crimsonite Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 Hey guys, Here's a little information about my relationship with this girl I've been seeing for 8 months now. She got out of an extremely abusive relationship and I was there for her since. We're not official but we are going on, doing things as if we are. Last weekend, we had an usual weekend. She got off work, we hung out with some of her friends. Same thing with Sunday, went to watch Frozen late at night and then we called it a day since we both had work on Monday. We planned to head to the gym together after I got off work but she didn't felt like going since I got home late and she was in a middle of napping -Typical her. However, after this night, She never replied to my texts or calls. I text her good morning everyday, and I called her before I went to bed. I don't think I was be annoying as it was just 1 text and call a day. But by the time Thursday came, I got a little worried. I found out she went out Thursday and never came home. She doesn't stay over a friend's house so I started suspecting her of cheating. Friday night, I drove outside her house, I asked her brother to get her on the phone with me. She finally answered and said "I just wanted to be alone" when I asked her why she's avoiding me. I asked her if we could talk about it and if everything is okay, she replied saying "I just wanted to be alone". Her tone of voice sounded annoyed/cold/mad. At this point, I proceeded to say I'm downstairs, can you please come out, she replied "I'm going out". She doesn't drive, so that means she's getting a ride. Her group of friends aren't doing anything Friday night so it made me wonder if she's hanging out with another guy. I just replied by saying when will you be home, she said "I was going to call you after I got home", so I said okay I'll talk to you later. It's Saturday morning now, I have no missed calls or texts from her. Not sure what to think or what to do. Her suddenly avoiding, is totally out of the blue and I'm extremely sure I didn't do anything wrong as I've been faithful, loyal, and tried my best to be the best "boyfriend" I can for her. She's never done something like this before. What do you guys think? Sorry for the long post but I'll appreciate you taking the time to read and reply! Leave link if you need my advice with your own situations. Link to post Share on other sites
HomanWater Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 Doesn't really matter if she's cheating, she's clearly disrespectful to you, you seem unhappy and she doesn't seem to give a single piece of crap about it. I'd say it's break up time. You can probably assume she is sleeping with someone else, though as long as you don't have any proof she will deny it until she's blue in the face. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author crimsonite Posted January 11, 2014 Author Share Posted January 11, 2014 Doesn't really matter if she's cheating, she's clearly disrespectful to you, you seem unhappy and she doesn't seem to give a single piece of crap about it. I'd say it's break up time. You can probably assume she is sleeping with someone else, though as long as you don't have any proof she will deny it until she's blue in the face. I'm unhappy about the situation, but the fact that she's avoiding me is very weird, makes me feel disrespected and concerned as she doesn't care. I feel like she's handling this very childishly, she could've just texted, I'm not feeling well, can I be left alone or something like that? Instead of just no contact. Should I call her now or just leave her alone? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 If you are not official, and you have never had the talk where you promised exclusivity, she's not cheating. She may however be seeing someone else. Even if she's not her dismissive behavior toward you indicates that you are no longer a priority to her. Proceed at your own risk. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author crimsonite Posted January 11, 2014 Author Share Posted January 11, 2014 If you are not official, and you have never had the talk where you promised exclusivity, she's not cheating. She may however be seeing someone else. Even if she's not her dismissive behavior toward you indicates that you are no longer a priority to her. Proceed at your own risk. I should've mentioned it, yes we both agreed we're dating exclusively. I plan to give her space and just not call her until she's ready to talk. Am I doing the right thing here or should I be calling her in a bit to talk? Link to post Share on other sites
anna121 Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 Personally, I wouldn't put with this. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Aquanut Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 Break up time. I like to do it in person but if she won't see you in person, just hop on the bus Gus, or send her a text, Rex. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 Not that I was condoning her behavior but I have a thing about talking & defining boundaries before accusing somebody of cheating. While it makes no sense to me that you weren't "official" but were "exclusive" it's your relationship not mine & you can put whatever labels on it you want. Since you are exclusive, her behavior seems even more rude. I'd talk to her & get to the bottom of this sooner rather than later. You risk pissing her off if she is truly seeking some alone time but if you let this go on you take a bigger risk letting her make a fool of you. Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 It couldn't be more obvious, she's seeing someone else. She doesn't return calls, she won't see you, she going out and has no time to talk, she want's to be alone, she's keeping you as a back up in case things don't work out. Read up on the 180, it will help you detach, take the hint she's giving you, it's over. She's too selfish and a coward to tell you the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
