I suspect she's cheating

[BeholdtheMan]

I asked her brother to let me know when she gets home, he was up until 7 in the morning and her shift at work starts at 7 so that's where I drew my conclusion. I was with her group of friends that night, I ran into them at the gym and they told me nothing was happening that night.

 

She's never displayed this odd behavior. I took these past few days to think back and no, never before.

 

Yes, I had expressed that I wanted to make things official and she didn't say yes. I asked if this had anything to do with her ex and she said yes, she's scared of experiencing that pain again. So I decided to give her time and not force anything.

 

Bro are you even reading the very good advice that has already been given? How much disrespect are you willing you take?

 

Stop caring. Stop wondering what she was/is/will be doing. Detach and go no contact. If she has legitimate personal issues, she will come to you after she sorts them out. If she's blowing smoke up your ass, you wouldn't want to stay with a liar.

 

I highly doubt she has legit personal issues. Sounds like you're her back-up while she looks for a better deal (or tries to fix it with her abusive stud of an ex- boyfriend)

[hans118]

Be careful about directly confronting her. Ask to speak with her but prepare by visualizing the conversation and your calm response to anything you hear. There's a sequence of questioning you can use but it would take too long to explain it here.

Let her know you trust her (even if you don't) and give here theories about why she may be drifting away. Body language and tonality can often be clues here.

 

Lie Detection

Edited January 13, 2014 by hans118

[stillafool]

I would almost bet you money that she was with her ex boyfriend. Some women who are in abusive relationships are almost addicted to it. Be happy you aren't married to her. You sound like a great guy and deserve better. If she is ignoring you don't check up on her, let her go. Disappear from her life as she has done you. Chasing her after this action will make you look weak. There are too many women to date out there. Why her?

[tom670]

I wouldn't even contact her let her come to you if she tries to call you ignore her.

She is not worth it.

[Chi townD]

She wants to be alone....yet, she's "out with friends". Call me stupid; but, That's not being alone.

 

I agree with you, dude. Something isn't right here. She would rather be out with her friends (or whoever) than to be with you. Also, her friends coming up to you to specifically tell you that nothing is going on and nothing happened that night? Why? Did you ask them or did they just "volunteer" this information? And why is it coming from them and not her? Like, a friend NEVER covered for another friend in the history of the world!

 

I would just wait for her to come to you. But, if you're having trust issues, then it's not worth the headache. I think it's time to move on.

 

She's distancing herself from the relationship and you are not a priority to her anymore.

[crimsonite]

She wants to be alone....yet, she's "out with friends". Call me stupid; but, That's not being alone.

 

I agree with you, dude. Something isn't right here. She would rather be out with her friends (or whoever) than to be with you. Also, her friends coming up to you to specifically tell you that nothing is going on and nothing happened that night? Why? Did you ask them or did they just "volunteer" this information? And why is it coming from them and not her? Like, a friend NEVER covered for another friend in the history of the world!

 

I would just wait for her to come to you. But, if you're having trust issues, then it's not worth the headache. I think it's time to move on.

 

She's distancing herself from the relationship and you are not a priority to her anymore.

 

They asked me if I knew what she was up to tonight and I replied I was hoping you would know. They then said nothing was happening tonight and I was like Ohh..

 

I plan to wait, just not sure how long is good enough time. I do trust her, though her actions are just very suspicious.

[ExpatInItaly]

They asked me if I knew what she was up to tonight and I replied I was hoping you would know. They then said nothing was happening tonight and I was like Ohh..

 

I plan to wait, just not sure how long is good enough time. I do trust her, though her actions are just very suspicious.

 

For the love of gawd, why?!

[nescafe1982]

I know I'm coming to this thread late, but it needs to be asked (rhetorically, of course): why did you pursue a woman seconds after her breakup from an abusive relationship?

 

This thing with her is over, there's little doubt about that. But perhaps you can figure out what it is about you that makes you pursue women like her: damaged, needing "saving," emotionally unstable. Does she resemble any other women you've dated?

 

My concern is mostly that you don't seem to have seen this coming. But if you had told me, the day you started dating her, "So I met this woman I really like today. She just left her boyfriend last week, and he used to beat her, but it's alright because we really like each other..." Big red warning lights would go off in my head. I think most well-adjusted dudes would also see that a situation like hers calls for extreme caution... NOT jumping in willy-nilly with both feet.

[bubbaganoosh]

Friend. Don't contact her. Leave it alone. When she's ready, she'll call you. Then when she does, don't respond (but you will) and let her know what it's like to be left hanging. Maybe she'll get the idea.

 

There's no excuse for bad manners or behavior. Right now she's displaying both.

[sidney2718]

Are you serious? Why? I treated her like a princess while he treated her like s h i t!

 

For some women being treated like a princess lets them think that you are weak, while beating her makes you seem strong.

 

Crazy? YUP. But that happens.

[Chi townD]

They asked me if I knew what she was up to tonight and I replied I was hoping you would know. They then said nothing was happening tonight and I was like Ohh..

 

I plan to wait, just not sure how long is good enough time. I do trust her, though her actions are just very suspicious.

 

 

That makes no damn sense. They ask YOU if you knew what she was doing that night. Then, they told you that nothing was happening?!?!?! They were gaging how much you knew. When they found out you were clueless, then they covered for her.

 

Yeah...okay. To me, that tells me that something was happening.

 

Move on dude.

[Iguanna]

I don't think the OP wants to move on. I used to have a friend like this, he was talking about what his ex did with details and when I was pointing to him the things that she said and did that proved she doesn't care for him, he would go on and on saying "but back in 2008 she told me this and why has she changed now? I treated her as a princess" (= she emptied his wallet big time). Some men want to be the victims so they justify their inability to find a new partner.

[road]

Doesn't really matter if she's cheating, she's clearly disrespectful to you, you seem unhappy and she doesn't seem to give a single piece of crap about it.

 

I'd say it's break up time. You can probably assume she is sleeping with someone else, though as long as you don't have any proof she will deny it until she's blue in the face.

 

 

 

 

 

That is enough reason to dump her.

[crimsonite]

I know I'm coming to this thread late, but it needs to be asked (rhetorically, of course): why did you pursue a woman seconds after her breakup from an abusive relationship?

 

This thing with her is over, there's little doubt about that. But perhaps you can figure out what it is about you that makes you pursue women like her: damaged, needing "saving," emotionally unstable. Does she resemble any other women you've dated?

 

My concern is mostly that you don't seem to have seen this coming. But if you had told me, the day you started dating her, "So I met this woman I really like today. She just left her boyfriend last week, and he used to beat her, but it's alright because we really like each other..." Big red warning lights would go off in my head. I think most well-adjusted dudes would also see that a situation like hers calls for extreme caution... NOT jumping in willy-nilly with both feet.

 

I had a thing for this girl while I was in a relationship with my ex and before she was in that abusive relationship. I decided not to leave my ex for her and be faithful but my ex and I never worked out. When my ex and I broke up, I talked to this girl to see how she's doing and turns out she was in this abusive relationship. That's when I told her that she should do whatever makes her happy and few weeks after my breakup, she broke up with him.

 

We went to a party one day and soon all the feelings I had for her from a year ago all rushed back, and it was the same for her. So that's when this whole thing started between me and her.