My bf's BFF(a girl) wants him badly....

[Angie19]

I am madly in love with this guy, let's call him josh. Well I've known josh fr a few years and we were friends but we started dating a few months ago and we are deeply in love and have a fantastic relationship. Well josh has a best friend, let's call her Emily, and they have become friends very quickly, but they've only known each other since August. They have become really good friends but I was never worried because Emily had a boyfriend that she liked a lot. She has been very flirty for a while but nothing to be very worried about. Well Emily's bf recently broke up with her. She wasnt dating him that long but she seemed very upset about it. She immediately came to josh for a shoulder to cry on. I COMPLETELY understand that she needs a friend to comfort her but she is taking it way out if hand. Every time they have any opportunity to see each other she is always talking to him, trying to make him laugh, tickling him, basically so much that I feel like I haven't talked to Josh in 3 weeks. We text each other and he tells me he loves me and I believe him. But she is clinging on to him just like I did before she came into the picture. I've told josh how i feel but he got upset that I said I didn't like his best friend. He did get away from her a little but she quickly got him back. She is always making any excuse to talk with him alone, walk with him, or to touch him. I've seen her many times try to hold his hand, she lays on his shoulder, and wraps her arm around him. I have no idea what to do I love josh very much and I trust wholeheartedly that he loves me too but he is oblivious that she wants to take him from me and he won't tell her to back off because they are such good friends. Josh is a super nice guy and listens to me but he thinks I'm just jealous. I'm so confused and don't know what to do.

[nescafe1982]

I can understand your concerns. Girls can be very clingy with their guy friends after a breakup. It should be on your guy to draw the proper boundaries with her.

 

How did you bring it up to him, when you two discussed this? Did you two set ground rules? Sometimes they need it spelled out. Like 1) no time spent alone with this girl; 2) I want to be there too; 3) no dinners, movies, or other date like activities, etc. Did he resist making changes? Was he supportive of your feelings? What sort of activities with this woman make you most uncomfortable?

 

Just based on your OP, it seems like he's not out to get involved with her, but he is allowing a too-close intimacy to form, likely because she's clingy and he wants to help her. It's still problematic and needs to be corrected... but it doesn't sound particularly malicious.

[TylerDurdenn]

Josh does not respect you.

[acrosstheuniverse]

I am all for opposite sex friendships and some of my best friends are male too (about 50/50 between genders I'd say). But I have never had a new 'best friend' spring up outta nowhere in the space of a few months without there being some romantic interest there. It takes years to develop that kind of bond usually, I wouldn't have the slightest problem with a boyfriend of mine seeing his female best friends that were around before I came along, or making new girl mates (that I would want the option of being included with, as I would vice versa, not that I imagine I'd take it I just mean it would be clear they are friends of the relationship) but if he suddenly met this new girl he'd known a fraction of the years I'd known him and they were close enough that I felt I hardly got chance to see him any more, and she was physically claiming him without him nipping that in the bud, I wouldn't stand for it.

 

Everything about this is fishy. She likely wants him and he doesn't sound like he minds the attention either. I would back off a little in your position; 'fighting' for him isn't going to do anything else than make him love the attention of two women fighting for him, and it wouldn't change a thing anyway if she is who he wants to be with. At least if you back off you'll find out quickly how he feels about you because he'll come to you. But I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't even notice because he and Emily are all over one another. And then you'll have your answer.

 

I have male best friends but a boyfriend is also a best friend and if a boyfriend of mine had an issue with me being best mates with some guy who has only been on the scene for five months and who was disrespecting my boundaries and the relationship, you'd better bet that I'd be doing everything in my power to tone the friendship down a little and focus on my boyfriend. When I've had relationships in the past I can't wait to introduce my new boyfriend to my male friends and vice versa: does Josh look forward to letting you and Emily hang out together?

 

I made a new really good friend last year, called P. P is partnered with two young kids. We hit it off really quickly and spent quite a bit of time together as friends, going for coffee, he was a really good shoulder to cry on when I was going through a breakup. He'd come round and hang at mine, I have an attic room in a shared house and can't discuss personal stuff in the lounge because it's shared, so we'd hang out on the bed talking and listening to music. His partner knew where he was, was fine with it, even made jokes and stuff including me via text when it was getting late like 'I hope if acrosstheuniverse is starting to yawn you pick up on it lol cos I know you're not good with signals!'. Anyway one day I was having trouble sleeping and he made some comment about wanting to hold me while I fell asleep, and I shut him right down and said it wasn't inappropriate and he didn't seem to get why, saying it would just be platonic and he wasn't trying to have sex with me, he just wanted to try help me get some sleep.

