Someone help please!!

[Lunar_Moth]

This August I lost my girlfriend who I'd been with since 2001.I shared everything with her.She was a bestfriend and so much more aswell as a lover.After a long and hard struggle in life I finally had my prize that made it all worth it.Then in August she left me For about the next two months we remained friends and things seemed okay.Then in November she just snapped and started acting like she hated me.My life has been pure misery since.I don't sleep anymore,I rarely eat,I live off pills basically.I want to die.The more I try to talk to her she pushes me away even more.When I tell her how much she means she just tells me"Oh your just afraid of being alone."How can I get through to her?I've tried everything!I love this girl like I've never loved any other person in the world.I rarely ask others for help but I don't know what to do.I just know I can't exist like this much longer.

[LucreziaBorgia]

The first thing to do is to accept that she has made her emotional break. She fell out of love with you over a period of time (and unfortunately the victim never sees this stage - you only see it when it reaches the end), and when she made her emotional break, she gave you the "friends" option because she probably felt it would be easier on you and would make her look less like the 'bad guy' in the situation. This can only last for so long, as a person who is saying "we can be friends" really doesn't intend to be your friend. They sort of stick around and wait it out until you move on. If you fail to move on, which you did - then she had to take it to the next step: severance. There is nothing you can do to change her mind at this point, from what you are writing. I'm sorry that you were being fed false hope with the "friends" thing. I eventually incorporated a "no fake friends" rule in my life to avoid hurt and being hurt. I've always been told that "you can't go back to holding hands". 99.99999999% of the time this is true.

 

The "you are just afraid to be alone" thing probably was not meant to be mean. She is likely reacting to your behavior: the pills, the depression, the sleeplessness, the hopelessness. It is a mix of both things: grief at her loss, and a fear of living without her. It can be alarming and dismaying to have someone act like that when you've already made your break from them. It sounds mean, but right now all she needs from you is to just move on with your life and not hang your entire happiness and well being on her shoulders. No one wants or needs that kind of responsibility. She is most likely having trouble putting that into tactful words though.

 

The second thing to do is to get yourself to counseling. I'm serious about that. It sounds like you have some deep issues to begin with, which were aggravated by this breakup. It also sounds like you could use some help getting over the agony and grief of your loss. It would be best for you and she both if you can get the help you need to put your heart back together and begin to move on.

[mixwell]

Lunar this is where No Contact comes in. By not saying nothing and not calling her you are saying ALOT !! I mean there are two outcomes. If you dont call her and she calls then you know she has feelings for you or at least was thinking about you. If she doesn't call you then shes over it.. Either way you should just not call her. Seriously I called my ex all the time and was like why dont you wana be together and this and that told her how much i cared. All this does is push them away. You've made your point to her so now give her space and let her think. I cant say i have stuck with no contact and it is hard so im not the best role model. But I know that its the way to go but it seems hard if not impossible. But yer gona have to do it as well as me too. As much as you dont want to hear people say to not call her its probly the best thing to do. By calling her all the time its pushing her away from you and actually making it worse. I know that doesnt make sense huh ? but its true.. I was like you at a point where i couldnt sleep or hardly eat and life sucked ass ! It gets a little easier though. So dont call her. Its better this way ok bro ? If she thinks she lost you (if she cares) she will be calling you trust me ! She knows she has you right now bro at the snap of a finger you'll be back. But the moment she knows she might have lost you she will get worried ! you should just play to Im happy and im doing good and im moving on role. It will get her attention. Better yet be happy and do good... Hope this helps you out a little.

 

 

take it easy !

[Universe]

Seriously, DO NOT CALL HER! You've made it very clear to her how you feel. There's nothing more you can say or do to her to make her understand better or want to come back to you at this point in time. You're probably not ready to give up hope, so you don't have to. But consciously deciding not to call her is not the same as giving up. You must give her some time and space and you MUST give yourself the opportunity to work on your own self-esteem and self-love before you can even think about calling her. I know you will think about calling her. You will have to fight the impulse. But understand that it is just that: an impulse. Impulses come from neediness and insecurity. Neediness and insecurity are the most repellent traits any person can have. Not only are they a turn off, but they will actively repel her. And they have absolutely nothing to do with true love.

