Philosoraptor Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 Philosoraptor. What I wrote weren't opinions I was quoting scientific research. Scientific research that has been replicated by experiments. That is as close to 100% true and 100% factual as any human knowledge gets. So you're agreeing that it's not a fact and that even 99.999% doesn't make it a fact. Some women don't like "nice guys", I agree. Some women like "bad boys", I agree. ____________ Again, nice guys and "nice guys", don't let anyone's opinion alter your self worth and don't go into things with expectations. If she likes you, great. If not, too bad. Everyone has a free will and the right to make choices for themselves. If you both want the same thing, great. If not, too bad. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 I thought the flowchart was really fun and enlightening to go through. Kudos to the person who cooked that up. What I've learned over the decades is that people like who and what they like and it generally has no bearing upon their personality being 'nice' or 'not nice' or what I might think of or feel about them personally, so I accept it and move on, the quicker the better, as life is short and each moment precious. At the end, there are no rewards for treating other humans well or treating them poorly. We all die equally. I did find it interesting that they chose the fedora as the preferred hatwear of the supposedly erstaz 'nice guy' considering the predominance of its use during its time of popularity amongst society and media was often by people who presented themselves as anything but nice by any stretch of the imagination, ersatz or otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 Philosoraptor. What I wrote weren't opinions I was quoting scientific research. Scientific research that has been replicated by experiments. That is as close to 100% true and 100% factual as any human knowledge gets. So you're agreeing that it's not a fact and that even 99.999% doesn't make it a fact. Close to a fact doesn't make something a fact. A sampling provides likely hood, not an across the board fact. Some women don't like "nice guys", I agree. Some women like "bad boys", I agree. But every person has free will and makes their own decisions. Personal choice is not the same as gravity. If you drop something on this planet it's going to fall, that's a fact. If you walk up to every woman on the planet with the same approach there is no guarantee that every one will reject you. ____________ Again, nice guys and "nice guys", don't let anyone's opinion alter your self worth and don't go into things with expectations. If she likes you, great. If not, too bad. Everyone has a free will and the right to make choices for themselves. If you both want the same thing, great. If not, too bad. ^^ Filled in the rest of my comment as I didn't edit in time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GoodOnPaper Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 Understand that "bad boys" are gonna keep getting laid whether they are nice or not because they have traits that at least attract someone to supplement them. If the only thing a nice guy is is "nice" and a few other stock traits that are simply neutral, then he'll never inspire friction or tension required to intrigue a woman. I know, I know . . . it's just frustrating not having that "it" factor. To be able to "just get laid" shouldn't have to be a bucket list item. Even marriage hasn't been able to cure this. A woman can want you very much for a relationship, be very dedicated and loyal, and it won't necessarily translate into the bedroom. Another good lesson for the young "nice guys" -- if you are not good at attracting women, don't be surprised if women you do date assume that sex isn't important to you. If sex is important to you, you may have to make it very clear when the appropriate time comes. Link to post Share on other sites
GoodOnPaper Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 I think think people are confusing nice with boring. So when a woman picks a guy who rides a Harley it must mean she likes bad boys. Never mind that he could be the nicest guy in the world who just happens to have an exciting hobby. Yes, treating people well only matters if you are already an exciting guy or have other alpha-male qualities that are deemed attractive. That message is loud and clear -- it's why there are a number of single guys on LS who think that they have to totally reinvent themselves just to get a date. Link to post Share on other sites
happydate Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 (edited) Though this was a humorous view on all those "nice guys" who wonder why being nice doesn't work. I personally will only date nice guys. Luckily my B.S. meter works perfectly now so I can weed out the droves of self proclaimed nice guys who are so far from nice in reality. 13 Reasons Why Nice Guys Are The Worst Cancer has been called or often linked as a disease of the nice people -- people who are overly too nice. The cause is that they tend to hold in their emotions rather than being themselves, authentic and creating conflict and typically overextend themselves both mentally and emotionally for others who then tend to put other people needs before their own. Dr Bernie Seigel and Dr Vernon Coleman and others have recognized that people who are "nice" often get cancer. If we are nice because we do not want confrontation or ugly situations, we risked being taken advantaged off, bullied, or having to do things that we hate. When our bosses repeatedly asked us to stay back without any compensation, and giving us a clear message that it’s our duty to do so….we bow our heads and obey, even though we know we are being exploited. When our colleagues dump their own work on us on a last minute deadline or a Friday night so that we have to stay back and they can go partying, why do we need to accept instead of saying no when we really hate it? When our spouse bullied us, either verbally or physically, we allowed it to happen because our children are too small and we don’t want them to be raised without a father or mother. This is wrong, and yet we allow this to happen to us because we want to be ‘nice’ and do not want to cause trouble to ourselves, our families and our rice bowls. If our mind failed to signal our mouth to speak and stand up for ourselves, to leave an abusive relationship, leave a bad job that is killing us slowly on the inside, it’s not far fetched to deduce that it will fail to instruct the white blood T cells not to stand up and eliminate cells that have mutated. Makes sense? Which is why nice people tend to get cancer often than bad boys because they stand up for themselves in real life; against their boss, their friends and their lovers. Which is why bad boys are rewarded with somewhat good health, good financial compensation and great loving companions. It is not that they are bad. These bad boys are sometimes good guys. You think that's unfair huh? Well, they are called bad because they speak out and stand up for themselves and that's because they don't fit your profile of being good. Your judgement. Therefore, they leave no pent up emotional scars in them that can suppress the immune system and cause a lot of sickness. There is a difference between being assertive and aggressive. Learning to be assertive is very important- to learn to say ‘no’ when we do not want to do things. To learn to stand up for ourselves when we are being exploited, when guilt is being used on us to comply. Edited January 10, 2014 by happydate Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 I know, I know . . . it's just frustrating not having that "it" factor. To be able to "just get laid" shouldn't have to be a bucket list item. Even marriage hasn't been able to cure this. A woman can want you very much for a relationship, be very dedicated and loyal, and it won't necessarily translate into the bedroom. Another good lesson for the young "nice guys" -- if you are not good at attracting women, don't be surprised if women you do date assume that sex isn't important to you. If sex is important to you, you may have to make it very clear when the appropriate time comes. It's just lack of self-awareness to me - everybody has the potential to develop other parts of their persona. Even a one-dimensional person has that potential if they know how to channel that dimension properly. Very few people are just "nice" - they just limit themselves for numerous reasons, usually borne out of fear. To be able to get laid is just one of those things. It's not exactly a completely easy thing for myself either, but it's not enough for me to lament a perceived blandness to the opposite sex - on the contrary, it's part of what motivates me to be a more rounded character, or at the very least discover parts of myself that make me more nuanced, more intriguing. Intrigue is attractive. An "It" factor can simply come from being intriguing. If you don't know how to be intriguing, then I don't know what to tell you other than figure it out. You have to experiment with these things like I had to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 Hmm. I think there are a lot of generalizations, some faulty, which are being thrown around on here. There are many truly nice guys that I know who have financial success, a happy marriage, and are actually beta males, but they have qualities that their wives or SO are attracted to, such as physical attractiveness, kindness, caring, intelligence, a good career, etc. People are attracted to positive qualities in a person, and the more a man has that is positive, the more success he will have with relationships and finding a relationship. It's not rocket science. People (women) are generally attracted to men who are fun to be with, who have a good sense of humor, who like to enjoy life, who have good relationship skills (conflict resolution/negotiation skills), who are loyal, who are intelligent, who have a good career. Positive qualities. And like another poster said, just because a man has certain hobbies, such as riding a motorcycle, or who has a certain look, doesn't make him a bad boy. A bad boy is someone who uses women, who plays them, or who is engaged in illegal activities or cheats on them. Very few women who are mentally stable would want a man who uses women, or treats them poorly, or engages in illegal activities. Link to post Share on other sites
happydate Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 The word "nice" itself is a judgemental call on our part, because all of us are unique individuals with unique frame of mind. It's like saying this chocolate is sweet, but then the next person will say, no it's not, it's too sweet or another person can say it's not that sweet at all. What I think some people here throw around as being nice people, are people who are positive and fair to others and reward others with gratitude and appreciation; not using them for the purpose of exploitation like the bad boys do. That's the main difference between these 2 people. People who actually stand up for themselves for what they believe as fair to themselves emotionally and physically are rewarded with a good relationship. A woman likes this kind of men. It's the so called nice people who don't stand up for themselves, coerce others so they won't go into conflict with them and being submissive to an authority is what can make some of these people bitter, unhappy, gloomy, boring and depressed because they are unappreciated, unloved and uncared for. What woman wants to be with men who are unhappy, depressed, full of anxiety and bitter? There are of course some -- like attracts like women who are just that. For the most part, a healthy relationship is with 2 complete individual beings who are happy, contend and willing to facilitate growth. For growth to happen, both individuals must be willing to accept criticism of failure as a path to growth, not criticism of judgement. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GravityMan Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 Haha @ the pics for #2 and #4. Anyway, "nice guys" finish near or at the bottom, because most women see them for who/what they really are, either almost immediately (i.e. prior to the guy asking them out) or after a date or 2 or 3. That, or eventually the "nice guy" slips up and openly shows his true colors. It is nearly impossible to keep up a facade forever. On the other hand, nice guys finish near or at the top (regardless of age), especially those who are confident, fun and have their @#$% together. Their nice demeanor comes naturally; it's a core part of who they are. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 Yes, treating people well only matters if you are already an exciting guy or have other alpha-male qualities that are deemed attractive. That message is loud and clear -- it's why there are a number of single guys on LS who think that they have to totally reinvent themselves just to get a date. Then they should find someone who wants a low key partner. A lot of people like people who are confident, fun, and exciting. I don't know what to tell you. Link to post Share on other sites
Eau Claire Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 Haha @ the pics for #2 and #4. Anyway, "nice guys" finish near or at the bottom, because most women see them for who/what they really are, either almost immediately (i.e. prior to the guy asking them out) or after a date or 2 or 3. That, or eventually the "nice guy" slips up and openly shows his true colors. It is nearly impossible to keep up a facade forever. On the other hand, nice guys finish near or at the top (regardless of age), especially those who are confident, fun and have their @#$% together. Their nice demeanor comes naturally; it's a core part of who they are. So true. As most women gain experience in life the radar is fine tuned. Unfortunately a minority of women are doomed to series of failed relationships...'but he was so good to me when we first started dating'. Link to post Share on other sites
Aquanut Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 I asked my fiancée tonight whether I am a nice guy or a bad boy. She said I am an all around nice guy who is "just bad enough." There's a nugget there for those who care to look. Link to post Share on other sites
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