2 months after the break up; need some advice

[d0cholliday]

Here are my thoughts...

 

She still cares. She wouldn't be checking up on you if she didn't. Your friend should not have said anything. I would be pissed at him for doing that - but, thats just me.

 

When your friend and your ex were talking, all it did was boost her ego. She still knows shes got you on the hook, because of how upset you are, now that he told her that stuff. What she said in reply was (1) the truth or (2) how you see it, a complete lie. If it was a complete lie, it was to boost her ego even more, while bringing you down.

 

She knew your friend would tell you - there is no doubting that.

 

This whole situation would piss me off. Frankly, I would be so upset I would somehow manage to "cross paths" with her or find some way you two can talk. She can re-iterate what she told your friend, while you can defend yourself and tell her how much bull**** it is.

 

Or, you continue NC. Block and everything. Do it today. She knows your friend told you, so it may look "obvious", but she'll know why and understand.

 

I really don't have anything to tell her, if she really thinks that things she said, that's a big no no. If she can still think something like that after all we've been trough, it doesn't give me anything to talk to her. Only thing I can talk to her about is to try and work things out. Since she obviously doesn't want that, I don't have anything to say to her. Like I said, I paid for my mistakes, and we are even. I won't block her today, cause she asked him not to tell me, cause she has an exam tomorrow,and probably thought I will get on my phone and call her, which I won't, guess what I also have an exam tomorrow, and I will fail it, cause I couldn't concentrate when I was learning. She messed me up, but it's my fault, not her's.

 

I will cross paths with her at some point, and when I do, I will hug her like I was hugging million dollars, kiss her on the cheek, and turn around and go my way.

 

So you think I need to block her completly on FB? I'm afraid of her reaction, but I guess I don't need to care about that anymore...

 

One more thing, if it were to be like that, when I block her if she contacts me, or asks me why, is it ok I tell her, I waited for you, I care deeply about you, but I decided not to wait anymore and to move on, and I don't really have anything more to talk to you about, and I need my time and space now, and I don't need any more distractions from her?

[xUnknown]

she asked him not to tell me

 

Who cares what she asked. She KNEW he was going to tell you. She said those things to get under your skin...weather they were true or not.

 

Block her NOW. She's screwed with you long enough. WHO CARES how she feels. She doesn't matter anymore. You should be wanting to do this for YOU. If she truly doesn't want to work at things then why should it matter if you block her. She doesnt want you in her life, so, why should she make a big deal out of you blocking her. See what I'm saying? If she didn't care about you, it wouldn't bother you. She said you two are done and thats it, so, if you block her (according to her logic), it wouldn't bother her.

 

Cut the chord man. Do it now. For you. Stop worrying about how she feels, or how you think she will react, or how she will think. DO it for YOU. DO it as a final "F-You", and get your ass to studying.

 

If she contacts you, tell her "you don't want to work at things with me, I see no reason for us to remain facebook friends." Keep it short and be done with it.

[d0cholliday]

Who cares what she asked. She KNEW he was going to tell you. She said those things to get under your skin...weather they were true or not.

 

Block her NOW. She's screwed with you long enough. WHO CARES how she feels. She doesn't matter anymore. You should be wanting to do this for YOU. If she truly doesn't want to work at things then why should it matter if you block her. She doesnt want you in her life, so, why should she make a big deal out of you blocking her. See what I'm saying? If she didn't care about you, it wouldn't bother you. She said you two are done and thats it, so, if you block her (according to her logic), it wouldn't bother her.

 

Cut the chord man. Do it now. For you. Stop worrying about how she feels, or how you think she will react, or how she will think. DO it for YOU. DO it as a final "F-You", and get your ass to studying.

 

If she contacts you, tell her "you don't want to work at things with me, I see no reason for us to remain facebook friends." Keep it short and be done with it.

 

I've done it!!! I know its temporary but I feel like I was freed from shackles. I don't know, I can now post songs I like, and do what ever I want to do. Now I just need to get my head straight, get back in the game, try harder at studying, and finish this ****, I have max 2 years left, and when I'm done here, I'm going back to my country, so no matter what, if I even find myself hurting too long, at somepoint I will be back home, far from her, and I can always heal then... But I will be better in no-time. I told you in my recent post, I needed her to reject me one more time, she kinda did, and she got the result she wanted, now she can enjoy her life without me and see how that works out for her. If she contacts, she will get the cold response, something in the line of what you said. Depends on the situation. But I won't answer to her, if she calls me or something, she knows where I live, she can come and I will gladly explain her what is going on.