You are pushing her further and further away everytime you try to tell her how you feel. You are making it impossible for her to love you. It is impossible to love someone who doesn't love themself. And you are not loving yourself.

You must show her that you can make it on your own. And more importantly, you must show yourself that you can make it on your own. The first step you must take is to not contact her under any circumstances. No calls, no emails, no txts. If she calls you, DO NOT talk about the relationship. Only talk about positive things and things that will make her laugh or feel good. You must remain calm and comfortable with yourself as possible. And don't the let the conversation drag on. The longer you talk to her, the harder it will be not to talk about your feelings and the relationship.

But you need to relax. If you find yourself turning to anti-depressants and other drugs frequently, then try to stop. If you can't, seek some help. I've been through it. Trust me - there is absolutely no shame in seeking counseling. Counseling can be the most beautiful thing. You'll see very quickly how normal it is and how helpful it is.

Do not freak out if she doesn't call you. You don't want her to. You need at least a month if not 3 or more months where you can just focus on yourself independent of her. Eventually, she will call. But don't expect her to want to get back together right away or at all. You need to start getting used to the idea that just maybe you won't get back together with her. But , TRUST ME! It will be ok. You WILL come out on the other side of this a much healthier person. And maybe then you just might have a chance at getting her back. So be patient.

 

You really only have one choice. If you are bent on getting her back, then taking at least a month to yourself is the only way to start on a realistic path to doing so. If you want to get over her, then again, taking at least a month to yourself is the only way to start on a realistic path to doing so.

 

Remember, your instinct should be to love her. If you truly love her, you will respect her wish to be alone right now. That's her decision. If you love her, you'll let her have it her way. Otherwise you don't really love her.

You're impulses will be to contact her and try to convince her to come back. But impulses are born out of need and need is not love. Again, NEED IS NOT LOVE. So if you love her, you will only show her love and not need. But you must show yourself love first.

 

So take the next month or two trying to relax and focus on yourself. Start working out. Focus on your life goals outside of the relationship. Make new friends. Go out. Even date. Find the aspects of your personality that make you unique and sexy. Getting comfortable with yourself and confident in life is the only way she will ever find you attractive again. And it's the only way you'll ever get to a state of mind where you'll be able to handle the possibility that she's moved on.

 

This is coming from a guy who lost the love of his life. We were together for over 5 beautiful years. Two weeks after we broke up, she started sleeping with some other guy. Despite that, I still want her back. I'm still working on it. But I'm closer now than I ever would have been if I didn't do what I'm recommending you do. Following the advice above is your only realistic chance.

 

Good luck.

 

Be strong.

[mixwell]

See Universe said basically the same thing I did and I am sure everyone will say the same. No Contact is the way !

 

Be strong !

[Lunar_Moth]

Ahhh so basically my situation is as hopeless as it seems.It's no fair though,why do I always have to be the one to hurt.Why can't she suffer?Yah that sounds selfish and horrible and at one time I would have never imagined myself saying that but now well after all the heartlessness and cruelty she's shown me I want her to know what its like to have your heartbreak and slowly die and flounder like a goldfish ripped from its bowl and thrown down on the carpet by a sadistic kid.I hope something bad happens to her I truly do.

[Cabras]

If you truely wish bad things on her you will realize something. You don't care for her anymore. Now you're halfway to being over her.

 

I have have had thoughts like that about my ex as well, hoping that bad things would drive her back to me. Then I think about it for a second. I loved her. I still do. I want her to be happy. Hopefully with me, but happy somehow. I'm nowhere near over my ex.

 

If you asked my ex girlfriend what she wished for me she would say that she wished I was happy. Your ex probably would say the same thing. I don't think she meant to hurt you like this. It sounds like the two of you made a mistake in trying to stay close after the breakup. If you want to be angry, be angry, but use it to push yourself towards getting over her.

 

Chances are that if she WILL get to experience the pain of being dumped and left alone. Most of us do. I've been on both ends. I'm sure I've got a couple of ex's that would have loved to know the pain I went through over the last two months.

 

You didn't mention that you did something wrong to cause this. I'm guessing that means you'd be a good guy for someone new. Straighten yourself out, pull yourself up and start moving on.

 

Best wishes-

[Universe]

after all the heartlessness and cruelty she's shown me...

If really feel that what she's done to you is cruel, then why bother with her at all. If she intended to hurt you, which I seriously doubt she did, then lashing out at her will only appease her.

 

It's ok to be angry. We all get angry sometimes and think of horrible things we'd like to do to our exes to make them feel the magnitude of our pain. We feel that they are the cause of our pain and we feel it's unfair that they get away with it scott free.

But trust me. It's not easy to break up with someone. If you were with them for any amount of time, then you must have cared for them. But sometimes that's not enough and you have to break it off and move on. And that inevitably means that you will hurt someone you really care about. And that sucks!

So even though her pain may not be as intense or as constant as yours, she is feeling some. It's unfortunate. Break-ups are bad for everyone initially. But they almost always work out for the best for both parties. It's just the first few months that really mess you up.

I want her to know what its like to have your heartbreak and slowly die and flounder like a goldfish ripped from its bowl and thrown down on the carpet by a sadistic kid.I hope something bad happens to her I truly do.

So if you ever really loved her or care for her at all, you'll respect her wishes and get on with your life. But if you want to be a baby about it and lash out and try to hurt her, then you never really loved her in the first place and you deserve the humiliation that will inevitably come from such a childish reaction. Plus, it will destroy any chance you will ever have at having any kind of future with her.

Maybe it's for the best that you have no future with her whatsoever. Maybe not. I don't think you're being rational enough to tell. But why make a fool of yourself.

The best thing is to play it cool. Relax and get to work on your own life independent of her. Be strong and respectful. Take time for yourself and don't contact her. Everyone will think better of you for it, and more importantly, you'll think better of yourself when you look back on how you handled all of this.

 

Got it?

[NiCoLe20]

what goes around comes around my friend!

 

hopefully she meets someone that she falls in love with and they break her heart...she'll see how it feels.

 

until that day hopefully comes, lol, take one day at a time and realize how its better that she did this now instead of a year or two down the road. itll take time to get over this and put it past you but its something you gotta do. i get hurt all the time too inrelationships. i do nothing!! i treat them with so much love & affection and i get burned in the end. it sucks. but its taught me a lot in life. ive learned not to be so vulnerable with my feelings and just to chill out. if someone loves me they gotta show it. i wont stand for these immature guys that dont know what they want in life!

[mixwell]

Your situation isn't necessarly hopless though.. I have seem worse stories on this forum than yours. Haha. After reading this it makes me think about how my ex has been broken hearted 3 times. We were together 7 years and I have broken up with her about 3-4 times in that period and now that I know how it feels (she dumped me this time) I feel soo bad for ever have broken up with her !! 3 -4 times of going through this? OMG I cant imagine it. But I am glad that at least now I have the experience of knowing how it feels to be broken hearted.. Hopefully we wll get back together but if not then I guess it wasn't meant to be. Its hard though becaues we grew up together . (im 21) We were together 8th grade summer and had Known each other since 8th grade. Everything intimate was our first with each other so this chick and I have a strong histrory and everytthing.. Its very hard for me to let her go and sometimes I cant understand how someone could act the way she does to me.. She never wants to hang out and she like never calls, but sometimes when she calls she lets me know she cares but she is still a bitch tho other times...

 

haha Thats my story..

 

Take care