KaReNine Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 (edited) Hi it's me again and this time is something different. It's no longer about having issues with my mother. Well she still doesn't like my bf, has a hard time deal with the fact that I lost my virginity towards the beginning of August of 2012 and I've moved out since. I'm now nearly 19 year old and the first time I posted here I was 16. I'm currently living at my campus dorm with a classmate. Well right on the 1 of this month, I went out with some friends to a party while my bf was spending time with his family. It obviously got loud and all of us drank some. It's been a long while since I haven't drank but this time it was because we were celebrating the new year and I was with my friends. Anyway at some point, certain guys were hitting on me and well one of them (his name is Richard) seem attractive. Well long story short, Richard and I were spending time talking on a balcony, dancing, grinding and at some point the conversation got a bit deeper. Then I don't know why but I sat on his lap and he felt me and massaged my bottom and started putting his hands on my breasts. Then I realized what I was doing, got up and left. I admit feeling something when it happened but it was like a ''heat of the moment'' thing. Now I'm feeling guilt about it but haven't told him. Is this cheating? I don't think he's going to like this one bit. Again, I'm not a drinker, it was just a one time celebration and well didn't mean for things to get that way. But I didn't kiss him nor done anything else further. Just that. Edited January 8, 2014 by KaReNine Link to post Share on other sites
Author KaReNine Posted January 8, 2014 Author Share Posted January 8, 2014 I would like some insights. I do feel guilt but at the same time, I don't think telling is the option and this is a guy I'll never see again. Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 Yes, it was cheating. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author KaReNine Posted January 8, 2014 Author Share Posted January 8, 2014 Yes, it was cheating. Yeah I get the feeling it was. I guess the New Year celebration kind of got to me. At the time I felt the same way of if someone release a bird that has been stuck on a cage for years. I really always thought cheating was only kissing or having sex. I didn't do either of those. Told two of my best friend and both of them are advising me not to tell my bf anything about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 Is this cheating? I don't think he's going to like this one bit. Again, I'm not a drinker, it was just a one time celebration and well didn't mean for things to get that way. But I didn't kiss him nor done anything else further. Just that. A good definition of cheating is saying or doing something with someone else that you wouldn't do infront of your significant other. So, let me ask you this, if you showed up at that party and you saw your boyfriend with a girl on his lap and his hand was on her breast and the other hand in her crotch, would you consider that cheating? Or would you write it off because he wasn't TECHNICALLY cheat because he didn't have his penis inside her? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author KaReNine Posted January 8, 2014 Author Share Posted January 8, 2014 A good definition of cheating is saying or doing something with someone else that you wouldn't do in front of your significant other.That's a good definition and yes you're right. I wouldn't have done it on a regular day where I'm with my bf. By your definition, it was cheating after all. So, let me ask you this, if you showed up at that party and you saw your boyfriend with a girl on his lap and his hand was on her breast and the other hand in her crotch, would you consider that cheating? Or would you write it off because he wasn't TECHNICALLY cheat because he didn't have his penis inside her?I would probably react and be pissed off. I think I would feel somewhat betrayed. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 I don't think it was cheating but it was pretty stupid. Tell your BF that you got drunk & another guy hit on you but as soon as you realized his intentions you bolted. Don't get that drunk again. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author KaReNine Posted January 8, 2014 Author Share Posted January 8, 2014 I don't think it was cheating but it was pretty stupid. Tell your BF that you got drunk & another guy hit on you but as soon as you realized his intentions you bolted.I was thinking of telling something like that. I know. It was stupid. That's really not my usual self. Don't get that drunk again.I won't. It was just that one particular occasion. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 . I think I would feel somewhat betrayed. SOMEWHAT?!?!?! Girl, you would have kicked his balls to Mars..... Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 (edited) Well long story short, Richard and I were spending time talking on a balcony, dancing, grinding and at some point the conversation got a bit deeper. Then I don't know why but I sat on his lap and he felt me and massaged my bottom and started putting his hands on my breasts. Then I realized what I was doing, got up and left. I admit feeling something when it happened but it was like a ''heat of the moment'' thing. Now I'm feeling guilt about it but haven't told him. . The thing is you had plenty of time and awareness to "realize" what you were doing from when you started flirting, talking on the balcony, dancing, grinding, getting deeper into conversation (you had to be somewhat lucid to have deep conversations rather than drunk?), sitting on his lap and subsequently him feeling you up. So, really I wonder if it was the alcohol but moreso because you wanted to. Exactly what Chi said. It was cheating. You crossed the lines of respect and loyalty towards your partner as defined to be the basic boundaries within and in a relationship. It would be good for you to really figure out if this is the guy you want to be with or if you really can manage the responsibilities of a relationship or if it really was a "lapse in judgment". I've been drunk before but never desired to do whatever it is you did because I wasn't interested in anyone else but my partner at the time. Edited January 8, 2014 by Zahara 1 Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 KaReNine, Don't let anyone convince you that this was not cheating. It was! He freaking fondled your butt and breasts! This was highly sexual, violated your loyalty to your bf and you were not that drunk I suspect. You would be mightily pissed if your bf told you something like this to you. And the fact of the matter is that you VOLUNTARILY sat on his lap for more action. This was not entirely a surprise. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 Is this cheating? I don't think he's going to like this one bit. Again, I'm not a drinker, it was just a one time celebration and well didn't mean for things to get that way. But I didn't kiss him nor done anything else further. Just that. Yes that is cheating. You gave him a lap dance similar to a stripper. Rationalize however you want but it's still cheating. What you do next is up to you. It will determine what kind of person you are, because we all make stupid choices. Good people handle it by accepting responsibility and working hard to be better. Link to post Share on other sites
