What is the longest seperation anyone has experienced before Divorce or Reconcile?

[Timyyu]

Hi,

 

I have been stuck in limbo for a while now. My wife and I have been separated for about 20 months. We are both comfortable apart and just haven't followed up on the divorce due to being so busy at work. We see each other for sexual relations about once a week but whenever we try and make a go of it and live together again or spend more that three days in a row together, we end up having huge arguments and disagreements and emotionally hurting each other again. We have tried counseling. When I think about it sometimes I feel a sense of deep sadness, that our marriage together (living together for 4 years) is over.

 

We don't want to say goodbye we still want to be apart of each others lives but it hasn't worked in a marriage capacity. My wife is worried that we won't be friends when fully divorced because we are so incredibly different people (totally different not a lot in common).

 

When we were living together before the separation, we were intimate once a year. (So 2 times in the last 2 years of being together), separation has enhanced the sex greatly but we just don't get along when together for too long. We care for each others welfare but we don't really love each other.

 

I use the word 'we' a lot because we are on the same page feelings wise.

 

So I am very confused and so is my wife. She *sort* of wants a divorce but can't be stuffed following through and still wants sex. I don't know what I want but I know we can't live together without fights and deep emotional hurt after a while.

 

My question is, what is the longest anyone has been separated before divorce or reconciliation?

 

Also if anyone could advise on the situation that would be good and I would be very appreciative. The two counselors we have seen haven't helped.

 

Other info: we are both 35yo with no kids and only minimal desire for maybe one kid one day

Edited January 10, 2014 by Timyyu

[Arieswoman]

If you are still having sex then you aren't "separated".

 

Don't even think about having a child in this situation.

 

If you can't live together for more than 3 days in a row then how do you think you would be able to co-parent a child?

 

It seems to me you both have issues about letting go, so you would need to address this with a counsellor. Pick another one if the previous one didn't help.

[K Os]

we don't really love each other.

 

...and you really need advice?

 

It sounds as though you are both hanging on simply for sexual convenience. There's a lot more to life than that, and you know it. Would you really consider having a child who will have parents that admittedly don't love one another?

 

I would second the previous poster - find a therapist who you do connect with and who does help you both. Otherwise cut the cord.