Broken Hearted, what's next?

[espinoza0]

Greetings, kindly no harsh comments, I am just trying to figure out my way. I have been with a separated man for a year (he pursued me) and we had a romantic relationship, long distance, and I would visit him one a month or so, for several days. He was all mine, completely supportive, and helped me launch my first project.

 

On new year's eve he told me that he decided to go back to his wife, whom he does not love, for the sake of the kids. The kids are asthmatic (older and younger kids) and are need of constant motherly care, and they don't live in their home country, so he has no one to take care of them except her. He already established a business in that place, and he is always in financial problems.

 

I am devastated. He is the man of my dreams. I live in an oil country where the pool of men to select from is not great, and we have indoors life style and rather conservative country. I am very talented and educated: long years in the USA and multiple higher degrees and good position/career. I am divorced and have a young daughter.

 

I am trying to get him to see what a bad idea it is to stay half happy in the marriage. He says his feelings for me are the same, but he decided to sort of "make himself" do this for the sake of his children. His wife is also a very conservative and religious woman, and he is quite liberal, and in fact an atheist. She had already left him for two years at some point. He said going through hardship with the children illness has made them a bit more lenient toward their differences, but he is still saying he is not happy, even after he got back to her.

 

I want to give him a last chance to sit down and talk about this. He is very busy with this business, so we have not talked about this face to face properly.

 

Help. I love him, but I am ready to let go if he is not willing to put more effort into US. Nine months ago he said he was considering going back to his wife, also for the same reason, and I said, fine, perhaps we should end this, and then he changed his mind and asked me to stay with him. I thought his decision in that case would have been final. Oh well.

Thanks

Edited January 11, 2014 by espinoza0

[JDPT]

Although it has taken him 2 years to come to this realization, he is choosing his kids welfare over happiness. We can't always have the ideal scenario and you should perhaps put yourself in his shoes. I think it's best for you, if his decision is final to start taking care of yourself in every aspect. You are just at the beginning stages of this break up and as hurtful as it may be you need to power through this for your daughter. Be strong my friend and continue to post.

[espinoza0]

JDPT your reply almost brought tears to my eyes. It is a well of hurt that I have to climb up, but I have already set the course to getting back to the dating scene, easing into it. I have had such a bad last spell of my marriage that it has been eons since anyone walked me down the beach, except for my loved one, who sadly, seems unable to stay with me because of his family obligations.

 

I am so hurt but I have professional ties to him (flexible ties) so at least I will always see him. He actually published my first book. We were together one year only, but you are right, it took him quite a while to realize his latest decision because he was separated BEFORE we met.

 

He tells me he is acting cold, but he is boiling from the inside. He told me so many times that he loved me. I couldn't find the courage to even post about it. Ten days following the break up I really felt like **** because I also live in my parents house, I just want to leave this place. I felt I was about to ruin myself, then I thought no, I do not deserve this. Someone like me who was loved by this wonderful wonderful man should pick herself up and be cool. I told him maybe after I get married I can be better friends with him, because then there should be more reason to guard against all sexual tension between us.

 

Oh, we are both poets. Sad, I know. But it is life.