 

I really needed this. I feel much more easier, it is an instant effect, and I know I will have ups and downs, but there is no escaping that.

 

I will update if anything happens.

 

Thanks again for your advice

[erklat]

Congrats on making this important step in your healing.

 

You'll see, it gets exponentially better.

 

Don't be down because of her words.

 

It is nothing you did not already know, is it now?

 

Think about it.

 

You'll see today is the same as yesterday or two days ago.

 

It doens't matter what she pharts on her mouth.

 

It is what she does that counts.

[d0cholliday]

@xUnknown

 

Man I tried to answer you on PM, wrote a nice message too and hit send and nothing happened, don't know if you recieved something, I think I still can't use PM, I'm few post short. Will get back to you when I can.

[Simon Phoenix]

Sorry you heard all of that. Your friend should have never had that conversation with her and should have never told you about it. You should have told him "I don't want to hear it" when he started it, but I get why you didn't -- your curiousity got the best of you. As for second-guessing go NC -- f*ck that, seriously. It's not your job to repair something she broke. I'm glad you finally blocked her -- that will make that annoying hope (which is completely natural) go away quicker.

[d0cholliday]

Sorry you heard all of that. Your friend should have never had that conversation with her and should have never told you about it. You should have told him "I don't want to hear it" when he started it, but I get why you didn't -- your curiousity got the best of you. As for second-guessing go NC -- f*ck that, seriously. It's not your job to repair something she broke. I'm glad you finally blocked her -- that will make that annoying hope (which is completely natural) go away quicker.

 

There is no need to be sorry, I'm not sorry, I'm actually glad I read that. My friend did what he thought was the best, and kinda it is. If that didn't happen today I would probably be here moping around. That was the reason why I wanted to talk to her, to hear her reject me again. I'm counting NC from this day, altough it started a while ago, and good thing is I still didn't see her. And will try to avoid her as much as I can. I believe in a month or so I will be back on track, much more quicker than after the break up, I kinda broke up with her in my head, and that's what I needed.

 

There is still hope, and the things she said are probably just lies, not the truth, cause it just don't make sense. She probably thought he will show me that, and he did, so I know she wrote that just to mess me a bit more, she failed at that, cause now I'm really moving on. Even started to arrange a date for this weekend, few minutes ago. No more moping around and sitting and waiting. If she has something to say, she knows where I live. I thought a lot about all of this, either this will push her buttons and she is going to realise that she maid a mistake, try to fix things, or I will move on and find someone else. Don't forget that I always have an exit, but it is 2 years away, but time will pass, and I will get better, if I don't, soon as I get my diploma, so long, good ridance, I'm out of there.

 

She doesn't want me in her life, at least not as a boyfriend, that doesnt work for me. Now it is the time for her to see how it is without me. I know we didn't hang around much, or talk after the BU, but she knew she can have me anytime, and she had best from both worlds, enjoying single life, and a fool who is waiting for her. That's not the case anymore. I know I will have ups and downs from time to time, and it is normal. I have too much **** going on in my life right now, and I needed to cut something out, since I cant cut out my college, my financial situation, my personal issues, or my parents, she is the one.... I gave her enough time and space, I gave her signals, I was there for her, whole 9 yards, but she didn't use that to make things better, she demostradet how a cold bitch she is, how she doesn't care about me or my feelings, yet again she is asking around if I have someone. Its just messed up.

She doesn't know what she wants, and now it's time to see that I'm serious.

 

Yet questions remain... Did she ever love me? Does she still have feelings for me? From what I saw the answer for is No, there is nothing left in her. That makes things easier for me.

 

Hope that questions will be answered at somepoint, trough her actions. And NC should show her true nature and true intentions.

 

I decided finally to move on, and I'm sticking to that. Cause I really need that, I need something, anything just to push me forward. And now I'm at point I have nothing more to lose, I lost her, and cant lose her again, cause there is nothing to lose.

 

Still I want to give it another shot, because I've learned a lot of stuff, but a little too late. And I still have a feeling we are meant for eachother.

 

Well what can you do. Nothing. I have my own battles to fight, some other problems to solve first. Now I focus only on myself.

 

Again I will update if something happens, so you can advise me what to do.

[d0cholliday]

Weeee, I passed an exam, I guess I feel a bit better now... It was a really hard and boring subject.