MrMeh Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 I am not even the jealous type, but I would be upset. The imagery of a guy putting his hands all over my GF while she sits on top of him. Yikes! It's fine though because it was just the alcohol,right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author KaReNine Posted January 8, 2014 Author Share Posted January 8, 2014 (edited) Thank for the honest views on this. I think what I'm going to say is that a guy was hitting on me and that I got out because I didn't like the intention. Or maybe just keep this a secret and never do something like that again. I just don't want to ruin my relationship and create another mess. I'm already dealing with my mother not being supportive towards my relationship, gossiping about my bf to others for no reason, not being on speaking terms with her at this moment and she going crazy over the whole virginity thing. Now I don't want to ruin things further between him and I. Yes, I do want to be with him. Edited January 8, 2014 by KaReNine Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 (edited) Thank for the honest views on this. I think what I'm going to say is that a guy was hitting on me and that I got out because I didn't like the intention. Or maybe just keep this a secret and never do something like that again. I just don't want to ruin my relationship and create another mess. I'm already dealing with my mother not being supportive towards my relationship and going crazy over the whole virginity things. Now I don't want to ruin things further between him and I. Yes, I do want to be with him. Personally, I'd rather you carry it to your grave than cover up your indiscretion with a lie. If you're going to concoct a lie there really is no need to tell him anything. Why even bring it up? Only bring it up if you want to tell him the truth. Edited January 8, 2014 by Zahara Link to post Share on other sites
TylerDurdenn Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 Yep you cheated. Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 Any guy would consider this cheating if he knew his GF did what you did. I think you know this by now. I don't think you should tell him if a LTR is what you want. Learn from it and move ahead. If you are not all that serious about him then maybe you should just break it off and start being a single gal again. Maybe that's what you are looking for and you haven't accepted it yet because you like the idea of having a BF. If your heart wants to be free and enjoy the single life then don't deny yourself or you will always regret it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KaReNine Posted January 10, 2014 Author Share Posted January 10, 2014 Ok so after ovethinking about this, I haven't told him about it. I really want to still be in this relationship and do love my bf. Yes, drifter I do want a LTR and this has a one time error on my time. I just got carried away and know I shouldn't have but it happened. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 (edited) Is this cheating? I don't think he's going to like this one bit. Again, I'm not a drinker, it was just a one time celebration and well didn't mean for things to get that way. But I didn't kiss him nor done anything else further. Just that. My answer to the "Is this cheating?" question is almost always: you're asking the wrong question. You're looking for a knife-edge, hair-splitting definition of a word, and you're hoping for a twisty way that you can paint and parse and explain what happened to make it come out that it's not technically "cheating." That makes you focus on the wrong issue: how to define a word, which is what your last 3 sentences above are trying to do. What you should be asking: was this OK within our mutual understanding of our relationship? And given this perspective, if you look at the first two sentences of that paragraph: Is this cheating? I don't think he's going to like this one bit. ...isn't it pretty clear that the first sentence is really just a smokescreen - an irrelevant semantic issue? And doesn't the second sentence really get right to the issue that you need to deal with? Edited January 10, 2014 by Trimmer Link to post Share on other sites
HomanWater Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 Ok so after ovethinking about this, I haven't told him about it. I really want to still be in this relationship and do love my bf. Yes, drifter I do want a LTR and this has a one time error on my time. I just got carried away and know I shouldn't have but it happened. If you really love and respect your bf, you should tell him so he can make an informed decision if he wants to be with you. If you deny him that decision, you don't even have basic respect for him as a human being. Right now it's only about you, you and what you want and you're denying him having a say. Link to post Share on other sites
crimsonite Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 Hi it's me again and this time is something different. It's no longer about having issues with my mother. Well she still doesn't like my bf, has a hard time deal with the fact that I lost my virginity towards the beginning of August of 2012 and I've moved out since. I'm now nearly 19 year old and the first time I posted here I was 16. I'm currently living at my campus dorm with a classmate. Well right on the 1 of this month, I went out with some friends to a party while my bf was spending time with his family. It obviously got loud and all of us drank some. It's been a long while since I haven't drank but this time it was because we were celebrating the new year and I was with my friends. Anyway at some point, certain guys were hitting on me and well one of them (his name is Richard) seem attractive. Well long story short, Richard and I were spending time talking on a balcony, dancing, grinding and at some point the conversation got a bit deeper. Then I don't know why but I sat on his lap and he felt me and massaged my bottom and started putting his hands on my breasts. Then I realized what I was doing, got up and left. I admit feeling something when it happened but it was like a ''heat of the moment'' thing. Now I'm feeling guilt about it but haven't told him. Is this cheating? I don't think he's going to like this one bit. Again, I'm not a drinker, it was just a one time celebration and well didn't mean for things to get that way. But I didn't kiss him nor done anything else further. Just that. Yes, if you're really sorry, you should tell your BF asap. The longer you wait, the angrier he'll be because you took that long to tell him. Trust me, if I was him I rather you tell me the truth and asap. If you really love him, you'll do it and let him decide what the plan will be for the both of you. If everything works you, you should stop seeing this guy, and be faithful to your BF because his trust in you should be on thin ice right now. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/cheating-flirting-jealousy/454654-i-suspect-she-s-cheating Link to post Share on other sites
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