Ex MM is persistent even though I blocked him

[Dog Woman]

I last posted on here a few days ago after seeing ex MM at a show and him telling me hed separated from his wife and wanted contact with me. At that point he was blocked from blicked from texting and calling and it was the first time I had seen him in 6 months. I decided after our brief encounter to continue blocking him on my phone but to allow him to speak to me if he sees me at a show, though I havent informed him of my decision. I genuinely like this guy just dont want to get caught up in divorce proceedings and want him to deal with the end of his marriage without my support.

 

Yesterday I got a text from him - hed used another number. He was running errands in tiwn and wanted to see me. I told him I couldnt I was busy sorting stuff in my house because Im thinking of moving and downsizing to save money on bills and Iam having to visit my ill mother more often and help the family look after her. Ex MM seemed to ack this and said nothing further and left it at that. I also told him that I mite be rehoming some dogs that I dont show and I hadnt entered any shows beyond the endbof this month. He wanted me to watch him judging next month.

 

Im trying to decide what to do with him. Hes obviously very keen on me. Im single but dont want him leaving his wife for me until he finalises a divorce. Do I block his new no and just allow him to speak to me face to face if he sees me or do I unblock ex MM new no and allow him to text or do I take control and meet him as a one off and spell things out that he has to end his marriage before thinking of starting a non affair relationship witj me. Your feedback would be appreciated.

Edited January 12, 2014 by Dog Woman

[herself]

Run far and FAST. Block everything.

If you read enough, you can pretty much see your future and how it will end through other peoples stories.

Even if he did leave her, wouldnt you always wonder if he would do the same to you?

If he gets a divorce, he wouls need time to heal, would be in financial strain, would be a mess.

What you are right now is a new venture, the attention of a new woman is stroking his ego, and his attention to you is flattering & can be deceptive that it means more and runs deep.

 

You are a challenge for him because you blocked him so he wants to win. He wants to know he can get you and he can very well lose interest once he does.

 

If he isnt single its clearly going to land you in alot of confusion as it comes with so many questions and so much confusion. Your instinct ans gut wisely told you to block him and he clearly saw no respect for your boundaries of trying to do the right thing by calling you from another number. Dont waste your time.

 

You have a chance now to stay single & available for a single available guy. Once your hearts engulfed he has you. It will be a THOUSAND times harder to walk away then and the pain will rock you to your core. He is needy, wants attention, has a wife and wants a peice on the side.

Say "I blocked you because your married, I dont date married men" then block and never reply again. Many of us here wish we could go back before we were in and say those words.

Please learn by reading here & save yourself a world of hurt.

[Dog Woman]

Run far and FAST. Block everything.

If you read enough, you can pretty much see your future and how it will end through other peoples stories.

Even if he did leave her, wouldnt you always wonder if he would do the same to you?

If he gets a divorce, he wouls need time to heal, would be in financial strain, would be a mess.

What you are right now is a new venture, the attention of a new woman is stroking his ego, and his attention to you is flattering & can be deceptive that it means more and runs deep.

 

You are a challenge for him because you blocked him so he wants to win. He wants to know he can get you and he can very well lose interest once he does.

 

If he isnt single its clearly going to land you in alot of confusion as it comes with so many questions and so much confusion. Your instinct ans gut wisely told you to block him and he clearly saw no respect for your boundaries of trying to do the right thing by calling you from another number. Dont waste your time.

 

You have a chance now to stay single & available for a single available guy. Once your hearts engulfed he has you. It will be a THOUSAND times harder to walk away then and the pain will rock you to your core. He is needy, wants attention, has a wife and wants a peice on the side.

Say "I blocked you because your married, I dont date married men" then block and never reply again. Many of us here wish we could go back before we were in and say those words.

Please learn by reading here & save yourself a world of hurt.

 

Ive posted many times on here over the last 2 years since I met exMM. During that time I have got to know how he thinks, what his motives might be and how he feels about me - he would rather have my support and me in his life than his wife's. He feels him and his wife are not well suited. I ended the A last Autumn, after telling him I was no longer prepared to be the OW.

 

It was inevitable we would come across eachother again because of our mutual hobby and we have. I predicted he would want to contact me again if we bumped into eachother again, after I blocked him before Christmas, and he has. I'm not going to do anything, and leave things as they are - not meeting him alone, not texting him, keeping his old number blocked but not blocking his new number because somehow he'll find another way of contact me. I'm just going to keep my distance, ask no questions and hope he gets the message that he can't have me while he is still married. If he does divorce his wife, and wants to date me, I'll decide then if I want to date him and only if and when that happens. Somehow, that might not come if he reconciles things with his wife or if it does, I'm looking way ahead into the future. Right now I have other things to worry about that I don't need to turn to him for support.

