My boyfriend and I had an argument Friday night.

[acapelo_dp]

I want to know if I acted like a crazy jealous girlfriend or if I am being rational in some parts. I will sum this up as best as I can.

 

Alright, so I have been dating my boyfriend for 5 months. I met him last year when I was visiting his city, we hooked up and started texting for a few months then I flew to visit him for a week. We decided we clicked well so I got a job and his city and moved here (he suggested I move here and was very excited). We lived together up until December, then I moved in my own apartment as I wanted my own space and independence.

 

Anyways, things have been great. We get along great and he is a fabulous boyfriend. I notice that when we go out and drink together we seem to argue, almost every time. This past Friday he invited me out to his favorite bar along with his work friends and a new girl he got in contact with through a friend of his back in his hometown (let's call her Sarah) who messaged him on Facebook to get together. She is from back home and just moved to the city for an internship and is looking to meet new friends. I thought cool, maybe I can meet a new girlfriend! Since I am looking for new friends as well.

 

I was meeting him at the bar as he went with his friends straight after work. I live in kind of a ghetto part of the city downtown, and I transited there by myself which I was nervous about. There were a bunch of drunk people around getting violent. My bf didn't offer to meet me outside or anything, which kind of upset me because he doesn't ever walk me to the train station at night or insist on meeting me. I always travel alone to meet him by myself even though he also lives in the part of a city that is known to be sketchy. I kind of thought it was ungentlemen-like that he didn't offer to meet me half way or something.

 

I got there and said hello to his friends and he said hello to me. Later in the night Sarah showed up and sat beside my boyfriend and his other friend Rob. Anyways Sarah didn't even really talk to me or engage in conversation with me after I introduced myself and after I tried to engage in conversation with them. My boyfriend was focusing on talking only with her, and was ignoring me. She seemed very into talking to my boyfriend as well.

 

I took him aside and calmly explained to him that I was upset that he didn't offer to meet me and that I felt I was being a bit ignored. He told me that I am a big girl and can transit at 7pm by myself , that I am an adult woman and can do it myself. He also said that he "****ing hates his job and this is the only place he can relax on the weekend and meet new people. If you want to leave, I am not leaving. I am going to go back down and chat and meet new people and you can leave or stay I don't care." so basically I started crying and just went back downstairs with him because I began to feel bad. He continued to talk to only Sarah and wrote down his cell phone number and email for her on his business card and handed it to her.

 

By the end of the night I went to his place and just cried while he went to sleep. The next morning he was sorry and we talked. But I still can't shake what I felt. I was very hurt by his actions and words, he can be very cruel whenever he drinks but he is the sweetest guy any other time. We agreed not to drink together anymore but I feel that I should be the number one girl in his life and he definitely did not make me feel that way on Friday.

 

Any advice? Am I really crazy or was I right to feel the way I do to some degree?

[darkmoon]

he is not going to change from being him, expecting him to meet you "He told me that I am a big girl and can transit at 7pm by myself" he is not going to change or be told what to do, nobody likes that, c'mon!

 

 

I think you had a bad evening out, unlucky, on the Friday, see how things go, maybe he might put Sarah to one side, I mean you talked about it

 

 

bit of a guide to your future here, if Sarah goes then it's hooray, if not, then you will have to go or put up with her and your boyf's drama or date others which will be more fun than being reduced to tears ((hugs))

[Aquanut]

Sounds like a bit of a jerk to me

[acapelo_dp]

Another thing I just remembered. I got a bit out of him when he talked to me after we got home, before he fell asleep. He said he didn't want to talk because he didn't want to say anything stupid. But I asked him why sometimes he treats me this way. He says he loves being a boyfriend but when he goes out that isn't on his mind, he doesn't have a goal in mind and that is why sometimes he ignores me. He doesn't mean to but it happens. I didn't really understand this comment...

 

I just don't understand how he can be the sweetest, most caring guy ever to me when he is sober and is always so sorry in the morning but whenever he drinks he can get nasty with his comments and attitude. He gets extremely defensive if I get upset, even if I talk to him calmly.

