JANIE2406 Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 Hi everyone I am 31 years old and have been married for 6 years, together for 8. After too much fighting and not being able to bear my husband's self centered behavior and his untreated depression any longer, I asked for a separation in October and moved out in December. There was no cheating and no physical abuse of any kind. I just got tired of dealing with all his unhappiness and lack of affection. Before I left he told me that the hardest part would be dealing with the physical attraction that he has for me. I am also very attracted to him and we always had a great sex life. I thought that was odd considering most men that I know lose their attraction quite fast in this type of situation. We spent the weekend together and it was very nice. We do not call each other and we are not dating, even though I asked if he would like to date me. I usually visit him once a week because he has my dog - I moved to an apt. He lays in bed and we hang out with the dogs. Today I was there and when I was about to get up he put his head on my stomach and I knew he wanted to get intimate. I told him that this whole sex thing was just confusing and making me feel bad. He told me that I like it too and I told him that I did like it, but I also like to be in a healthy relationship and that if I wanted casual sex, I would look somewhere else. Then he said that he wished I treated him like my sex toy. What???? really??? he then calmed down. When I was leaving he hugged me real hard. I told him that maybe when I do not love him anymore I could have him as my sex toy. He tells me that by then I will have already found somebody new. If he only knew how much I care about him. I am so sad. I know we could make each other happy if he only wanted to try to improve his behavior and treat his depression. He is not dating anyone or even looking. He barely leaves the house. This makes me feel like he prefers loneliness than me. I did all I could to make him happy, to no avail. I miss him, but I do not want to get entangled in this sex with no commitment thing. I am not 23 anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 Take him to the Dr. Involve his family and close friends too if you can. You love him and he's your husband but he suffers from mental illness. This is a forever thing, it's not ever going to go away. I hope he seeks counseling and gets on meds. He can live a normal life and be happy again if he can just trust and not be afraid. And he IS afraid. Or, you end it. you can't keep doing this because it's just going to mess you both up, especially him. 8 years together. Fight for him and your marriage if you want to remain his wife. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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