youngbutoldsoul Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 Ok so my ex-bf (of 2 years) and I have been NC for over half a year. While we were together, he subscribed to my online blog that I use as a personal journal. Of course I don't pine about the breakup on there, I write about my passions as well as my thoughts revolving around my various life experiences. Towards the end of the holidays, I wrote a blog spilling my thoughts and overview about how regardless of what happened between us, that part of my life was true love to me and even though we are not together anymore, I only wish he could be as happy as possible. Basically, after New Year, I wrote a post about some wonderful accomplishments that I made as well as a few grad school interview invites that I was so excited for. I even posted a pic of me and a new guy I've been dating on a cruise ship. I honestly forgot he was still subscribed to my blog!!! He's definitely viewed the content, but never once had he unfollowed me this whole time until the recent one I posted about my wonderful life! I'm so thankful with all your help and advice I have moved so far ahead! However, this recent incident makes me want to consult you all for your opinions. If he didn't want me back, and he didn't want to read any BS from me (his ex), he would have unfollowed SO long ago. So what is this all about!? Link to post Share on other sites
2fargone Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 Indeed... what's that about, that you have a new guy and yet seem bothered by your ex? He might have still hoped to get back together. It could be anything. But what's it about you that makes you wonder? Link to post Share on other sites
Author youngbutoldsoul Posted January 9, 2014 Author Share Posted January 9, 2014 Indeed... what's that about, that you have a new guy and yet seem bothered by your ex? He might have still hoped to get back together. It could be anything. But what's it about you that makes you wonder? Absolutely, you asked a very valid question. It's sort of the first "move", though indirectly, since implementing NC for so long that made me truly want to ask and better understand this kind of scenario. Link to post Share on other sites
David87 Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 Ok so my ex-bf (of 2 years) and I have been NC for over half a year. While we were together, he subscribed to my online blog that I use as a personal journal. Of course I don't pine about the breakup on there, I write about my passions as well as my thoughts revolving around my various life experiences. Towards the end of the holidays, I wrote a blog spilling my thoughts and overview about how regardless of what happened between us, that part of my life was true love to me and even though we are not together anymore, I only wish he could be as happy as possible. Basically, after New Year, I wrote a post about some wonderful accomplishments that I made as well as a few grad school interview invites that I was so excited for. I even posted a pic of me and a new guy I've been dating on a cruise ship. I honestly forgot he was still subscribed to my blog!!! He's definitely viewed the content, but never once had he unfollowed me this whole time until the recent one I posted about my wonderful life! I'm so thankful with all your help and advice I have moved so far ahead! However, this recent incident makes me want to consult you all for your opinions. If he didn't want me back, and he didn't want to read any BS from me (his ex), he would have unfollowed SO long ago. So what is this all about!? It seems like your ex still cares about you and when he saw that picture he got hurt and unfollowed you. You are way ahead of him in the healing process. Link to post Share on other sites
Author youngbutoldsoul Posted January 9, 2014 Author Share Posted January 9, 2014 It seems like your ex still cares about you and when he saw that picture he got hurt and unfollowed you. You are way ahead of him in the healing process. That WOULD make sense if I were the dumper, no? Truth is, he dumped me coldly, dated other people. Made it blatantly clear he will NEVER get back with me despite my pleading/begging/attempts. That's what makes me feel uneasy dealing with this Link to post Share on other sites
David87 Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 That WOULD make sense if I were the dumper, no? Truth is, he dumped me coldly, dated other people. Made it blatantly clear he will NEVER get back with me despite my pleading/begging/attempts. That's what makes me feel uneasy dealing with this Maybe he is to proud too admit that he wants you back, but its clear that he still cares about you. Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 you moved on, have a new guy. Whats the issue. And why dont you block him and separate your life from him and stop playing push and pull games. He dumped you. You moved on. No issue here. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
margot13 Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 I have to agree with Haydn. Don't really understand the problem. Unless you are maybe having a setback and realize you still like him? Link to post Share on other sites
David87 Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 I have to agree with Haydn. Don't really understand the problem. Unless you are maybe having a setback and realize you still like him? The issue is that she has a setback. Link to post Share on other sites
