Going from ugly to good looking

[Dooda]

I used to be ugly in High School... I was a late bloomer and the first thing that bloomed was my nose and it bloomed and bloomed and everything else seemed to stay in place. I got picked on a lot. Girls wouldn't give me the light of day. Most of them thought I was pretty disgusting, and they would let me know about it. I developed an animosity towards girls because of this, and I somewhat hate and fear them (the latter being partly because my mother was severely mentally deranged and would treat me like complete s***).

It's been a couple of years, and I've noticed in the past 5-6 months my face has been changing and that I've been getting looks from girls more and more. I looked in the mirror and realized that I barely recognize myself. It's weird. All my features are the same, but everything looks more put into place. My jaw, chin and brow have thickened, and my forehead isn't gigantic like it used to be. My nose is still big, but it doesn't look awkward anymore. I used to look at myself in the mirror and all I would see was a really awkward looking face, and it was. Something was just 'off' about it.

I've also started working out and have filled up. I was really scrawny before.

 

The things that I've noticed after this 'transformation' is that people treat me better and are more interested in me and what I have to say for no reason at all. I can say the most idiotic thing and people will still be interested. All I can conclude from this is that people are shallow. I always knew that this society had a weird obsession with physical beauty, but I never really knew how much easier daily life is for "attractive" people. The only thing that has changed is my aesthetics. I'm still the same ugly loser inside, but people respect me more and treat me better because I'm more attractive on the outside.

The reaction I get from girls has gone 360. They're randomly flirty, or get nervous, or make too much eye contact, or avoid it completely. I feel like there's something wrong with me. I notice girls staring at me, and sometimes they will just gawk. Girls who I used to think were completely out of my league show me interest. It feels weird, like I'm living in someone else's shoes.

While it feels nice to get this attention, all I can think is, is that if I were extremely unattractive then they would be treating me like a 2nd-class citizen. All I can think is that people are shallow. Why am I being treated better, simply for the reason that I'm more "physically appealing"?

 

I'm 22 and I've never had a girlfriend, due to lack of self-confidence and the aforementioned fear and slight loathing of women. My mother was bipolar and had borderline personality disorder. She would say things like "I never wanted another child," "You're the devil." "You're worse than garbage" "Go kill yourself," "You're worthless" "Why can't you be like [so and so]" She also beat me until I got too big for the beatings.

Now, when I look at women, all I feel is hate and fear. I feel like they automatically think I'm worthless. I feel like I'm not worth being loved, like "Why would any girl want to date me?" Whenever a girl shows interest I always overthink it and find reasons as to why she's not interested.

Looking back at my High School days I realize that a few girls were interested in me, and actually made it pretty obvious, but I never caught the signs because I never thought any girl would ever be interested in me.

What can I do to overcome this? I want a relationship, but I am extremely afraid of any sort of intimacy.

Edited January 9, 2014 by Dooda

[newmoon]

have you been to therapy/counseling, because with the type of life you described you might benefit from talking through this stuff with someone not on a message board. it kinda seems to me from reading your post that you're basically guilty of the same shallowness you're thinking exists in others; you're not giving women the benefit of the doubt and assume they are interested for your looks and not (perhaps) your conversation, etc. so you're probably passing by some really nice women if you believe they are just looking at your appearance and not interested in more your have to offer; give everyone a chance

[Leigh 87]

I was ugly growing up: awful teeth, loads of pimples, chubby and with a crooked nose.

 

When I hity early 20s I lost weight, got my teeth fixed and developed a great sense of style.

 

 

 

I am better looking than most of those *******s who teased me in high school. I'm nothing special, but I am better looking than a lot of them..

 

It's very ironic that a lot of the people who severely bullied me about my looks are now less attractive than me:lmao:

[strive]

For me it's not about people being shallow in general. It's about confidence.

 

It's like a cycle. People generally respond better to attractive people (and I mean not just face, the way they dress, if their hair is messy or not, and even scent). So these attractive people become more confident with how they carry themselves and how they deal with other people. And confidence is an attractive trait (unless it turns into over-confidence), and people respond even better to them. And so the cycle continues.

 

For you maybe as you grow up you get to know yourself better, know the things you like, stop giving **** about the things that you don't like, etc. Maybe you're happier in some ways than when you're younger; no more of that teenage angst. You don't realize that you gain confidence in certain aspects of your life. It shows and now people start noticing you.

 

Just my 2c.

[Emilia]

I'm 22 and I've never had a girlfriend, due to lack of self-confidence and the aforementioned fear and slight loathing of women. My mother was bipolar and had borderline personality disorder. She would say things like "I never wanted another child," "You're the devil." "You're worse than garbage" "Go kill yourself," "You're worthless" "Why can't you be like [so and so]" She also beat me until I got too big for the beatings.

Now, when I look at women, all I feel is hate and fear. I feel like they automatically think I'm worthless. I feel like I'm not worth being loved, like "Why would any girl want to date me?" Whenever a girl shows interest I always overthink it and find reasons as to why she's not interested.

Looking back at my High School days I realize that a few girls were interested in me, and actually made it pretty obvious, but I never caught the signs because I never thought any girl would ever be interested in me.

What can I do to overcome this? I want a relationship, but I am extremely afraid of any sort of intimacy.

Through therapy. Your issue isn't that you used to be less attractive (it happens to many of us late developers) but that you hate yourself because you were brought up by someone severely mentally ill who was not capable of giving you the supportive and stable emotional environment that you would have needed growing up.

 

My commiserations that you are the son of a BPDer, it's something I can relate to in a way, you have huge issues to work through in your life unfortunately because all this negative self talk will result in a misanthrope view of others if you don't get it resolved. As you are, you will keep searching for reasons why others wouldn't want you because this is what you grew up with.

[90s kid]

For me it's not about people being shallow in general. It's about confidence.

 

 

I agree with this statement. Confidence is everything in life, especially when it comes to developing relationships with others.

 

 

I was a late bloomer too. It wasn't until college that I started taking better care of my self. I really worked on myself, lost a lot of weight, and gained self confidence. The thing is, even in high school when I was chubby, wore glasses, and had bad teeth I still remember a few guys showing interest in me. But I was so insecure that I couldn't get close to anyone. I didn't step out of my small circle of friends because I was so self-conscious. I just wanted to be invisible to the opposite sex. Ultimately, even after you've improved your external, you need to do the work internally in order to put yourself out there and feel worthy of the attention. I took me a while to work through my past and my insecurities to gain the self confidence I have now. I would encourage you to do the same.

[Jmk21]

Ugly duckling syndrome. It's an image disorder even for the best looking of people.

Some of the best looking people have it