polynomial Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 To everybody thinking about taking their ex back because they are begging you and promising you that they will change.. I'd say. Don't. Do not take them back. And here's why: It has to be "I HAVE changed" for you to even think to consider it. And it should be quite some time after BU. Because when they start begging you back 2-3 months after BU, chances are they are just really desperate and will say anything to get you back. They might *think* they can and will change, but they won't. They haven't taken the time to sort themselves out properly and when they rush back into a relationship with you out of desperation and anxiety, they most likely will not change and slip into their old habits very quickly once they become comfortable again and sure that you're back to stay. So.. If you should ever consider getting back with an ex.. They best have some results to show how exactly they've changed and profound change definitely doesn't happen with 3 months. Just speaking from experience. Will gladly listen to other opinions 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 It not only has to be "I have changed", but they need to be able to prove without a shadow of a doubt that things have changed. Someone saying they have changed and when you ask how and you get "it just has" does not suffice. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LostConfused123 Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 To everybody thinking about taking their ex back because they are begging you and promising you that they will change.. I'd say. Don't. Do not take them back. And here's why: It has to be "I HAVE changed" for you to even think to consider it. And it should be quite some time after BU. Because when they start begging you back 2-3 months after BU, chances are they are just really desperate and will say anything to get you back. They might *think* they can and will change, but they won't. They haven't taken the time to sort themselves out properly and when they rush back into a relationship with you out of desperation and anxiety, they most likely will not change and slip into their old habits very quickly once they become comfortable again and sure that you're back to stay. So.. If you should ever consider getting back with an ex.. They best have some results to show how exactly they've changed and profound change definitely doesn't happen with 3 months. Just speaking from experience. Will gladly listen to other opinions Thank you so much for posting this!! I have it saved and plan to read it over and over should the day ever come. The way I feel now (if he ever came back) Would be absolutely NO WAY!! You hurt me too much, now get lost!!! BUT and this is a big but. . . it's so easy for me to say that now because of all the hard work I have done on my recovery. My emotions seem fairly back to normal and I'm thinking much more clearly. . . however, if he came back and said all the "right" things, my emotions and logic would be at such a battle, it's scary to even think about!!! I don't know, but something told me to save your post??? I have had these weird feelings lately that he's going to come lurking around and the thought that he could (only if I allow it) blow my recovery and heart up like a hand grenade is terrifying!!! Anyway, thanks again!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 Million dollar post. Link to post Share on other sites
Mariposa10 Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 This is true for the dumpee and dumper. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LostConfused123 Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 It not only has to be "I have changed", but they need to be able to prove without a shadow of a doubt that things have changed. Someone saying they have changed and when you ask how and you get "it just has" does not suffice. Another excellent point!!! Never even really thought of that but yeah, damn right. They should be able to prove it. Anything less is a waste of my precious time Link to post Share on other sites
Author polynomial Posted January 8, 2014 Author Share Posted January 8, 2014 It not only has to be "I have changed", but they need to be able to prove without a shadow of a doubt that things have changed. Someone saying they have changed and when you ask how and you get "it just has" does not suffice. Yep. this is what i meant by they best have some results to show. Link to post Share on other sites
jphcbpa Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 agree. they need to say, "here is what I have done, am doing and will continue to do" about xyz. this does not happen overnight and odds are they are still in denial that they need to change. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MoooOinkBaaa Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 What if you spent lots of time making positive changes only to realize four months later your ex has changed too. She dumped me and she's regressed so much I'm totally off her. She started smoking (baccy ffs!), drinking all the time, ****ty tattoos, swearing, whoring herself out, acting like a 14 year old. She's annoying as hell and insecure with no self esteem. A total social ass kisser. I spent a lot of time improving myself. Never going back to her, ever. I actually hate her. Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 Got back with a woman that I had a relationship with 40 years before. 40 years later? Still the same woman with the same problem and with age newer ones. Once your set in your ways, that's the way it is even 40 years later. Lasted 9 months and I bailed. My health and sanity at this point in my life is worth it's weight in gold. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts