heyjesse84 Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 Im a late 20s married women having and affair with a mid 40s married man. Started out with agreeing no emotions need be involved. Im not happy and feel stuck, hes "happily" married. We have been together a little over a year now, we talk ALL the time, probably every couple hours for five minutes or so everyday, and always have. Of course i fell in love, but he wont say the L word, only says he cares so deeply for me, i get it. Ok so this all started out with him being SO CLOSED off. Wouldnt share anything about his life, but i was always an open book. Our conversations are incredible, our sex is incredible. Over a long time, its been a little over a year together, i was noticing him getting more and more open about his life, took forever. Even though he maintained "no emotions". He was never ever one to talk about there ever being an "us". We never went on dates or anything as we live in a small city and we both know too many people. We had somewhat an online relationship, but met for small chats and sex about once a week. He started throwing in little things like i wish we could just go on a date, or go to a movie. He would say things like i hate that youre so incredible. He would get so jealous and wonder all the time if i was doing this with someone else. Hed say things like i want you to only want me forever. Hed tell me one day hed be so devestated if i "cheated" on him and doesnt want to lose me. To the next making it seem like the only reason he would care if i was with anither guy is because he doesnt want an std Now here is the issue I have. I am so highly praising of him. I admit i stroke his ego an insane amount. As he does mine as well. He gets so flip floppy it drives me insane. He goes and says things that sound emotional, like going on dates, just wants to cuddle some time, he says he wants to be so close and deep with me. Then when i go and be "emotional" back, he turns it around and says things like well too bad, or ill never get a divorce you know that. Or as soon as i get to emotional he will turn our conversation right into sexual talk. We have got into little fights, and if its something ive said i will apologize and go to the ends of the earth to have him forgive me. However when its something he has done, he will say hes sorry but if i still seem upset he will say this is all just suppose to be for fun why are we fighting. I know these are poor examples, but it just feels like he is crazy sometimes! Im just confused as if he maybe is just out for someone to stroke his ego, make him feel like a god, or if it is deeper than that and hes trying to pull this bad guy card from getting to attached to me or something. I just dont get it. Its like one day he will say something that makes me feel like he does love me and wishes we could be together, to the next time saying hes so happy in his life at home and me and him are nothing. He asks questions about my past and ill say nicer than this...but basically stay out of my business as it doesnt matter to you as we are nothing but fun, but he says certain things matter for the future of us. The future of us!!? Previously if i were to even JOKE about running away together he would freak and say seriously thats never going to happen its not even funny....to then just a couple weeks ago him approaching me with jokes about how we should run away to somewhere warm. Why is he doing this....why all this flio floppy crap. Is he crazy? Is he a pscyhopath? Is he in denial? I dont know...... Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 Well, you are in your late 20s and he is in his 40s..... Sounds like the classic mid-life crisis to me. A better question may be, why are you allowing yourself to be used in such a manner? I mean how bored can you be to play this lose-lose game? Why not end your unfulfilling marriage, ditch this MM and find a real relationship with someone who truly cares about you and doesn't treat like a sexual diversion from a boring mid-life crisis? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shhhlonely Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 Im a late 20s married women having and affair with a mid 40s married man. Started out with agreeing no emotions need be involved. Im not happy and feel stuck, hes "happily" married. We have been together a little over a year now, we talk ALL the time, probably every couple hours for five minutes or so everyday, and always have. Of course i fell in love, but he wont say the L word, only says he cares so deeply for me, i get it. Ok so this all started out with him being SO CLOSED off. Wouldnt share anything about his life, but i was always an open book. Our conversations are incredible, our sex is incredible. Over a long time, its been a little over a year together, i was noticing him getting more and more open about his life, took forever. Even though he maintained "no emotions". He was never ever one to talk about there ever being an "us". We never went on dates or anything as we live in a small city and we both know too many people. We had somewhat an online relationship, but met for small chats and sex about once a week. He started throwing in little things like i wish we could just go on a date, or go to a movie. He would say things like i hate that youre so incredible. He would get so jealous and wonder all the time if i was doing this with someone else. Hed say things like i want you to only want me forever. Hed tell me one day hed be so devestated if i "cheated" on him and doesnt want to lose me. To the next making it seem like the only reason he would care if i was with anither guy is because he doesnt want an std Now here is the issue I have. I am so highly praising of him. I admit i stroke his ego an insane amount. As he does mine as well. He gets so flip floppy it drives me insane. He goes and says things that sound emotional, like going