stillafool Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 God is good! All the time! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurtnomorerika Posted January 10, 2014 Author Share Posted January 10, 2014 She really doesn't have to find out if he manages his own paycheck and they aren't financially strapped. Maybe this is why he didn't show up to court. He knew he didn't have a leg to stand on and he would have to pay anyway so he just let them garnishee it. She still may not know about this yet. You have point. I found out at court that I he was just in court in December for another childsupport case for a SON born in 2002. That SOB told me he only had one child (daughter with BS). The mother asked for an increase. The daughter just started going to private school which is 5,000 a year. The baby (BS preg at the same time as me) goes to daycare. The live in an apartment rent is $850, they both just got new cars plus they have other expenses as well. So if he's paying CS to the son and $850 to my baby. That's quite a bit and he will be a letter mailed to his house and job informing him of the garnishment. So that may be when she finds out. I cant lie, Im curious to see how this plays out. Link to post Share on other sites
Goodbye Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 Wow, he really is a train wreck. So glad it did not work out between the two of you. For your sake, I hope the garnishment goes smoothly. What happens if between all these kids he just doesn't have enough money to pay? I suspect his wife WILL find out soon. Does she know about his other love child? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BeingMe Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 She may not find out. My WH took full control of all our money. He even did all the cash withdrawals. He masked it as being helpful and lovely. But really, it hid a lot of debt etc. I only found out after DDay. You see, I respected his privacy and I trusted him. If she has no suspicions, she may not find out. As a BW, I can tell you, it would be a kindness to tell her. Yes, my world blew up, but now I know what's real and can make real decisions. But, anyway, I'm glad you got what you need for your child. Your exMM is clearly a piece of work and I'm glad he's having to reap some consequences for his choices. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurtnomorerika Posted January 10, 2014 Author Share Posted January 10, 2014 (edited) Wow, he really is a train wreck. So glad it did not work out between the two of you. For your sake, I hope the garnishment goes smoothly. What happens if between all these kids he just doesn't have enough money to pay? I suspect his wife WILL find out soon. Does she know about his other love child? That child was born way before his wife, mind you his wife is 25, she was 14 when that kid came. Their daughter was born in 2006. He also drives back and forth to work everyday he works in a town about 30-45 mins from the city we live in. He may not have nothing when its all said and done. Gas here is still kinda expensive. Edited January 10, 2014 by hurtnomorerika misspelled word Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurtnomorerika Posted January 10, 2014 Author Share Posted January 10, 2014 She may not find out. My WH took full control of all our money. He even did all the cash withdrawals. He masked it as being helpful and lovely. But really, it hid a lot of debt etc. I only found out after DDay. You see, I respected his privacy and I trusted him. If she has no suspicions, she may not find out. As a BW, I can tell you, it would be a kindness to tell her. Yes, my world blew up, but now I know what's real and can make real decisions. But, anyway, I'm glad you got what you need for your child. Your exMM is clearly a piece of work and I'm glad he's having to reap some consequences for his choices. I think she will from what I've observed about her on FB (before I stopped looking at their FB) was that she was a money flasher always bragging on what she bought, her coach purses, where they were going out to eat, etc. Thats her right to post whatever she wants, but I do believe she knows exactly what he gets paid and when. Link to post Share on other sites
krazikat Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 Off topic, pardon please... Kat, let's say someone makes $15 an hour... 15 x 40 x 52 = $31200 for the year. 25% of income is for taxes, social security, deductions, etc. Take home = $23400 25% of that is $5850 OP spends $3600 a year on childcare alone. That only leaves $2250 a year or 187.50 for a child/baby. Food, clothing, apartment size upgrade etc, the custodial parent is spending more than $188 on this child I just believe the custodial parent in general spends a LOT more than 25% of their income on raising a child. If my figures are correct, the MM in this scenario makes $19.62 an hour. So do you not have kids? You are just generalizing. And costs fluctuate...the first years are more expensive. But lets work with your calculation...of 25% being $5850 So then lets say equal contribution from custodial parent is also $5850 Pretty much covers all expenses plus some. You seem to have been calculating it like one parent should have to pay for everything? Or did I miss something in your calculation? You comment of a child being severely neglected was ignorant and false. Erica...I am glad you and your child have financial assistance. That amount will help you out greatly. ;-) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
