Simon Phoenix Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 Hey guys...so just a few minutes ago she texted me saying the following: Are we ever going to be friends again? I ignored, shortly after she messaged a few question marks followed by this text: "I guess you are going to be resentful towards me forever". Thoughts? Ignore? I was thinking about responding with this: "To be honest, I guess I was hoping you would just apologize for what you did to me by letting me quit my job, move back to be with you and visit your parents in their home country on the way home when you never wanted to be with me. I accept that you weren't interested and didn't want to be with me...but to let it get to that point, especially when it was long distance was unfair and I didn't deserve that. I am not your friend and would appreciate it if you don't contact me again. Please don't text that. Just ignore. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 No contact is clearly not working for her, because it seems like she doesn't understand why you don't want to be friends. If you have her email address, send her an email explaining how you feel. How you think what she did was a really awful thing (it certainly sounds like it), how it was not the actions of someone you could love, never mind someone you would want to be friends with. And say goodbye. It closes the door to anything in the future other than an apology, which is all you really want. It also helps you get some of those feelings out of your head! Sure, she may not listen to what you have to say now, and will try and justify her actions in her head. But at least you'll know you've been heard, and one day in the future maybe she will look at what she did in different eyes too. At the moment, she thinks all this is about is resentment for the breakup, rather than how the breakup was done. Only you can change that, because she certainly won't see it herself. Please don't do this either. Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 I agree to this but only to a certain degree. I think OP should speak out this time for himself (make it short and to the point though). By making it clear to her, you create boundries and set the rules. Letting people know what they did to you was not cool, is like that saying, 'you teach people how to treat you". Don't mention you were expecting her apology though, just say what she did was not okay and that's not something friends do to each other. If he remains silent, he IS being clear. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 I agree to this but only to a certain degree. I think OP should speak out this time for himself (make it short and to the point though). By making it clear to her, you create boundries and set the rules. If he remains silent, he IS being clear. Letting people know what they did to you was not cool, is like that saying, 'you teach people how to treat you". Don't mention you were expecting her apology though, just say what she did was not okay and that's not something friends do to each other. Nope. They don't care. Silence says everything that those words don't. OP, remain silent. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lauri Posted January 13, 2014 Author Share Posted January 13, 2014 (edited) Hey guys - she kept messaging me even though I was ignoring and honestly, its been 6 months since we broke up and she isn't getting the point. I understand NC is good but in the case my gut was telling me that after I tell her this it will put a nail in the coffin and will end this forever. Her messages to me seem like she is just trying to pretend like nothing happened and that nothing is wrong. I sent her what I posted below "To be honest, I guess I was hoping you would just apologize for what you did to me by letting me quit my job, move back to be with you and visit your parents in their home country on the way home when you never wanted to be with me. I accept that you weren't interested and didn't want to be with me...but to let it get to that point, especially when it was long distance was unfair and I didn't deserve that. I am not your friend and would appreciate it if you don't contact me again. I know a lot of you were telling me to not do it but I did. This is her responses - which was a lot but I'll try to summarize it: "Fair enough." "I honestly am truly sorry for everything that happened...maybe I should have told you how I felt while you were still there but I honestly wanted to make sure about my feelings when I see you and I made sure" "Things happen in life, maybe we weren't meant to be together as a couple but I honestly do have a lot of respect for you and I want you to forgive me" "I care about you, and I feel guilty everyday for what happened and I try to contact you quite often to apologize but you always ignore me" "This happened in August and here I am 5 months later still trying to apologize to you, because I'm not a bad person" "I swear to God I didn't end it while you were abroad because I wasn't sure and I did tell you to not come back for me only and you agreed" "Lauri, once again I'm really sorry for what happened. I guess by your actions you don't seem like you want to forgive me or be my friend. I respect your decision and I want you to know I won't contact you but just know that I dont want you to hold a grudge against me. All I'm asking for is forgiveness." All the quotations are texts she sent one after another. Honestly everyone, I feel w/e about what she said because I don't feel it is sincere or that she actually means it - its just guilt she has and thats it. She never said sorry once before I told her this and to be honest, I don't think she would have. I don't accept what she has said and I've ignored. I think I've made myself pretty clear there is no hope for us to be friends. What do you think about the texts she sent? I hope I did not come off rude or immature. It kind of makes me realize she isn't worth my time based on some of her responses - such as "This is life" and "I told you to not just come home for me only". She knows what she did was horrible - but I'm just tired of her chasing me for "friendship" and wanted to end it for her too. I seriously want the best for her and I hope she finds a guy who will treat her well - but never ever can I let go of what she did because it was uncalled for and really not considerate to me, considering all I gave up and all the games she played. I hope ignoring is the right move now. Edited January 13, 2014 by lauri Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 You could have just changed your number and saved all the drama. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lauri Posted January 13, 2014 Author Share Posted January 13, 2014 You could have just changed your number and saved all the drama. I fully respect and understand why you said that...but, okay this is going to sound messed up, but as I mentioned in threads a few months ago, I never gave her my number. She used to work at a mobile shop and got a couple of her friends to search up my new number when I came back home. This number I use is for work and I cannot change it unfortunately. My next option is to block her - but I'm not going to respond anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 If you respond, it never ends. Her texts were so self serving. She won't leave you alone, and it's all about her. It was sickening reading her texts. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lauri Posted January 13, 2014 Author Share Posted January 13, 2014 If you respond, it never ends. Her texts were so self serving. She won't leave you alone, and it's all about her. It was sickening reading her texts. Perhaps she won't - but ignoring clearly was not working. I made myself VERY clear now that there is no hope, she thought there was some because I said thanks to her happy new years text to me (I know, I know, I shouldn't have). All this situation did was help me move forward rather then backwards because this just shows me how selfish and inconsiderate she is towards my feelings, what she put me through and that she never going to really take responsibility for what she did. I love it how she tries to spin it on me making it seem like its MY fault she didn't apologize because I was ignoring her...if she wanted to she would have. The nerve this girl has... Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 If you respond, it never ends. Her texts were so self serving. She won't leave you alone, and it's all about her. It was sickening reading her texts. Yep. She's not suddenly going to respect his wishes just because he replied. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lauri Posted January 13, 2014 Author Share Posted January 13, 2014 Yep. She's not suddenly going to respect his wishes just because he replied. You are right - I do not doubt this. But I'm not going to respond another time - I've maintained NC for 3 months, broke it for 2 days because I stupid, maintained it until Christmas to say thank you for the Merry Christmas message and Thank you for New Years and that is it. She was messaging me consistently and did not seem to get the message of the silence I was giving her...especially considering she was messaging me saying "Bro, when are you going to get over what happened between us and talk to me normally?" I kind of feel like I'm going on the defensive right now for my actions and that clearly cannot be a good sign on my part lol. Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 You are right - I do not doubt this. But I'm not going to respond another time - I've maintained NC for 3 months, broke it for 2 days because I stupid, maintained it until Christmas to say thank you for the Merry Christmas message and Thank you for New Years and that is it. She was messaging me consistently and did not seem to get the message of the silence I was giving her...especially considering she was messaging me saying "Bro, when are you going to get over what happened between us and talk to me normally?" So? It doesn't matter that she doesn't get it, only that you maintain it. Maintenance of NC is 100% your responsibility, not a shared task. She can message and call and smoke signal you until the cows comes home, but if you remain an immovable, silent brick wall, NC is accomplishing exactly what it is supposed to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 My ex just kept at it too, but it's best to ignore. Each time I would respond back, it just opened the door for more BS. But it is difficult not to respond because it's so damn irritating. It's sick how they wreck your life and still can't leave you alone. I remember asking my ex what he wanted with his continued texting and calling. He nonchalantly said just because he liked me. I'm like WTF? He texted me on Thanksgiving and my birthday. I just don't get it. He sent my parents birthday cards. I think it's all our of guilt. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 "I want you to forgive me" This here is a selfish load of crap and tells you all you need to know about her motivations. I really hope you haven't sent anything, because the place she's coming from is completely selfish. She doesn't care about what she did, she only cares that you tell her that it wasn't so bad. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 You are right - I do not doubt this. But I'm not going to respond another time - I've maintained NC for 3 months, broke it for 2 days because I stupid, maintained it until Christmas to say thank you for the Merry Christmas message and Thank you for New Years and that is it. She was messaging me consistently and did not seem to get the message of the silence I was giving her...especially considering she was messaging me saying "Bro, when are you going to get over what happened between us and talk to me normally?" I kind of feel like I'm going on the defensive right now for my actions and that clearly cannot be a good sign on my part lol. This video sums up whats in bold... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lauri Posted January 13, 2014 Author Share Posted January 13, 2014 This here is a selfish load of crap and tells you all you need to know about her motivations. I really hope you haven't sent anything, because the place she's coming from is completely selfish. She doesn't care about what she did, she only cares that you tell her that it wasn't so bad. I did not respond - I know 100% that is what she wants. One day, maybe, she will realize in maybe 1 or 2 years and really apologize for what she did. It isn't my responsibility to make her realize it at all. At least now she should know that there is no chance of us being friends and that this kind of helped me move more forward to getting over the finish line with getting over her. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 Yeah, I kinda agree with you. She stated in those texts that she's sorry about what happened. Not really saying sorry about what she did to you, just...about what happened. Link to post Share on other sites
movingonnow1 Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 I did not respond - I know 100% that is what she wants. One day, maybe, she will realize in maybe 1 or 2 years and really apologize for what she did. It isn't my responsibility to make her realize it at all. At least now she should know that there is no chance of us being friends and that this kind of helped me move more forward to getting over the finish line with getting over her. This should give you more than enough ammunition to never want to talk to her again. Link to post Share on other sites
julzfromsa Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 This should give you more than enough ammunition to never want to talk to her again. I agree. NC is the only way. Block and Delete. Change numbers, this is all possible and there is a solution to the admin involved. Anything else besides NC is an excuse. You do not need to talk to her about ANYTHING anymore. NC is the only way you heal, and get better. She is selfish, and very manipulative. Cut her out completely. Its great that you had NC for 3 months, and we all know you can do it again. This time make sure she is blocked, deleted, and also, change your number. If you get a message, just delete it before reading it. If she wants you back she will be begging for you to take her back at your doorstep. She will come with flowers bla bla bla bla bla!! Messages and phone calls are not good enough mate. No reason for you to accept them.. Go well - You gona be amazing. Julz 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lauri Posted January 13, 2014 Author Share Posted January 13, 2014 I agree. NC is the only way. Block and Delete. Change numbers, this is all possible and there is a solution to the admin involved. Anything else besides NC is an excuse. You do not need to talk to her about ANYTHING anymore. NC is the only way you heal, and get better. She is selfish, and very manipulative. Cut her out completely. Its great that you had NC for 3 months, and we all know you can do it again. This time make sure she is blocked, deleted, and also, change your number. If you get a message, just delete it before reading it. If she wants you back she will be begging for you to take her back at your doorstep. She will come with flowers bla bla bla bla bla!! Messages and phone calls are not good enough mate. No reason for you to accept them.. Go well - You gona be amazing. Julz Thanks. Going NC will not be an issue at all - I'm not worried. So you guys suggest I block her on whatsapp? I never blocked her on purpose to avoid knowing her number (so I wouldn't get tempted to search her up or message her)...but I think I'm now at the point where even if I know the number I won't contact her. To be honest, I think in a way I also didn't also block her to show her I didn't care enough to even do that. Link to post Share on other sites
movingonnow1 Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 Thanks. Going NC will not be an issue at all - I'm not worried. So you guys suggest I block her on whatsapp? I never blocked her on purpose to avoid knowing her number (so I wouldn't get tempted to search her up or message her)...but I think I'm now at the point where even if I know the number I won't contact her. To be honest, I think in a way I also didn't also block her to show her I didn't care enough to even do that. I think there are two ways you can play this..I strongly suggest blocking her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lauri Posted January 14, 2014 Author Share Posted January 14, 2014 Does everyone suggest I block her? Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 Does everyone suggest I block her? Absolutely. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FortunateSon Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 I blocked my ex when I finally had the chance and it feels like a weight lifted off of my shoulders. Do it, block her!! Link to post Share on other sites
flightplan Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 A friend sent me this to put on my phone to block my ex if she ever tried to contact me. I thought it was pretty funny and wish I could take credit for it: Her: I miss you. I was wrong Him: This is an auto response. The guy you're trying to reach spent 3 months after your break-up praying to receive this text, followed by 3 more months accepting it would never come. The 6 months after that we're spent dating other girls to get over you. It worked. Your text is a year too late and he blocked you. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
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