Kamila Posted January 12, 2014 Share Posted January 12, 2014 Hello all, At my office, there is a guy I've barely known since a year. He was a close coworker of my coworker and sometimes he came into our cubicle to ask him some work related questions. I could also sense they had a good friendship, because they sometimes went to lunch or did some indoor climbing. A few times I even shared some laughter with them. But nothing more from this guy so far. He's very reserved, calm (at first glance) and maybe shy. A month ago we all moved to another open space and he appeared to be also moving to the same flour, just separated by a hall way. The thing we share in common is the kitchen and coffee machine. The first time we saw each other at the same coffee machine he acted surprised and even amused I was also there. (I thought how didn't he know, he was good buddies with my coworker, but hey, it was time for a little one-on-one chat.) One conversation thing about work, lead to another and he was almost touching my forehead to write something imaginary. He was like an inch away from me ! I took a bit of a distance and tried to communicate again with him, but no, again something sensual about my coworker and me was brought up. I almost shouted: 'We're professionals!' while blushing severely. I left the kitchen and he said 'i'm sorry!'. Anyway. Where did that come from ? I barely know the guy ... But maybe my coworker said things about me to him ? Do guys gossip about women they work with ??? Since a few weeks we stumble into each other in the kitchen, the hallway. And again his goofy smile on his face, and he's like, I don't know - at a loss of words ? He asks me if i'm okay, cos one day i took an aspirin. Then he asked me again if i'm okay (but that was not necessary, cos i was sick like a week ago...). Or when i waited for the elevator, he just stopped a bit to talk with me, but only small talk. I don't know what to guess about this guy. One day i took the stairs, but stopped halfway cos something dropped from my bag, he was behind me but i didn't notice him cos i was busy with my stuff. He kept looking at me, but i did acknowledge it cos it was borderline creepy and i think he sensed it too and he took off really quickly. How do I know if he has a gf already ? (FB told nothing, only an empty picture, twitter nothing, ...) Do I say something to him ? Is he just very shy ? Or should I just do nothing cos - women don't chase men ? I know it's cliché, but some advice would be much appreciated here cos this guy's a riddle ... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
deathandtaxes Posted January 12, 2014 Share Posted January 12, 2014 Do nothing because it's not smart to get involved with co-workers. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamila Posted January 13, 2014 Author Share Posted January 13, 2014 Technically, we're not direct coworkers, we're externals hired by a different consultant agency. We don't even work in the same team. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 Find stuff to talk to him about when you bump into him. Gradually see if you can work the meetings in the break room into a lunch . . . not a date just colleagues having lunch at the same time . .. . then maybe drinks after work. In one of those out of the office encounters probe about his personal life / does he have a GF etc. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamila Posted January 14, 2014 Author Share Posted January 14, 2014 Yes, I'll do that d0nnivain. It's just a surprise whenever i bump into him and i'm at a loss of words. Plus, i'm only thinking about work and then i'm off. But on Monday, i was making coffee and he spotted me while he made copies or so. He was again quite amused finding me there and asked me about my weekend. I said it was short, but a relaxed one. And soon i'm going on holidays i said and we talked about sunny places and stuff. I said to him to look some place up. Then i took off, cos i didn't know what to say anymore and other colleagues could have seen our encounter. He's quite loud and i'm more reserved, so yeah. I would prefer a more private setting ... Today again in the hallway, he was waiting for the elevator and i just said "hi" with a big smile and "how are you doing" "fine..." Then smile again ... And that's it ... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamila Posted January 17, 2014 Author Share Posted January 17, 2014 Things are evolving i guess. Whenever he sees me he asks me how i'm doing. The usual polite stuff. He always teases me, putting this front and always smiling. To change the tone of things, I tried asking him whether he likes his job and one thing lead to another. He asked me if i knew his name. (of course i did, i just played stupid ...) He added me on his list on a professional network website an hour later. Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Plan an after-work get together with a group of co-workers at a nearby bar/coffee shop/sushi place/whatever, and invite him to come along. If he is interested, he won't miss it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamila Posted January 17, 2014 Author Share Posted January 17, 2014 Plan an after-work get together with a group of co-workers at a nearby bar/coffee shop/sushi place/whatever, and invite him to come along. If he is interested, he won't miss it. Well, that's the tricky part. There was a gathering at a restaurant with him and other co-workers, but i didn't get invited cos i had some troubles with a direct coworker (see my other thread 'Co-worker is being nice'). I put my distance with my direct coworker, but by doing so, i couldn't get away with his group where he was in. Still, i don't know why he keeps talking to me. He must surely know i got into a small argument with my direct co-worker. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamila Posted January 24, 2014 Author Share Posted January 24, 2014 Okay, okay, things are 'evolving'... We bump into each other, say 'Hiiiii !' Or one time i just smiled and looked at him, he screamed in the hallway, 'I can't get a hello ?!!!' Haha He joined a presentation i enrolled him in at work, it was for more than 30 people but i spotted him there. Good. He told me to have a safe trip home. The day after while having lunch with my colleagues i asked him if he learnt anything. He told me he did and that he saw me there. Hehe... Then the day after he came to visit my coworker, i heard his voice behind me. I didn't acknowledge him, just doing my stuff. After 10 min of intense chatting with my coworker he went behind me and said 'Hi there!' I gave him a smile and a handshake. It was nice just feeling his warm hand. Hehe, then i shyly said to him, i'm kinda busy (and it's true, i had a due presentation !). Afterwards, he was quite loud with my coworker about him going on a weekend trip with buddies in the mountains ... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamila Posted January 28, 2014 Author Share Posted January 28, 2014 This weekend I thought about this guy. I woke up quite early Sunday morning and I just half dreamt about him in bed. Mmmm. This didn't happen to me before ? Monday I didn't see him at work 'cos he had a long weekend planned with his friends. So today when I saw him at the coffee break room, (well he spotted me first and I was caught by surprise), he gave me a big hello and said my name with it. This time some of his coworkers were with him and he didn't feel ashamed or so to notice me. I blushed quite severely and I just said 'hi how are you' and smiled and I took off. The room was so crowdy that I couldn't just stand there. I knew he wanted to talk more, but my it was so weird, I get butterflies all the way and i have so much work to do. It's just insane ... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamila Posted January 30, 2014 Author Share Posted January 30, 2014 Yesterday was so weird. I saw him looking at me while he was talking to my coworker. I just walked past them. At noon, I did a little stroll at my office's nearby park. Returning to the office i bumped into him. Then a couple of hours later, the coffee break room he was there. I said nothing and just sighed a bit. He asked me what was wrong. I paused a bit and told him i have a lot of work before i'm leaving for the holidays. He kept asking me, where, when, etc ... and excused himself giving me the third degree. I was lost a bit and I just nodded and smiled. He also stood there, almost stoic. MEh. Awkward. Time for going home, I bumped into him into the elevator. I thought 'him again ????!!!' What are the odds. I asked him where he lived and he said he moved close to the office in an apartment. I highly suspect he's single. While walking to my car he ringed me while being on his bike. He turned his head around to smile at me one last time. Yeah ... what i've observed in him is that he became more shy and quiet around me. What the hell is going on ??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamila Posted March 5, 2014 Author Share Posted March 5, 2014 It's been awhile and a lot has been going on. My contract at my client ended abruptly due to budget constraints. The client let me know while i was on a one month holiday leave. After my holidays, i went to the client to retrieve my stuff. My dear colleague was not there (he had 3 days holidays) and so i hadn't had a chance to say 'goodbye'. :( I guess he even doesn't know i won't be there anymore. We always assumed he would be the first one to go away. Tomorrow, he'll be back from holidays. Should i let him figure out i'm not there anymore ? Will my ancient colleagues let him know about my abrupt leave ? Will he contact me again... ? Link to post Share on other sites
confusedsoul14 Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 It's been awhile and a lot has been going on. My contract at my client ended abruptly due to budget constraints. The client let me know while i was on a one month holiday leave. After my holidays, i went to the client to retrieve my stuff. My dear colleague was not there (he had 3 days holidays) and so i hadn't had a chance to say 'goodbye'. :( I guess he even doesn't know i won't be there anymore. We always assumed he would be the first one to go away. Tomorrow, he'll be back from holidays. Should i let him figure out i'm not there anymore ? Will my ancient colleagues let him know about my abrupt leave ? Will he contact me again... ? Just casually let him know that you are not there anymore. If he doesn't contact you after that then you have your answer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Survivor12 Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 If he's interested, he'll ask someone and find out that you're not coming back. On the other hand, if you want to let him know that you are, send him a message and ask him if he'd like to meet up for coffee or a drink sometime. The worst that could happen is that he responds by saying, "no thanks" or not responding at all. Since you aren't working there anymore and won't have to face him again, what do you have to lose? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamila Posted March 10, 2014 Author Share Posted March 10, 2014 (edited) I strongly believe there was 'something' between us. But due to work circumstances, it's hard not thinking about the repercussions of office flirting and what would come out of it. I'm just hoping it's not the 'out of sight, out of mind' scenario that will play here ... I'll give him a month before sending him a little note. Side note: he's 4 years younger than me :s and I don't think he knows i'm older (i look quite young for my age...) Edited March 10, 2014 by Kamila Link to post Share on other sites
MsNo1 Posted April 20, 2014 Share Posted April 20, 2014 Have you contacted him? Forgotten about him? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamila Posted April 20, 2014 Author Share Posted April 20, 2014 No, I didn't contact him and he didn't contact me either. I sometimes think about him. I did some snooping around his FB page and no sign of a gf (yet?). I don't know what to do ... maybe due to his age, he doesn't want anything too serious. And i don't want to come off strong and scare him away. I know he was showing me intense attention at work, but why isn't he continuing this through e-mail or so ? He asked for my e-mail when i still worked at his place. So why did it stop for him ? I was receptive and not chasing him. I let him come to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamila Posted April 29, 2014 Author Share Posted April 29, 2014 Puh, I have made an update of my work profile and lots of people send me 'congrats'... except for him. So this goes on the pile of failed whatevers... Link to post Share on other sites
deathandtaxes Posted April 29, 2014 Share Posted April 29, 2014 Probably better. Refer to my comment about not dating coworkers. But sorry nothing came of it. Spend your time and energy on those most likely to reciprocate!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kamila Posted May 1, 2014 Author Share Posted May 1, 2014 But that's the thing, he was the one hoovering around me everytime he saw me. That made me notice him. It's only the month before my departure that things developed between us. To the point he asked for my email. Came to my desk behind me to say 'hi'. Always asking me how i'm doing, remembering stuff i told him a week ago ... Come on, what man does that ? It's like 'things guys do to show you they like you' 101 class. And we're not coworkers anymore. So that makes it less complicated no ? Link to post Share on other sites
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