Author crimsonite Posted January 11, 2014 Author Share Posted January 11, 2014 that type of behavior in unacceptable. You should dump her and cite her behavior as the reason why (if she asks). just send a simple text saying "we're through", and leave it at that (if she doesn't ask why) and go straight to no contact. I would wager that she has gone back to her abusive boyfriend. A lot of girls I know love being abused... not joking btw Are you serious? Why? I treated her like a princess while he treated her like s h i t! Link to post Share on other sites
firemanq Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 Are you serious? Why? I treated her like a princess while he treated her like s h i t! Not being a psychologist, I have noticed some people just cannot get out of an abusive relationship. I think it may because the constant emotional roller coaster, the excitement of the highs. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Aquanut Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 (edited) Doesn't matter if she's cheating or not. Doesn't matter if it's not technically cheating or even if she's seeing someone or not. It does matter that she's treated you like dirt. You don't need a woman like that in your life. I'm speaking from over 30years of relationship experience: no one, and I mean no one, looks back and doesn't wish they had left a bad relationship sooner. Move on, dude for your own sake. Life is too short to waste on people who don't make life better for you. Edited January 11, 2014 by Aquanut Link to post Share on other sites
fixing Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 I would call her out on her behavour right now. Call her and tell her she is treating you like an idiot and if she doesnt explain what the problem is you have no other choice but to end it with her. Whats the point in no contact for this situation? You will be stuck in limbo wondering wtf is going on. Confront her imo 1 Link to post Share on other sites
deathandtaxes Posted January 12, 2014 Share Posted January 12, 2014 Sounds like you're the rebound. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Sparta Posted January 12, 2014 Share Posted January 12, 2014 Dude you got to learn when you're dealing with women. Most women are f**ked up, you need to learns when women ignore you never text or call too much even if it is a relationship. Go always claimed that you're too needy and two Clingy. Okay now in your situation. Ash yourself right now is that a woman you'd want to be with. I hope you say Hell no.! Lose her number.! seriously be done. Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted January 12, 2014 Share Posted January 12, 2014 Get rid of your savior complex, I know you mean well especially after abuse, when one is too nice that can be viewed as a type of manipulation. You don't need to be in each others hair 24/7. That said her signals are pretty strong, no calls or texts means she might not have cooled off but just might need some space. Being clingy is a turn off. Let her come to you when she's ready. Stop the chasing 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 12, 2014 Share Posted January 12, 2014 Are you serious? Why? I treated her like a princess while he treated her like s h i t! You treat her like a princess because you are a worthless pussy. That's how many of these girls think. They desire a very strong man first and don't understand what that means. Besides no guarantee she is going back to the jerk. Your big problem is that she sees you as a spineless vagina. If you don't stand up to her then she will treat you like hell then dump you. It's what she has been taught to do. Maybe chew her ass about this and if she fights back too much just dump her on the spot. That may prove you value to her and get things moving back in the right direction. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted January 12, 2014 Share Posted January 12, 2014 She also just got out of an abusive relationship. You guys are not official. Maybe she just..and god help her for this..she just wants to be alone. Link to post Share on other sites