krazikat Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 So do you not have kids? You are just generalizing. And costs fluctuate...the first years are more expensive. But lets work with your calculation...of 25% being $5850 So then lets say equal contribution from custodial parent is also $5850 Pretty much covers all expenses plus some. You seem to have been calculating it like one parent should have to pay for everything? Or did I miss something in your calculation? You comment of a child being severely neglected was ignorant and false. Erica...I am glad you and your child have financial assistance. That amount will help you out greatly. ;-) Oh, and one more thing, he cost of caring for any existing children in mm home and household expenses are taken into account, as is the income and existing children/expenses for custodial parent. Then based upon income comparison after expenses the determination of support is calculated. Some states also have limits so even of daddy is a billionaire and mommy is a waitress the support can only be a max of $x...again that is just in some (well, one that I know of) state. And let me just clarify I was a single teen mom and got no support...but my child was absolutely not neglected...which is why I questioned lady because the statement made was not accurate...didnt mean a tj just clarification on child support amounts/expectations. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurtnomorerika Posted January 10, 2014 Author Share Posted January 10, 2014 So do you not have kids? You are just generalizing. And costs fluctuate...the first years are more expensive. But lets work with your calculation...of 25% being $5850 So then lets say equal contribution from custodial parent is also $5850 Pretty much covers all expenses plus some. You seem to have been calculating it like one parent should have to pay for everything? Or did I miss something in your calculation? You comment of a child being severely neglected was ignorant and false. Erica...I am glad you and your child have financial assistance. That amount will help you out greatly. ;-) Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 I think she will from what I've observed about her on FB (before I stopped looking at their FB) was that she was a money flasher always bragging on what she bought, her coach purses, where they were going out to eat, etc. Thats her right to post whatever she wants, but I do believe she knows exactly what he gets paid and when. Possibly so but she could be using her own money to buy those things. At any rate it doesn't matter if she finds out or not because you did the right thing by filing and now your baby will get his/her share. I'm sorry I didn't know if you had a girl or a boy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
thinkingofhim Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 Erika I'm very happy you got support but I think it's very sad that BS will find out about the A when (more) money is taken away from her and her child. Sure to be very traumatic for her. What an azz xMM is. If there was ever someone that needs to be neutered.. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurtnomorerika Posted January 10, 2014 Author Share Posted January 10, 2014 Erika I'm very happy you got support but I think it's very sad that BS will find out about the A when (more) money is taken away from her and her child. Sure to be very traumatic for her. What an azz xMM is. If there was ever someone that needs to be neutered.. It will be sad and I hate that, however, I tried to work with him. My mother called him and he lied and said he would do the right thing. I called his mother right before I had my baby. She told me to call her and I havent heard anything from his mother since that day. If he had just worked with me I would have been ok with WHATEVER he was willing to give as long as he wa giving something. He didnt feel any sympathy for leaving my baby and not giving her anything. THANK GOD for the mother I have who stepped in and took his spot and helped out. They have 2 children a 7 year old and 10 month old. So yeah she might spazz out when she discovers. He shouldnt be able to have anymore children. Link to post Share on other sites
thinkingofhim Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 Oh, I know you tried to work with him! It just makes me angry that he would drag his feet and pretend you would just go away.. makes things harder and more miserable for EVERYONE! (((erika))) So happy you have family support, a job, and CS coming in now... you will make it through this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
underwater2010 Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 Would you even consider doing the right/kind thing and call the BW to let her know? I get that you are pissed at him, but it truly is the kind thing to do. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurtnomorerika Posted January 10, 2014 Author Share Posted January 10, 2014 Would you even consider doing the right/kind thing and call the BW to let her know? I get that you are pissed at him, but it truly is the kind thing to do. No. Simply because I did the right thing by accepting what happened, going along with my pregnancy and not causing any confusion or trouble in his home. My baby will be 5mos in a few days and thats a long time to have to deal with this. He's married to her, not me. I dont have any parts of that. If its meant for her to find out she will and at that time he can/will deal with his wife. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 Members are reminded that this is not a thread on an active or prospective affair or aspects relevant to the affair process. There evidently was a child born of a past affair and the child's parent has secured child support via judicial action and is discussing this new development. Members are directed to discuss that issue and not rehash an affair, anyone's affair, in this thread. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 His wife is the innocent. I don't think she should have her world blown apart by OP but should come from her husband. If he doesn't tell and she never finds out so be it. He already has another baby by another woman so I doubt if she would be too surprised. I think it's best to just leave it alone. OP got what she wanted out of this anyway which is support for her child. It is probably a blessing that he never contacted OP because she wouldn't have ended up with as much support money as she has now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
underwater2010 Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 And I would definitely agree with you - but isn't this his responsibility? I agree that he should tell her too....but he hasn't and won't. I think he has proven that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