[CarrieT]

Reminds me of my last Ex on Scotch.

 

For some reason, whenever he drank Scotch, we would have the most HORRIFIC fights. It got to a point where I begged him to drink anything but Scotch. The more calmly I tried to reason with my Ex, the worse it would get.

 

I'm seeing red flags for you with his attitude while drinking and he might have a bit of a problem.

 

How he acted around Sarah with you around is very, very rude. And, sure, you are a big girl, but it is a matter of politeness to meet you and be with you when you are traveling to be with him, isn't it?

 

I don't think you are over-reacting at all.

[acapelo_dp]

Reminds me of my last Ex on Scotch.

 

For some reason, whenever he drank Scotch, we would have the most HORRIFIC fights. It got to a point where I begged him to drink anything but Scotch. The more calmly I tried to reason with my Ex, the worse it would get.

 

I'm seeing red flags for you with his attitude while drinking and he might have a bit of a problem.

 

How he acted around Sarah with you around is very, very rude. And, sure, you are a big girl, but it is a matter of politeness to meet you and be with you when you are traveling to be with him, isn't it?

 

I don't think you are over-reacting at all.

 

It's really strange. He doesn't drink to get drunk and doesn't drink often, he has a couple beers. But he is a light-weight. Whenever he drinks, sometimes he can be fun but about 80% of the time he gets depressed or you can only be happy around him because if I indicate I am upset with him in anyway, he gets defensive and lashes out. But this is only towards me, not other people. He only treats me this way.

 

We ended up having a great day together yesterday watching movies and cuddling. I even made him dinner. So I feel like bringing this up again is just beating a dead horse, but I want to make my expectations in a relationship clear. I feel he doesn't take what I say seriously because the behaviour repeats itself when he drinks. But we already agreed not to go out together drinking anymore. I am just sketched by this Sarah chick.

[ae86drift]

I want to know if I acted like a crazy jealous girlfriend or if I am being rational in some parts. I will sum this up as best as I can.

 

Alright, so I have been dating my boyfriend for 5 months. I met him last year when I was visiting his city, we hooked up and started texting for a few months then I flew to visit him for a week. We decided we clicked well so I got a job and his city and moved here (he suggested I move here and was very excited). We lived together up until December, then I moved in my own apartment as I wanted my own space and independence.

 

Anyways, things have been great. We get along great and he is a fabulous boyfriend. I notice that when we go out and drink together we seem to argue, almost every time. This past Friday he invited me out to his favorite bar along with his work friends and a new girl he got in contact with through a friend of his back in his hometown (let's call her Sarah) who messaged him on Facebook to get together. She is from back home and just moved to the city for an internship and is looking to meet new friends. I thought cool, maybe I can meet a new girlfriend! Since I am looking for new friends as well.

 

I was meeting him at the bar as he went with his friends straight after work. I live in kind of a ghetto part of the city downtown, and I transited there by myself which I was nervous about. There were a bunch of drunk people around getting violent. My bf didn't offer to meet me outside or anything, which kind of upset me because he doesn't ever walk me to the train station at night or insist on meeting me. I always travel alone to meet him by myself even though he also lives in the part of a city that is known to be sketchy. I kind of thought it was ungentlemen-like that he didn't offer to meet me half way or something.

 

I got there and said hello to his friends and he said hello to me. Later in the night Sarah showed up and sat beside my boyfriend and his other friend Rob. Anyways Sarah didn't even really talk to me or engage in conversation with me after I introduced myself and after I tried to engage in conversation with them. My boyfriend was focusing on talking only with her, and was ignoring me. She seemed very into talking to my boyfriend as well.

