bambiwboone Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 So many up and downs have happened in my life over the course of three years. My posts have been crazy..back and forth. Starting a new year we have chose to figure out where we are going with this. Therefor we are both taking on a life together, as in we are leaving our spouses for ourselves then trying to make a life with eachother. I can't lie i'm rather terrified as most people are in situations like this. Statistically we don't have a shot. Morally we are on our way to hell. But I love this man. I love him. Not just addicted...i'm in genuine love. I don't know what will happen with us together but one thing we both know is we cannot live happily without eachother. We made a bad decision and it's time to right the wrong, even if people don't agree. Has anyone went through this process before? Any advice? I'm so scared. Link to post Share on other sites
happy stillmore Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 I know it is scary. Consider yourself lucky that your man believes in your relationship to go through with it. You both are in the minority. It might be good for you both to talk to a marital counselor to address possible problems you may face in hopes of success for your relationship. I wish you all of the luck in the world. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Rollercoaster Rider Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 (edited) So many up and downs have happened in my life over the course of three years. My posts have been crazy..back and forth. Starting a new year we have chose to figure out where we are going with this. Therefor we are both taking on a life together, as in we are leaving our spouses for ourselves then trying to make a life with eachother. I can't lie i'm rather terrified as most people are in situations like this. Statistically we don't have a shot. Morally we are on our way to hell. But I love this man. I love him. Not just addicted...i'm in genuine love. I don't know what will happen with us together but one thing we both know is we cannot live happily without eachother. We made a bad decision and it's time to right the wrong, even if people don't agree. Has anyone went through this process before? Any advice? I'm so scared. One of my best friends just went though this. They were together for 4 years. He did so much for her and her children, he was the perfect guy...took care of her very well. They both decided to leave, they were genuinely in love. Even looked at houses together. She pushed her husband out the door, she gave up everything to be with this man. She sat and waited 2 years, he never left. Throughout the 2 years he kept assuring her he was leaving. She is now divorced, broke, and alone with 3 children. Was it worth it..do you think?? Not trying to dismiss what you have... just be careful with your decisions. Good luck to you.. hope he turns out to be who you think he is :-) :-) Edited January 10, 2014 by Rollercoaster Rider added text Link to post Share on other sites
wanting more Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 I'm sure the odds are against you. By I know it does work out sometimes. I have a friend who had an A for about a year. Within a month she left her husband and he left his wife. They're sill together and happy. And it's been almost 7 years. Getting married end if this year. It doesn't happen often. But I believe it does happen. If you leave and he doesn't soon after, I'd worry Link to post Share on other sites
Speakingofwhich Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 So many up and downs have happened in my life over the course of three years. My posts have been crazy..back and forth. Starting a new year we have chose to figure out where we are going with this. Therefor we are both taking on a life together, as in we are leaving our spouses for ourselves then trying to make a life with eachother. I can't lie i'm rather terrified as most people are in situations like this. Statistically we don't have a shot. Morally we are on our way to hell. But I love this man. I love him. Not just addicted...i'm in genuine love. I don't know what will happen with us together but one thing we both know is we cannot live happily without eachother. We made a bad decision and it's time to right the wrong, even if people don't agree. Has anyone went through this process before? Any advice? I'm so scared. Would be great for you to keep posting here, chronicling your journey together. Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 I was not married while I dated my FMM. We are together now and things are going so well. Sometimes it works. Have faith in yourself and don't be afraid to be bold. xx 2 Link to post Share on other sites
glowing Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 Yes, we did it. We left our respective marriages for reasons unrelated to one another. We took some time to be alone, work on ourselves, and then decide if we wanted to be together. We began officially dating, we're engaged and married, and are enjoying our blended family. It can happen. It DOES happen. The flip side? I lost the majority of my friends. People talk. His ex is quite vocal. But we adore one another. I can't imagine life without him. It was worth it. We somehow managed to skate by with only the most minor of scrapes and blemishes. We were very lucky 4 Link to post Share on other sites
scatterd Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 When do you plan to do this has he given you a date. Are you confident that this will happen.I have seen very few follow through with this. The whole time I have been on here I have seen not even a hand full thats left or even stayed. Their is a chance this can happen, but be prepared just in case. Keep posting for support. Link to post Share on other sites
Journee Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 Congrats!!!!!!! Your story is the type of story that keeps the rest of us going. I have a question. I too went through the entire process of an affair. I ended up writing a book which is a compilation of stories from people across the country who had a memorable affair experience. I have received so much good feedback from people who have had an affair that I am going to write another book. I would love to include a story such as yours. Could I learn more about your experience? I hide all personal information so all contributions are purely anonymous. The book is called' date=' The Tangled Web We Weave, by Ryan Bradley and you can find it on Amazon. You can read the first couple of chapters for free and see what the feel of the book is like. Let me know if you would be interested. I think people would really like to read your story because your experience would give them hope.[/quote'] I'm sorry but this is really confusing. I might had misread something. Are your books pro affair and anti marriage? If so, if you intend on being with your affair partner in a committed marriage, will you still be pro affair in your own marriage? Not trying to thread jack here I'm just trying to understand. OP, I have seen several couples begin as affairs. Different circumstances and different outcomes. I don't think you can gauge your potential success as a couple on what everyone else may or may not experience. Take things slow and maybe try some couple's counseling. I'm sorry I do not know your background or why either of you chose to be unfaithful. I am just going off of this post alone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bambiwboone Posted January 27, 2014 Author Share Posted January 27, 2014 Congrats!!!!!!! Your story is the type of story that keeps the rest of us going. I have a question. I too went through the entire process of an affair. I ended up writing a book which is a compilation of stories from people across the country who had a memorable affair experience. I have received so much good feedback from people who have had an affair that I am going to write another book. I would love to include a story such as yours. Could I learn more about your experience? I hide all personal information so all contributions are purely anonymous. The book is called' date=' The Tangled Web We Weave, by Ryan Bradley and you can find it on Amazon. You can read the first couple of chapters for free and see what the feel of the book is like. Let me know if you would be interested. I think people would really like to read your story because your experience would give them hope.