Why men and women cannot be friends

[Oxygen13]

Having skimmed through this forum I've seen some really common threads, and really common issues. And if you read the title of this particular thread, you can probably guess what that is. Yes, that men and women cannot be friends.

 

Now I know that a lot of people would disagree with me, and some of their points may even be valid. But either they are not being 100% honest (It is the internet after all) or they may be a very small exemption to this rule.

 

Lets read why men and women cannot be friends.

 

1. My first point is take a stroll down the metaphorical hallway that is this forum and you'll see how common this issue is. If this isn't proof itself, then I don't know what qualifies.

 

2. As a guy, think of the hobbies, and activities that you enjoy. While the guys are busy doing that, lets have the girls do the same. So im just going to randomly generate some hobbies that I like doing: gym, video games, watching movies, playing guitar, going to the bar. Now of all these hobbies that I've listed, I would rather do them with my best friend (Who's a guy). Why? Because he has a similar routine at the gym as me, likes to talk about reps, set, protein and all that good stuff, he likes the same games as me, and know the release date of the game you can't wait for, likes the same movies and isn't going to mind that you get the XL popcorn and has the same sense of humor (Which is horrible and disgusting mind you), likes when you point out a hot girl he didn't notice, and all the other stereotypical guy stuff...boobs, bums, guns, cars, ect. Now imagine doing any of this with a chick, **** that.

 

My point is, id rather do all the **** I like doing, with my buddies over a chick anyday.... UNLESS.... I want to bump uglies with her.

 

Think of this from a girls perspective (Im not qualified, so bare with me). Grabbing coffee (Gossip?), getting ready before the club(Bathroom mirror selfies, #****yeah), gym (Cardio and squats ;P), getting anything cosmetic done, watching a chick flick(I actually enjoyed the notebook).

 

Would you rather have a guy along with you complaining and wanting to shoot himself in the foot or one of your girlfriends whos just as crazy about the same **** as you? UNLESS.... you want to bang him (or make him your BF, but you get my point)

 

So if the common interests of most girls and guys are pretty basic, why would you want to hangout with the opposite gender when you can hangout with someone who would match, and feed off your energy and enjoy the same things as you? Maybe your best pal is busy, or your BFF is working a double shift. ...... or maybe you want to play just the tip... just to see how it feels.

 

3. When groups of girls and guys go out together, it is not because the guys want to hear your opinion on political matters, or because the girls want to feel like "one of the guys". It's because the guys want to get with the chicks, and girls want to do the same.

 

4. Platonic relationships....surprise! arn't platonic. At best a platonic relationship is only 50% platonic, and the side that is platonic likely has a vagina.

 

These are some points that i've come up with, please discuss.

[Fluttershy]

What about gays? Can they be friends with other guys? Or lezbians with other women? And if your Bi does that mean you're screwed for being friends?

 

Some of my closest friends were guys. And we never had anything but platonic expressed on either side. But then Inever needed sexual attention from the other sex. That may have helped.

[Oxygen13]

""Now I know that a lot of people would disagree with me, and some of their points may even be valid. But either they are not being 100% honest (It is the internet after all) or they may be a very small exemption to this rule. ""

 

Either you didn't find them attractive, they didn't find you attractive, or you're not telling them entire truth. You may have no been interested in them, and they may have even said the same back, I guess men never lie to women....

[darkmoon]

trouble starts when the guy becomes single and suddenly his female friend is worth asking for a screw, happened to me twice now, it was never the deal to have sex at first, I never fancied them (I am only not bad-looking, medium) so they both felt slighted at my refusal and the friendships failed, they were over

[Fluttershy]

""Now I know that a lot of people would disagree with me, and some of their points may even be valid. But either they are not being 100% honest (It is the internet after all) or they may be a very small exemption to this rule. ""

 

Either you didn't find them attractive, they didn't find you attractive, or you're not telling them entire truth. You may have no been interested in them, and they may have even said the same back, I guess men never lie to women....

 

Or maybe this is just your opinion and not fact or truth? And you conpletely avoided my question about bi people. My one friend was/is extremely attractive. But I am not attracted to him. But your entire thought process that girls and guys can't be platonic friends. We were. Even if inside he was attracted to me (I'm not bad to look at) he never showed it, acted on it, pined for me, or mentioned it to anyone. And because of that we were friends.

[nescafe1982]

Perhaps you (a man) cannot see the value in a platonic friendship with a straight woman.

 

But then, it would be a mistake to generalize your own limited experiences with that of the entire human race, wouldn't it?

 

Says me, a straight woman with platonic friends of both sexes.

[preraph]

Thing is, you don't have to choose between them. You can have both. I valued my guy friends when I was younger because they told me all the man secrets of ways men try to manipulate women and what men really look at, etc. I cracked the man safe, so to speak. It's also great to have them after a breakup as an escort so you don't feel as weird going out knowing you may run into your ex.

