2 months after the break up; need some advice

[pickflicker]

I tried something similar. I thought I could do LC to reel my ex back in because our relationship was just so different and the exception to the rule. You are like I was. You have not realized that if someone breaks up with you, they would actually rather be single than be with you. They have thought it through and want nothing more of the relationship.

 

Even though the truth is difficult to accept, if we would just accept it upfront, we wouldn't have so far to fall in the end when it all goes to hell.

 

It's a horrible lesson to learn. I empathise *hugs*.

[BC1980]

It's a horrible lesson to learn. I empathise *hugs*.

 

Yes, it was. The only thing to do now is put the experience towards future use.

[d0cholliday]

Well I could wrote I'm going to try, I wanted to explain all of it, but ok.

It's stupid plan, but I need to do this, cause I can't drag along with it anymore. If it blows back, it blows, cause I don't really care anymore, only thing I know that I will eat my face if I don't try something. I didn't say I will jump on it tomorrow, nor will I run to her at first sign, or a breadcrumb. There is only two possible scenarios, either I get hurt or I get her back, I'm fine with either of it, and going with no expectations. I just lost my way in the mist of everything, and now I know what I want. Realised why I lost her, and I accepted that. Also I accepted that she broke up with me, and maybe she doesn't wants me back. I will give it one more shot, and see what happens, and I'm not going to whine about it. I have 3 girls waiting in line, and I can't do anything with them until I sort things with my ex. I've been dating, making out, but just doesnt feel right, need to clear this thing, and either end it once for all or get back together.

[pickflicker]

If it's probably going to be a failture, what is the point of going back there just to watch it fail again?

 

Can you not look a bit more forward, and just avoid the hurt altogether?

[Simon Phoenix]

Well I could wrote I'm going to try, I wanted to explain all of it, but ok.

It's stupid plan, but I need to do this, cause I can't drag along with it anymore. If it blows back, it blows, cause I don't really care anymore, only thing I know that I will eat my face if I don't try something. I didn't say I will jump on it tomorrow, nor will I run to her at first sign, or a breadcrumb. There is only two possible scenarios, either I get hurt or I get her back, I'm fine with either of it, and going with no expectations. I just lost my way in the mist of everything, and now I know what I want. Realised why I lost her, and I accepted that. Also I accepted that she broke up with me, and maybe she doesn't wants me back. I will give it one more shot, and see what happens, and I'm not going to whine about it. I have 3 girls waiting in line, and I can't do anything with them until I sort things with my ex. I've been dating, making out, but just doesnt feel right, need to clear this thing, and either end it once for all or get back together.

 

When she broke up with you, did she slice off your balls and take them with her? Why should you be the one to make the effort to get her back? Do you have no self-respect? SHE BROKE UP WITH YOU, SHE SHOULD BE THE ONE TO FIX IT. If she doesn't want to fix it, then she doesn't want you. Please don't make yourself out to be the pathetic orbiter guy. You've gotten way too much good advice in this thread to ignore it and go with the stupidest plan possible short of stalking.

 

You need to find some value within yourself. Your plan isn't the action of a man; it's the action of a boy with no self-esteem. If you have truly progressed, then you need to stand fast and move forward. If she wants to catch up, she has to run after you -- you looking back and waiting for her, or running back to her, just makes you look like a chump. And chumps aren't attractive.

 

Please don't do this.

[BC1980]

Well I could wrote I'm going to try, I wanted to explain all of it, but ok.

It's stupid plan, but I need to do this, cause I can't drag along with it anymore. If it blows back, it blows, cause I don't really care anymore, only thing I know that I will eat my face if I don't try something. I didn't say I will jump on it tomorrow, nor will I run to her at first sign, or a breadcrumb. There is only two possible scenarios, either I get hurt or I get her back, I'm fine with either of it, and going with no expectations. I just lost my way in the mist of everything, and now I know what I want. Realised why I lost her, and I accepted that. Also I accepted that she broke up with me, and maybe she doesn't wants me back. I will give it one more shot, and see what happens, and I'm not going to whine about it. I have 3 girls waiting in line, and I can't do anything with them until I sort things with my ex. I've been dating, making out, but just doesnt feel right, need to clear this thing, and either end it once for all or get back together.