[/quote'] Unfortunately, my story once again ended like so many others. It just didn't happen. He needed more time and I have given all I had. In which led to a disaster of a day. I haven't spoken to him in two weeks. Sometimes ..even after the terrible things he said I wonder if he'll be back. I close my eyes and picture all of the good moments..the "I love you"..then I remember how he told me he never really loved me. This time he was scared I show his wife his messages so he had his step son break into my home and his girlfriend attack me in front of my small children. It's all incredibly sad. I hurt him badly telling the truth out of anger. I will never see him again...and I'm sad. Link to post Share on other sites
krazikat Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 Unfortunately, my story once again ended like so many others. It just didn't happen. He needed more time and I have given all I had. In which led to a disaster of a day. I haven't spoken to him in two weeks. Sometimes ..even after the terrible things he said I wonder if he'll be back. I close my eyes and picture all of the good moments..the "I love you"..then I remember how he told me he never really loved me. This time he was scared I show his wife his messages so he had his step son break into my home and his girlfriend attack me in front of my small children. It's all incredibly sad. I hurt him badly telling the truth out of anger. I will never see him again...and I'm sad. Bambi, I am worried about you, girl. Do you have a therapist? Can you try something for me? Please go look at yourself in the mirror. Do you love yourself? You MUST care for yourself. You must count on yourself risked good decisions for you. Sometimes in life, you will be the only one to have your 6. This man, this A, is absolutely toxic to you and your wellbeing. You deserve a man who is all yours, not one you have to hide for, or worry about "hurting" him if you tell his wife. You deserve a man who doesn't have a fricken wife! The fact that you were assaulted and you are pining away for him instead of being pissed is concerning. Very concerning. Why do you place such little value on yourself? Let this toxic mess go...and take time for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
soundsfamilar Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 i have to agree with krazicat here. if someone had me assaulted, my feelings for them would go down the drain almost immediately. i would feel physically threatened, and my self-preservation instincts would kick in. as a matter of fact, i remember being so in love with a toxic boyfriend many years ago, who disappeared when i had an operation. he called me more than a week after i was in the hospital (this is pre-email and texting, so phone calls were still the way to go). i woke up one of those lonely mornings w/o a call and thought "this is it. i'm done." his behavior was simply SO outrageous, that my love for him tanked. i know this sounds impossible, but when someone pushes you THIS FAR, it is possible to fall out of love. please consider his horrific behavior at every turn. your anger should be greater than any affection, at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
lollipopspot Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 This time he was scared I show his wife his messages so he had his step son break into my home and his girlfriend attack me in front of my small children. It's all incredibly sad. I hurt him badly telling the truth out of anger. I will never see him again...and I'm sad. Forget about yourself now. Your children will be traumatized by this. Stay away from this kind of situation at least as long as you have dependents. Free adults can do what they want with their lives, but those with small children have an obligation to protect them from physical and emotional harm. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lightglowabove Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 Believe me you are NOT alone. 28 months ago I met the love of my life, both of us being married. Last month I asked her to marry me and we are engaged even though we are married although we are in the process of getting divorced right now. I know two other couples who are living happily ever after having go through the entire process of being married, getting divorced, and then living together or getting married. Affairs are the ultimate human drama and unless you have experienced an extramarital relationship of true love, you have no idea what it is like. I call it the Game, as you go through the motions of your domestic life like a game of charades, and then when you are with the one you love you take on the role as an exclusive public couple. It is an experience of intense highs and lows as you experience the love and passion you have always wanted, as well as the stress of juggling double lives. Take the plunge. You will regret it if you don't. Feel free to chat some more if you want. Ryan, if I may ask, what FINALLY made you decide to take the plunge and divorce? My MM is so close.....I want to say some wise thing to him to make him just do it finally. Link to post Share on other sites
Iluvpols Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 I was divorced, met my MM nearly 3yrs ago, I knew, (we knew) after 6 weeks, we were soulmates. Been through hell & back, mostly due to his wife/ex trying to blackmail him & guilt him into staying. Through soul searching & counseling, he was able to break free. Of course, I carry guilt, (even though his children are grown & married) One day I shared these feelings with him, he replied, "You are not the reason for the demise of my marriage, it was over before I met you." Very relieving. I know according to stats we don't stand a chance, but we have been happily living together for 8 months. I think because I/we, truly love each other. Not "in love" with the idea of being in love, but know all each other's crap, & still love & accept each other. I could've lived without anyone until I met him. Righting the wrongs from our past meant not making the same mistakes. I'll never be in a relationship of convienience again. I tell him I don't want to get married, "I won't you to come home to me every night because you want to, not cause you have to." It works, honestly, total bliss. Link to post Share on other sites
blue963 Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 If this man and his wife can assault you in your home in front of your children without invitation, what would/could happen behind closed doors if you were with him permanently or what could possibly happen to your children. I know this is incredibly painful, but it is a blessing that you have truly seen this side of him before getting in any deeper. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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