DFF123 Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 Hi, First thing worth mentioning (though I'm not sure how much difference it makes) is that I'm in a long distance relationship. We've been together for two years. Anyway, a few months ago, we were talking about sex, and we somehow brought up someone she knows. This person she knows, was never really a boyfriend of hers, but they had a thing, purely based on skype (another long distance thing) before she met me. Anyway, it was revealed that sometimes she thinks about sex with him, and that she would quite like to have one night with him (she'd never act on it - I know that). At the time, I was okay with this, my feelings were that people have sexual feelings, and that's normal. We spoke about it a few more times, one time where we went over the top, and she wanted to talk to him about it (she didn't, and we both regretted the conversation). Since then, we hadn't spoken about it, until yesterday. I was reading through some of our old conversations, and this started to really bother me. So I told her it was bothering me, and she was apologetic, saying we'd never talk about him again, that she'd block him and delete him from her life and try not to think about him ever. I believe her, that she will try. But one thing she said, really bothered me - "I don't want him. Okay, yes, I want him. I'm sorry. But I do. Not all the time but at times, I do. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." We've agreed not to talk about it any more, agreed that she will cut him from her life completely, and that she will help me forget about it. Problem is, twenty four hours later, and I still can't get it out of my head. My two questions are these: 1. Will I ever be able to forget about this? And 2. Am I right to be bothered by it, or do I need to just let it go? Thanks for reading Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 I wouldn't trust it. Since the last time it was brought up, she told you that she deleted and blocked this guy. Now, if a significant time has past, those feelings should be dwindling to almost non existent. How, if she states that she still has feelings of sleeping with this guy, then I think she's still in contact with him. I don't think this guy is blocked. IDK, I think he's still around in some way, shape or form. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DFF123 Posted January 10, 2014 Author Share Posted January 10, 2014 I'm sorry, I mustn't of been clear. She didn't say she had blocked him, yesterday, she told me she would. Meaning she will today or in the next few days. There isn't a case of lying going on here, I trust her. I know she would never do anything about it or talk to him about it. The only issue here is me knowing what she wants. Link to post Share on other sites
Sand Man Dan Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 I'm sorry, I mustn't of been clear. She didn't say she had blocked him, yesterday, she told me she would. Meaning she will today or in the next few days. There isn't a case of lying going on here, I trust her. I know she would never do anything about it or talk to him about it. The only issue here is me knowing what she wants. Break up with her now, suffer a little Or Wait for her to break up with you, likely without explanation, and you'll be the fool, suffering greatly, when you could have suffered a little. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 (edited) I'm sorry, I mustn't of been clear. She didn't say she had blocked him, yesterday, she told me she would. Meaning she will today or in the next few days. There isn't a case of lying going on here, I trust her. I know she would never do anything about it or talk to him about it. The only issue here is me knowing what she wants. Look, your in a LDR with this woman and she has lots of idle time to think about how lonely and abandoned she is. Recognize that she is looking you right in the eye and telling you she wants to have sex with a guy she already has a strong emotional attachment to. The chances that they are not going to get together and consummate their relationship are near zero so prepare yourself for the day she breaks it to you. I can't imagine staying with any woman who asked me for a hall-pass to have sex with her skype partner. If you don't recognize this as the end of your relationship then your in serious denial. Edited January 10, 2014 by drifter777 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DFF123 Posted January 10, 2014 Author Share Posted January 10, 2014 That's the thing. She doesn't want to have sex with him. She likes the idea, and sometimes wants to, but she doesn't want to want to. I believe that she will stop thinking about it - it's my own fault she ever did, I brought it up. I can tell you now, she has no emotional attachment whatsoever, they never dated, and she told me (even before we were together - I was a good friend of hers first) that he was a complete idiot. What she feels is purely physical. It's human nature. She also never asked for any such "hall pass". She has stated time and time again that she never wants to have sex with him, that she always wants to be with me. I believe her. She never talks with him as it is. Besides, the possibility of her ever actually doing it is near impossible - like I said, it's another long distance thing. She never actually thinks about it, unless I bring it up, which, I have to admit, I have done on a few occasions. Curiosity. I appreciate the comments guys, really I do. But it was a mistake for me to create this thread, when I can't clearly communicate the whole situation. Besides, what's the harm in letting her forget about him, cut him completely from her life, and revisit where we're at in a few months? For me, there's no harm. Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 I dont understand what the question is. She told you the answer. She thinks about / wants to bang another dude. Are you cool with that ? Especially after she said she does, then she doesn't, then she does. Do you want to be with some one that wants to have sex with another man. That's the only thing you should be contemplating. Don't make excuses for her . 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 Is this serious? You really did not get your answer when you read her messages? She is a cheater. Your not going to change her. Either dump her or stay with her and accept your now second. I would not waste another second of my time with her. I would not even tell her why. I would just simply walk away. There are much better women out there. Life is to short to deal with xxxxxx. Clay Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 Anyway, it was revealed that sometimes she thinks about sex with him, and that she would quite like to have one night with him (she'd never act on it - I know that). At the time, I was okay with this, my feelings were that people have sexual feelings, and that's normal. This is called a hall-pass. And skype-ing with this guy for as long as you say she has means that they do have a strong emotional connection. Stop trying to think you can read her mind because she is telling you exactly what she thinks she has to tell you in order for her to have 2 boyfriends at the same time. Guys always make excuses for their cheating wives or girlfriends when they are afraid of losing them and the emotional security they feel they have with them. You are no different. She's going to screw this guy and probably not tell you right away but you are going to discover the truth. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Keke1 Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 That's the thing. She doesn't want to have sex with him. She likes the idea, and sometimes wants to, but she doesn't want to want to. I believe that she will stop thinking about it - it's my own fault she ever did, I brought it up. I can tell you now, she has no emotional attachment whatsoever, they never dated, and she told me (even before we were together - I was a good friend of hers first) that he was a complete idiot. What she feels is purely physical. It's human nature. She also never asked for any such "hall pass". She has stated time and time again that she never wants to have sex with him, that she always wants to be with me. I believe her. She never talks with him as it is. Besides, the possibility of her ever actually doing it is near impossible - like I said, it's another long distance thing. She never actually thinks about it, unless I bring it up, which, I have to admit, I have done on a few occasions. Curiosity. I appreciate the comments guys, really I do. But it was a mistake for me to create this thread, when I can't clearly communicate the whole situation. Besides, what's the harm in letting her forget about him, cut him completely from her life, and revisit where we're at in a few months? For me, there's no harm. She doesn't want to?????? Lol give it up guys we're reading a lost cause Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 OP, I think you came here looking for reassurance that your worries are unfounded. You have to understand that posters can only base their opinions on what you've said. In this case, it didn't sound good. Only you know your relationship, of course, but don't simply discount others' feedback because you don't like what you're hearing. Lots of people here speak from experience. Good luck to you; hope it works out. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 DFF123, I would have walked out and not looked back. How disrespectful and insensitive of her. I wish you luck, b/c she's going to be trouble.... Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 Whats going to happen is this. Your going to be thinking about this thing she said about some other guy and your either going to text or call her and get no call back. Now with this thing about her wanting but not wanting to want but not really wanting to want with this guy is going to be on your mind and next thing your getting a mind movie of those two bumping uglies. Then you'll get your phone call from her and the reason why she couldn't get back to you soon enough and by the time you finally get to see her your going to be frazzled, wrinkled and grey. I put no faith in LDR's. Either be there or be with someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 Have you ever met this girl in person? If so, have you two ever had actual intercourse, not Skype sex? Wasn't clear in OP. Best, Grumps Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 Forgive me if these are stupid questions. Have you met her in person yet? If so, have you had sex? Has she met the other guy in person? If so, have they ever done anything intimate? Link to post Share on other sites
macflores Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 This will keep bothering you eventually, dont be a fool here. What bothered u is that she has thoughts of sex with that man while shes in a relationship with you. Blocking that man's account does not say her thoughts will stop. She blocks or she doesnt, either way the fact that she told you about it is very insensitive and will only grow trust issues between u both along the way.. She cant chase 2 rabbits at once, she lose both. You can trust everyonr u love but u can love everyone that u trust. its a dodgable bullet Link to post Share on other sites
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