Is it okay to be jealous of ex boyfriend's happiness

[niyathi]

I am still stuck up with sorrows of losing him and he is successful, happy and enjoying life. He did not get affected by this break up and now I know why he dumped me..cuz he wasn't interested!! But the problem is that I really liked him and our relationship was a damn serious big deal for me.

Now wen he is enjoying life after dumping me, I am really jealous..is this normal?? Or am I not supposed to feel this way? I'm jealous as well hurt that he can be so happy with my absence too. It's not fair that he did the wrong thing and he doesn't get to suffer even for a moment. This ain't justice and it's killing me. Even I have friends whom I hang out with but I always feel his absence around and am always sad even amongst a crowd..I think I loved him and am not able to move on..and now this jealousy and this hurt feeling..and his dreams at night..with all this happening..how am I ever gonna move on in life?!! It seems so impossible!

[nescafe1982]

Yes, it's totally normal to feel this way. It's fine to feel envy after a breakup... and it's very, very common.

 

What can you do about it? Really the best thing you can do is invest in yourself. Do things that make you happy, make you feel pampered, treat yourself. Be around people who love and support you. When you have days where you're full of negative emotions (hurt, anger, envy, etc), allow yourself to feel those feelings... you're grieving the loss of the relationship.

 

BUT try not to dwell on comparing yourself to your ex. After all, you're comparing your insides to his outward appearances. It will do nothing but make you feel inadequate, sad, empowered, and crazy. You will find yourself controlled by your hurt... not a good place to be. When you start to make these comparisons, or feel envy to a great degree, tell yourself, "okay, I am not going to dwell on this. instead, I'm going to call up a friend/ go out for tea/ check out a new book/movie, etc"

 

Basically, you need to find the balance between allowing yourself to grieve the relationship and its end, without getting "stuck" replaying negative statements to yourself. You will move on, and time will heal you. Your focus needs to be on taking good care of yourself until time does its work.

 

And of course, if you haven't already: delete him from your life. No social media, no contact, no emails, and no checking up on him.

 

Good luck!

[niyathi]

It is common but things are getting worse..when I see his pictures with his friends all happy and merry I feel all the more bad..specially cuz they all were once my friends and I have been avoiding them cuz I don't want any mutual friends so that I can remove him from my life entirely..but how do I avoid so many ppl on social networking sites..specially when I have to see their pictures..it's not fair..life is being too unfair where the bad one finds all the happiness, loses no friends and me here..sitting and feeling bad, losing so many mutual friends in a feeble attempt to stay away from him..how is all this justice?! I can't see all this..it's too much to handle..I envy him!! Im hurt..I'm sad!! How can things be so bad! Is this never gonna end? I already lost him lost so many friends my job..I feel like the biggest failure in life..not able to keep any relationship intact..I don't know when am I ever going to be happy again..I feel so depressed!

[Confuddled1983]

Yes it does end. The best thing you can do for yourself is to go out there and create a life for yourself too. Go out, make new friends. It hurts when someone has moved on while your still nursing a broken heart, you feel your dreams have been crushed. I know it's hard but sitting at home looking at his new life on Facebook is NOT going to help one bit, leave the computer, get dressed up, get your hair done and go out for the evening and try and enjoy yourself, it might help you take your mind off things.

[Eau Claire]

If course it is natural. Healthy people have healthy emotions.

 

It's our behaviour that often needs adjusting.

 

You are not a zombie. Have a good cry.

 

Congrats on being mature about this and not starting some long list of how evil he was...that is unproductive.

Edited January 14, 2014 by Eau Claire

[nescafe1982]

It is common but things are getting worse..when I see his pictures with his friends all happy and merry I feel all the more bad..specially cuz they all were once my friends and I have been avoiding them cuz I don't want any mutual friends so that I can remove him from my life entirely..but how do I avoid so many ppl on social networking sites..specially when I have to see their pictures..it's not fair..life is being too unfair where the bad one finds all the happiness, loses no friends and me here..sitting and feeling bad, losing so many mutual friends in a feeble attempt to stay away from him..how is all this justice?! I can't see all this..it's too much to handle..I envy him!! Im hurt..I'm sad!! How can things be so bad! Is this never gonna end? I already lost him lost so many friends my job..I feel like the biggest failure in life..not able to keep any relationship intact..I don't know when am I ever going to be happy again..I feel so depressed!

 

 

You're judging how you feel inside against what he looks like on the outside. It's a recipe for feeling bad about yourself.

 

I think it's really important to limit how much you see of him for a while. Hide people who post photos of his on their FB from your newsfeed: this way their posts won't bother you, but you can remain FB friends with them until you feel less tender.

 

If it's so bad you are struggling day-to-day, take down your Facebook for a bit. Seriously. Take a Facebook vacation. I did that for a couple months after my breakup... after we broke up, and before I scrubbed my account of photos of him. It gave me some time to take care of myself, and avoid being faced with those awful feelings.

 

Time will heal this. Time is all it takes. You will feel normal again.... just be kind to yourself until then.

[VeronicaRoss]

In our heart of hearts doesn't everyone wishes that every person we were with regrets not being with us still? It's one of the silly ego things that makes us thoroughly human. Given that, what I hope for is they don't regret the time they spent with me!

[d0nnivain]

Unfriend him & all of his friends from all of your social media. Out of sight, out of mind. For now, unfollow mutual friends so that you don't accidentally see something about him & his new life.

 

 

Now, get up from your computer & go do something toward building a new fabulous life for yourself. Rearrange your furniture. Cut your hair. Go to the gym. Take up a new hobby but keep busy. It will help with the longing.

[thedmc]

Stop focusing on him so much, It's over so accept it. Start focusing on yourself and become a better person. It's as simple as that.