 

He kept claiming not to 'get' why it would have been so wrong until I asked how he'd feel if another man was holding his girlfriend while she fell asleep instead of him and the penny allegedly dropped, he was all 'how could I have been such an idiot' etc. I knew for a fact that if we were laid on my bed, me in my pyjamas, a hug (which would have been inappropriate enough) would have turned into a kiss and he'd be a prime candidate for an affair. But I wouldn't go down that road for many reasons and it needed me to put those boundaries in place to make things okay again.

 

After that I made sure to go to his housewarming so I could meet and hang with his girlfriend so she could see I was just his mate and happy to get to know her too, I took my new boyfriend too so he could meet P, and all was well. We are still really good friends but that initial intense new friendship, that spark, there was attraction there. All of my male best friends didn't become 'best mates' immediately, it was over years of consistent but normal levels of interaction that the bond grew.

 

Not so sure what the point of that story was really. P isn't a bad guy, I don't think his intention was ever to have sex with me but I knew that he was attracted to me and was had a spark and the boundary kept being pushed, once it got to something I knew his gf would never have been okay with (laying down and holding me) I shut it right off and started making steps to make sure that I became a friend of their relationship. She clearly is the least jealous and most trusting woman ever not to have minded anything that did actually happen. But that also left us wide open to the potential for cheating, too.

Edited January 9, 2014 by acrosstheuniverse

[darkmoon]

aren't you, his girlfriend, supposed to be his best friend? she needs counselling, tell him that, not once timidly either, you have a right to expect your boyf to put you first

 

 

I agree with across the universe as well, no fighting over him, she must know she is acting weirdly, a deaf and dumb clinging vine

Edited January 9, 2014 by darkmoon

[acrosstheuniverse]

If she'd had been his best mate for years since you came along and they had a proven track record of being nothing but platonic friends then I'd say it was appropriate but you don't just suddenly become best buds with a new person of the opposite sex without a sexual spark there in the space of a few months. Correct me if I'm wrong, other posters, but it has never happened to me that way. You're in the early stages of a few months of dating, you should be naturally building your own bond together not feeling like you've been ignored for weeks in favour of Emily.

[Keke1]

I am madly in love with this guy, let's call him josh. Well I've known josh fr a few years and we were friends but we started dating a few months ago and we are deeply in love and have a fantastic relationship. Well josh has a best friend, let's call her Emily, and they have become friends very quickly, but they've only known each other since August. They have become really good friends but I was never worried because Emily had a boyfriend that she liked a lot. She has been very flirty for a while but nothing to be very worried about. Well Emily's bf recently broke up with her. She wasnt dating him that long but she seemed very upset about it. She immediately came to josh for a shoulder to cry on. I COMPLETELY understand that she needs a friend to comfort her but she is taking it way out if hand. Every time they have any opportunity to see each other she is always talking to him, trying to make him laugh, tickling him, basically so much that I feel like I haven't talked to Josh in 3 weeks. We text each other and he tells me he loves me and I believe him. But she is clinging on to him just like I did before she came into the picture. I've told josh how i feel but he got upset that I said I didn't like his best friend. He did get away from her a little but she quickly got him back. She is always making any excuse to talk with him alone, walk with him, or to touch him. I've seen her many times try to hold his hand, she lays on his shoulder, and wraps her arm around him. I have no idea what to do I love josh very much and I trust wholeheartedly that he loves me too but he is oblivious that she wants to take him from me and he won't tell her to back off because they are such good friends. Josh is a super nice guy and listens to me but he thinks I'm just jealous. I'm so confused and don't know what to do.

 

No he isn't oblivious. **** is unacceptable and rude. You told him it bothers you. If it doesn't stop what are you going to do?

Edited January 9, 2014 by Keke1

[tlegend]

I am madly in love with this guy, let's call him josh. Well I've known josh fr a few years and we were friends but we started dating a few months ago and we are deeply in love and have a fantastic relationship. Well josh has a best friend, let's call her Emily, and they have become friends very quickly, but they've only known each other since August. They have become really good friends but I was never worried because Emily had a boyfriend that she liked a lot. She has been very flirty for a while but nothing to be very worried about. Well Emily's bf recently broke up with her. She wasnt dating him that long but she seemed very upset about it. She immediately came to josh for a shoulder to cry on. I COMPLETELY understand that she needs a friend to comfort her but she is taking it way out if hand. Every time they have any opportunity to see each other she is always talking to him, trying to make him laugh, tickling him, basically so much that I feel like I haven't talked to Josh in 3 weeks. We text each other and he tells me he loves me and I believe him. But she is clinging on to him just like I did before she came into the picture. I've told josh how i feel but he got upset that I said I didn't like his best friend. He did get away from her a little but she quickly got him back. She is always making any excuse to talk with him alone, walk with him, or to touch him. I've seen her many times try to hold his hand, she lays on his shoulder, and wraps her arm around him. I have no idea what to do I love josh very much and I trust wholeheartedly that he loves me too but he is oblivious that she wants to take him from me and he won't tell her to back off because they are such good friends. Josh is a super nice guy and listens to me but he thinks I'm just jealous. I'm so confused and don't know what to do.