cozycottagelg Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 So many thoughts on this. As the person in the marriage who does the bills..I'm like baffled. How could you not notice $800 less per month? That would destroy me financially...yikes. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurtnomorerika Posted January 10, 2014 Author Share Posted January 10, 2014 (edited) So many thoughts on this. As the person in the marriage who does the bills..I'm like baffled. How could you not notice $800 less per month? That would destroy me financially...yikes. I know....and he didnt do him nor his family any favors by not showing up for court. He didnt take the DNA test and my case worker said she notified him 3 times, so he just ignored it. I really think he thought by doing that he would delay everything. He thought wrong. Edited January 10, 2014 by hurtnomorerika missed spelled word Link to post Share on other sites
Lady2163 Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 So do you not have kids? You are just generalizing. And costs fluctuate...the first years are more expensive. But lets work with your calculation...of 25% being $5850 So then lets say equal contribution from custodial parent is also $5850 Pretty much covers all expenses plus some. You seem to have been calculating it like one parent should have to pay for everything? Or did I miss something in your calculation? You comment of a child being severely neglected was ignorant and false. Erica...I am glad you and your child have financial assistance. That amount will help you out greatly. ;-) Kat I'm puzzled why this is so important to you... No, I do not have children of my own. I did have a teenaged foster child. All I'm saying is I believe most custodial parents spend more than 25% of their income on their children. I think 25% is a measly amount when it is just a single parent. In my example, after childcare, all that a single income with no child support would have to stay within that 25% range is $188. It doesn't matter how old the child is, $188 won't make it a month. Do you get that I'm saying the non-custodial parent should have to pay more than 25% of their income in child support? Link to post Share on other sites
Lady2163 Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 I know....and he didnt do him nor his family any favors by not showing up for court. He didnt take the DNA test and my case worker said she notified him 3 times, so he just ignored it. I really think he thought by doing that he would delay everything. He thought wrong. I just can't believe the lengths he has gone to. In my case, which wasn't child support, but small claims court, the man never showed up. His best friend worked in payroll, so the garnishment was then "misfiled" I filed something against his company for failing to garnish. The corporate lawyer was eviscerated by the judge and I had a check for the full amount the next day. He and his friend were both fired....BUT the company was doing layoffs, so this stunt just brought them into the line of fire. I'm just glad things are working out for you. You are probably the strongest person I will never meet. But, I agree with you not to "be kind and tell the wife". This is his situation, it won't be good coming from him on DDAY, and many people will tell me I'm wrong, but I just can't imagine hearing such news from a stranger. I don't think you could say it any better than how he will eventually HAVE to say it. "Mrs. Doe, I am very sorry, but I had an affair with your husband. I deeply regret the affair, have never done anything like this and never will again. But, your husband and I have a baby together and I do expect him to support her in all that the law requires. I'm sorry this is happening to you." Maybe some BS will say it is a kindness. I can normally close my eyes and put myself in the position of a BS (even though I am an OW, I have been cheated on, by boyfriends, not husband). This case, not so much. If this man has his wife snowed, like i am assuming he does...I honestly think my reaction would be, "you lying bleep, get off my bleep doorstep." 2 Link to post Share on other sites
cozycottagelg Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 Kat I'm puzzled why this is so important to you... No, I do not have children of my own. I did have a teenaged foster child. All I'm saying is I believe most custodial parents spend more than 25% of their income on their children. I think 25% is a measly amount when it is just a single parent. In my example, after childcare, all that a single income with no child support would have to stay within that 25% range is $188. It doesn't matter how old the child is, $188 won't make it a month. Do you get that I'm saying the non-custodial parent should have to pay more than 25% of their income in child support? You can argue either way. My two young children don't cost me much at all other than daycare. I could spend more, obviously, but I choose not to. Your kids cost as much as you want them to cost. You can choose to get hand me down clothing from friends or you can go out and drop hundreds at the mall. You can sign them up for free sports through school, or sign them up for expensive private/traveling teams... it's all in what you want to pay or what you can afford to pay. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 Is there any chance the baby is not his? Sorry to ask. I find it really strange that he refused the paternity test, unless he 1)thinks that there's a good chance it's not his or 2)his way of thinking is warped and is hoping all of this will just go away. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurtnomorerika Posted January 10, 2014 Author Share Posted January 10, 2014 Is there any chance the baby is not his? Sorry to ask. I find it really strange that he refused the paternity test, unless he 1)thinks that there's a good chance it's not his or 2)his way of thinking is warped and is hoping all of this will just go away. My daughter is definitely his and he knows it. I think that's why he hasn't taken it because he knows. I would think that if he had any reason to believe she wasn't his he would take the test and get us out of his hair. I think he just thought he would delay the proceedings and I would eventually go away. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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