Mondmellonw Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 I've got a friend, this girl is under age. Her boyfriend isn't. Lately, she's been feeling very insecure about their relationship. Feels like he doesn't loves her. He is very respectful, but for what she says to me, he doesn't loves her. I'm aware of that he is manipulating her, cause' I've been trough a similar situation. The thing is, I don't know how to help her. I don't want to be a bad influence. When she asks me for advice I try to tell her how I felt when I ex did some certain things. She has told me she is afraid to discuss with him, because she feels like he always wins. How to help her with this? I know she is the one who should decide, but... Idk, since she is under age and he is totally not. He is a man and she is still a girl, trying to handle with grown up problems... Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 Can't she talk to her parents? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mondmellonw Posted January 11, 2014 Author Share Posted January 11, 2014 Can't she talk to her parents? That's the problem. She doesn't wants to open with them about this, I mean, to really open. They know the guy, he is friends with her big brother. They trust him. And her mom doesn't cares if she has sex with him or not. Idk... Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 11, 2014 Share Posted January 11, 2014 I will tell you what I advised a friend of mine: "You can come to me with all the problems you have, and I will listen, and give you all the advice you want. But if you don't follow it, or I'm just wasting my breath, then there's no point you asking for my shoulder to lean on." That said, I realise she's young - Under-age? Could this be a legal matter....? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mondmellonw Posted January 11, 2014 Author Share Posted January 11, 2014 I will tell you what I advised a friend of mine: "You can come to me with all the problems you have, and I will listen, and give you all the advice you want. But if you don't follow it, or I'm just wasting my breath, then there's no point you asking for my shoulder to lean on." That said, I realise she's young - Under-age? Could this be a legal matter....? It is not so far... But I'm guessing it could turn out that way. She agreed to have sex with him, she told me when she had her first time. He is her first boyfriend. He tells her (all the time) he is sorry if he can't love her/give her that part of him, I mean, what the hell? I'm a little afraid he might be using her... But I don't really know anything for sure. And yeah, she is 16, he is 25. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 12, 2014 Share Posted January 12, 2014 Well, make damn sure she's using birth control, first of all! Don't let her get bound to this transient guy for life from having a kid! They're not going to settle down. He's been plain enough about it. He intimidates her because he's older and she is in over her head. It's too bad a family member doesn't give her advice. Just try to keep her from getting pregnant. You can't keep young women from getting their hearts broken. They're too idealistic and always think it's going to be reciprocal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mondmellonw Posted January 12, 2014 Author Share Posted January 12, 2014 Well, make damn sure she's using birth control, first of all! Don't let her get bound to this transient guy for life from having a kid! They're not going to settle down. He's been plain enough about it. He intimidates her because he's older and she is in over her head. It's too bad a family member doesn't give her advice. Just try to keep her from getting pregnant. You can't keep young women from getting their hearts broken. They're too idealistic and always think it's going to be reciprocal. Yes, I thought the same... And the guy is a complete *******. Well, :/ I'll try to help with (at least) that. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted January 12, 2014 Share Posted January 12, 2014 (edited) You said her parents are okay with her dating a 25 year old? And sleeping with her? Uh, no, probably not. He sounds like a predator....he is after one thing because he knows she is too naive to understand being manipulated. Is there someone you trust who is adult who could intervene? I know being a teen, it is hard to toe the line between being a snitch and helping someone but this is really not healthy for your friend. 25 year old men who try to get teens in bed by saying , oh, I wish I could love you, giving them hope that someday it may come is pathetic and douchebaggery. Good luck, you are being a good friend by being concerned, Grumps Edited January 12, 2014 by Grumpybutfun 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mondmellonw Posted January 12, 2014 Author Share Posted January 12, 2014 You said her parents are okay with her dating a 25 year old? And sleeping with her? Uh, no, probably not. He sounds like a predator....he is after one thing because he knows she is too naive to understand being manipulated. Is there someone you trust who is adult who could intervene? I know being a teen, it is hard to toe the line between being a snitch and helping someone but this is really not healthy for your friend. 25 year old men who try to get teens in bed by saying , oh, I wish I could love you, giving them hope that someday it may come is pathetic and douchebaggery. Good luck, you are being a good friend by being concerned, Grumps Yes, he is being manipulative. I just had an experience with this. The guy was 6 years older than me, but I'm not under age. I didn't choose to have sex (thanks god) but she did, or that's what she says she is convinced about. Her mom is not interested about this, or seems like she is not... Like I said, her family knows the guy. They give her a lot of freedom on how much time she hangs out with him and all of that. I guess my mom could intervine, but I am afraid I might lose her friendship... Link to post Share on other sites
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