 

Unacceptable.

 

He is disrespecting your feelings about their "platonic friendship".

She is CLEARLY crossing boundaries IN FRONT OF YOU. Make these boundaries known, and if he isn't willing to break off inappropriate relationships in order to retain you, then you have your answer on what you need to do. Find someone who is going to respect your feelings as much as he respects yours.

 

I personally would be very uncomfortable with it. Especially because they don't have a proven track record of being platonic, they don't respect YOUR feelings about the mattter, which ....you are one of the important opinions in the debacle, and she is obviously disrespecting your boundaries.

[pteromom]

If he cared about you, he'd be putting effort into creating boundaries with his friend. This isn't about you disliking his friend - it's about you disliking it when she tickles him and tries to hold his hand. He should be shutting that down, not allowing it.

 

Does he admit that she is being too intimate with him?

 

Does he make an effort to hold YOUR hand and show you affection when the three of you are together, so she realizes he is with you?

[JDPT]

That behavior is utterly inappropriate and it's a shame that your bf isn't slamming the breaks on it as he is enjoying the attention he is getting from you and this "best friend". Josh in other words is not only disrespecting you but the relationship as well. Would he like it if you had a male friend who always wanted to spend time with you, held your hand and wrapped you around his arms? I would have a serious sit down and perhaps "ultimatum" and express to him that this must stop at once, he is jeopardizing the relationship and is essentially allowing someone to interfere between you too.

[Oxygen13]

This is open and shut in my opinion, seems like most of the other posters here agree.

 

First off, "Josh" sounds like an idiot, or he is well aware of the obvious situation and decides that the attention hes getting is worth the risk of your relationship.

 

Let me be clear that men and women do NOT make good friends.

[crimsonite]

I am madly in love with this guy, let's call him josh. Well I've known josh fr a few years and we were friends but we started dating a few months ago and we are deeply in love and have a fantastic relationship. Well josh has a best friend, let's call her Emily, and they have become friends very quickly, but they've only known each other since August. They have become really good friends but I was never worried because Emily had a boyfriend that she liked a lot. She has been very flirty for a while but nothing to be very worried about. Well Emily's bf recently broke up with her. She wasnt dating him that long but she seemed very upset about it. She immediately came to josh for a shoulder to cry on. I COMPLETELY understand that she needs a friend to comfort her but she is taking it way out if hand. Every time they have any opportunity to see each other she is always talking to him, trying to make him laugh, tickling him, basically so much that I feel like I haven't talked to Josh in 3 weeks. We text each other and he tells me he loves me and I believe him. But she is clinging on to him just like I did before she came into the picture. I've told josh how i feel but he got upset that I said I didn't like his best friend. He did get away from her a little but she quickly got him back. She is always making any excuse to talk with him alone, walk with him, or to touch him. I've seen her many times try to hold his hand, she lays on his shoulder, and wraps her arm around him. I have no idea what to do I love josh very much and I trust wholeheartedly that he loves me too but he is oblivious that she wants to take him from me and he won't tell her to back off because they are such good friends. Josh is a super nice guy and listens to me but he thinks I'm just jealous. I'm so confused and don't know what to do.

 

Honestly, I was in the same situation as Josh last year. I had an "Emily" who got out of a relationship, and being the nice guy I am, I did my best to be there for her. Little did I know, my current GF was extremely jealous and talked to me about it. I said the same thing Josh did, that my GF was jealous and we're just good friends. Its been a year now and I am no longer with my GF and I am dating "Emily".

 

What I'm trying to say is, you have every right to be concern. You should let him know that what he's doing is disrespectful and you should prepare yourself to break it off if he's not doing anything about it. This is what my GF did, but by the time I changed to be faithful and loyal, she already moved on and we broke it off because she was so hurt by it that she lost the trust.

 

 

whenever you have a chance please help me with mine?

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/cheating-flirting-jealousy/454654-i-suspect-she-s-cheating

[ae86drift]

JOsh and Emily totally hit it off fast lol , and your still here asking for help?