Cancelled on me twice. ??

[locabs]

***semi long*** sorry

 

This is going to sound silly, but I downloaded this new app called Tinder. Many, many, many college students use it for hook-ups and the occassional date that could lead to something more. I on the other hand downloaded it from pure curiosity and found that it's beyond superficial. Anyways, I met this guy on Tinder about 4 months ago. He striked up a conversation and I ended it, then 3 days later asked for my snapchat name. I figured it would be ok. He's 23 and in law school, I'm 20 in college wanting to go to law school so I thought this was a good match. Weirdly I wasn't interested in him while we snapchatted. I would sometimes send something back and other times I would not. This contiuned for a solid 2 months before I realized I was interested. One night I asked him to text me and within 2 minutes he did. Ever since then we texted EVERY single day and I gained true interest in him. I have never initiated any texts. Then it lead to him calling me, then FaceTiming me. Thank god he was real finally after doing all these things he asked when we were going to meet in person. I told him after finals I would be more than glad to meet up with him. He doesnt go to school with me obviously, but hes only 3 hours away, and visits his friends on a regular basis that live near my college. Our first meeting wasn't something super planned. He had left his ray bans at his friends and was going to pass by to get them and thought he'd stop by to say hello, maybe grab a bite to eat. I said that was fine. Well as the time came, he cancelled. He said his friend that lived down here would just bring his glasses up. I didn't take it to heart considering the next day I had to wake up for a flight back home. He did apologize over text and called me to apologize again saying he was sorry. Recently though, he said the real reason was because he was nervous considering he's never met someone online and didnt know me super well. Anyways that was in late november. We still continued to text, facetime, and call on a daily basis. Then Christmas break came along and he asked what my plans were, I said going back home to Texas. He was bummed saying its hard to schedule something when I don't live close by. Over Christmas break things went up a notch. One night he called me and we talked on the phone, but towards the end of the conversation he made a comment that threw me off. He said "I'm hard to tie down. I don't know why girls try. Plus I don't even know what I want." What I said was "well this is kind of awkward, considering whats been going on. I need to get some rest." I think he heard the confusion in my voice, but I hung up. He then texted me saying "lauren I hope you aren't mad at what I said. I say things I don't mean all the time, especially when I had a few drinks. I like you. Please don't be mad. I said it to make you like me more. It usually works with girls." It went back and forth for awhile, until I forgave him. I thought to myself, we've only being talking seriously for 3 weeks I shouldn't be so harsh. That wasn't the only time he said he liked me. He also said it over FaceTime which is kind of in person. As Christmas break was coming to an end I told him I'd be a weekend early, that we should meet up. He said that was cool to give him the time and date I was coming. I said I was coming Dec. 10th, Friday, and my plane lands at 4. He said perfect, I'm leaving back to school Sunday.

As my plane landed I texted him. But for some reason I knew he was going to flake because I texted him "I have to take a shuttle back to school. I hate not having a car. I get car sick easily." In his response, "Awh you should of told me! I would have picked you up and taken you back to school! I would of never let my friend use my car to take to work!" So after a few texts I gave him a small test. I texted him saying "what should I do tonight? Unpack and rest, or go out with my friends?" he said "defintely go out with your friends!" right there I knew it wasn't going to happen. I was pretty mad at this point, but kept my cool. "I said yeah thats what I was going to do! What are you doing tonight?" he said "my friends fiancee wants to go out, but I dont know." Because I was so mad I said "im getting bus sick! Ill text you later!" he texted back. After 15min rolled around I wanted to show him that I was upset so I texted "Just a little advice: actions speak a whole lot louder than words :)" and his response was "Good point. Sorry for the circumstances." I just never replied. I deleted him from snapchat and tried to delete his number but my iphone saved it, I have will power though.

The following night I saw that I had a pending snap from him. I decided to see what he was going to send. It said "I dont believe you." I think it was in response of me telling him I no longer want to talk to him. So in response I said something VERY immature that I would not like to say.

Point of story we texted I told him what was on my mind, he said "I'm sorry I cancelled. I let my friend use my car for work then when he was driving back he ran over a nail. I needed to get it fixed so I can drive back to school. And one more thing, you may not like to hear this, but I chose my best friend since middle school over you. You are right. I'm sorry. I don't know you super well." I forgave him and we're back where we started.

I'm not sure what to do? Some friends say screw him, others say give him one more chance and if he screws up don't talk to him. I usually don't put up with guys, but something in me says he's not lying, but another part of me says he is. I'm NOT a doormat girl, nor do I want to be.

I need some advice, pls help!

[darkmoon]

leave him to visit you, if he looks you up okay, he has not even been romantic yet so date others and him too, he sounds a bit disorganised to me

[Frank2thepoint]

Sigh. He flakes on you and says he is hard to tie down. You play games and test him to see what he will say, and use that to get angry with him. It sounds like neither of you know exactly what you want.

 

Instead of going back and forth, misreading each other, having arguments without even having a real relationship, why not plan to meet each other half-way? Or just be upfront with him that you really want to see him and he needs to not flake?

[locabs]

I have been upfront with him. He knows I would like to see him. I think because I'm old-fashioned and believe that if a guy says he likes you, and genuinely means it, he will do anything to see you. I'm not entirely used to a guy flaking, matter-of-fact, a guy has never flaked on me. It's my first time talking to someone a bit older than me, maybe I'm just immature. Who knows?

[acrosstheuniverse]

He isn't interested, you're just a fun way to pass the time. If he was interested you'd have met by now. Move on from this one! I've had more success from Tinder than any dating website, I've been on about four or five dates in a couple of months, probably more, and they've all been lovely evenings with awesome guys, although not much of a spark. Got another two this week. A young, smart female that knows how to work what she's got will have guys chasing you to hang out, don't settle for this crap.

[Frank2thepoint]

I have been upfront with him. He knows I would like to see him. I think because I'm old-fashioned and believe that if a guy says he likes you, and genuinely means it, he will do anything to see you.

 

You answered your own riddle. He knows, yet he still hasn't follow through. Forget this joker, just move on, and ignore him.

[locabs]

I understand and I get that. I guess I don't see the point in just talking to someone? Why not say, lets be friends? I would be totally fine with that. That's basically what we are at this point minus occasionally saying how much we like each other. Why not have fun being friends? I don't get it. It's not like he's getting anything sexually from me.

[locabs]

He isn't interested, you're just a fun way to pass the time.

 

I understand and I get that. I guess I don't see the point in just talking to someone? Why not say, lets be friends? I would be totally fine with that. That's basically what we are at this point minus occasionally saying how much we like each other. Why not have fun being friends? I don't get it. It's not like he's getting anything sexually from me.

[acrosstheuniverse]

Because he has other stuff going on? Or maybe because he can tell you'd like more and knows he isn't going to give it to you? Honestly, the motive could be absolutely anything, all you can go by are his actions, and they are saying that he isn't interested in pursuing anything further than a skype/text friendship. If you want more than that, I'd just move on.