should I end it?

[Suesue]

I had been married for 20 years when I found out my husband had his second affair. I divorced him after that but things turned out where we have been living together for a year trying to work things out. His job requires that he travel all the time (monday through Friday in most cases) and it seems to me that it is his #1 priority now. I really don't know what to do. He is mad at me right now because the last day he was here he had called a travel agency and I thought it was to plan the trip (wedding) we talked about for April. But he had just called to check on someone who was supposed to come in for an interviews travel. It really hurt and he got mad at me for being upset and left. Last night he came back home and woke me up saying "I guess you could care less if I am here to not." I really didn't answer as I was too sleepy to care. We have two teenaged boys and the money is great from his job. I really don't know what to do. Should I trust him again? Do I love him? Yes in a way I think and I am really so very afraid that if I tell him to leave I will regret it. Please advise.

[Beesting]

Maybe you should try marriage/relationship counselling. It would help you work out not only problems in your marriage, but problems that are impeding the progress of trust and hope. Having a counselor can be helpful because you have someone to mediate arguments, so discussions can be geared towards doing something instead of being side-tracked by resentment and hurt.

[Rachel]

No man or woman in this world can make a person happy except that person himself. I think a place to start this would be to try and find happiness by yourself.

 

If you do not work, I suggest finding work in an area that you like. Whether its volunteer, professsional, in an antique store, etc. That would be a first step.

 

Looks like there's a lot of anger here. You are looking at him to fulfill certain roles. Why dont' YOU go to a travel agency. Cook him a romantic dinner, send the kids away for a night. Wear a sexy negligee', show him the travel/honeymoon brochures after dinner, and apologize to being upset at him over the travel thing.

 

Then, suggest counseling and even if he doesn't go, go by yourself. Get some books.... and read them.

 

You need to work on a lot of issues on why the relationship fell apart the first time. With a lot of effort it can work.

[Ed]

I had been married for 20 years when I found out my husband had his second affair. I divorced him after that but things turned out where we have been living together for a year trying to work things out. His job requires that he travel all the time (monday through Friday in most cases) and it seems to me that it is his #1 priority now. I really don't know what to do. He is mad at me right now because the last day he was here he had called a travel agency and I thought it was to plan the trip (wedding) we talked about for April. But he had just called to check on someone who was supposed to come in for an interviews travel. It really hurt and he got mad at me for being upset and left. Last night he came back home and woke me up saying "I guess you could care less if I am here to not." I really didn't answer as I was too sleepy to care. We have two teenaged boys and the money is great from his job. I really don't know what to do. Should I trust him again? Do I love him? Yes in a way I think and I am really so very afraid that if I tell him to leave I will regret it. Please advise.

This is a pretty intense situation. He cheated (twice), you got divorced, and now you are living together again.

 

Who initiated the idea of living together again? Was it him or you, and why?

 

You have really, already taken the chance to trust him again, due to the fact that you are living together. I assume, that you assume, he is not supposed to be seeing anybody else at this time. No one knows if he will ever cheat again, except for him. Have you talked to him about why he cheated before and why he will never cheat again? (again, assuming he has told you he would not)

 

So, you are anticipating a second marraige. Whose idea was it to get married again? Did he propose or did you?