isn't a PA anymore, but the love is there. I know the relationship isn't going anywhere, neither one of us can leave our spouses, but neither one of us can make that final break. He says he sees no problem being friends for the rest of our lives, but I keep finding myself wanting so much more. Does he? Or do I just face facts that he really has been able to look at me as just a friend and I'm the one holding out hope that we will one day find a way to be together? It is a fact that men can compartmentalize far easier & common than women. To take it further, men compartmentalize on a WHOLE other level than us girls. So, to answer your question on how to go NC?? You do it by using your own words & ACCEPTING them. "neither one of us can leave our spouses". If neither of you can leave, then no matter what feelings you have, it can not be. So, if it can not be, then what good is it doing either of you to continue to speak? Is it benefiting your lives in either way? I am talking about your LIVES, not just you two on your own. Your lives meaning your family, who you are, where you both have decided you will stay. If you take a step back, and could think of it with out your heart involved, you know there is no way either of you can continue to stay friends. Not if you have crossed a line. It will be crossed again & again. I know all of this is easy said than done. But if you both have made your minds up about your path, then I think you know what needs to be done. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConcreteHeart Posted January 8, 2014 Author Share Posted January 8, 2014 Thank you both for your kind words. I know what has to be done. It is just making that choice everyday. To miss him, but not act on that, and to find a way to move on. I need to commit to that. One day at a time. Link to post Share on other sites
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