 

Anyway, not shortly she texted me asking how I did on the exam..... Why does she cares.

She probably didn't noticed I blocked her, I don't know. I won't answer her... I'm going out tonight and I'll try to enjoy myself. Maybe meet some girl who is single on V-day.

[Simon Phoenix]

Weeee, I passed an exam, I guess I feel a bit better now... It was a really hard and boring subject.

 

Anyway, not shortly she texted me asking how I did on the exam..... Why does she cares.

She probably didn't noticed I blocked her, I don't know. I won't answer her... I'm going out tonight and I'll try to enjoy myself. Maybe meet some girl who is single on V-day.

 

If you blocked her correctly you wouldn't know that she tried to text you. And good for you for passing your exam.

Edited February 14, 2014 by Simon Phoenix

[d0cholliday]

If you blocked her correctly you wouldn't know that she tried to text you. And good for you for passing your exam.

 

Well I guess I didn't do something right, and I probably need to see my provider about that, but I really don't have time for that now. Either way there is no chance I'm answering. Also I feel in control when I don't answer her, and the thing she knows she can call me, but I'm not answering kinda gives me a boost. I don't know

Edited February 14, 2014 by d0cholliday

[xUnknown]

Weeee, I passed an exam, I guess I feel a bit better now... It was a really hard and boring subject.

 

Anyway, not shortly she texted me asking how I did on the exam..... Why does she cares.

She probably didn't noticed I blocked her, I don't know. I won't answer her... I'm going out tonight and I'll try to enjoy myself. Maybe meet some girl who is single on V-day.

She probably did notice you blocked her but wanted to send a "feeler" text to see if you were going to respond..you know, so she can see if you were serious about blocking and going NC.

[d0cholliday]

She probably did notice you blocked her but wanted to send a "feeler" text to see if you were going to respond..you know, so she can see if you were serious about blocking and going NC.

 

She called me 3 times, and got rejected. So I got that going for me which is nice

[erklat]

If she comes to you don't engage in reconcile until you start feeling happy. You're siphoning positive energy now and reconciliation in this stage would be fruitless, even if it would happen.

[xUnknown]

If she comes to you don't engage in reconcile until you start feeling happy. You're siphoning positive energy now and reconciliation in this stage would be fruitless, even if it would happen.

 

100% Agree. IF she were to do so, keep walking. All this will do is set you back. Then when she knows she has your attention again the cycle will repeat. Wait until you're ready - if at all. She probably hates the fact that there is someone (you) that "doesnt like" her or isn't happy with her.

[d0cholliday]

Guys.... She came knocking on my doors, and I let her in... We drank some beers and have a long talk... She told me, for the first time, what is her problem, that she is scared, that she can't thrutst me... Eventually we ended up cudling on the bed... I told her, no more... She beg me to unblock her, I said I will think about it. She asked me if we can go out tonight, I agreed, but I told her that I'm not ready, and I need some time. If she wants back, we can take it slow, but I will not wait for her anymore. I don't have much time to explain. I will post all the details tomorrow, cause I'm going out, I took her in out of pitty, but I gained control today, enourmous ammount. I know she just freaked, V-day, me blocking her, movin on, basically she asked me to wait for her, not to push her... I responded no can do... It can be me or she can enjoy her freedom without me, cause I don't gain anything only pain by hanging out with her.

 

Like I said I will update tomorrow all the details so we can analyze them. I'm doing ok, I'm not hurt yet... But I think I can manage all of this. I agree, I am not in the position of making up, I need some time now. Good thing she opened up to me, I told her that she has some issues, and that she needs to resolve them.

 

Wish me good luck tonight.

Hear ya tomorrow.

[BC1980]

Guys.... She came knocking on my doors, and I let her in... We drank some beers and have a long talk... She told me, for the first time, what is her problem, that she is scared, that she can't thrutst me... Eventually we ended up cudling on the bed... I told her, no more... She beg me to unblock her, I said I will think about it. She asked me if we can go out tonight, I agreed, but I told her that I'm not ready, and I need some time. If she wants back, we can take it slow, but I will not wait for her anymore. I don't have much time to explain. I will post all the details tomorrow, cause I'm going out, I took her in out of pitty, but I gained control today, enourmous ammount. I know she just freaked, V-day, me blocking her, movin on, basically she asked me to wait for her, not to push her... I responded no can do... It can be me or she can enjoy her freedom without me, cause I don't gain anything only pain by hanging out with her.

