engravefeelthevoid Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 I haven't been here in a while but I need to be here. She's 7 years older than me (31), she has 3 kids aged 9,7,3. She got divorced 2 years ago and her ex got married, the kids stay with him and she sees them on the weekends. We began dating about a year and a half ago and our relationship has been developing to the better ever since, 3 months ago she started saying she wants to get married, to be honest it scares me a lot although the thought of us being together officially is the sweetest thing ever ! I just finished med school and the idea of commitment just doesn't fit, still, I Love Her to the bone... I'm listening to my mind which says "let go", but if I do so she will wilt, I'm currently her only support in life, everything else just adds pressure to her life, Im a doctor and my job is to save lives, it's hard for me to just see her die because of me... Additional info: Her ex is still being an ******* Her dad passed away 3 years ago She has people propose to her all the time My parents would have a heart attack if I suggest marrying her I'm stuck, whatever input anyone can give is most welcome, my situation is harder than it looks Link to post Share on other sites
Eggplant Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 I'm listening to my mind which says "let go", but if I do so she will wilt, I'm currently her only support in life, everything else just adds pressure to her life, Im a doctor and my job is to save lives, it's hard for me to just see her die because of me...It's not a good idea to stay with her only because she will wilt otherwise. Stay with her if she is the love of your life and you cannot live without her. I totally get your feeling. I was with a man for 5 years because I didn't have the courage to break up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
InnocentMan Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 As a general rule, never get married if it's the woman who first suggests it. Throw 3 children into the mix, and the waters get ever murkier. If she leaves and marries someone else, you have dodged a bullet. If she's serious about you, she will wait until you are ready to ask her. Personally, I'd be searching for jobs at least 1000 miles away. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 (edited) wait! there is some history she is not telling you, if a woman only sees her kids at weekends, there is some odd reason why she is not raising them you could be modern about this, men raise kids too, but separating a mother from her toddler, a 3 y o, a mere 1 y o when she divorced, I do not know whose idea this was, maybe she wants you to furnish her life as step-dad to help her get her children back why are they not with her now? Edited January 8, 2014 by darkmoon 4 Link to post Share on other sites
FnlyFrei Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 The reason you are posting here is because you aren't sure. If you aren't sure, you surely should not marry. Being a step-father isn't a small responsibility, and three little kids? You are only 24...and you shouldn't feel roped in or responsible for someone as the reason to marry. Maybe SHE should be going to medical school so that she can support her three kids...instead of hoping someone else will. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 wait! there is some history she is not telling you, if a woman only sees her kids at weekends, there is some odd reason why she is not raising them you could be modern about this, men raise kids too, but separating a mother from her toddler, a 3 y o, a mere 1 y o when she divorced, I do not know whose idea this was, maybe she wants you to furnish her life as step-dad to help her get her children back why are they not with her now? This really. Without you mentioning for how long you have been together, it already spells disaster. Link to post Share on other sites
Author engravefeelthevoid Posted January 8, 2014 Author Share Posted January 8, 2014 To answer some questions: Her kids were with her untill about 6 months ago when her ex got crazy and wanted them to live with him. She got divorced bc her ex used to drink a lot and beat her to death and cheat on her with strippers. Link to post Share on other sites
Author engravefeelthevoid Posted January 8, 2014 Author Share Posted January 8, 2014 I was with a man for 5 years because I didn't have the courage to break up. Or in other words, "didn't have the courage to break him." But how was it after the break up ? Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 To answer some questions: Her kids were with her untill about 6 months ago when her ex got crazy and wanted them to live with him. She got divorced bc her ex used to drink a lot and beat her to death and cheat on her with strippers. her ex got crazy, right, except that being "crazy" is what keeps grown-ups from being around children for the kids' protection 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author engravefeelthevoid Posted January 9, 2014 Author Share Posted January 9, 2014 Safe crazy dun worry Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 To answer some questions: Her kids were with her untill about 6 months ago when her ex got crazy and wanted them to live with him. She got divorced bc her ex used to drink a lot and beat her to death and cheat on her with strippers. So, her ex "got crazy" and she just agreed to let her 9,7, and 3 year old go live with him? I seriously can't imagine any sane woman voluntarily letting her three young children go live with an ex who "beat her to death." Isn't she afraid he might abuse them? I mean, come on. Are you really believing this? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eggplant Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 But how was it after the break up?It was a major relief. Link to post Share on other sites
Speakingofwhich Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 To answer some questions: Her kids were with her untill about 6 months ago when her ex got crazy and wanted them to live with him. She got divorced bc her ex used to drink a lot and beat her to death and cheat on her with strippers. So she let her little children go live with him? Since he got crazy, drinks a lot, beat her and cheated with strippers? Sigh, if only someone like that had been around to rear my own children! Link to post Share on other sites
Author engravefeelthevoid Posted January 12, 2014 Author Share Posted January 12, 2014 You all might be asking how she just let her kids live with the crazy husband, let me clarify things, the guy was abusive, but she ws the victim not the kids, he doesn't harm them or beat them or or or... He got crazy bc he wants the kids to live with him, not crazy killing people. She figured out that she could work and commence with her degree in literature while he was "nannying" them, besides he's good financially. The kids are safe Link to post Share on other sites
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