[Survivor12]

Why play games? If you're committed to the conditions you stated, tell him exactly how you feel and what your boundaries are. Blocking him & expecting him to get the message even though you continue to accept his calls and interact with him in person is nonsense.

 

Be honest with yourself. You may want him to make the decision to leave his wife without your "support" (which is both wise and commendable) but are afraid that if you cut him off completely, he won't. The thing is until you are willing to take that chance, you are giving him the message that he's still has a hold on you.

 

Taking yourself completely out of the equation shouldn't be about what's best for him...it's what is best for you. Think of it this way, if you commit yourself to moving on now & he doesn't leave his wife, you will already be on the path to healing...and if he DOES eventually leave his wife and wants to be with you, whether or not you are over him won't matter. It's a win-win.

[Dog Woman]

Taking yourself completely out of the equation shouldn't be about what's best for him...it's what is best for you. Think of it this way, if you commit yourself to moving on now & he doesn't leave his wife, you will already be on the path to healing...and if he DOES eventually leave his wife and wants to be with you, whether or not you are over him won't matter. It's a win-win.

 

 

I can see what you are saying, Ive got nothing to lose whatever I do. I feel I have got to know him really well. I was the one he turned to when he became ill 12 months ago and his symptoms could have been cancer. He was petrified and felt his wife and family were fussing too much over him. He felt he could confide in me, which he did a lot. Had he not been married and had a wife and family that he should have been turning to for support, I would have been 100% committed to helping him through whatever the doctors diagnosed. He was wanting me to do that until I gently told him I couldn't and that he turn to his wife, he was gutted - Ill never forget his reaction - but when I said I would be thinking about him during his diagnosis/treatment, he brightened up, just as he brightened up when I said it would be nice to see him judge next month. I thought it strange when he was going for exploratory surgery, that he went to the hospital alone, he wouldn't let his wife go with him nor have her visit him. He has a medical condition, but now leads a normal life.

 

 

I'll see what happens the next time he contacts me. He did say yesterday that he realises I'm going through a tough time with my mother etc so he may decide to leave me alone for a while.

[Dog Woman]

Ex MM has texted tonight just about general stuff. Not making any demands on me. It was sc was scary not talking about sex etc. Not sure what to make of him being adult and sensible. I am still wary of why he is now contacting more regularly and does want anything from me. He doesnt appear to be playing games but is still not clear if he is definitely separated. I get the impression hed seeking my attention and he seems vulnerable. I still dont want to get involved. I need to tell him I cant be the OW but think Id be better telling him gently and firmly?

[hippetyhop]

He'll make his move once he has you comfortable.

[Dog Woman]

He'll make his move once he has you comfortable.

 

Mmm, he seems to be tr ying to gain my trust and confidence at the moment. I just dont want to be the OW. Maybe I should have a chat with him and set a few boundaries. I think he and I could have a non affair relationship. I just dobt want to start dating him while he is still married.

[hippetyhop]

Mmm, he seems to be tr ying to gain my trust and confidence at the moment. I just dont want to be the OW. Maybe I should have a chat with him and set a few boundaries. I think he and I could have a non affair relationship. I just dobt want to start dating him while he is still married.

 

A few boundaries will never work. You need full NC and let him know that. You can't be friends, you can't have a non-affair relationship as that'll leave the doors open for him to come and go as he pleases.

[Dog Woman]

A few boundaries will never work. You need full NC and let him know that. You can't be friends, you can't have a non-affair relationship as that'll leave the doors open for him to come and go as he pleases.

 

I agree I can't be friends while he is separated/until he decides what he is going to do with his marriage. I meant that I would be prepared to have a non-affair relationship with him ONLY IF and WHEN he decides to divorce his wife. For my sake I need to keep my distance from him, which is what I am doing, but I think I need to make it clear to him that I won't date him/see him whilst he's still a married man as I don't want to be the OW.

[hippetyhop]

I agree I can't be friends while he is separated/until he decides what he is going to do with his marriage. I meant that I would be prepared to have a non-affair relationship with him ONLY IF and WHEN he decides to divorce his wife. For my sake I need to keep my distance from him, which is what I am doing, but I think I need to make it clear to him that I won't date him/see him whilst he's still a married man as I don't want to be the OW.

 

I tried that as well. I told him to work on his marriage the first time around. Maybe that is what he decided to do this time around... being "friends" with me so he can focus on that.

 

So long as they can keep getting away with it, I think they may possibly continue down the same path with someone they know who won't out them.

[Dog Woman]

I tried that as well. I told him to work on his marriage the first time around. Maybe that is what he decided to do this time around... being "friends" with me so he can focus on that.

 

So long as they can keep getting away with it, I think they may possibly continue down the same path with someone they know who won't out them.

 

I think Im going to have a serious chat with him. Put my cards on the table. Be firm with him. Make it clear I wont be the Ow.