[Trnamakesnse]

I've had several female friendships work out. We have similar interests and just go hang out. It only gets complicated if feelings are involved.

[Onethirtyeight]

 

Now I know that a lot of people would disagree with me, and some of their points may even be valid. But either they are not being 100% honest (It is the internet after all) or they may be a very small exemption to this rule.

 

4. Platonic relationships....surprise! arn't platonic. At best a platonic relationship is only 50% platonic, and the side that is platonic likely has a vagina.

 

These are some points that i've come up with, please discuss.

 

I currently have maybe 4 close female friends, I have many more acquaintances, and have had others in the past. I'd say in all but a few I wouldn't even consider doing something sexual with them. In one relationship it does occasionally cross my mind but she's probably the second closest female friend I have and nothing really materializes. She actually feels much more strongly about it than I do and may actually consistently have a thing going for me. I think that one works because we both have other outlets but if we didn't have other options who knows. I've had other relationships that have been like that too. Where its mutually beneficial to just go elsewhere for what we want.

 

Then the final relationship is rather complicated and I'm trying to get out of it. I became her friend by trying to date her and her stringing me along long enough I met her friends. Now that I know and like them its hard to get away from just her.

Edited January 11, 2014 by Onethirtyeight

[Els]

I really do not understand what would drive some people can extrapolate their own inabilities to everyone else. Is it truly so difficult to understand that not everyone is a carbon copy of you?

[Heatemyheart89]

Well I am screwed then as my two best friends are guys and I am girl. Had many girl friends but my longest/strongest friendship is with a dude!

[sugarpea]

Oxygen13 I agree with you in terms of the platonic relationship.

 

I don't fit your girl persona -I'm a girl who likes beer, cider, and playing games and dresses casually - jeans, t-shirt and trainers and a hoody. I hang out with a group of guy friends, and its just all of them and me as the only girl - it's not platonic, and I'm not up myself at all, but I have found out at different stages that all of them have been crushing on me at some point. Which is a bit weird but we still hang out even though I let them know I don't feel the same way bout them and some are even married now.

 

Though what you say is over-generalising and stereotyping. I mean I do know folk who do just hang out in just a girl group and others in just a guy group the majority of the time, but maybe they don't feel they need anything more.

 

But I have a group of guy friends and a group of girl friends, and really I hang out with them for the chat they provide and well the overall experience is different.

I think we don't just hang out with the same gender all the time because that would be boring.

[carhill]

Can't speak to other demographics; in mine, if I break with the males and go talk with the females, I'm chided on both sides for 'making someone a good wife someday'. That's typical in my social circle, mostly 50+, long time married and successful business people. Perhaps it's different for a woman; my observations support that. Men appear to have more rigidly define 'roles' in my demographic and generation.

 

I've always thought men and women can be friends and had some wonderful platonic female friends over the decades. However, I can see the traction in the OP's assertions, and now see my behavior as somewhat outlier, mainly predicated on my more narrowly defined parameters of sexual attraction and sexual activity (compared to other males of my demographic and social group). I do know a few males like myself who are my age and they do have female friends and positive platonic relationships with them.

 

It's another of those 'mixed bag' things, IMO. If one looks at the 'similar threads' list at the bottom of this page, there's a lot more opinion on the topic. Good luck OP.

[preraph]

I would just add that I am interested in both guitars and cars and I'm a female.

[Smthn_Like_Olivia]

If you have the mental maturity to see the opposite sex as a FRIEND and not just a walking vagina, then yes, it is very possible.

 

I have a male bestfriend whom I've been close to for years. We are both fairly attractive individuals, but have never viewed each other in a sexual nature. We share relationship, work, and life experiences like any other friends of the same sex. In fact, I think our friendship is even better because we often give each other solid advice on dealing with the opposite sex.

 

When I was married, he would come over and babysit the kids, so the hubby and I could go out. He recently became engaged to a woman he met while overseas, and she is making the trip over soon. In September, my favorite band was playing in his city. I flew over and spent the weekend at his place. He bought the tickets, we went to the concert, and a Saints game. It was incredible. We hung out for 4 days as just that, FRIENDS. His fiancee often Skyped in and chatted with us while we were at home. She had no issues with it and I would find myself giving input to the both of them on whatever disagreement they were trying to settle.

 

I'm not sure why some people have a hard time understanding this dynamic. When I got back home, a few people asked me if I'd had sex with him. My response was, "Gross. He's like my brother!" I don't think ALL people are capable of this and some significant others may also have a hard time swallowing a friendship like this, but we have both managed it fine. We've been close for roughly 8 years now, and I imagine we'll still be close in another 8 years.