nicepuzzle Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 When we go NC, do we have to go NC with his family friends too and block phone numbers FB etc? After a painful DDay, I still see pictures through common friends etc and makes me upset. Makes me feel like not only him but I lost of people. I am too close to his friends and gets his news sometimes and makes me sad. On one moment and I get strong and think to ignore and other moments it bothers me. Link to post Share on other sites
whatatangledweb Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 If it hurts you, block it. Your pain is very fresh so many things will hurt. You can always unblock them when you feel it is time. I had to block many people and pages. I later was able to see them and not be hurt. I am sorry you feel sad. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nicepuzzle Posted January 9, 2014 Author Share Posted January 9, 2014 I am doing great except when I see or hear anything related....I did the Dday to block him. Link to post Share on other sites
Snipercatt Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 You've answered your own question, for you. Seeing the communication between his family and friends hurts you, so block them. Link to post Share on other sites
Whisper Quiet Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 Yes, block them. This will allow you to heal and move on. You can always unblock them at a later time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 When we go NC, do we have to go NC with his family friends too and block phone numbers FB etc? After a painful DDay, I still see pictures through common friends etc and makes me upset. Makes me feel like not only him but I lost of people. I am too close to his friends and gets his news sometimes and makes me sad. On one moment and I get strong and think to ignore and other moments it bothers me. If you don't want to delete them, at least change your settings on fb not to have them in your newsfeed. Though, I suggest you do delete them since they are his family friends, not yours. As time goes on, their loyalty is to him not you and eventually you'll have less contact with them too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nicepuzzle Posted January 9, 2014 Author Share Posted January 9, 2014 I am already seeing this. He went to his parents and told lies about me to them to cut them off. They turned cold without even asking me the truth and they called me their daughter. Ofcourse he didnt talk about himself and his affairs and told them other lies. What a low person... Link to post Share on other sites
lilmisscantbewrong Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 When we go NC, do we have to go NC with his family friends too and block phone numbers FB etc? After a painful DDay, I still see pictures through common friends etc and makes me upset. Makes me feel like not only him but I lost of people. I am too close to his friends and gets his news sometimes and makes me sad. On one moment and I get strong and think to ignore and other moments it bothers me. I have a lot of personal experience with this. As painful as it is, yes you should block all of them - at least for awhile. After a few months I had to - I, like you, was in pain constantly. I even dropped the pastors and dropped them - one was really hurt but when I explained to him why, he understood. I had my daughters drop them, block them (all family members and a few "friends" who were constantly trying to get info from my girls) and tighten up security. I didn't want them to know what I (or my family for that matter) was doing. Actually, right after I had my youngest drop xmom's bs and block her, she called my husband frantic - she said "Do you not want me to have contact with the girls". My husband explained that this was my wish and he and the girls were honoring it in order to move forward. The only reason she wanted to still be in contact with my daughter was to have some information on me (using my then 13 year old). This is not to say that in years to come, things might change and you will be less raw and can see things that won't trigger you so badly. But for now, I am a big proponent of blocking all access on the internet. It really, really sucks, but I believe it's necessary. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 I am already seeing this. He went to his parents and told lies about me to them to cut them off. They turned cold without even asking me the truth and they called me their daughter. Ofcourse he didnt talk about himself and his affairs and told them other lies. What a low person... I'm sure it hurts but it's not worth trying to defend yourself to them. Blood is thicker than water... Knowing this now, you have to delete them off your facebook! Having them on your list is pointless and just a way to keep checking on him, albeit painful it'll become a habit and something that will just keep on hurting you. Delete and block! Link to post Share on other sites
Author nicepuzzle Posted January 10, 2014 Author Share Posted January 10, 2014 it has been very hard, specially from 2 members of his family who knows everything and supports me. They are happy that I removed him from my life and want to know that I am doing well...I dont want to know his news but see the updates on FB which reminds me of the past. Doing great in personal life and feel i am truly leaving him behind. It hurts though that I have to leave behind so many people because of him Link to post Share on other sites
lilmisscantbewrong Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 it has been very hard, specially from 2 members of his family who knows everything and supports me. They are happy that I removed him from my life and want to know that I am doing well...I dont want to know his news but see the updates on FB which reminds me of the past. Doing great in personal life and feel i am truly leaving him behind. It hurts though that I have to leave behind so many people because of him This is unfortunate and one of the very hard and painful consequences of affairs. Be comforted - there might be a time in the future where you can have contact with those who are close to him - but it might be a long time. I had to remove friends I loved for a time (a couple of years), but more recently I have had some nice interaction and social time with old friends from that time and it is okay now - but I needed the separation in order to heal. It sounds like you might too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nicepuzzle Posted January 11, 2014 Author Share Posted January 11, 2014 To cover is A** he lied about me to his family that I was close with. Sometimes I feel like telling them the truth and sometimes feel like blocking and walk away. I told his wife and they both covered their asses and lied about me to his family. Should I tell the truth to his other family including his old parents, who genuily loved until he lied about me to them? Link to post Share on other sites
lilmisscantbewrong Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 To cover is A** he lied about me to his family that I was close with. Sometimes I feel like telling them the truth and sometimes feel like blocking and walk away. I told his wife and they both covered their asses and lied about me to his family. Should I tell the truth to his other family including his old parents, who genuily loved until he lied about me to them? Stay away from his family. Blood is definitely thicker than water (in most cases). They will choose him and not you. Your best bet is to walk away, live a dignified life and your actions will eventually do the taking for you, For instance, there were a couple of people that said I would be a bunny boiler (my husband included - even told xmom that on dday). I have never, ever exhibited any of that kind of behavior in my life. My husband regrets saying it but says he said it to scare xmom. I honestly think for a time that people thought I would continue to pursue him and harass them - they believed it - and when it did not happen they suddenly had to start considering other options. It takes time - a lot of time. But I can guarantee you that I am looked at in a much better light than xmom is today (now four years later). He is looked at as scum (in his own home town). I also know that he has been able to go to a new church, start a new life and no one there knows a damn thing. I can honestly say that some days that pisses me off and I have thought about enlightening a few people because it seems like he got off Scott free while I had to face it all. But then I realize that won't last forever. All it will take it is one person who knows to walk in there and start talking. Secrets never stay secret and if you are lying and hiding things they come to light eventually. And, for me, I would rather that come from someone else's hand - not mine. So hold your head up, walk with integrity and stay away from them for now. Show them from your actions that you have changed and are living a good and honest life. Link to post Share on other sites
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