on dates, just wants to cuddle some time, he says he wants to be so close and deep with me. Then when i go and be "emotional" back, he turns it around and says things like well too bad, or ill never get a divorce you know that. Or as soon as i get to emotional he will turn our conversation right into sexual talk. We have got into little fights, and if its something ive said i will apologize and go to the ends of the earth to have him forgive me. However when its something he has done, he will say hes sorry but if i still seem upset he will say this is all just suppose to be for fun why are we fighting. I know these are poor examples, but it just feels like he is crazy sometimes! Im just confused as if he maybe is just out for someone to stroke his ego, make him feel like a god, or if it is deeper than that and hes trying to pull this bad guy card from getting to attached to me or something. I just dont get it. Its like one day he will say something that makes me feel like he does love me and wishes we could be together, to the next time saying hes so happy in his life at home and me and him are nothing. He asks questions about my past and ill say nicer than this...but basically stay out of my business as it doesnt matter to you as we are nothing but fun, but he says certain things matter for the future of us. The future of us!!? Previously if i were to even JOKE about running away together he would freak and say seriously thats never going to happen its not even funny....to then just a couple weeks ago him approaching me with jokes about how we should run away to somewhere warm. Why is he doing this....why all this flio floppy crap. Is he crazy? Is he a pscyhopath? Is he in denial? I dont know...... Jessie...I completely feel your pain. My MOM is very closed up, we never discussed his "normal life" in the beginning and slowly I have noticed that he tells more and more about his life the longer we are together. I think I was better when I didn't know anything, even though I was so very curious as I too am a chit chatter. It took him over 11 months just to tell me his religion. He use to joke about running off but I know that was merrily kidding so I never took it seriously. I have recently tried to get him to take a mini-trip with me but he seems to always charge the subject. He has backed out of the last few meetings for various reasons but when I bring it up that maybe we should just be friends he is against it. He is very confusing. I have even asked if he is seeing someone else and he denied that (but nature of the situation, I have to take that as is after all I am sure he would deny to the BS too). Like you we talk daily, multiple times a day and good night messages. Over the last year I think there have been maybe 7 days not in a row where there have not been communication. This I think for me has caused me to get attached and expect that communication...this isn't fair. The kicker is he is truly my best friend. I would hate to lose him and the wishy washy frustrates me at times to no end but I tend to overlook it as he does bring me happiness. I am not dumb enough to think he loves me, I know I am an ego stroke, but he validates me and gives me attention. Something I was desperately craving. I think most MOM process these situations differently than MOW. Us women get attachment and have a hard time separating things, maybe your MOM has a hard time with it too. Maybe when the guilt starts to creep up he tries to remind you (thus remind himself) that he is "happily married" but that is just words...no one "happily married" finds themselves in an affair. Yes to the outside world it is picket fence but something is missing. Can you talk to him at all about how you feel? I have a hard time talking to mine as he turns it into a joke and changes the subject. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Snipercatt Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 He says loving things to draw you closer and he pushes you away to remind you that he's married and he's staying married. Liking you; liking what he receives from you and remaining married aren't mutually exclusive. Link to post Share on other sites
Scott Thomas Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 Is there something specific that this relationship provides? And I have yet to meet a man who gets depressed after good sex. Link to post Share on other sites
yellowmaverick Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 Is he crazy? Possibly. Is he a pscyhopath? Possibly. Is he in denial? Probably. Immature? Definitely. Selfish? Definitely. Someone worthy of the time you spent to post about him? Definitely not. Walk away and never look back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author heyjesse84 Posted January 9, 2014 Author Share Posted January 9, 2014 He has admitted to me that he believes this is all part of a mid life crisis. I guess ive allowed to put myself in this situation because he gives me a great deal of attention, affection...he is well, my ego stroker as well. I am also completely lacking attention at home, even with repeated attempts to discuss it. I am bored as well in a sense, and if leaving was something thats realistic, i would have already. As for my mm I am able to talk to him about how i feel. Most the time he enjoys it, i think he enjoys being held up high in another womans eyes. He has explained his wife just is not "that into him", and well i really really am. While most the times hes great with me explaining how i feel, and sometimes he even ASKS me where i wish we could be. Which is weird.....but sometimes hes like ok seriously enough talking about how much you like me and how great i am and gets MAD and is like seriously shut up. Its weird. Though thats more rare, but has happened. I dont know why i care so much. As much as i wish this could be, i know it never will be. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts