Anyone else Happy to not have to worry about Valentines day?

[MissBee]

It seems to me that the pattern is that.

 

 

People in stable long term marriage type relationships don't think it's stressful. Either they are married to someone they know doesn't care or they both know what they want. No risk of rejection, no magnified feelings of loneliness.

 

 

While those who are single especially if it's not mostly by choice feel it differently. You know.

 

 

For me if I were to either start dating someone totally new, or reconcile with an ex in the next few weeks I'd need to come up with something. VS giving a gift to a wife of X number of years...I see why married people find it less of a big deal.

 

I'm not married and it's never been a big stressful deal.

 

With one ex we became official about a month before Valentine's Day so it was all still new and like omg what should I get him/do for him, but that's not real stress IMO, it was a fun thing and something I was excited to figure out.

 

I really think if it is stressful for you then maybe you should reorganize your thinking about it, as it really isn't that deep at all. Maybe if you are an anxious, high strung person in general then any thing like this becomes something you take overboard. But it's really not that stressful to ask someone what they like or observe what they like and get it for Valentine's Day. Even if they don't like it, if they like you they will be appreciative or you'll learn for next time. It's not that serious at all.

[Frank2thepoint]

Valentine's Day is awesome. There is all these extra chocolates in the stores for me to snack on.

[Phoe]

This year will be my first valentines day with someone

 

I have to admit I am excited, but I am also already stressing to figure out what I ought to do for him/get for him.

 

 

I know he will put in a lot of effort and me being not terribly creative or imaginative, I worry I won't be able to do something as awesome or special for him, as he will for me

[Mrlonelyone]

 

I really think if it is stressful for you then maybe you should reorganize your thinking about it, as it really isn't that deep at all. Maybe if you are an anxious, high strung person in general then any thing like this becomes something you take overboard. But it's really not that stressful to ask someone what they like or observe what they like and get it for Valentine's Day. Even if they don't like it, if they like you they will be appreciative or you'll learn for next time. It's not that serious at all.

 

 

I am not high strung in general.... but the reason it is stressful is because I am so used to being rejected for emotional romance while being accepted for purely sexual and shallow relationships.

[Mrlonelyone]

This year will be my first valentines day with someone

 

I have to admit I am excited, but I am also already stressing to figure out what I ought to do for him/get for him.

 

 

I know he will put in a lot of effort and me being not terribly creative or imaginative, I worry I won't be able to do something as awesome or special for him, as he will for me

 

I've written much about someone I call M. Well. Last Valentines day I gave M a book about the subject we both study and wrote in it. Then a couple months latter she introduced me to her family. So, I'd say that went over well.

 

What I learned from that was get a gift that says you really paid attention to them as a person.

 

That is real romantic.

 

Flowers, candy, dinner, etc ... that is something any schmuck can do. Find out what your So is about as a person and get them something that speaks to that.

[gaius]

This year will be my first valentines day with someone

 

I have to admit I am excited, but I am also already stressing to figure out what I ought to do for him/get for him.

 

 

I know he will put in a lot of effort and me being not terribly creative or imaginative, I worry I won't be able to do something as awesome or special for him, as he will for me

It's easy for women. Decking yourself out in some sexy lingerie he hasn't seen before and giving him one of those BJs with the teeth will make him happier than any kind of present you could buy or poem you could write.

[MissBee]

I am not high strung in general.... but the reason it is stressful is because I am so used to being rejected for emotional romance while being accepted for purely sexual and shallow relationships.

 

That's a whole other issue then...and I'm truly sorry about that and hope you do find someone to love and appreciate you in a true relationship.

 

It's really an issue then that has nothing to do with Valentine's Day but really the anxiety and stress of being treated in that way and then trying to do something for someone on Valentine's Day when you don't even know if you have a relationship.

 

But when you know where you stand I think it's a different feeling altogether. One gf of mine was seeing this guy i.e. sleeping with him and wanting a R but all he was using her for was sex and maybe they hung out sometimes and she was soooooo worried about what to do for him on Valentine's Day. We tried to tell her that she doesn't need to do anything because as far as it seems they are not a couple but FWB, but because she wanted more and the whole thing was already ambiguous it became this entire production of should I do this, should I do that etc. In the end she ended up getting him a watch and wanting to make plans with him for Vday, he fell asleep, didn't end up meeting up at the time they said, they met up at 1 am, had sex, she gave him the watch and he had nothing for her! Our other friends with actual bfs were not at all as anxious as she was and in the end it was horrible for her although she had went through all the back and forth about what to do and spent money she didn't have.

 

I think what you're describing is similar in that the real anxiety might be over not knowing where you stand and if you did know then it wouldn't be stressful for you, as in some ways for her it seemed like Valentine's Day was her chance to buy this person or "show them" she was gf material so with that mentality it isn't just a cute day for lovers to do a little extra but an "audition" essentially and when it's an audition, there is possibility for rejection thus a lot more stressful.

[Els]

It's easy for women. Decking yourself out in some sexy lingerie he hasn't seen before and giving him one of those BJs with the teeth will make him happier than any kind of present you could buy or poem you could write.

 

I second this, Phoe. Unless he's really the kind of guy who likes poems and flowers (which is fairly uncommon), lingerie + BJ is always a good bet. It's my staple.

 

Do check if he likes teeth or not first though.

 

Editing to add: I think it's equally easy for men unless they have a very demanding partner (which they might want to reconsider). Romantic dinner + flowers does the trick for most women. Women who don't like that would usually offer alternatives to begin with so all you have to do is follow up on those.

[Mrlonelyone]

It's easy for women. Decking yourself out in some sexy lingerie he hasn't seen before and giving him one of those BJs with the teeth will make him happier than any kind of present you could buy or poem you could write.

 

 

With the teeth? :/

 

 

I second this, Phoe. Unless he's really the kind of guy who likes poems and flowers (which is fairly uncommon), lingerie + BJ is always a good bet. It's my staple.

 

Do check if he likes teeth or not first though.

 

Editing to add: I think it's equally easy for men unless they have a very demanding partner (which they might want to reconsider). Romantic dinner + flowers does the trick for most women. Women who don't like that would usually offer alternatives to begin with so all you have to do is follow up on those.

 

 

The last relationship I had I gave her a book about the subject we both love and study. To us that was romantic.

 

 

The key to giving a non cheesy gift on V day is to make it one that shows you paid attention to who they are as a person. Which is easy when you are at least a little compatible.

 

 

@MissBee

 

 

What you say about not knowing where I stand is true. The thing is I never really feel like I really know where I stand. As I mentioned in the last relationship of mine I was with someone who... one minute is making plans for summer and next winter possible vacations together...then a week latter supposedly never wants to talk to me again, for no reason... then a month latter wants me again (Maybe mostly when she's ovulating for me like the sexy cad I am?)

Edited January 16, 2014 by Mrlonelyone

[potsticker]

I'm pretty happy not having to decipher a certain someone's opinion on commercialized holidays

[Els]

 

The last relationship I had I gave her a book about the subject we both love and study. To us that was romantic.

 

The key to giving a non cheesy gift on V day is to make it one that shows you paid attention to who they are as a person. Which is easy when you are at least a little compatible.

 

See, was that not easy?

 

Seriously, you would be surprised how many women actually do enjoy romantic dinners and flowers once a year. The majority of women I know do.

 

Of course, if you have any additional ideas (like the book with your ex), that's great, add them on or replace the default with them. But if you don't, there's no need to work yourself into an anxiety spiral because you don't! If we love you, we don't really care. Just show some effort and you'll be fine. Even if the gift itself doesn't exactly showcase a Picasso-like talent for creativity.

[Mrlonelyone]

See, was that not easy?

 

Seriously, you would be surprised how many women actually do enjoy romantic dinners and flowers once a year. The majority of women I know do.

 

Of course, if you have any additional ideas (like the book with your ex), that's great, add them on or replace the default with them. But if you don't, there's no need to work yourself into an anxiety spiral because you don't! If we love you, we don't really care. Just show some effort and you'll be fine. Even if the gift itself doesn't exactly showcase a Picasso-like talent for creativity.

 

 

 

Looking back I was a little nervous if she would like it an accept it. When she first saw what was in it she dropped it like she was surprised... then we made the nerdiest possible sexy talk you've ever heard.

[Els]

A little nervousness is all well and good. I get that too.

 

The anxiety-fuelled spiral you described in your other post is not. If you are working yourself up into such an anxiety, you are placing more importance on the gift than the other person would if he/she is into you.

[Mrlonelyone]

A little nervousness is all well and good. I get that too.

 

The anxiety-fuelled spiral you described in your other post is not. If you are working yourself up into such an anxiety, you are placing more importance on the gift than the other person would if he/she is into you.

 

 

 

I explained last years situation a bit in a PM to you. You get why it was a little strange.

[Phoe]

It's easy for women. Decking yourself out in some sexy lingerie he hasn't seen before and giving him one of those BJs with the teeth will make him happier than any kind of present you could buy or poem you could write.

 

He already gets those BJ's every day though

 

 

I'll think of somewhere to take him, I think.

 

 

PS since everyone seemed alarmed by the teeth thing, yes he loves the use of teeth. Haha

[gaius]

I second this, Phoe. Unless he's really the kind of guy who likes poems and flowers (which is fairly uncommon), lingerie + BJ is always a good bet. It's my staple.

 

Do check if he likes teeth or not first though.

 

Editing to add: I think it's equally easy for men unless they have a very demanding partner (which they might want to reconsider). Romantic dinner + flowers does the trick for most women. Women who don't like that would usually offer alternatives to begin with so all you have to do is follow up on those.

Hey I know what Phoes boyfriend likes! :confused:

 

What have you got planned Els? My biggest problem was always picking out the chocolate, some girls can be pretty particular and I tend to like the more particular ones.

[Emilia]

Now I am almost equally happy to no have to worry about any of that. If I had anyone special in my life, especially my last EX at this point I would have to come up with something. We would've been over a year now. I can just sit back relax and let other people sweat that out.

Perhaps because I grew up in a country that didn't recognise Valentine's Day and I didn't realise its significance until I moved to the UK, I've never cared about it. Not just because a lot of the gifts are incredibly tacky and my favourite restaurants are rammed with people and have special menus without my favourite dishes but also because it's commercial.

 

Honestly couldn't care less. Less likely to go out then for above mentioned reasons. It really makes no difference to my life either way.

[Els]

Hey I know what Phoes boyfriend likes! :confused:

 

What have you got planned Els? My biggest problem was always picking out the chocolate, some girls can be pretty particular and I tend to like the more

particular ones.

 

We're going out for dinner, I don't know what he'll be getting me but it's probably going to be a bouquet of sorts, and I still haven't bought my lingerie for this year! Eep. I'm thinking babydoll/chemise paired with garter belt and stockings, but I'm not sure what I'll go for in the end.

 

Yeah, you have to know her taste as far as chocs go. A safer bet would be one of those nicely wrapped boxes with multiple types inside. Then at least she'll like some of them. I also don't know a single girl who doesn't like Swiss or Belgian choc.

Edited January 16, 2014 by Elswyth

[Shepp]

:lmao: Good news is you can buy flowers on that day itself and if you work in an office you are likely to get plenty of reminders!

 

Haha true true, luckily we have a calendar at work for essential dates like girlfriends birthdays and valentines so I know just how long I've got

My gf likes to pretend she hates "commercial c---" roses and chocs and all that...but she loves it really!!

 

 

Unfortunately work tends to get pretty busy on valentines - too many distracted cooks and unattended candles! So yeah, fire safety - don't let your valentines go up in smoke guys!!

Edited January 16, 2014 by Shepp

[Els]

Haha true true, luckily we have a calendar at work for essential dates like girlfriends birthdays and valentines so I know just how long I've got

 

At work?? Damn, you have some attentive colleagues...

 

Unfortunately work tends to get pretty busy on valentines - too many distracted cooks and unattended candles! So yeah, fire safety - don't let your valentines go up in smoke guys!!

 

The bf told me that last year, when he'd finally gotten his flowers after braving the hour-long queue, some guy came up to him and pleaded to buy one rose cause he was going to be late to meet his girlfriend. Poor dude...

[gaius]

I'm thinking babydoll/chemise paired with garter belt and stockings, but I'm not sure what I'll go for in the end.

Sounds just about right to me.

[Shepp]

At work?? Damn, you have some attentive colleagues...

Haha yeah, apparently some guy forgot his anniversary once and so started it off and now its just tradition. Hangs up in our kitchen.

Has like "Shepp's Birthday" on mine and then "Shepp's girlfriends birthday" on her's

 

 

The bf told me that last year, when he'd finally gotten his flowers after braving the hour-long queue, some guy came up to him and pleaded to buy one rose cause he was going to be late to meet his girlfriend. Poor dude...

Hour-long!! Jesus! That's crazy!

[Els]

Haha yeah, apparently some guy forgot his anniversary once and so started it off and now its just tradition. Hangs up in our kitchen.

Has like "Shepp's Birthday" on mine and then "Shepp's girlfriends birthday" on her's

 

Why do you need to be reminded of your own birthday?

 

Hour-long!! Jesus! That's crazy!

 

Yeah, really crazy, I had no idea. It was really sweet of him to do that though. I later told him that supermarkets also sell fresh flowers and I would be perfectly happy with one of those next year, if he wants to avoid the queue.

 

Us girls are kinda lucky in that lingerie can be purchased beforehand.

[Revolver]

No it sucks, Every damn year too. It wouldn't be so bad if I had Bootycall on standby

Edited January 17, 2014 by Revolver

[Shepp]

Why do you need to be reminded of your own birthday?

That's so they have plenty of time to think about present ideas, cake and practice theyre fake "what? its your birthday! today!!?" faces

 

Us girls are kinda lucky in that lingerie can be purchased beforehand.

Aye, but I think it evens out really what with our present being much more re-usable than flowers