Update - Ex contacts me again

[kpkballer]

If you believe that your book is closed on eachother than it is best for you guys to go in separate directions. She obviously still loves you by still calling and contacting you. My ex did the same thing to me. As soon as i start to get over her, she calls me acting like everything is normal and friendly, and its not. It does more harm than good talking to your ex after a breakup bc it brings back those old good memories that touches your heart. My past experiences have lead me to understand that it is nearly impossible to become friends after a breakup. I wish you the best of luck moving forward with or without her in your Life.

[Simon Phoenix]

You dont know nothing about girls (at least some of them).

 

When you were in her pocket, you are granted. So you are not interesting.

But when you are a challenge, When you're unreachable, then you are very interesting.

 

She wants you to be a strong man with a lot of confidence. never let this kind of girl the feeling that you are totally on her. NEVER!

 

The reason I suggested my idea is so you'll ask her if she wants to get back to you, most chances that even if she does, she won't admit it and will say NO!

 

but its a trap, because then you will get up and leave the table (also as a bonus leave her with the bill ) and she will stay shocked with the following feelings from her point of view:

 

1. You are a tough guy.

2. you dont belive her. you are sure she wants you, and it will eat her from inside.

3. You never told her you want her because you didnt show her that in your behavior.

 

You will turn things up side down for your own good. you will move on with a big smile because you dont have to forgive her any more because you hurt her in return.

 

P.S - If surprisingly she says YES - its a bonus for you. you can still leave and decide later what to do whis her. either way you have the upper hand.

 

He'd be better off healing then playing these silly games you are advising him to play IMO.

[lolablue17]

He'd be better off healing then playing these silly games you are advising him to play IMO.

 

I couldn't agree more.

 

The only difference between us that I think He didnt get over her at all, (he is just trying some autosuggestion). So your advice as implemented the last 2 month just doesn't work so well.

[movingonnow1]

You dont know nothing about girls (at least some of them).

 

When you were in her pocket, you are granted. So you are not interesting.

But when you are a challenge, When you're unreachable, then you are very interesting.

 

She wants you to be a strong man with a lot of confidence. never let this kind of girl the feeling that you are totally on her. NEVER!

 

The reason I suggested my idea is so you'll ask her if she wants to get back to you, most chances that even if she does, she won't admit it and will say NO!

 

but its a trap, because then you will get up and leave the table (also as a bonus leave her with the bill ) and she will stay shocked with the following feelings from her point of view:

 

1. You are a tough guy.

2. you dont belive her. you are sure she wants you, and it will eat her from inside.

3. You never told her you want her because you didnt show her that in your behavior.

 

You will turn things up side down for your own good. you will move on with a big smile because you dont have to forgive her any more because you hurt her in return.

 

P.S - If surprisingly she says YES - its a bonus for you. you can still leave and decide later what to do whis her. either way you have the upper hand.

 

Dude...no offense but what you are telling him to do will not work long term.

 

Have you seen what this girl did to him?

 

* She led him on and broke up with him when he moved for her

* She turned her parents against him

* She played games with him and kept giving him mixed signals

* She never once tried to fix things or apologize until he told her to never talk to him again

 

She does not want to be with him...she kept begging him to forgive her because she KNOWS what she did was wrong. I understand the concept of challenge and stuff, but by him reaching out to her I can guarantee she will not bite and "cancel" on him or be "busy"...because she will feel like she has him and he is no longer a challenge.

 

If anything, OP DOES know something about girls because he did what a MAN does, cuts off someone who is wasting his time, THAT is selfish and trying to lead him along for a useless ride.

[Simon Phoenix]

I couldn't agree more.

 

The only difference between us that I think He didnt get over her at all, (he is just trying some autosuggestion). So your advice as implemented the last 2 month just doesn't work so well.

 

Getting over someone takes time and patience. What you are advising puts him right back to square one.

[Zahara]

I couldn't agree more.

 

The only difference between us that I think He didnt get over her at all, (he is just trying some autosuggestion). So your advice as implemented the last 2 month just doesn't work so well.

 

It takes much longer than 2 months to really get over someone. And just because it's taking time, it doesn't mean that NC isn't working and it doesn't justify going back to someone that wasn't healthy for him. Instead of working through it, you're asking him to go throw himself into the fire by playing silly games.

[BC1980]

It's normal to go through times where you want to break NC, but don't do it. Forgiveness is something internal, for you. It really has to do with your healing, and it can take years to forgive someone. I don't know if I can ever forgive my ex; I'm nowhere near that point, but I only think of it in terms of my healing.

 

I don't think she wants forgiveness so much as attention. She is poking at you to see if you take the bait. Ignore it. She has quite a bit of nerve to do some of the things she has done.

