Broken.. and Drowning..

[LeftAlone83]

Hello,

 

So.. I have been in an ongoing A for a little over a year. Much like the other stories I have read here, I met someone and was completely swept off my feet from the moment we spoke. It was an instantaneous connection.. and chemistry.

 

Over the next few months, I found myself corresponding with him.. seeing him.. and falling for him more and more every day. After 3 months of this type of flirtation, and adoration for one another.. we made the decision to take it to the physical step. I had my reservations.. since I had never been with a MM, and I had never crossed that line. (I was raised very religious) And knowing it was wrong.. I still went ahead and did it. I couldn't control my desire for him.. despite the obvious consequences of my actions.

 

The physical chemistry was just as amazing as the personal chemistry.. having completely caught both of us off guard. It was nothing like either of us had ever experienced before. Over the next several months.. things only got deeper and deeper. We even progressed to saying "I Love You" on a very regular basis, and speaking to each other every day.

 

Recently.. my MM decided to call off our relationship, after both of us had gone back and forth, breaking up and making up several times. He has children, and he didn't want to chance hurting them.. and I respected his decision. Of course, the contact continued for a few more days.

 

Because I was completely heart broken.. my friends decided to come over and cheer me up. I had been lying to them for over a year.. even using another man's name/face so that I could share my experiences with them about my MM without outing the identity of who I was really with. (Stupid, I know) The day after that.. my best friend urged me to tell them the truth.

 

I decided I couldn't lie to them anymore.. I came clean to all 4 of my closest friends. This infuriated my MM.. as well as them. Him for telling them the truth, and them for lying and deceiving them for so long. So far.. they have all shunned and turned their backs on me.

 

I am completely broken in every way a woman could be right now.. with no one to turn to. I came here seeking out ways to try and purge the amount of pain I'm in.. the amount of loneliness I feel.. because it's an insurmountable amount at the moment.

 

I like to believe that I'm not a bad person.. though I've definitely made many bad decisions, and done a bad thing by cheating with this MM. I believe he loved me.. and fell desperately in love with him. And because of that.. I'm currently left with nothing in my life.

[heyjesse84]

First off, im really really sorry youre going through this. Granted this was a bit of a different situation, i too had lost most my friends from a stupid decision i made reguarding a man. It sucks. I feel for you right. I am currently in an A with a MM, me being married myself. I love this man, and feel like is the most right thing thats ever happened in my life. Problem is he refuses to either admit or to in general, love me. Sometimes i feel that hurts way worse thab this ending. I just want you to know that life will go on. I previously years ago had my first A. After it ended it was the worst feeling in the world and i thought id never get over it. But i promise you, you will find someone better and one day you will look back and think jesus what was i doing. As far as your friends go, screw it. They obviously were not your real friends to begin with to just leave you like that. Normally i would say if you let him go, and he comes back, it was meant to be. However you guys had a toxic relationship and did the breakup makeup thing one to many times, therefore i say let this go. Go find a man who wont cheat on his wife. As much as i need to eat those words myself. Best of luck.