 

Look, it's probably going to fail, but, sometimes, you have to do what you have to do. I know that no one could have talked me out of what I did. I wish I had listened to my friends and family, but I learned from firsthand experience. There is no doubt now that I would never do that again.

[erklat]

Alright, it took some convincing but he's back on track now.

 

He was somewhere around 15 days mark so not too much damage done there.

 

Day 1

[d0cholliday]

Ok I got what I wanted... This was the thing I needed to get my head straitgh.

What I got from breaking NC:

 

First I asked if we can meet up, she didn't say no, but she choose her best friend over me, and that's like she said NO, plus she didn't even tried to contact me saying that she can't cause she had arangments, which is rude, cold, and I didn't deserve that, that's what she did to her previous ex boyfriend.

 

1. She obviously doesn't care anymore about me.

2. She moved on, living her life.

3. I realised that she thinks she can do whatever she likes, and thinks I will string along,

let's just she how much more he can take it.

4. No matter what I will not contact her first anymore.

5. You don't care about me, well I don't care about you.

6. I'm not importat to you anymore, you are not important to me.

7. If she contacts me at somepoint, I will respond if it will be some kind of

normal message, but I will be cold, cause she drank the last drop of love

I have towards her.

8. Realised that it is over for good.

9. I don't have any thrust left in me, she dissapointed me, and every word she ever said,

and will say in the future I don't believe her, I feel like I'm being lied to.

10. If she is going to try to get back at somepoint, there is nothing I can take as a

foundation to build a strong relationship with.

11. Decided to fully let it go, and forget about her in an romantic way.

12. From now on she will be just one of the many girls I was intimate with.

13. I know now I did my best, gave her everything, she didn't accept that, and it

is her lost. If she can't realised that, I can't do anything else about it. She got the

right signs, I gave her indirectly signals what she needs to do to get me back, and

I still think it was the right thing to do.

14. Grieving stage is over now. Only sorry she destroyed a memory of all the good things

we had, and will be remembered as person I need to be careful with.

15. Tought she was the one, now I'm pretty sure she isn't. I don't want to be involved

with a person who doesn't care about me. I don't need that.

16. Something will happen at somepoint, and I hope it will be something good for me.

17. Everything now is in place, I know where I am finally. I got some closure, now I need

to accept that, which I will with enough time.

 

I'm not even hurt that much... I just can't believe how some people can be like that. How after 2 years someone can go from deep love, to this. Ofcourse now I doubt there was ever love in her, I feel like a dumbas which was used. I don't know why I deserved this, why life put me trough this, but life is like that. Now I hope she will realise what a huge mistake she made, how wrong she was about me.

Also I do not regret at all for breaking NC, I got what I needed. Today I will take the time to think, get my thoughts straight, cause I have a big week coming.

 

Anyway, point is, I give up, I quit. Nothing to do here anymore. No more explaining, no more talking. She lost me. I was afraid of that, but that fear is being accepted, cause there is no courage in running away from fear, but to accept it.

You told me it will backfire, yes it blown up in my face, but it is a positive thing to me.

Like I said before I needed this and now I can finally move on.

 

One thing left for me to do, regarding this situation is to supress my impatience. It is killing me, and I don't know how to deal with it. I mean I will keep busy, doing the things I enjoy, but that impatience, and low self-esteem,

I am lost, and I want my life back.

[erklat]

Everyone here did that at least once.

It doesn't matter how much advice you received against.

You have to touch the stove.

 

You didn't quit.

She did when she choose to end the relationship.

 

Sounds to me you hit anger phase finally.

 

The cycle is not linear, but steer clear from denial from now on.