 

I took him aside and calmly explained to him that I was upset that he didn't offer to meet me and that I felt I was being a bit ignored. He told me that I am a big girl and can transit at 7pm by myself , that I am an adult woman and can do it myself. He also said that he "****ing hates his job and this is the only place he can relax on the weekend and meet new people. If you want to leave, I am not leaving. I am going to go back down and chat and meet new people and you can leave or stay I don't care." so basically I started crying and just went back downstairs with him because I began to feel bad. He continued to talk to only Sarah and wrote down his cell phone number and email for her on his business card and handed it to her.

 

By the end of the night I went to his place and just cried while he went to sleep. The next morning he was sorry and we talked. But I still can't shake what I felt. I was very hurt by his actions and words, he can be very cruel whenever he drinks but he is the sweetest guy any other time. We agreed not to drink together anymore but I feel that I should be the number one girl in his life and he definitely did not make me feel that way on Friday.

 

Any advice? Am I really crazy or was I right to feel the way I do to some degree?

 

He don't respect you at all, how does he feel if you chat with guy and ignore him?

[d0nnivain]

Alcohol makes everybody a bit nutty. However, safety is a huge concern & he should have had more concern for yours. My husband did something similar to me early on in our marriage & I went ballistic. After we both calmed down we were able to talk & we got past it. Moving forward, he now understands that while I am very independent & generally don't mind going places by myself if I tell him I have safety concerns he needs to address them.

 

 

I'd talk to your BF . If his behavior changes great. If it doesn't, you are not a priority to him.

[acapelo_dp]

He don't respect you at all, how does he feel if you chat with guy and ignore him?

 

I asked him that question actually. He said that it would not bother him because he knows that I am his.

 

But, I have never done that to him so he doesn't know what it feels like. I engage with his friends but I always acknowledge him, whether that would be rubbing his back or turning and talking to him on occasion. He didn't do that at all Friday, maybe because he knew I was upset and was avoiding conflict. I think he was trying to be friendly but it went too far. I was really hurt he gave her his business card with his cell and email in front of me.

[acapelo_dp]

sounds like a real jerk..

 

 

 

but based on my understanding of women, you're going to stay with him anyways lol

 

Well, he is amazing besides this time. Is this grounds for breaking up with him?

[ExpatInItaly]

There seems to be three separate issues.

 

1) He is not fulfilling your expectations; you and he have different views on this. You felt neglected when he didn't meet you half-way or outside the bar. He felt you should be able to arrive on your own. You're right in that you need to make it clear what you expect of him. He may or may not be willing to accommodate you; you'll then have to decide if this is really the person for you.

 

2) His behaviour when he drinks is upsetting to you. I have a feeling the other problems in the relationship are amplified when alcohol is involved and that is why this only happens between the two of you. It doesn't appear that he has a problem with alcohol, per se - it's more of a problem communicating his pent-up frustrations. You can certainly opt not to drink together any more but I really don't believe that's going to solve the underlying issues. They'll come out in a different way.

 

3) You are wary of his attention to this other woman. Have you directly said their level of contact makes you uneasy? Do you question his intentions with her? You can't do anything if she is snubbing you (which is rude, I agree) but your boyfriend should be the one to draw a line here. Let him know this. If he doesn't take steps to help you feel more included when she's around, you have your answer , I think.

[acapelo_dp]

I've found that most girls have really low standards for the guys they are with.. most of the time, when they think of their guy as "amazing" all he really does is just watch tv with them and maybe walk the dog with them...lol.. and that constitutes "amazing".

 

most "amazing" guys wouldn't let you walk through a sketchy area by yourself.. and wouldn't ignore you while focusing completely on another woman.

 

if my girlfriend ignored me while focusing on another guy (I can handle walking through sketchy places alone lol), I would definitely dump her when we got home

 

He is not the best boyfriend I ever had, but I would say he is the second best. Only because at times he isn't affectionate (when we apart) he isn't a big texter. But in person he is very affectionate physically and saying he loves me, etc. He takes me out on dates, takes care of me when I am sick, loves me being around even just hanging at his house. He isn't jealous or controlling at all.

 

So it is weird. I am quite different, I express my emotions well and am very communicative even when we are apart. Sometimes I feel like I am not a priority, and I was beginning to finally feel like our relationship was getting to where it should be and then this happened and brought me back a few steps with him.

[acapelo_dp]

There seems to be three separate issues.

 

1) He is not fulfilling your expectations; you and he have different views on this. You felt neglected when he didn't meet you half-way or outside the bar. He felt you should be able to arrive on your own. You're right in that you need to make it clear what you expect of him. He may or may not be willing to accommodate you; you'll then have to decide if this is really the person for you.

 

2) His behaviour when he drinks is upsetting to you. I have a feeling the other problems in the relationship are amplified when alcohol is involved and that is why this only happens between the two of you. It doesn't appear that he has a problem with alcohol, per se - it's more of a problem communicating his pent-up frustrations. You can certainly opt not to drink together any more but I really don't believe that's going to solve the underlying issues. They'll come out in a different way.

 

3) You are wary of his attention to this other woman. Have you directly said their level of contact makes you uneasy? Do you question his intentions with her? You can't do anything if she is snubbing you (which is rude, I agree) but your boyfriend should be the one to draw a line here. Let him know this. If he doesn't take steps to help you feel more included when she's around, you have your answer , I think.

 

1. Spot on. He is very friendly, and enjoys meeting new people. This is why I feel kind of badly about acting upset about him talking to this other girl. It absolutely wouldn't have been a problem if he engaged me in conversation as well or made me feel in someway that I was number one, not her. But the issue was he did not this time.

 

2. Definitely. He doesn't communicate about what upsets him well, but I believe there are things that he dislikes as well. But it will come out when he is drinking. I always try to openly communicate with him sober, and he does well at talking but I feel like he holds back about negative things to avoid conflict or not upset me.

 

3.I told him that it made me uncomfortable. He told me he was just enjoying meeting someone new and getting to know her. He apologized but I honestly believe that he still does not believe what he did was wrong in anyway. He is very comfortable around me and will say girls are cute in front of me, if his guy friends ask. Which I find a bit uncomfortable as well and I told him.

 

 

I will have to talk to him further about this and make my expectations clear, and find out what his are as well.

[BeholdtheMan]

Any advice? Am I really crazy or was I right to feel the way I do to some degree?

 

I think your actual situation is probably even more complex than what you've written...but two things jumped off the screen:

 

1. You want your boyfriend to be a gentleman who takes care of you. Yet...

 

"I got a job and his city and moved here (he suggested I move here and was very excited). We lived together up until December, then I moved in my own apartment as I wanted my own space and independence."

 

He's all excited that you're moving in with him but after a while you decide to move out because you need your own space and independence. What message does that send to your BF? I'll tell you: that you're not the type of girl who needs to be escorted from the train station or bus stop or whatever. Your BF is treating you like a "big girl" who doesn't need to be coddled.

 

2. Your BF disrespected you when he ignored you and chatted with "Sarah" all night, even getting her number in front of you.

 

Basically... you're in the wrong for expecting be treated like a princess when you've signaled that you want space and independence, he's in the wrong for ignoring you

[acapelo_dp]

I think your actual situation is probably even more complex than what you've written...but two things jumped off the screen:

 

1. You want your boyfriend to be a gentleman who takes care of you. Yet...

 

"I got a job and his city and moved here (he suggested I move here and was very excited). We lived together up until December, then I moved in my own apartment as I wanted my own space and independence."

 

He's all excited that you're moving in with him but after a while you decide to move out because you need your own space and independence. What message does that send to your BF? I'll tell you: that you're not the type of girl who needs to be escorted from the train station or bus stop or whatever. Your BF is treating you like a "big girl" who doesn't need to be coddled.

 

2. Your BF disrespected you when he ignored you and chatted with "Sarah" all night, even getting her number in front of you.

 

Basically... you're in the wrong for expecting be treated like a princess when you've signaled that you want space and independence, he's in the wrong for ignoring you

 

I actually do see your point in the first one. I am used to getting spoiled and being like a 'princess' by boyfriends but have always been independent in my career, friends, etc. He actually was excited to live together but I talked to him and I just thought it was too early in the relationship, and once he thought about it - he agreed as well. I really want to live here for the city, not just for him.

 

But yeah, I am quite upset about him ignoring me. I am going to talk to him, and honestly ask him what his frustrations are - as they only seem to appear when he has a few beer into him. I want him to openly communicate with me, and I to him, so that this situation does not happen again in the future.

[BeholdtheMan]

I actually do see your point in the first one. I am used to getting spoiled and being like a 'princess' by boyfriends but have always been independent in my career, friends, etc. He actually was excited to live together but I talked to him and I just thought it was too early in the relationship, and once he thought about it - he agreed as well. I really want to live here for the city, not just for him.

 

Strong independent women don't need to be escorted at 7PM. That's all I'm saying. Your decision to move out signals to him that you can handle transiting alone in the early evening. How dangerous is that neighbourhood at 7PM? Are you blowing it out of proportion?

 

Ignoring you in favour of Sarah was disrespectful. He was probably very annoyed that you were annoyed at him for not escorting you...but that doesn't justify ignoring your own GF for another girl. You deserve a sincere apology for that.

[Grumpybutfun]

Strong independent women don't need to be escorted at 7PM. That's all I'm saying. Your decision to move out signals to him that you can handle transiting alone in the early evening. How dangerous is that neighbourhood at 7PM? Are you blowing it out of proportion?

 

Ignoring you in favour of Sarah was disrespectful. He was probably very annoyed that you were annoyed at him for not escorting you...but that doesn't justify ignoring your own GF for another girl. You deserve a sincere apology for that.

 

I disagree. Strong independent women do not lose their right to get an escort if they feel they need it in a bad area just because they have their own place and job. The issue isn't whether or not she is a big girl who can live on her own but if she is in danger of muggers, rapists or worse. Any man worth his salt wouldn't let his woman walk through a sketchy area at night if he cared for her. Anyone with a Telly knows that women are far more seen as a victim than men, it is so commonly reported that we have became desensitized to it. If he wants top punish her for moving so she can have her own space by letting her be in danger and feel scared, then he is an as$. Just for this alone, she should question whether or not he just wants a gf for sex or whether he really cares about her as a person. Red flag.

 

OP:

 

Since you didn't mention that you moving to a new place upset him, I am finding the remarks about him being upset about it confusing. Most men understand that a transition live in is fine, but that a new relationship needs some space sometimes especially if you haven't spent a great deal of time together prior.

 

 

As far as drinking, he has several problems. One is that he is mean and the other is that he gets so wrapped up in the partying aspect of it he doesn't see that he is being a cruel and heartless joke. He seems like an alcoholic that doesn't have the capacity for alcohol at all. Alcoholics do not have to be everyday drinkers who stay drunk or who are belligerent at all time. They only have to be drunks who do not see or care that their entire personality changes to the detriment of their relationships. Red flag number 2.

 

Red flag 3 is that he completely ignored you to talk to not just another guy, but another girl. This is rude and shows that he has no care for your feelings. Even if he was drunk, there had to be something inside him that wanted to be with her more than you or he would have greeted you and talked to you. Most likely he was annoyed that you expected him to meet you for safety reasons and he was punishing you in some malicious way. Not the kind of guy you want for your future

 

Obviously he is immature, but aside from all of the drinking issues, you say that he is uncommunicative and does not like confrontation. Red flag 4. Your future could possibly be filled with a passive aggressive closet drinker who still likes to party without a gf so he can talk to other women and who will not talk about your issues until they explode inside of him.

 

Nothing you mentioned about him made me think he was amazing. They made me think that he did what he had to to get you to his city so he could date you and when he did, the challenge was over. They make me think he does like you but he is more concerned with living out his party days than having a serious relationship. You both need to talk about all of these things or you wil stay with him and waste both of your times because you obviously know this is wrong, but for whatever reason don't see the unhealthiness of it in the long run.

 

He is mediocre at best. Remember you are teaching him how to treat you.

 

Move on,

G

Edited January 13, 2014 by Grumpybutfun

[BeholdtheMan]

I disagree. Strong independent women do not lose their right to get an escort if they feel they need it in a bad area just because they have their own place and job. The issue isn't whether or not she is a big girl who can live on her own but if she is in danger of muggers, rapists or worse. Any man worth his salt wouldn't let his woman walk through a sketchy area at night if he cared for her

 

Except we don't know just how bad this neighbourhood is...

 

If it's teeming with muggers and rapists then yes, I'd agree with you, but that could be far from the case

[acapelo_dp]

I talked to him birefly over the phone and about the walking alone he said that it's not something that he thinks about, it's not part of who he is. But he said he will try do it if that is what I want.

 

He also said the reason he ignored me was probably due to the fact he was irritated that I was frustrated at him for not meeting me. He doesn't remember most of what he said to me when he was angry.

 

We basically got nowhere though. He isn't a good communicator at all - a lot of silences and "I don't know what to say right now" then he said he didn't want to talk loud because his family would be able to hear him and asked to talk about it next time in person instead. I feel kind of exhausted.

[OpheliaSong]

I talked to him birefly over the phone and about the walking alone he said that it's not something that he thinks about, it's not part of who he is. But he said he will try do it if that is what I want.

 

He also said the reason he ignored me was probably due to the fact he was irritated that I was frustrated at him for not meeting me. He doesn't remember most of what he said to me when he was angry.

 

We basically got nowhere though. He isn't a good communicator at all - a lot of silences and "I don't know what to say right now" then he said he didn't want to talk loud because his family would be able to hear him and asked to talk about it next time in person instead. I feel kind of exhausted.

 

Why did you go to the bar if he wouldn't even meet you? Why did you sit around and stare at him and his female high school friend who obviously didn't want to talk to you because she saw you as competition if he continued to ignore you? Why would you take him outside and talk to him drunk if you knew this is how he is when he drank? I would have got a cab and went home to my apartment and told him the next time that he wanted to meet up for a date or sex that that isn't something you think about, or who you are. I would have calmly told him that our values don't coincide so I am going to be with a guy who would not ignore me to be with another girl that I don't even know, a man who would meet me if I felt scared in the middle of Times Square in the middle of the day, and a man who didn't turn into a raging, verbally abusive alcoholic nut who drinks anyway. Most girls would be gone after one of those things. You deserve someone who really wants to be with you and who thinks of your safety, your feelings and your heart.

[Chi townD]

well, a couple of issues.

 

If you're saying that you're used to be treated like a Princess in past relationships, then you are used to being placed on a pedestal. More and more men are starting not to do that anymore (which is a good thing in my opinion). HOWEVER! There should be equality in a relationship. A partnership first and foremost.

 

Now, if he spent the night mostly speaking to another girl, that's kind of disrespectful if he wasn't trying to include you in the conversations. Treating you like a third wheel instead of his partner. AND for him to slip his number and email address to her on a business card was COMPLETELY out of line. It tells me that he wants to continue to talk to her on a more private level. I mean, how would your boyfriend feel if he witnessed you giving your number and email address to another guy? I don't think he would have liked that too much.

 

Most women would have left after witnessing something like that. However, I believe that you needed to stick it out because you would have to travel into your "ghetto" neighborhood by yourself late at night, and you didn't want to do that. Then, if your neighborhood is as bad as you say it is, then you need to move. Look around. Talk to friends that might have a friend looking for a roommate in a better part of town. A young woman traveling alone; at night, in a bad part of town is scary to think about.

 

And if a complete stranger on the internet is more concerned about this situation than your actual boyfriend is, then what does that say about your boyfriend?

[darkmoon]

I talked to him birefly over the phone and about the walking alone he said that it's not something that he thinks about, it's not part of who he is. But he said he will try do it if that is what I want.

 

He also said the reason he ignored me was probably due to the fact he was irritated that I was frustrated at him for not meeting me. He doesn't remember most of what he said to me when he was angry.

 

We basically got nowhere though. He isn't a good communicator at all - a lot of silences and "I don't know what to say right now" then he said he didn't want to talk loud because his family would be able to hear him and asked to talk about it next time in person instead. I feel kind of exhausted.

 

 

if you keep on at this guy any longer, you might as well dump him now

 

 

you got nowhere, you mean

 

 

sorry, but I do not think any guy enjoys being seen as in the wrong, no person will, tbh, quit nagging while you have the chance

Edited January 13, 2014 by darkmoon

[acapelo_dp]

Thank you for all the replies. I really do see what you guys are saying, so I suggested we take some time for ourselves to reflect on the situation and cool it for awhile. But he wants to meet up in person and talk, and he said he wants this to work. He told me that he doesn't like talking on the phone and doesn't do well with on the spot discussions; that he would much rather do it in person. So we are meeting up Wednesday evening to talk about the situation more.

 

We act like best friends and he really is caring and attentive, affectionate and loving when we are together. It is only when we go out at times, but this was the worst time out of them all. I really feel neglected and hurt. He has apologized but I just don't feel right about it, because in the future I am going to wonder if this will happen again. Our viewpoints are different on what we want out of a relationship.

[Amelia81]

I was on a first date at the weekend, and where we were having drinks was right next to his bus stop, however my train station home was a ten minute walk away and it was just after 11pm.

 

My date walked me the ten mins to the station, I missed the train and he waited another ten minutes with me for the next one, I even said he didn't have to wait but it wasn't an option for him, when I finally got on the train he had to walk back ten minutes to get to his bus stop home.

 

At no point did I ask any of this of him, and I probably would have been fine, it was a very busy safe part of the city, but for him to do that said a lot about his character and how he looks after/views women. This is a really important trait I look for in a man. I am very independent but that means nothing to unsavoury characters seeing a lone woman at night!

 

Although he could have gone one step further and asked me to let him know I got home ok but I won't be too harsh on him yet...

 

My point is, there are many men out there who CARE that a woman gets home ok if she is on her own. gosh even my female friends ask me to let them know I'm home ok if I'm on my own so I would certainly expect it of a boyfriend. You are certainly not overreacting.

[Quiet Storm]

I was on a first date at the weekend, and where we were having drinks was right next to his bus stop, however my train station home was a ten minute walk away and it was just after 11pm.

 

My date walked me the ten mins to the station, I missed the train and he waited another ten minutes with me for the next one, I even said he didn't have to wait but it wasn't an option for him, when I finally got on the train he had to walk back ten minutes to get to his bus stop home.

 

At no point did I ask any of this of him, and I probably would have been fine, it was a very busy safe part of the city, but for him to do that said a lot about his character and how he looks after/views women. This is a really important trait I look for in a man. I am very independent but that means nothing to unsavoury characters seeing a lone woman at night!

 

Although he could have gone one step further and asked me to let him know I got home ok but I won't be too harsh on him yet...

 

My point is, there are many men out there who CARE that a woman gets home ok if she is on her own. gosh even my female friends ask me to let them know I'm home ok if I'm on my own so I would certainly expect it of a boyfriend. You are certainly not overreacting.

 

Yes. His "its not part of him and not something he thinks about" comment would have shown me that this is not a person I want in my life. My husband and I are from a bad neighborhood, and he'd meet me at my house and we'd walk from there. At only age 17 he had that care and concern for my safety. 23 years later in a much better area and he is still the same.That concern was modeled for our sons and now my teenager feels protective of me, his sister, girls he dates. If your well being is not something he thinks about, he likely didn't have a good male role model or he just isn't that into you. He should have your best interests at heart.

 

Instead of trying to mold this guy into your ideal boyfriend, why not find a guy who meets your expectations and shows you the care and concern that you deserve?

Edited January 14, 2014 by Quiet Storm