Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted January 12, 2014 Share Posted January 12, 2014 If your new wife wanted to keep her old married name? I have always hated my maiden name. When I married, I just so happened to marry a man with a last name that I loved. It just fits me and kinda became part of me. I don't associate it to him at all, and it's what all my work and friends know me by. He wanted me to drop it in the divorce, but I refused. I told him that besides the children, it was the only good thing I got out of our marriage. Anyhow, I've been thinking lately about will happen if I someday remarry. I've heard of people keeping their maiden names when marrying, but not their previous marriage name. My children have the same last name and I cannot medically have more children with a new spouse. Do you think it would be too much to want to keep my current last name if I was to remarry? Link to post Share on other sites
deathandtaxes Posted January 12, 2014 Share Posted January 12, 2014 I'd be marrying the woman, not her last name, so it wouldn't bother me one bit. Especially if said woman had kids with the same last name. It's just a name. It is only an issue if somebody decides to make it an issue. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted January 12, 2014 Share Posted January 12, 2014 I know a couple of women who have done that. Keeping the bond (by name) with their kids trumped everything else. Never heard of it being an issue. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 If your not going to have kids with the new man, I think it is not a big deal. You could hyphenate maybe if it bothered the new man. Link to post Share on other sites
lollipopspot Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 Personally I think the tradition of women changing their names to their husband's is ridiculous and archaic Why should married women change their names? Let men change theirs | Jill Filipovic | Comment is free | theguardian.com 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Solcita2 Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 I think you have two very good valid reasons to keep the name: 1) Your children's name. 2) Everyody at work knows you by that name. I wouldn't tell that you love the name... I think the previous reasons are more than enough... Link to post Share on other sites
Better Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 My ex-wife kept her previous married name for a while and she didn't have any children. It bothered me. Eventually she changed it to my last name, and she kept it when we divorced. I wonder if she will do the same when she gets married the next time. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 Ex husband's name would be a much tougher pill to swallow than maiden name, I think. But, if you explained the reasons you wanted to keep it (children's names etc), I don't think it's 'too much to ask'. The guy still might not necessarily like it, in which case you would be incompatible with him, but you should definitely ask if it is important to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh1967 Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 My mom never changed her last name to that of my stepdad. She had already acquired property and was established with my dad's last name. Stepdad could have cared less. Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 This issue, IMO is a personal choice. I am a medical professional who qualified under my maiden name and I am known by that name in my professional life. In my social life I use my husband's name. If we go out to dinner we book under my married name. This applied with both my husbands. ( I have been married twice) If this "name" issue causes problems in a relationship then they need to be discussed. Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 I've since changed my views about this. I kept my ex husbands name when we divorced to be consistent with my son, but looking back, I kind of regret not going back to my maiden name. If I could do it over, I would. I'm riding the "old fashioned" boat on this one, and would absolutely take my new husbands last name if I ever re-marry. In your case though, I would say hyphenate. Having a different last name than your kid(s) is not a huge deal. Especially once they get older. Who really cares? Link to post Share on other sites
deathandtaxes Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 I've since changed my views about this. I kept my ex husbands name when we divorced to be consistent with my son, but looking back, I kind of regret not going back to my maiden name. If I could do it over, I would. I'm riding the "old fashioned" boat on this one, and would absolutely take my new husbands last name if I ever re-marry. In your case though, I would say hyphenate. Having a different last name than your kid(s) is not a huge deal. Especially once they get older. Who really cares? Hyphenate? Eww. Use getting married as an excuse to choose a totally different last name for you and your future husband rather than hyphenate. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 (edited) If your new wife wanted to keep her old married name? I have always hated my maiden name. When I married, I just so happened to marry a man with a last name that I loved. It just fits me and kinda became part of me. I don't associate it to him at all, and it's what all my work and friends know me by. He wanted me to drop it in the divorce, but I refused. I told him that besides the children, it was the only good thing I got out of our marriage. Anyhow, I've been thinking lately about will happen if I someday remarry. I've heard of people keeping their maiden names when marrying, but not their previous marriage name. My children have the same last name and I cannot medically have more children with a new spouse. Do you think it would be too much to want to keep my current last name if I was to remarry? My aunt has kept her old married name. Her business and everything else was under that name and even on her FB she has her hyphenated maiden and former married name, not her current husband's name, as majority of people know her by that name, since mostly she connects with old friends on there. Her current husband doesn't seem to mind or care, they've been married 14 years. People call her Mrs.HisLastName who meet her now and the child she has with him the teachers call her by her child's/husband's name, so in more social contexts, esp if they know him, they call her his last name; but her documents are in her former married name. Depending on who and what era of her life they're from, that determines what they refer to her as. Her husband doesn't mind though and they have a great relationship and one I admire. Edited January 13, 2014 by MissBee Link to post Share on other sites
lollipopspot Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 Having a different last name than your kid(s) is not a huge deal. Especially once they get older. Who really cares? It's very common now for mothers and children not to have the same last name. Most school personnel do not make the assumption that the names are the same. Lots of mothers never married the father or didn't take his name, but the gave the child the father's last name regardless. Most of my childhood I did not have the same name as my mother, and it was no issue at all - and that was before it was as common as it is now. Link to post Share on other sites
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