 

Stay strong!

[d0cholliday]

She sent me a message: How is studying for exams going?

 

I mean really??' Dafaq?? I swear I'm sure she can somehow sense that I'm doing better, and that I'm doing something for me, or enjoying which I was doing most of the day...

 

I won't answer her, and if she says what are you not answering me again? I will say I was studying and forgot. But that will be only if she asks me about it, or start nagging.

 

Why she couldn't keep NC like she did, and she did that in a very rude, inconsiderate way, like she doesn't care at all.... I actually find this very funny.

[Simon Phoenix]

She sent me a message: How is studying for exams going?

 

I mean really??' Dafaq?? I swear I'm sure she can somehow sense that I'm doing better, and that I'm doing something for me, or enjoying which I was doing most of the day...

 

I won't answer her, and if she says what are you not answering me again? I will say I was studying and forgot. But that will be only if she asks me about it, or start nagging.

 

Why she couldn't keep NC like she did, and she did that in a very rude, inconsiderate way, like she doesn't care at all.... I actually find this very funny.

 

Don't answer at all. Just block her number if her texting annoys you.

[Blastoplast]

She is very very hard person, stuborn, always needs to be the best, very moral etc. But has many flaws, naging, manipulative, always plays on my emotion

 

I don't need to read any farther than this.

 

Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with somebody who is stubborn, nagging and manipulative? This doesn't sound healthy at all -- sounds like all she wants is a submissive shmuck to put up with all her crap.

[d0cholliday]

She probably expected after she didn't contact me, that I will come running around, begging or something, maybe even getting angry or something like that, and if I did that

she wouldn't contact me... Anyhow I'm not answering, there is nothing to answer to.

 

Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with somebody who is stubborn, nagging and manipulative? This doesn't sound healthy at all -- sounds like all she wants is a submissive shmuck to put up with all her crap.

 

I thought about that a lot, and I'm really not sure... She keeps that in control, but I know it's there. I also found a way how to control her nagging etc. It's not a problem about that, it's in thrust. At this point I really don't thrust her a word, and it would be a problem for me to build a new RS withouth the foundation like thrust is.

[d0cholliday]

Guys, I hit the low point yesterday. I had an exam, which I failed. I found myself thinking to much about my ex... Still after everything she is still in my head. Since my life is obviously

taking a toll cause of all of this. I need to take some action. I have 2 choices, but with the second one which I find easier, and shorter regarding the pain and hurt, I won't present it to you, cause I know you won't agree.

 

So I decided tu completly cut her off, I mean I did that allready, but her constant contacting me, mind games, I don't want tu endure that anymore. So it has been 4 days since her last contact, which I didn't answer, and since I started my NC 3,5 weeks ago, I broke it at mark 21st day... But immedieatly I returned to NC that day. I figured out I will need a lot of time and healing, and I'm not stable enough.

 

I'm going NC, I need to delete her from FB and sykpe... Problem is when I do that, she will conctact me, probably call me by phone... I know I do not need to answer her, pick up the phone. Also I still want to try again, and I'm afraid this will push her further away.

But there is nothing else to do. I admit whole this period of BU I was waiting for her to come back, she didn't. I did a lot of good stuff, started new things, meet new people, but everything just feels empty without her by my side, and no matter how many people are around me I still feel lonely, not always, but most of the time.

 

You don't need to tell me what I need to do, I know that.

 

But can you give some input, what to do if she calls me, and when I bump on her at our college, which I will at some point, that is inevatable? I'm pretty sure she will do that stuff.

 

Thank you for your time.

[srmano]

Hey man i think you replied to my thread a few weeks back, perhaps what i've being doing might give you an idea. I work with my ex and go to the same uni as her (granted the chances of me seeing her there are slim). I don't go out of my way to talk to her nor do i actively avoid her i, just smile if she says hi just say hi and keep moving if she tries to engage in a conversation with you say sorry i've got to go. I mean sure if you want to ignore her like some people suggest go for it, but i never wanted to give her the satisfaction that she got to me. Guess it really depends how good yourself control is, i know from what my ex has told me seeing me smiling and happy was not what she expected, just found out yesterday she gets nervous around me lol. Im around your age, I had exams also a while back and didn't do so great...