Edited January 18, 2014 by Dog Woman

[Dog Woman]

I think Im going to have a serious chat with him. Put my cards on the table. Be firm with him. Make it clear I wont be the Ow.

 

Well my idea of having a serious chat with him has back fired. He's not interested in talking or meeting- he's too busy. So,I have blocked both his numbers and it's NC for me for any kind of contact. I'll just have to try and dodge him if I see him at a show. I'm glad I did try and make contact for us to meet and talk - at least now I know now he's probably not separated and he has been telling me a load of lies? There is no way on this earth I would date him in the future if he were ever single - I just couldn't trust him not to play with my emotions.

[whichwayisup]

Well my idea of having a serious chat with him has back fired. He's not interested in talking or meeting- he's too busy. So,I have blocked both his numbers and it's NC for me for any kind of contact. I'll just have to try and dodge him if I see him at a show. I'm glad I did try and make contact for us to meet and talk - at least now I know now he's probably not separated and he has been telling me a load of lies? There is no way on this earth I would date him in the future if he were ever single - I just couldn't trust him not to play with my emotions.

 

See he was fishing, and you took the bait. I wish you hadn't contacted him to 'talk'. Notice now he's disappeared and has no time for you.

 

Really it's over, time to make yourself put him out of your head and go on with your life. If by chance he is at a dog show in the future, ignore him. Easier said than done, but you don't owe him anything.

[MissBee]

Ex MM has texted tonight just about general stuff. Not making any demands on me. It was sc was scary not talking about sex etc. Not sure what to make of him being adult and sensible. I am still wary of why he is now contacting more regularly and does want anything from me. He doesnt appear to be playing games but is still not clear if he is definitely separated. I get the impression hed seeking my attention and he seems vulnerable. I still dont want to get involved. I need to tell him I cant be the OW but think Id be better telling him gently and firmly?

 

Trust your instincts as that will work in your favor over ignoring it and then beating yourself up if you get hurt.

 

You don't know if he's separated, and even if he is, your gut is telling you he is vulnerable and seeking attention and not in a healthy place to treat you well. Listen to that.

 

You want him to be fully done with his divorce and you don't want to be the OW. Stick to that. You don't owe him a meeting to explain this. I really wouldn't entertain the texts either. Everything in you is saying be cautious, trust it.

[MissBee]

Well my idea of having a serious chat with him has back fired. He's not interested in talking or meeting- he's too busy. So,I have blocked both his numbers and it's NC for me for any kind of contact. I'll just have to try and dodge him if I see him at a show. I'm glad I did try and make contact for us to meet and talk - at least now I know now he's probably not separated and he has been telling me a load of lies? There is no way on this earth I would date him in the future if he were ever single - I just couldn't trust him not to play with my emotions.

 

Saw this after my post. Yep, your gut was indeed right. He was fishing for HIMSELF for his own comfort but when you start to have needs he's not interested. Block and don't let him back in!

 

Yes when you see him in public dodge him/ignore him or be very cordial and quickly exit. He's not worth your time.

[Dog Woman]

Trust your instincts as that will work in your favor over ignoring it and then beating yourself up if you get hurt.

 

You don't know if he's separated, and even if he is, your gut is telling you he is vulnerable and seeking attention and not in a healthy place to treat you well. Listen to that.

 

You want him to be fully done with his divorce and you don't want to be the OW. Stick to that. You don't owe him a meeting to explain this. I really wouldn't entertain the texts either. Everything in you is saying be cautious, trust it.

 

I'm going to stick to my gut instinct. I'm not comfortable with what is going on so I'm not going to get involved and keep out of his way. His behaviour now, reminds me so much of how he was when he first became ill but the doctors hadn't diagnosed him. He was so vulnerable and confused then. One minute he wanted me - gutted as the thought of not being able to contact me - the next he was pushing me away. I just don't want to go down that road again with him. For both our sakes, I need to go NC with him and get on with my life and let him work things out with or without his wife. I don't feel any hatred towards him but its time for me to put him out of my life.

[Dog Woman]

This guy never gives up. I got a private message on facebook from ex MM today saying hes had second thoughts and would like to see me to talk. Hes not a friend on facebook so I didnt think I would need to block him and my full profile can only be seen by friends.

 

I no many on here would have advised me not to respond but I have and feel fine for respinding to him. I sent a reply in which I laid my cards on the table and told him I didnt want to get involved and be the OW and I think I spelled out the reasons why to him. He didxrespond and said that whilst he wanted me he realises he needs to decide what he is doing with his marriage and he has admitted he now understands why I have ben trying to keep my distance from him and why I blocked his numbers from my phone. I havebmade it clear that I will not date him as long as he is married. Im blocking him on facebook as welk now.

Edited January 22, 2014 by Dog Woman