 

Like I said I will update tomorrow all the details so we can analyze them. I'm doing ok, I'm not hurt yet... But I think I can manage all of this. I agree, I am not in the position of making up, I need some time now. Good thing she opened up to me, I told her that she has some issues, and that she needs to resolve them.

 

Wish me good luck tonight.

Hear ya tomorrow.

 

You caved into her wants, and you still have nothing concrete about getting back together. I have seen this story play out so many times on these boards. I saw it play out in my own life too, only to get burned. Don't give her the time of day unless she is genuine and states that she wants to get back together.

 

My ex pulled something similar and said similar things about not wanting to get hurt, ect. I was such a food to believe any of it. I see that now. He never took me seriously because he knew he had me right where he wanted me. I played right into his game, but he never came up with anything concrete about getting back together. It was always vague. I won't get into details, but your story is so familiar to mine.

[d0cholliday]

Hi guys! How are you?

 

 

It seems that my ex used me on V-day, cause day after that, she started again with same behaviour. She came to me, got what she wanted, found out that where I am at. How do

I feel, and probably said to herself, ok he still loves me and misses me, I can have nothing to worry. It was, sadly something I wasn't hoping for, an ego-boost and probably

cause she had noone to be with her that night. It was a good night though.

I was thinking about it, and I feel like she is a drug, she comes to me and everything stops, I immedieatly become happy, anger dissapears, my loves comes to surface, but as the effect starts to wear down, I just become miserable, and find myself being at same spot I was after the BU. Her main problem is that she can't thrust me but she admitted that she lied to me also, but she told me like it was ok for her to lie.

 

I've texted her last night, telling her that she knows evertyhing, cause I told her everything, she knows I've improved myself, and I'm working on myself, what are my goals in life, what are my intentions towards her. I gave her a choice.

 

Now again I'm in NC, its like my 4th or 5th time trying to do this, every single time she ruined it for me somehow, either I was weak and let her do that, or she came pressing me. I think she knows now we can function together, and we can work things out, but I think that she doesn't have a sense of urgency, she enjoys her life, and obviously doing fine without me, but she admitte that occasionally she misses me. I connected the dots, thanks to your advices, and she comes get what she needs, then go away. I asked her politely not to contact me till she truly decides in her heart what she wants with me, and with our relationship, I don't mean that as a romantic RS, I mean on rs as general, romantic, friends, no rs at all, only ex lovers etc.

 

I'm trying to let her go, and I will when enough time passes.

 

As BC1980 said, she didn't give me nothing concrete, and unfortunately for me, it is the same story as BC mentioned. I really think it is over now, cause I didn't get any response after the text message I've sent, which confirms that I'm her back up plan, and that's the only reasons why she doesn't want to let me go. I've proven countless time that I'm

there for her, and always will be, which is a mistake, so as an advice to others, don't ever do that. I realised I've punished my self for more than 3 months, without no reason.

 

I'm not hurt, but I'm dissapointed in her and in love general and also sad. Still can't explain to myself, why love, loyalty, faithfullnes isn't enough to make things work out. I've tried to reason with myself, tried to tell me: she doesn't want you ( she said to my friend, she doesn't see a chance of us getting together, and than day after she came to my door, but didn't reconcile ), she is playing with you, she got you on a string, she showed that she doesn't care about you or your feelings. See... Why the hell I want to be with someone like that.

When I pushed her and ask her if she still loves me, she said she doesn't know, so I guess it means she doesn't love me. Call me foolish but to me, when you love someone you have the strenght to overcome everything, I know that cause I had that strenght.

 

So I'm in a mess, right now. My summer semester is starting tomorrow, and I'll have a lot of work to do, my sience paper, studying, gym, etc, but I will probably see her daily on college, and I think I can't handle that atm, I'm tired of coping with all of this. I guess she is pissed now, cause I did oposite of what she asked me to do. As I've read that should be a good sign. Altough there are many reasons to move away and don't reconcile, I still after all want to give it another shot. Call me foolish but that's how it is.

 

I really rely on NC now, but I'm afraid I'm in for long time of pain, hurt and suffering... I can't escape that, only endure it.

 

You all gave me much advice, and I didn't listen to you. I'm now sorry for that. I tried everything, even the advices, but nothing worked out for me so far. Only difference now from before is that I don't care anymore what happens. There is a hope inside, but it is a false hope...

 

I have a date tonight with a girl I met on college, she asked me to meet up, I will proceed with the date, maybe it will give me much needed confidence, and self-esteem,

which again I lost, cause everytime I started to feel better, my ex came crushing it.

I realise I'm not ready and not even close to reconciling, not sure if I want it to be honest. It is all mixed up in my head. When I see her I want to, but when she isn't talking to me, contacting me, I don't want to and it is a repeating cycle. I need some cheering up, and something good to happen to me, just to keep me going forward with my life.

 

I think I did a right thing, telling her all what it is in my heart and my mind. And sending her that text yesterday. She is having fun, enjoying while I'm waiting. And it seems to me I will wait her for much more. Now I at least know that I don't need to explaing anything more to her, and we are even now.

 

I hope everything turns out good for me, and NC will work, I think my problem is that I did NC, a probably still doing it unconciously is to get her back. Like I'm some kind of masohist and I enjoy her hurting me... Pretty ****ed up some would say.

 

There is no need for advice anymore, I guess I now know everything, and this is me venting out, cause I can't do it to my friends anymore, as I will pushed them away from me. When reading my posts, I can't believe what I've been doing to myself...

 

Is that love??? Or is it something else? I've been hurt many times in my life, but nothing ever hurt me like this, and I think nothing will be so painful, even if I broke every single bone in my body, I doubt it will be anything close to the pain you feel when you lose someone you deeply care for, and love.

 

I watched yesterday again Dark knight rises, cause I found that it has very good quotes.

You need to deal with the pain, and learn to hide it, practice smiling. And indeed it feels like victory and happiness abandoned me.

 

How do I deal with an urge to constantly prove my love to her??? I have that urge all the time... I want to give her everything, and I truly want her to be happy. I have decent amount of self-control, but I'm scared that soon as I see her I will cave in, and be at the beggining.

 

I probably am starting to bore you, and you feel like you are explaining and advising an empty wall, which can't understand and accept the things they are. I am sorry about that. But this whining helpes me a lot, it gets me trough the day.

 

How do I stop feeling sorry for myself? I realised that may be a problem, and a reason why I go trough all of this.

 

I want to thank you for the time you took to read, and respond... You are all great, and it means a lot to me.

[Simon Phoenix]

I mean, at some point you are going to wake up and realize that caving every time does you no good. I guarantee you that your ex will come sniffing around again -- she has shown that she doesn't care about your feelings and that she'll just do whatever she wants to do at that moment. And to be honest, it's not up to her to save you from yourself -- it's up to you to have some inner strength and some balls and stop caving every time she comes sniffing around.

 

Unfortunately she doesn't seem to respect you. You really need to find some backbone and stay committed to NC. You are going to be faced with this situation again -- are you going to use what you've learned so far, or are you going to continue to be weak, make the same mistakes and allow her to drive all over your heart again and again.

 

You have 10 pages of good advice on here. I hope you start to apply it instead of doing what you are doing right now. Because it's obvious that your method isn't working. AND STOP WAITING FOR HER! Move forward with your life. It's up for her to chase after you if she chooses -- stop being a wuss and making it easy.

[d0cholliday]

Hi guys, its been a while!!!

 

Here is an update....

 

 

After all of the blocking and me not anwsering... Last Friday (V-day) ex came to my door, we talked, spent the day together went out for drinks, had fun.

We talked about us, about mistakes etc, and we made a little progress. I told her how I feel, she opened a little....

 

Then after that two day no sign from her, and I got pissed and sent her a text not to contact me until she decides...

 

I recieved some bad news, and it got me thinking....

 

So I thought a lot about our relationship, tried to realise why I'm in a such a mess. And then it hit me.

 

I looked things from her perspective, and realised I was an idiot. I didn't see what she really wants from me, and what was the problem all along.

 

It was me not letting her to communicate, and sabotaging communication in our relationship.

 

So I manned up and call her and ask her to come to my place, cause I have some explaining to do.

 

I was feeling crapy cause of the guilt I had... And I decide to free myself from that guilt.

 

She came to my place to drink coffee and to talk on Monday evening.

 

I huged her, and told her that I'm sorry for everything, told her that I realise what I've done, and how much of an ******* I was troughout the relationship.

 

I didn't beg or plead, I just told her that I don't expect nothing, I needed to tell her that so I can get it out of chest. She believed me, cause I was really honest about it.

 

So she instantly changed, started acting different, like she used to. Nothing happened as she escaped at one moment, she looked really into me, but she decided to wait a little longer, to tease me a bit.

 

Friday night while we were talking, I pushed a bit for reconciliation, she said to enjoy myself etc, and I threw her a hook, to change her FB relationship status from being single, to hide it or something. She was blocked so I couldn't see, but my friend checked she didn't changed that, until I unblocked her, add her back on FB, which was Monday night. Yesterday I woke up and noticed she removed that SINGLE thing. Later that day she asked me to meet up for coffee, and I did, we talked, acted like we are in a RS etc.

 

It looks like we made a lot of progress. She asked me to decide what I want, cause I was changing my mind so often, and was confusing her and myself.

So I decided to fight for her.

 

She showed a lot of signs meaning that we are on a good path to reconcile. I learned my mistakes, and she noticed that I have changed, that I'm a better person, better looking etc.

 

She didn't tell me we are back together, but she indicated that. And we need to take it slow, and build thrust again.

 

I know this could be a 2 was street, and it depends how genuine is she, and what are her intentions. She can be good and reconcile, or she can end up being a cold hearted bitch and just destroy me again. It is a bet I'm willing to risk.

 

I decided to let her initiate things, I hope that is right thing to do. Keep LC, and see what's going to happen.

 

Now I wonder how should I do this? I don't want to annoy her, text her much etc. Is it ok to send her a text after 2,3 days of no contact, if she doesn't contact me in that period? She looked at my schedule and told me she want to take a look as she can plan when we can see eachother.

 

I don't want to rush things, but I kinda want to be sure if we are going in a right direction. It looks like I am on some test period now. And I don't want to fail this test. I mean I'm not doing old stuff anymore.

 

Good thing is, that I am free now from the guilt, and I am much more happier, and relaxed now. I'm taking a chance with her. I think she is worth fighting for.

 

Tables turned around. I need to aquire more self-control, and try not to be pushy, let things come naturally.

 

So how to handle this new situation?

 

Thank you for advice.

[Simon Phoenix]

Why? Everything we say you just do the opposite of anyway. Just do whatever you want to do at this point.

[d0cholliday]

Why? Everything we say you just do the opposite of anyway. Just do whatever you want to do at this point.

 

 

Well I was obviously wrong.... And I did what I thought was right, with no expectations whatsoever.

 

Look I'm trying to get my second chance, I know I can do this. This should be a good thing. Right? I tried everything except aknowleding my mistakes, and figuring out what did I do wrong. So I maned up and admited my mistakes, took a chance and it turned out to be true, and now I'm in a better place.

 

Now things are different.

 

If you can help, good, if you won't well I can't make you.

 

We are in a second chance part of the forum, and that is my purpose.

It is about how much do you thrust your ex... if she is being honest about it all. And I think she is. That's on me, if I am mistaken, she will show me at some point, but what if I'm not, and it turns out we end up being happy together. You can't know unless you try....

[Simon Phoenix]

Well I was obviously wrong.... And I did what I thought was right, with no expectations whatsoever.

 

Look I'm trying to get my second chance, I know I can do this. This should be a good thing. Right? I tried everything except aknowleding my mistakes, and figuring out what did I do wrong. So I maned up and admited my mistakes, took a chance and it turned out to be true, and now I'm in a better place.

 

Now things are different.

 

If you can help, good, if you won't well I can't make you.

 

We are in a second chance part of the forum, and that is my purpose.

It is about how much do you thrust your ex... if she is being honest about it all. And I think she is. That's on me, if I am mistaken, she will show me at some point, but what if I'm not, and it turns out we end up being happy together. You can't know unless you try....

 

It's up to her to try, not up to you. You refuse to comprehend this concept, so everything that's been said for 10 pages has fallen on deaf ears.

 

She broke up with you. But whatever, you haven't listened yet and you won't listen now. Maybe you just need to learn the hard way at this point. We've spent 10 pages trying to advise you, for you to ignore it all. You obviously feel the need to not only touch the burning hot fire, but to jump face first into it, so stop asking for advice and do what you want to do. You have no desire to listen to our advice, so it's pointless for us to give it.

 

I hope you succeed, but I still think you are taking a terrible approach to do it. But you are going to do what you are going to do, so good luck. But don't ask for advice if you are just going to do the opposite each and every time.

Edited February 19, 2014 by Simon Phoenix

[d0cholliday]

It's up to her to try, not up to you. You refuse to comprehend this concept, so everything that's been said for 10 pages has fallen on deaf ears.