Edited February 12, 2014 by srmano

[Simon Phoenix]

Guys, I hit the low point yesterday. I had an exam, which I failed. I found myself thinking to much about my ex... Still after everything she is still in my head. Since my life is obviously

taking a toll cause of all of this. I need to take some action. I have 2 choices, but with the second one which I find easier, and shorter regarding the pain and hurt, I won't present it to you, cause I know you won't agree.

 

So I decided tu completly cut her off, I mean I did that allready, but her constant contacting me, mind games, I don't want tu endure that anymore. So it has been 4 days since her last contact, which I didn't answer, and since I started my NC 3,5 weeks ago, I broke it at mark 21st day... But immedieatly I returned to NC that day. I figured out I will need a lot of time and healing, and I'm not stable enough.

 

I'm going NC, I need to delete her from FB and sykpe... Problem is when I do that, she will conctact me, probably call me by phone... I know I do not need to answer her, pick up the phone. Also I still want to try again, and I'm afraid this will push her further away.

But there is nothing else to do. I admit whole this period of BU I was waiting for her to come back, she didn't. I did a lot of good stuff, started new things, meet new people, but everything just feels empty without her by my side, and no matter how many people are around me I still feel lonely, not always, but most of the time.

 

You don't need to tell me what I need to do, I know that.

 

But can you give some input, what to do if she calls me, and when I bump on her at our college, which I will at some point, that is inevatable? I'm pretty sure she will do that stuff.

 

Thank you for your time.

 

If you block her number she can't call you.

[d0cholliday]

I got a wake up call yesterday. It really came on crushing me. Now I can't take it anymore. I have no strenght. My life is a mess for last 8 years. And when she came in my life it became better and better, till one day I was completly happy, satisfied, studies were going great, I had a great girl etc, and then she left.... From then It has been a strugle, just surviving day by day. I didn't waste my time sitting around the house, but still I'm in a same place I was 3 months ago.

 

Will all of my actions from now on, I mean being in strict NC, look silly, and destroy any chance of getting back together? Will it look childlish? I'm afraid she will interpet that like I'm trying something to get her back, which I really don't. I just want to move on, cause my life is stagnating, and If I don't recover quickly, it will just make more problems for me.

 

I don't know how to deal with her contacting me after I remove her completly... If I meet her Ill say hi, and move on, and no matter what I won't contact her. It will be very hard for me, and it will be tempting.

 

Knowing her, she will contact me, try to manipulate me, mostly that what I'm doing is wrong, that she didn't desrved that, that I'm rude, that she was right all along about me, etc that kind of stuff, that I'm selfish. But she demonstrated nothing but selfishness, that she doesn't care about me, or my feelings. She also is going out a lot, having fun etc. I can't do that cause I'm in a situtation where it is curently impossible. When she starts to manipulate me with these things I wrote up, I usually crack and start deffending me, and it results somehow me being hurt, and me being at the starting point.

 

My questions are: How to deal with her contacting her? What kind of effect will it have on her (she is stubborn, big ego, always has to be right, always has to be best type of person)? How to avoid that manipulation. I really need break from all of this for at least a month.

 

I guess I'm a late bloomer

[srmano]

I got a wake up call yesterday. It really came on crushing me. Now I can't take it anymore. I have no strenght. My life is a mess for last 8 years. And when she came in my life it became better and better, till one day I was completly happy, satisfied, studies were going great, I had a great girl etc, and then she left.... From then It has been a strugle, just surviving day by day. I didn't waste my time sitting around the house, but still I'm in a same place I was 3 months ago.