Author youngbutoldsoul Posted January 9, 2014 Author Share Posted January 9, 2014 I have to agree with Haydn. Don't really understand the problem. Unless you are maybe having a setback and realize you still like him? I wish I could provide more context without being so wordy. I know your advices are genuine: to help me. And for that I truly appreciate it. It's just not so black and white. Yes I have started seeing someone but there's nothing established and the guy isn't even local. The future is unclear. It was simply a nice date, that's all. My ex, always holds the key as I truly found it in myself that I have true love for him. Hope? Not necessarily. I can honestly say I can live the rest of my life even if he's not a part of it--love isn't about possession. I have him blocked everywhere. We have been NC for 6 months. The situation just made me curious enough to seek this community to get thoughts on a situation I cannot grasp/understand. It's not setting me back. I just figured most here are more seasoned than I am and would have something meaningful to say. I'm 20 and still in college Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 (edited) It seems like your ex still cares about you and when he saw that picture he got hurt and unfollowed you. You are way ahead of him in the healing process. Or, he is doing just fine moving along and being ambivalent, but then when it came to the OP posting pics of her new relationship, he just said, eh, that's enough, moving along now. People so often think of unfollowing/unfriending/etc. as an affirmative action that means something, but I think it may just as well be an ambivalent action that means relatively little. House cleaning, sweeping up, finally knocking down that spider web that's been up in the corner. I think you're overthinking it. What does it mean? What does it matter? If everyone is moving on, but you still need to interpret this as a 'sign' of something, then just take it as a sign that.... he's moving on. Ideally, it will also mean that he will now occupy even less of your thoughts and energy, and that should help you move on, too. That's what makes me feel uneasy dealing with this...Try to see this as forward movement - progress toward the future - for everyone involved. There's nothing you need to "deal with." Edited January 9, 2014 by Trimmer 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 He does not hold the key, you do. To your happiness. 6 months, then keep going. You are doing well. 20? Well very young and lots of fun ahead. Try another date with the new guy and maybe it will be more than nice next time. Dont contact your ex. Take care. I wish I could provide more context without being so wordy. I know your advices are genuine: to help me. And for that I truly appreciate it. It's just not so black and white. Yes I have started seeing someone but there's nothing established and the guy isn't even local. The future is unclear. It was simply a nice date, that's all. My ex, always holds the key as I truly found it in myself that I have true love for him. Hope? Not necessarily. I can honestly say I can live the rest of my life even if he's not a part of it--love isn't about possession. I have him blocked everywhere. We have been NC for 6 months. The situation just made me curious enough to seek this community to get thoughts on a situation I cannot grasp/understand. It's not setting me back. I just figured most here are more seasoned than I am and would have something meaningful to say. I'm 20 and still in college Link to post Share on other sites
AlphaC Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 The issue is that she has a setback. Bingo - she is not over him. Now she is justifying it, the new man is long distance, future uncertain, etc, etc. OP sounds like a good person, honestly you should have blocked him on everything, site, phone etc to allow you to heal. He broke up with you and was cold, you deserve better. Keep your head up, something good will come of this. Link to post Share on other sites
Fufu Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 Who cares why your ex unfollowed you.. you have a new bf now and apparently has great accomplishments in life.. So what is it that about? Past is past, don't look back Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 You aren't really in NC if you not only know your ex is following you, but are keeping tabs on it. NC isn't strictly not talking to the person, it's not being aware of any aspect of their life. You have a dude, stop staring back at a person that's shown no motivation to catch up to where you are. Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 You're not over him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author youngbutoldsoul Posted January 13, 2014 Author Share Posted January 13, 2014 So basically I just found out he re-followed me. Is this a mind game? I'm sure he's not dumb enough to do that without realizing I can see that. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 So basically I just found out he re-followed me. Is this a mind game? I'm sure he's not dumb enough to do that without realizing I can see that. Um, is there any way you can stop tracking him? Obsessing about whether or not he's following you on your online journal is really unhealthy and counterproductive, and violates NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Author youngbutoldsoul Posted January 13, 2014 Author Share Posted January 13, 2014 Um, is there any way you can stop tracking him? Obsessing about whether or not he's following you on your online journal is really unhealthy and counterproductive, and violates NC. Actually there isn't a way I use that solely for me and he's the one that's peeking into my life. I just want to get clarity with why someone would do that Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 Actually there isn't a way I use that solely for me and he's the one that's peeking into my life. I just want to get clarity with why someone would do that You've said in the past you've tried to write about him or to him in these, have you not? As for why, who cares? Not to be mean, but it's pretty irrelevant. There could be hundreds of reasons for him to do that that really mean absolutely nothing. Hell, he might have accidentally blocked it on his phone, realized it, then undid it -- I've done that before while browsing on my phone. But sorry, thinking about this is a waste of time. And why can't you change your online journal to something else he can't read? The point of NC is for you to absolutely know nothing about what the other person is doing. The fact that you are tracking his activity on your online journal means you aren't going full NC. Link to post Share on other sites
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