 

 

I know its up to her, dude, that's why I'm asking...... I said I want to get that second chance, I know I need to let her initiate reconciliation. And I want get there if I start again with NC and I don't know what....

 

Why are you being so negative? I took a whole a lot advices hear in consideritaon, did most of them in action... That's why I'm here where I am now.

 

If you don't want to help it is ok. No hard feelings, but stop being so negative, I don't need that.

 

thank you

[Simon Phoenix]

I know its up to her, dude, that's why I'm asking...... I said I want to get that second chance, I know I need to let her initiate reconciliation. And I want get there if I start again with NC and I don't know what....

 

Why are you being so negative? I took a whole a lot advices hear in consideritaon, did most of them in action... That's why I'm here where I am now.

 

If you don't want to help it is ok. No hard feelings, but stop being so negative, I don't need that.

 

thank you

 

No you haven't, you keep contacting her and you keep meeting her and you keep doing the opposite of everything that's being said. You just basically told her everything is your fault and threw yourself at her feet. You are continuing to push and continuing to chase and doing absolutely everything you shouldn't be doing. If you understand that it's up to her to reconcile, why are you doing all of the work? Why are you making it so easy for her?

 

I'm negative because I'm frustrated with you. You don't listen and you don't seem to understand what No Contact means. No Contact means not talking to her, not calling her, not texting her, not answering her when she texts you, and certainly not meeting her and telling her that everything is your fault.

 

All we've advised you to do is to do nothing -- no contact, no answering. And you don't listen. I mean, you don't have to listen if you don't want to -- it's your life -- but you have to understand why I feel it's pointless to advise you. You are in the exact same place you were when you started this thread over a month ago because you don't listen.

Edited February 19, 2014 by Simon Phoenix

[d0cholliday]

You missunderstood me. I didn't do all of that. Actually she was trying all the time. I didn't tell you all the details. She told me she was meeting me to check if I had changed. And she told me she was disappointed every single time. I told you long ago, I would need to make first step. Cause I failed, her only failure is leaving me, but she had to do it so I can understand what's wrong.

 

 

She is the girl I love, she makes me happy, and you are telling me to let it go. That girl is possibly trying to reconcile and I should let that go?

 

I need advice to make it work, not to heal myself. I am done with healing.

 

Also obviously I didn't make easier for her, I was in the. beginning, but as day passed I got stronger, improved myself. And now she can see that. If I tell you every single detail it would be a long post.

 

I know her better, and I don't want to generalize and compare her to others. If she was like other girls I wouldn't be with her at first place.

 

No matter how hard I try to explain to you, what I want and need, that I'm not chasing her, you keep telling me that I'm doing something I'm not doing.

 

Maybe I need to get burned again, and that's ma choice, but I choose to believe everything will work out.

 

Why is that so wrong in your eyes?

 

She told me that my behaviour after bu was bad, that she tried and I wasn't answering, cause I was in nc. She doesn't know about all of that stuff.

 

You think she is playing me, right? If she does that means she isn't the right girl for me. But if I move away and don't give her the chance to prove her self, I told her she needs tto do that, and it is hard for her enough cause of her hard character. Giving the point that I caused her a lot of pain, which I didn't realised, and she didn't want to tell me that, she wanted for me to figure it out, and when I did, she confirmed that.

 

Ok, I know I'm taking a risk, but that's on me.

 

I just want to do my best, and make the best of the situation. I love her and I think we are meant to be.

And I will be crazy about her for much more, and now finally things are going my way, and I should move away?

 

Like I said, just want to use this as best I can and if possible ti give her another chance. That's it, it is simple.

 

I didn't contact her first once, until Monday, that was the first time, she was the one who initiated everything, and told me she was checking where I'm at. And was disappointed, now she isn't anymore.

 

So if you don't have any advice about this, now when things have changed, it's ok. Is it that bad for me asking?

 

At the end, it depends is she genuine or not.

 

She wants to hang around, to be around me, to take it slow, she looks happier now, she started to be interested in my life, she started to act like the girl I love.

 

What I want to know... How to handle communication, how to act when we are together, when to initiate contact. We need to build thrust, and the only way to do that is by talking to each other about everything not only about relationship. If you or anyone else can advise me about that good, if not, I will try to do my best and balance this, and do what's best for me.

 

And I don't want to screw up again. I think that's fair

Edited February 19, 2014 by d0cholliday