 

Will all of my actions from now on, I mean being in strict NC, look silly, and destroy any chance of getting back together? Will it look childlish? I'm afraid she will interpet that like I'm trying something to get her back, which I really don't. I just want to move on, cause my life is stagnating, and If I don't recover quickly, it will just make more problems for me.

 

I don't know how to deal with her contacting me after I remove her completly... If I meet her Ill say hi, and move on, and no matter what I won't contact her. It will be very hard for me, and it will be tempting.

 

Knowing her, she will contact me, try to manipulate me, mostly that what I'm doing is wrong, that she didn't desrved that, that I'm rude, that she was right all along about me, etc that kind of stuff, that I'm selfish. But she demonstrated nothing but selfishness, that she doesn't care about me, or my feelings. She also is going out a lot, having fun etc. I can't do that cause I'm in a situtation where it is curently impossible. When she starts to manipulate me with these things I wrote up, I usually crack and start deffending me, and it results somehow me being hurt, and me being at the starting point.

 

My questions are: How to deal with her contacting her? What kind of effect will it have on her (she is stubborn, big ego, always has to be right, always has to be best type of person)? How to avoid that manipulation. I really need break from all of this for at least a month.

 

I guess I'm a late bloomer

 

My situation was the same, felt great having it all i guess you could say. I understand it will be tempting, it sure as hell was for me going from talking to someone 24/7 to nothing, but end of the day she left you, prove yourself wrong and resist the temptation, i did and it slowly gets easier. My ex is similar to yours. Just keep to yourself and don't make an effort eventually she'll get the idea. In regards to being in strict NC ruin any chances of getting her back, read the my latest update

[d0cholliday]

My situation was the same, felt great having it all i guess you could say. I understand it will be tempting, it sure as hell was for me going from talking to someone 24/7 to nothing, but end of the day she left you, prove yourself wrong and resist the temptation, i did and it slowly gets easier. My ex is similar to yours. Just keep to yourself and don't make an effort eventually she'll get the idea.

 

 

Can you please tell me a bit more about your situation right now... Where you at , at this point? Does she contacts you, did she stopped after sometime? What do you think chances are of reconciliation? And also shoul I just unfriend her, or block her, there is a difference?

[srmano]

Can you please tell me a bit more about your situation right now... Where you at , at this point? Does she contacts you, did she stopped after sometime? What do you think chances are of reconciliation? And also shoul I just unfriend her, or block her, there is a difference?

 

I had her admit she has feelings for me still, has throughout about and discussed the idea of being in a relationship with me and why things didn't work out, asked me if i had feelings for her. Link below, i think on page two i replied to your question, just don't get two set on the idea of her coming back, try to move on, if she comes back and realises she screwed up then address it then. If you were good to her and it was a good relationship then perhaps you have a chance, just don't expect it now (you've only being broken up for a few months), honestly you'll get to a point where you don't care. We messaged for 7-8 hrs almost on and off.

 

I followed most the advice on this site, i didn't however block her on fb, i hid her from my feed and turned her off on my chat, shes still on my phone i just deleted her from my message history, depends how good yourself control is, if you know your going to initiate just block her. She usually tries talking to me at work whenever she sees me, admitted to me in our chat yesterday she makes an effort too. I at this moment in time don't want a relationship with her. My personality is similar to yours in that i come across as macho but once you get to know me im a bit of a softy.

 

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/444517-my-ex-rebound-relationship-just-moved-3.html

Edited February 12, 2014 by srmano

[d0cholliday]

I have a lot of self-control, I also hide her from my news feed, turned of chat, and I could read her messages and not respond. I managed to do that for quite long. But I want to make an impact also. I only showed her I'm still waiting for her. So I think I need to block her even though I can control myself, but I think it will only make much more hard for me to move on if I still have her on FB.

 

So you talk to your ex from time to time?

[srmano]

I have a lot of self-control, I also hide her from my news feed, turned of chat, and I could read her messages and not respond. I managed to do that for quite long. But I want to make an impact also. I only showed her I'm still waiting for her. So I think I need to block her even though I can control myself, but I think it will only make much more hard for me to move on if I still have her on FB.

