smile1983 Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 Is it possible to love someone who does not reciprocate at all? Is it possible to fall in love with no encouragement from the other party? How would you describe love? Does love always hurt and make you feel vulnerable? My experience with love is limited and I need to ask advice of people who know it better. When you think of someone night and day, feel ambivalent about seeing them because it hurts and lifts your spirits at the same time, is that love? What about when you care if they are hurting? If you work with someone you are in proximity to them constantly, is it possible in such a circumstance to fall in love without encouragement? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 Like, puppy love, infatuation, lust & true love are like a sliding scale continuum. Love does leave you vulnerable because to experience it you have to let somebody all the way in. It also gives you strength because they are a part of you & in an ideal setting they will protect you not hurt you. To get to true love, both of you need to be involved. The one sided tingly feelings are one of the precursors. I'm not invaliding how powerful they can be but I am trying to distinguish them from true love. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smile1983 Posted January 11, 2014 Author Share Posted January 11, 2014 How do you get over those powerful feelings then? And how can you feel heartbreak if you haven't felt love? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 Time will help you heal. Just because you haven't felt true love doesn't mean that the other emotions & their loss doesn't hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smile1983 Posted January 11, 2014 Author Share Posted January 11, 2014 Maybe it's not possible for some people to feel true love. I have felt deep feelings for another person and he claimed to love me too but it always made me feel vulnerable because he hurt me and kept hurting me. Now I feel strong feelings again, this time for someone who ignores my very existence as much as humanly possible when you work at the same place. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 Right love, wrong person. Generally accepted counsel is that you never date a work colleague. Perhaps you need counselling because you love in a self-defeating way.... or maybe you need to broaden your horizons. Good luck. I'm sorry it hurts, but you have to face unrequited Love is a pain in the heart. Link to post Share on other sites
devilish innocent Posted January 12, 2014 Share Posted January 12, 2014 Whenever people answer the question of what love is, they tend to focus on one of three different areas: 1. Passion- Feelings of lust, infatuation, butterflies in the stomach, obsession. I would group your description of thinking about somebody all of the time and being ambivalent when you see them in with this. 2. Intimacy-Being close to somebody. Feeling a sense of warmth and comfort in their presence. Having a strong bond of friendship. 3. Commitment- Being in a committed relationship. Making a conscious effort to treat the relationship as a priority even at times when it's not easy. I used to always think of love as the second description, but I've noticed a lot of people think of the first or third description when defining love. I do think people can fall in love with somebody when the other person doesn't reciprocate interest at all. An important component of that, though, is whether or not you're spending a lot of time together or are good friends. When you have that, then the intimate type of love develops as well. Without it, you just have passion. I used to have crushes/obsessions that were mostly just passion. Even though the feelings could be very consuming and intense, even lasting for long periods of time, it was relatively easy to let go once I had to. I realized I was more in love with a fantasy of the person I'd built up in my head ,then the actual person. Unrequited love is probably a lot harder when you've actually gotten closer to the other person. Then you have those other bonds to content with. The best way to get over somebody is to cut off contact with them. You need to give it time, but with enough time away, they start to fade from your mind. I don't know if that's possible when you work with somebody, but you can always try to keep contact with the person to a minimum. The other helpful thing is to change the way you think about them. You don't have to keep placing them on a pedestal if you don't want to. You can keep your reminding yourself that they aren't right for you, and that there's something better for you. Once you start to believe it, then feelings tend to change. Link to post Share on other sites
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