Wife was taking money out of my personal account without knowledge

[beach]

I would have a hard time just overlooking it. She did it 30 times without asking or discussing it with you.

 

Did it pay down her bills? Have you looked to see where every dollar was spent?

 

She went behind your back - that's sneaky! And 30 times?

 

I have plenty of money - but I can tell you - IF I made the effort to transfer 30 times in the past few months I WOULD KNOW I DID IT - and I would certainly be accountable for explanations as to what I'd done with the money! Almost 4,000 - sheez, that is just so purposeful!

 

What are HER consequences? She's been caught - but she needs to earn trust back and possibly take a job (2nd one if needed) to replace the money that was intended to buy a house!

[beach]

You put it behind you and don't bring it up again, she has apologized.. if you have it in your heart you should sincerely accept her apology and call it done...

 

Marriage is about give and take and since you have an open dialog over this and she has accepted responsibility and apologized then you give her this one...

 

Hope it all works out

 

I disagree - an apology isn't nearly enough in a situation like this where she did it over and over without consulting him first.

[Art_Critic]

I disagree - an apology isn't nearly enough in a situation like this where she did it over and over without consulting him first.

 

so what do you think the resolution of this should be ? flogging ?

[beach]

so what do you think the resolution of this should be ? flogging ?

 

She can work extra - to put the money back - so they can have money to buy a house when needed.

 

And work on her honesty too!

[Art_Critic]

She can work extra - to put the money back - so they can have money to buy a house when needed.

 

And work on her honesty too!

 

so he shouldn't forgive her until she has done all that ? punishment is the answer rather than discussion and understanding ?

 

I've not advocated that what she did was cool, but they have an open dialog concerning this and she has shown remorse...

Future trust.. well.. she did show fiscal irresponsibility.. but haven't we all at one time or another ? only time will rebuild the trust.

 

Could it be a future red flag.. possibly.. but if he wants to stay married then they are going to have to let this bump in the road go, continuing to dissect it will only mean pulling apart and losing the bond of the marriage.

[deathandtaxes]

Could it be a future red flag.. possibly.. but if he wants to stay married then they are going to have to let this bump in the road go, continuing to dissect it will only mean pulling apart and losing the bond of the marriage.

 

 

 

Bump? Everytime she transferred money without his knowledge, she lied. Everytime she did this, she broke his trust. This is not a bump in the road. This is extremely serious. The bond has already been frayed from this. Financial fidelity is just as important as physical and emotional fidelity.

[beach]

so he shouldn't forgive her until she has done all that ? punishment is the answer rather than discussion and understanding ?

 

I've not advocated that what she did was cool, but they have an open dialog concerning this and she has shown remorse...

Future trust.. well.. she did show fiscal irresponsibility.. but haven't we all at one time or another ? only time will rebuild the trust.

 

Could it be a future red flag.. possibly.. but if he wants to stay married then they are going to have to let this bump in the road go, continuing to dissect it will only mean pulling apart and losing the bond of the marriage.

 

I never indicated to pull apart - heck she's already blown things up!

 

But it's really on her - actions- to make things right moving forward. Which would mean she makes the money and pays it back to that account.

 

If she won't - then she has no actions that show she's repairing that damage she caused.

 

Otherwise - she gets the idea when she takes money without asking - no consequences happen.

 

The lies = it will take time with consistent words and actions matching to rebuild that trust!

 

She stole his peace of mind by taking money out of that account... It's up to her to restore his peace of mind.

 

I think she's also lying about how she got the password! But even IF he gave it - she never asked to move the money.

[Art_Critic]

Bump? Everytime she transferred money without his knowledge, she lied. Everytime she did this, she broke his trust. This is not a bump in the road. This is extremely serious. The bond has already been frayed from this. Financial fidelity is just as important as physical and emotional fidelity.

 

It became a bump when they opened communication and she expressed her remorse and they spoke about why and how it happened and his understanding of it and her willingness to accept responsibility.

 

When do you think they should move forward and try to keep the marriage together ?

[deathandtaxes]

It became a bump when they opened communication and she expressed her remorse and they spoke about why and how it happened and his understanding of it and her willingness to accept responsibility.

 

When do you think they should move forward and try to keep the marriage together ?

 

 

 

Of course they should try. But this needs to be treated like ANY infidelity. A full accounting of everything. I don't even think OP has told us where all the money went. But that might be besides the point. OP's wife cheated on him financially, 30+ times. That's huge!

[Emilia]

When do you think they should move forward and try to keep the marriage together ?

When she comes up with a plan on how she is paying back the money into his personal account.

 

It's not the $3,100. It's the fact that people think they can take money, apologise for taking it and it's ok because it's a marriage. It's not ok. It was in his own account. She transferred out of it around 30 times. She needs to make a pretty big gesture - like paying it back to the last cent - to make it ok.