[lolablue17]

Dude...no offense but what you are telling him to do will not work long term.

 

If anything, OP DOES know something about girls because he did what a MAN does, cuts off someone who is wasting his time, THAT is selfish and trying to lead him along for a useless ride.

 

Well, I guess you're people all right about that. My advice was written in a moment of ... !+$R@)%* ...

I pull it back.

Keep NC!!

[lauri]

If you believe that your book is closed on eachother than it is best for you guys to go in separate directions. She obviously still loves you by still calling and contacting you. My ex did the same thing to me. As soon as i start to get over her, she calls me acting like everything is normal and friendly, and its not. It does more harm than good talking to your ex after a breakup bc it brings back those old good memories that touches your heart. My past experiences have lead me to understand that it is nearly impossible to become friends after a breakup. I wish you the best of luck moving forward with or without her in your Life.

 

Honestly, I don’t know if it is fully closed on each other. I think there is something there to an extent but due to me avoiding her and ignoring her, she will eventually start to move on and give up. I think she is having as hard as a time as me during this process because I cut her off completely - I know I burned her pretty bad when I did what I had to do to heal. She must have expected me to beg and be broken, but I never showed her that.

 

I’m sorry that your ex does that too – my ex would message me pretending that nothing is wrong hoping I will bite on it too. I guess those old memories are long gone, especially in the girls head…she has built up all these things in her mind that have lowered her interest level…I may be wrong but I think you have one chance with a girl and as soon as it is over, it is over forever...

 

I think I’m just having one of those moments thinking about that and realizing it’s done. I appreciate the kind words and I’m positive you and I will both find someone a lot more suitable / better for us in the future.

 

It takes much longer than 2 months to really get over someone. And just because it's taking time, it doesn't mean that NC isn't working and it doesn't justify going back to someone that wasn't healthy for him. Instead of working through it, you're asking him to go throw himself into the fire by playing silly games.

 

I hate to admit this, but I am going on around 6 months now. NC for 3, broke it for 2 days, went back to NC and then eventually told my ex to never contact me again. She was healthy for me but the problem was the distance and me being weak at times while I was abroad. I’m a pretty confident guy and I know I’ll meet someone new in the future, but I guess I have waves here and there…and seeing her really did a number on me. I thought I was a lot further in the healing process…it’s a bit disheartening.

 

BTW, to me, games = low interest level from the girl.

 

It's normal to go through times where you want to break NC, but don't do it. Forgiveness is something internal, for you. It really has to do with your healing, and it can take years to forgive someone. I don't know if I can ever forgive my ex; I'm nowhere near that point, but I only think of it in terms of my healing.

 

I don't think she wants forgiveness so much as attention. She is poking at you to see if you take the bait. Ignore it. She has quite a bit of nerve to do some of the things she has done.

 

You are probably right that she wants attention, but I also think she really is feeling guilty about what happened. You make some really good points…I guess I’m assuming forgiving her will get me over that hurtle I am having…it seems like it is normal for me to not forgive her completely for what she has done.

 

Does that mean I can’t be fully over her until I truly forgive her? I hope not.

[Simon Phoenix]

You can forgive her without telling her you forgive her. And recovery takes as long as it takes. Sure, you've been broken up six months, but you haven't been NC six months. You've been going back and forth, so of course you haven't healed yet. Recovery isn't a sprint, it's a marathon.

[Zahara]

I hate to admit this, but I am going on around 6 months now. NC for 3, broke it for 2 days, went back to NC and then eventually told my ex to never contact me again. She was healthy for me but the problem was the distance and me being weak at times while I was abroad. I’m a pretty confident guy and I know I’ll meet someone new in the future, but I guess I have waves here and there…and seeing her really did a number on me. I thought I was a lot further in the healing process…it’s a bit disheartening.

 

BTW, to me, games = low interest level from the girl.

Does that mean I can’t be fully over her until I truly forgive her? I hope not.

 

You may have been broken up from her for 6 months but it doesn't change the fact that within that 6 months you broke NC twice. When you break NC, you get booted back to that black hole you once were trying to get out from. Setbacks make you feel even worse. I was NC with an ex, strict NC and a year later was still having feeling affected by him.

 

She was healthy? If she were healthy, you wouldn't be where you are.

 

Forgiveness sometimes comes in the form of indifference. But whatever the case, you'll forgive her when you forgive her. Sometimes people rush "forgiveness" hoping they will be able to feel better or detach. Unfortunately, when you rush the process, it never works. Today you can forgive, tomorrow your heart and head will still be in conflict thinking about what, who, how, etc.

 

Your focus should be staying NC and allowing that time, and what you do with that time to take you where you need to go. It will also at some point take you to forgiveness.

[movingonnow1]

You may have been broken up from her for 6 months but it doesn't change the fact that within that 6 months you broke NC twice. When you break NC, you get booted back to that black hole you once were trying to get out from. Setbacks make you feel even worse. I was NC with an ex, strict NC and a year later was still having feeling affected by him.

 

She was healthy? If she were healthy, you wouldn't be where you are.

Forgiveness sometimes comes in the form of indifference. But whatever the case, you'll forgive her when you forgive her. Sometimes people rush "forgiveness" hoping they will be able to feel better or detach. Unfortunately, when you rush the process, it never works. Today you can forgive, tomorrow your heart and head will still be in conflict thinking about what, who, how, etc.

 

Your focus should be staying NC and allowing that time, and what you do with that time to take you where you need to go. It will also at some point take you to forgiveness.

 

^^^ This.

 

You can't rush anything...OP I know what you are trying to get at but it is not doing you any good trying to "forgive her" to get over her.

 

She may not be looking for forgiveness as much as you think...she wants to validate her feelings for you & get attention (because you are a huge challenge for her). After all, she never really got the chance to know if she REALLY made the right decision. I think she keeps trying to convince herself but she is not sure at all, and to be honest, if she could go back in time, she would most likely do everything a lot different.

 

Maybe one day you two can talk again...I don't believe she truly meant everything to turn out this way and hurt you the way she did. I think part of her still loves you and really cares about you, and she will probably never be able to fully get over you either. She will grow up a bit more and come to realization of everything in the future...and hopefully when she does you'll be in a much better place and either with someone amazing or moving forward as a person. She probably does not want to be with you now but I have a feeling in the future, after she dates a bit and explores her independence, she will really miss having a standout guy.

 

I'm not say this to give you false hope but that is my interpretation of everything...please correct me if I am wrong.

[lauri]

^^^ This.

 

You can't rush anything...OP I know what you are trying to get at but it is not doing you any good trying to "forgive her" to get over her.

 

She may not be looking for forgiveness as much as you think...she wants to validate her feelings for you & get attention (because you are a huge challenge for her). After all, she never really got the chance to know if she REALLY made the right decision. I think she keeps trying to convince herself but she is not sure at all, and to be honest, if she could go back in time, she would most likely do everything a lot different.

 

Maybe one day you two can talk again...I don't believe she truly meant everything to turn out this way and hurt you the way she did. I think part of her still loves you and really cares about you, and she will probably never be able to fully get over you either. She will grow up a bit more and come to realization of everything in the future...and hopefully when she does you'll be in a much better place and either with someone amazing or moving forward as a person. She probably does not want to be with you now but I have a feeling in the future, after she dates a bit and explores her independence, she will really miss having a standout guy.

 

I'm not say this to give you false hope but that is my interpretation of everything...please correct me if I am wrong.

 

In a sad way, this post kind of does give me false hope haha.

 

But to be honest...I doubt she will ever come back and contact me again. She is not interested in me at all. It is kind of sad, but it is a reality as well. I just want this to be over for me - I'm so ready to move on and forget her but I can't.

[Zahara]

I'm so ready to move on and forget her but I can't.

 

Moving on doesn't just happen overnight. You're looking for a quick fix. It doesn't work that way. You had 6 months NC and broke it twice. Getting over someone takes a lot of hard work, effort and time. You need stop trying to run away from how you feel and rush the process.

 

There is no such thing as can't. If that were the case none of us would have moved on from previous relationships. And you're not the exception.

[BC1980]

In a sad way, this post kind of does give me false hope haha.

 

But to be honest...I doubt she will ever come back and contact me again. She is not interested in me at all. It is kind of sad, but it is a reality as well. I just want this to be over for me - I'm so ready to move on and forget her but I can't.

 

The reality is you probably won't forget her. It will dull with time, and you will be indifferent. But it might always hurt when you think about it. There's not going to be a magical day when you wake up and think, "today I'm done with this." I've had to realize that it's a process, and it is ongoing. Even if I end up falling in love again, I don't think it's going to make what happened hurt less. It's just that your perspective and life circumstances change.

 

Just keep focusing on and investing in you. When I start to get angry or wonder "what it," I always bring the focus back around to me.

[Simon Phoenix]

In a sad way, this post kind of does give me false hope haha.

 

But to be honest...I doubt she will ever come back and contact me again. She is not interested in me at all. It is kind of sad, but it is a reality as well. I just want this to be over for me - I'm so ready to move on and forget her but I can't.

 

Like Zahara said, you haven't been able to move on because you keep cutting corners. Recovery takes time, and every time you get impatient and relapse you are re-setting the clock. Don't be lazy with recovery -- it makes it that much harder when you are.

[lauri]

Hey guys,

 

I've been making a lot of strides forward. Honestly, I feel I am almost there. I'm ready to date and have been sticking to strickly NC.

 

With that said, my ex has again contacted me saying "Hey". This has been her first attempt to contact me since the first week of January. I didn't feel a thing, ignored her text (it was via whatsapp). As I was about to go out, I noticed her sitting in her car outside of my house... she got out and started to walk towards my door. At first, I was scared to face her...but Id rather face her then her talk to my mom and drag my parents into this.

 

I started to text my friend explaining I may be late because my ex is outside my house. I was still looking out my window...I notice she stopped and looked at her phone. She could see I was online, not responding..I saw her expression, she looked sad. She slowly turned around and went into her car, blocked me on whatsapp and left.

I don't have her number saved BTW.

 

I'm praying I'm making the right moves - but I guess this was her last push to try to get me back into her life. What do you think of what's happening here?

[BC1980]

I'm praying I'm making the right moves - but I guess this was her last push to try to get me back into her life. What do you think of what's happening here?

 

She's nuts. That's what's happening here. In all honesty, I really think she might be the type that enjoys drama. She has gone to great lengths to get your attention, and she just keeps doing it. Remember that her motives are selfish. She is in no way attempting to reach you to benefit you or a relationship. It seems like it is completely based on getting attention.

[lauri]

She's nuts. That's what's happening here. In all honesty, I really think she might be the type that enjoys drama. She has gone to great lengths to get your attention, and she just keeps doing it. Remember that her motives are selfish. She is in no way attempting to reach you to benefit you or a relationship. It seems like it is completely based on getting attention.

 

You are right.

 

My gut is telling me it was for attention or something happened and she is looking for support. The thing is now I'm curious of what she really had to say to me...I honestly don't know. Part of me wants to reach out via text and ask her what does she want.

[Simon Phoenix]

You are right.

 

My gut is telling me it was for attention or something happened and she is looking for support. The thing is now I'm curious of what she really had to say to me...I honestly don't know. Part of me wants to reach out via text and ask her what does she want.

 

You've been down this road before. You know where it leads. Don't repeat it.

[sooshi]

It sounds really strange that she came to your house like that. I agree with BC1980--her motives are selfish. You've asked her before what she wants and she said you were being rude and that she's not looking to date you, and you got upset. So... just don't say anything. It's just going to be about her anyway.

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

Do what u feel is best... u know the girl... go with what u feel is right xx

[movingonnow1]

You've been down this road before. You know where it leads. Don't repeat it.

 

I Agree with this...one thing I find very weak is her attempts to get you to talk. She says Hey and then because you ignore her she blocks you? She hasn't spoke to you since you told her to not contact you again...its lame in my opinion.

 

I think she is just trying to get you to react... I just think if she was trying to make things right she would have at least said something more to you. Maybe I'm wrong but that's what I feel about this.

[BC1980]

You are right.

 

My gut is telling me it was for attention or something happened and she is looking for support. The thing is now I'm curious of what she really had to say to me...I honestly don't know. Part of me wants to reach out via text and ask her what does she want.

 

It's such attention seeking behavior. Most people who are somewhat human would actually call someone with a concrete reason if they wanted something decent. Who would actually stalk the house of someone they dumped? You would expect that kind of creepy sh*t from the dumpee. She will stop at nothing to get a response from you. This won't be the last you hear from her.

 

She can't wait for you to respond, so she can ignore you again. She's going crazy as we speak because you are ignoring her.

[lauri]

It's such attention seeking behavior. Most people who are somewhat human would actually call someone with a concrete reason if they wanted something decent. Who would actually stalk the house of someone they dumped? You would expect that kind of creepy sh*t from the dumpee. She will stop at nothing to get a response from you. This won't be the last you hear from her.

 

She can't wait for you to respond, so she can ignore you again. She's going crazy as we speak because you are ignoring her.

 

She never really "ignored" me because I never gave her the chance. I burned her really hard by deleting her off of Facebook, changing my number and not responding to any of her messages via email or Facebook.

 

After about 2 months of NC, I contacted her via email and she TEXTED me (she got my number because she used to have some friends in the telephone industry, which is illegal btw). I think this was an attempt for her to reach out to me and then try to regain some of the "power" on her end by blocking me...probably hoping that I will bite and cave in. I'll be honest, it did kind of bother me but I know its only because she is playing some mind games with me at the moment.

 

She is crazy - she is crazy b/c nothing went her way via the breakup. Never once did I beg for her back - I didn't deserve anything that happened to me...I'm even past wanting that real apology. I know it is stupid because this isn't even worth talking about but I can't help myself from how I am feeling. I guess I feel this way because I don't deserve it - I didn't do anything wrong...all I did was try to move on and avoid the pain she was putting me through....and this relationship ended in AUGUST!