confused2468 Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 Two years ago I used to be glued to my mother; we WERE best friends....then it happened. I couldn't stand to listen to my mom, I was constantly angry at her, annoyed, I didn't even want to be around her. I never felt like this before ,actually like I said, I was glued to her,my ex would even get annoyed by the fact that I wouldn't spend more than one night at his house because I didn't want to be away from mom too long. I know I still love her because I do miss our old relationship, I did cry for a whole week when I moved out of home because I missed her but I still couldn't bring myself to actually hold a conversation with her and be happy... I know I sound ungrateful and I'm pretty sure I sound selfish too but I feel like I have my reasons why I am having such a difficult time now. Since I could remember I watch my mom go in and out of rehab for alcoholism, she would constantly drink in the bathroom to hide from my father and I. My first actual memory of mom is her in rehab and me asking my dad why she cant be home. At the age of nine ,after 9\11 ,my dad had to transfer to ft.lauradale because he worked for united. He moved down there but decided to live in the back of his truck to save money to send to me and mom while he worked. Before he left my mom got "sick" again and had to go back to rehab and because of her sudden outburst I had to move in with a family friend where I was molested every night by 2 boys for 4months straight, frighten to tell anyone because they convinced me no one would believe. Eventually I told my parents and matters were solved. She blamed it on herself but still my mom continued to drink and at that time I didn't feel like it could have been avoided if she didn't drink, I still don't blame her for what happened. Then finally she stopped drinking, she was sober for years at least thats what i thought. 2years ago she came out again admitting she has been drinking more again but the way she came to me about it was when I brought her to the hospital and the way she acted and how she pushed me to bring her outside so she could smoke her cigarette as I waited for her to be admitted to the hospital again for drinking, I think that's when I snapped. My poor dad has stuck by her for the last 23years of her drinking and smoking and yet I can't deal with it anymore? I feel selfish and I want t fix this but I don't want her to know I'm angry, that I don't want to be around her. I think she has no idea how angry I am, I'm pretty good at hiding behind a smile. Please give me some ideas, I'm sorry this was such a long post. I'm just desperate. I can't get therapy with her right now even if she knew because I just joined the navy, and I haven't even shipped off to boot camp yet, so I have a while before we can do anything with therapist if it comes to that. Please ideas
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