SD-Dave Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 Lon story lots of drama and details. Been together 20 plus years married 14. Two kids. Got sick about 5 years ago and one thing that went was my sexual ability.....desire was there but very little game. Relationship has always been physical and when was feeling bad pushed hard for itnimacy and wished to fix issues by pushing thru....thought they were in head....so did wife. Finally got feeling better and things improved but sex never really came back totally. The mental stress of wife being critical hampered it all. Finally a year ago found what I thought would be a solution. Got script for trimix injections. Wow unreal it gave me an A game back without having to worry etc. wife was skeptical but liked results as good sex once again could j Happen. I thought it would be anew start but quickly her attitude declined.... She now says the having to need chemical help is a huge turnoff and she can't do it any longer. Her lack of intimacy is killing me Bottom line even though every other part of of life together is good she convinced it's a deal breaker. I'm wondering if I should call it and stop the brain damage but part of me hates to skuttle all we've built. Anyone particular you ladies know of a way to get romantic feelings to return on her part? We are both attractive people and otherwise care for each other Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 You have too much history to throw away without at least seeking professional intervention before you head to divorce court. Has your wife ever spoken at length candidly to your doctor about the effects your sickness had on your body & how the injections help? If not she should. In her mind, she feels like her sexiness & desirability have taken a hot because her alone doesn't do it for you any more, you need chemicals. You have already explained in your post that you still want her but she's not hearing that. All she can see & feel is that what used to come naturally doesn't & she thinks its her. You may have explained to her that it's not but she doesn't get it. Somebody -- a medical professional -- needs to explain it to her. Perhaps the medical conversation alone will help her move past her insecurities but if it doesn't try marriage counseling before you just walk away. If everything else is good, you owe it to your kids to try. Link to post Share on other sites
Allumere Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 I don't know if I can respond calmly to this because it made me so angry. So when your wife starts needing to use over the counter lubrication or estrogen suppositories because menopause has resulted in vaginal dryness you could say the same? Or the fact that after children the change in her vagina is a turn off? I honestly can't comprehend being so self-centered in this situation. There must be more things going on in her head, one being low self-esteem. I think therapy is a definite in this case. Nancy Link to post Share on other sites
Author SD-Dave Posted January 11, 2014 Author Share Posted January 11, 2014 I've made that comparison allure as I've felt same. She says it's more a loss of romantic attraction and she views me asto needy. I know sometimes I act reluctant but only because of her negative attitude and my reluctance or fear of rejection We have tried counseling and honestly it did little as she was skeptical of the entire process She tells me I deserve better than she can give She says the interruption in theses process where she can't just naturally male me hard kills it for her. Yes it sounds crazy but it's true. I know our relationship has suffered do to my illness and having to change my life around. Link to post Share on other sites
Allumere Posted January 12, 2014 Share Posted January 12, 2014 Well, she got one thing right...you do deserve better. Love and relationship are not about whether one's penis gets hardened by hand or by good science. I love sex but I love the closeness of the before and after more. Therapy won't work if one isn't interested in it. I have done my stints in marriage and personal counseling. Although it wasn't a cure-all (and I am bullheaded) I did have some benefits as I tried to have an open mind about going. I don't want y'all all to throw in the towel but unless both are willing to work the issue, the gap will continue to grow as will the resentment. Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted January 12, 2014 Share Posted January 12, 2014 She sounds like a fair weather wife. Just out of curiosity, what kind of salary do you make? Low, medium, high? Link to post Share on other sites
Sparta Posted January 12, 2014 Share Posted January 12, 2014 Might want to check this out sounds like she's already in an affair. I could be wrong but I would check it out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SD-Dave Posted January 12, 2014 Author Share Posted January 12, 2014 Allure The issue there is resentment.....me for points mentioned plus and the fact that I provide well, keep in shape am a good father etc. She just feels a disconnect because of my challenge and then it transfers to other parts of our relationship He wants me to restart my life and do more but having issues at home has been an impedement Unless I see her commitment and effort to change I think we are done. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SD-Dave Posted January 12, 2014 Author Share Posted January 12, 2014 M30 I do very well financially originally from work and now from investment side Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 12, 2014 Share Posted January 12, 2014 If you have tried counseling, it may be time to throw in the towel. The phrase "you deserve better than me" is a cop out. It's something people say, akin to "it's not you, it's me." What she's saying is that she wants a man who doesn't need the assist now required since your illness. For whatever (mean spirited & unjustified) reason she sees you as defective & she can't come back from that. Sorry. She sounds shallow & she is right: you do deserve better. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
imtooconfused Posted January 12, 2014 Share Posted January 12, 2014 She says it's more a loss of romantic attraction and she views me as [too] needy. ... She tells me I deserve better than she can give She says the interruption in theses process where she can't just naturally [make] me hard kills it for her. These explanations sound very familiar: Might want to check this out sounds like she's already in an affair. I could be wrong but I would check it out. I agree with Sparta, and if anything, she is the one that is being too needy and self-centered. Lastly, if she is not willing to pursue counseling, it sounds like she has already checked out. Link to post Share on other sites
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