UltraTech Posted January 12, 2014 Share Posted January 12, 2014 Hey guys, Here's a little information about my relationship with this girl I've been seeing for 8 months now. She got out of an extremely abusive relationship and I was there for her since. We're not official but we are going on, doing things as if we are. Last weekend, we had an usual weekend. She got off work, we hung out with some of her friends. Same thing with Sunday, went to watch Frozen late at night and then we called it a day since we both had work on Monday. We planned to head to the gym together after I got off work but she didn't felt like going since I got home late and she was in a middle of napping -Typical her. However, after this night, She never replied to my texts or calls. I text her good morning everyday, and I called her before I went to bed. I don't think I was be annoying as it was just 1 text and call a day. But by the time Thursday came, I got a little worried. I found out she went out Thursday and never came home. She doesn't stay over a friend's house so I started suspecting her of cheating. Friday night, I drove outside her house, I asked her brother to get her on the phone with me. She finally answered and said "I just wanted to be alone" when I asked her why she's avoiding me. I asked her if we could talk about it and if everything is okay, she replied saying "I just wanted to be alone". Her tone of voice sounded annoyed/cold/mad. At this point, I proceeded to say I'm downstairs, can you please come out, she replied "I'm going out". She doesn't drive, so that means she's getting a ride. Her group of friends aren't doing anything Friday night so it made me wonder if she's hanging out with another guy. I just replied by saying when will you be home, she said "I was going to call you after I got home", so I said okay I'll talk to you later. It's Saturday morning now, I have no missed calls or texts from her. Not sure what to think or what to do. Her suddenly avoiding, is totally out of the blue and I'm extremely sure I didn't do anything wrong as I've been faithful, loyal, and tried my best to be the best "boyfriend" I can for her. She's never done something like this before. What do you guys think? Sorry for the long post but I'll appreciate you taking the time to read and reply! Leave link if you need my advice with your own situations. I think you know the answer to this. I think I know the answer to this. Next time, try to find someone who is more emotionally stable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 12, 2014 Share Posted January 12, 2014 Unfortunately, it seems as though she had already decided to end this relationship. She's proven herself very inconsiderate, self-centred and cold. I can appreciate wanting alone time but this is absolutely not the way to go about it. She doesn't deserve to have a relationship with you, OP. As to whether or not she is cheating - I'd say it's possible. Her actions certainly don't point toward someone who is honest. But I have a few questions: how do you know she never came home that night? Also, how do you know her group of friends didn't go out? I'm not doubting what you say, I'm just curious who gave you that information. Has she displayed any odd behaviour before? Finally, did you want an official relationship? Or was that something you decided together not to pursue? Link to post Share on other sites
Author crimsonite Posted January 12, 2014 Author Share Posted January 12, 2014 Unfortunately, it seems as though she had already decided to end this relationship. She's proven herself very inconsiderate, self-centred and cold. I can appreciate wanting alone time but this is absolutely not the way to go about it. She doesn't deserve to have a relationship with you, OP. As to whether or not she is cheating - I'd say it's possible. Her actions certainly don't point toward someone who is honest. But I have a few questions: how do you know she never came home that night? Also, how do you know her group of friends didn't go out? I'm not doubting what you say, I'm just curious who gave you that information. Has she displayed any odd behaviour before? Finally, did you want an official relationship? Or was that something you decided together not to pursue? I asked her brother to let me know when she gets home, he was up until 7 in the morning and her shift at work starts at 7 so that's where I drew my conclusion. I was with her group of friends that night, I ran into them at the gym and they told me nothing was happening that night. She's never displayed this odd behavior. I took these past few days to think back and no, never before. Yes, I had expressed that I wanted to make things official and she didn't say yes. I asked if this had anything to do with her ex and she said yes, she's scared of experiencing that pain again. So I decided to give her time and not force anything. Link to post Share on other sites
ae86drift Posted January 12, 2014 Share Posted January 12, 2014 you should really talk to her, ask her what is the problem but if she still being cold to you, it's time to move on, you can't push a woman if her heart changed different direction. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author crimsonite Posted January 12, 2014 Author Share Posted January 12, 2014 cuz she's sleeping with him I hope not, there's a restraining order on him.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author crimsonite Posted January 12, 2014 Author Share Posted January 12, 2014 you should really talk to her, ask her what is the problem but if she still being cold to you, it's time to move on, you can't push a woman if her heart changed different direction. Yeah, not sure if I should call her up now or give her space Link to post Share on other sites
Iguanna Posted January 12, 2014 Share Posted January 12, 2014 The conclusion I've come to in life is: When someone leaves without an explanation they do it so they can come back without an explanation. She is not worth it and you know it. Consider you two done and go on with your life. I'd meet her only to humiliate her and then leave her, but that's just me. You should just leave with dignity and never take her back. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts