gaius Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 My mother was cheating on my step father when I was growing up and I lost my virginity to a girl who had a boyfriend so no they don't disgust me. You just have to enjoy the good times in life while they're around and not expect them to last forever. Getting all hung up and disgusted by the fact someone gave someone else, or even you, a raw deal is generally counter productive. Link to post Share on other sites
yellowmaverick Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 Would a better question be, do you find cheating, immoral? I do It is more than just immoral. It is an act of selfishness to the greatest extreme - a complete disregard for anyone but the offender. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 Cheating is something I just don't get. I mean, I get that some people are selfish and don't have strong principles, but cheating isn't something I can ever imagine doing. I discovered a friend of mine in college was cheating on her fiance - pretty much every weekend with a different guy. She admitted to me that she had low self-esteem, and one of the few things that made her feel better was landing the hottest guy in the club every weekend. Sad, but true. I felt weird knowing this, as I hung out with her and her fiance a few times, and felt bad for him. Then she asked me to be her maid of honor in the wedding. As politely as I could, I declined, explaining that I couldn't find any honor in standing up there by her side knowing she was cheating on the groom. Within a week, she called off the wedding and broke up with him. I kind of faded out on the friendship from there. I felt bad about it, but I just couldn't get my heart into staying friends with someone with such different principles. Link to post Share on other sites
jba10582 Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 How do you spell the color Grey or Gray? Which is correct, "grey" or "gray" spelling? Link to post Share on other sites
Eau Claire Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 Answer. Yes...I would never have a relationship with a man who cheated on a partner. Integrity is everything. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 Yes, I believe so... but I'm disgusted by lots of things that people do that hurt others... I'm almost as disgusted by those who give unremorseful 'cheaters' cover and let them carry on with their new relationship(s). Like, I would never vote for Newt Gingrich simply based on his relationship history. Would never vote for Elliot Spitzer either. Or John Edwards... I could go on. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 Yes, I believe so... but I'm disgusted by lots of things that people do that hurt others... I'm almost as disgusted by those who give unremorseful 'cheaters' cover and let them carry on with their new relationship(s). Like, I would never vote for Newt Gingrich simply based on his relationship history. Would never vote for Elliot Spitzer either. Or John Edwards... I could go on. Did you vote for Clinton back in the day? Link to post Share on other sites
nescafe1982 Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 How do you spell the color Grey or Gray? Which is correct, "grey" or "gray" spelling? I was thinking the same thing when reading this thread earlier... Link to post Share on other sites
Toddbt12y1 Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 I was thinking the same thing when reading this thread earlier... Both are correct forms. I thought the same as well; well awhile back ago. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 How do you spell the color Grey or Gray? Which is correct, "grey" or "gray" spelling? Jail/gaol is another one.... And the only commonly used word in the English language which has gender differentiation is Blond(M)/Blonde(F). Hang on.... are we even in the right thread....? Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 I am not disgusted by cheaters unless I know some more details. If they are just unhappy in their relationship and it's going to end whether they cheat or not. Sometimes it's just a one time or once in a while mistake. Some married people may even negotiate a certain level of playing around which they won't consider cheating. Some people think the idea that one person can give any other person 100% of what they need 100% of the time forever is unrealistic. Then there are the ones I am disgusted by As far as I can tell the kind of cheaters mentioned in the OP are people who just do not want to be alone. You know, they "monkey branch" from one relationship to the other. Never letting go of the old, until they are sure the new one is stable. They leave a trail of people who thought the relationship was good. People who find out that their loving wife/husband boyfriend/girlfriend was already dating someone else before the break up. That is what disgust me. They can't be alone and it makes me wonder if they really love anyone or do they just need a body next to them in order to feel good. Do they need an audience for their histrionics, an outlet for their BPD, or a source of narcissistic supply and validation? Are they just psycho and lacking empathy. It disgust me that they substitute false intimacy an sex for getting therapy. I agree that both people are responsible for the state of relationship but cheaters have a habit of making things look as bad as possible. Very true. They will often have a poor me. My husband/wife/BF/GF....is the most horrible person in the world. My mother was cheating on my step father when I was growing up and I lost my virginity to a girl who had a boyfriend so no they don't disgust me. You just have to enjoy the good times in life while they're around and not expect them to last forever. Getting all hung up and disgusted by the fact someone gave someone else, or even you, a raw deal is generally counter productive. So very true. When I was young, starting as a teenager, this really bothered me, as it was something I had never been exposed to but, over time, I found that the bother I was feeling, not really being 'disgust' but rather more annoyance having to do with being passed over in favor of such people, was really counterproductive to my own mental and emotional health. I realized all I was doing was wearing myself out. Those people didn't care; that was obvious. Nowadays, as it's so common in my demographic and I experience new iterations nearly daily, I'm not even moved by it in any substantive way. Perhaps that's a function of age; perhaps a function of life experience. I'd like to feel outrage and disgust, kind of like when I observe former smokers accosting smokers and lecturing them, but the feelings just aren't there anymore. People have their vices and sometimes they are hurtful. One person's vices put her in the ground today at the young age of 49. I guess I'd like to be mad at her but I just don't feel that. Mixed bag. Maybe in your demo it is the simple fact that most everyone who wants to be married is married? So to find someone your own ages to date...one just has to be willing to poach someone else's mate. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 No, I'm disgusted by people that commit crimes like paedophilia. That is far more abhorrent than an adult stepping out on their marriage. We never know what is going on in someone's marriage. I feel attempting to understand, rather than harsh condemnation, is the recipe. And it is so, so easy to say "I would never...". Some cliches are cliches for a reason. "To err is human, to forgive, divine." I kind of like that. I try to live by it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Iguanna Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 I always believe that getting married to someone does not mean that you lock your heart forever. It is really possible that your spouse will one day fall in love with another person and leave you for them. Would it hurt me? Hell yes. Would it be unfair? Yes, but life is unfair anyway. These things happen. I can't lock him inside the house so he never meets anyone. In fact, this can happen to me as well. What makes the difference is the way people handle this situation. If they tell their spouse and divorce before they get in a relationship with another person, it's fair game, nobody accuses them. If they choose to cheat though, that's another story. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 I can deal with somebody that cheated once and changed but people who cheat with no remorse whatsoever for the people they hurt just disgust me. I have no use for people who betray a person's trust like that. If things are that bad get out. Link to post Share on other sites
Imported Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 I work with this couple that were both married with kids and cheated on their partners (they were all friends which makes it even worse). They have since divorced their SOs and are now officially together. I can't help but feel physically sickened whenever I see them together Not disgusted, I just don't respect the choices they have made. Especially if they go on about how it wasn't their fault for any reasoning. Unless they were raped, they made a choice. I don't understand the temptation to betray a person you supposedly love. And if you don't love them anymore and want to leave them, then leave them and give them some dignity to not **** around with other people until that happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Divasu Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 More like, lack of respect toward the offender. Also feel the same way towards the person knowingly involved with someone who is taken... They're both equal offenders IMO. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 More like, lack of respect toward the offender. Also feel the same way towards the person knowingly involved with someone who is taken... They're both equal offenders IMO. First of all define "taken". Does having been on one date with someone make you "taken"? Does having a FB relationship status make one "taken"? IMHO only being married makes a person taken. Anything less than that is just having fun and exploring. When exploring a relationship with someone it is still ok to change your mind. As much as it sucks not to be chosen, people still have complete freedom to change their mind before taking vows. I know of too many now old and long married couples where one or both of them were dating someone else when they met. Then got married and stayed married for 40 or 50 years. So it's BS to think that someone who will "do it with you will always do it to you". Sometimes a current relationship just isn't really a good fit, it's killing time, filling space, having fun, and not the one. It is up to the people in a relationship, less than marriage, to uphold it's dubious sanctity not everyone else. To me a girlfriend who strays is one who can just stay gone, or crawl back to me on their belly. However I would never "hate" or feel "disgust" for someone who cheated on me. I'd rather have them walk out on me than stay and be miserable. I know I can always, eventually, find someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 Kinda. I disagree with cheating and I've never done it, although I have been the OW once for a few months, which was the biggest and only regret of my life so far. I am still disgusted at myself for that and know as much as I can know anything that I'll never go down that path again. I don't if I'll ever 'forgive myself'. But I guess it gave me an insight into stuff, since then I seem to know so many more people, just average normal lovely people, that have cheated at some stage. Not necessarily affairs but one night stands with others, prostitutes while married, kissing in a club. As much as I disagree with infidelity and can't picture myself ever being the cheater, I also believe that every human is capable of good and bad acts, and being a cheater doesn't always have to totally overshadow every positive part of someone's character. Basically we're all on a scale from doing mostly good to doing mostly harm. I can't judge people who are closer to the 'doing harm' side because I've slid that way myself. I also know that the rest of my life is spent doing as much good as possible, my career, my voluntary work, my personal ethics and the way I act on them, they are all contributing positively to the world. And I know other people who might do one crazy thing once and yet still do so much good in the world. So it doesn't disgust me as much as it used to. The act does but being around someone who is doing it or has done it before doesn't really make me feel revulsion. It would if I had to witness partners interacting while I knew of one of their infidelities though. Link to post Share on other sites
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