 

So you talk to your ex from time to time?

 

We've talked 3 times over the 2.5 months or so, yesterday was by far the longest. She says stuff at work but i just keep my answers direct and keep moving wouldn't class them as conversations. The other two times was just her messaging me about how she misses me etc, i just told her that i've got my own stuff going on and it was her choice to break up and as a result i really didn't need to play a role in her life, just wished her the best and stopped replying after that. I made a point of not having a go at her, she was trying to guilt trip me into feeling bad about limiting my contact with her and not talking (don't be on her back burner, your not an option), but do whats best for you. Every time i've responded to her its when i've wanted to and i've actually thought about what im going to say. Just don't be on her beck and call, and what are you doing thats showing her your waiting for her?

 

I really don't get how blocking her is going to make an impact? , i mean do it for yourself if its what you need to move on. My ex asked me a while back if i deleted her number and i said no (because i didn't reply to her despite her begging me too and blowing up my phone, admitted to me yesterday blowing up my phone was a mistake).

Edited February 12, 2014 by srmano

[d0cholliday]

So you are doing good I guess, and you don't want her back? I hope I will get there at somepoint. Your ex at least said to you that she misses you. My ex didn't really had a time to see how it is without me, cause she knows I'm there for her, but lately she just acts cold, like she isn't giving a **** about me, doing good in her life... When I meant impact, I want her to know that I gave up on her, and I can't do this anymore...

 

So I think blocking is the right thing to do, but there is still a lot of doubt in my mind. And this is a hard move for me. After I cut her off, I will be completely alone. I really don't have any friends in the town where I currently am, all of my friends and familly is in another country.

 

If she contacts me, I will ignore, but if she crosses a line, I will politely ask her to stop, that I've been waiting for her, she didn't come, and that she lost me completly. I will tell her not to contact me, cause I can't be her friend, and I'm not ready, cause I've got a lot of stuff to work out. But now I even think she won't react in any way, maybe only ignore me even more.

 

Man this will be hard for me

[srmano]

I don't want her back right now, she just got out of a relationship and to be honest is a mess, in the future perhaps. She's admitted to missing me and having feelings of some sort yes, doesn't mean necessarily she wants me back. Well quit being there for her, give her a chance to miss you. Don't tell her your that you've being waiting for her, how she didnt come/ losing you (she already knows that), just say it was her decision to break up with you and you not being their is a consequence and you've got your own life to live. And don't tell her your not ready to be friends right now, she wants to hear that, actually show her she's lost you, also its good if she ignores you less chance for you to skrew up mine never ignored me so it was always up to me to keep any contact brief.

 

My ex yesterday said this "Your fantastic with life and always have been and always will be. Nothing has ever phased you about anything" reason i posted that is i showed her i was happy without her and didn't need her she thought i'd come running back.

[d0cholliday]

I don't want her back right now, she just got out of a relationship and to be honest is a mess, in the future perhaps. She's admitted to missing me and having feelings of some sort yes, doesn't mean necessarily she wants me back. Well quit being there for her, give her a chance to miss you. Don't tell her your that you've being waiting for her, how she didnt come/ losing you (she already knows that), just say it was her decision to break up with you and you not being their is a consequence and you've got your own life to live. And don't tell her your not ready to be friends right now, she wants to hear that, actually show her she's lost you, also its good if she ignores you less chance for you to skrew up mine never ignored me so it was always up to me to keep any contact brief.

 

My ex yesterday said this "Your fantastic with life and always have been and always will be. Nothing has ever phased you about anything" reason i posted that is i showed her i was happy without her and didn't need her she thought i'd come running back.

 

Ok for now I'll just keep NC, without blocking her, I hide her messages so they won't pop up when she sends me something, I blocked her on skype, and I will see what will happen. Thank you for your advice.