Help! I am having a panic attack

[Rachel]

O.K. Everybody,

 

The guy that I had dated for 2 1/2 years, we broke up two months ago. I was going to invite him to dinner. Everyone who has seen him says he is very miserable and so am I.

 

I want him back in my life. I know he cares about me deeply, but was very confused.

 

Anyway, I just heard(via his secretary), that there's a girl that keeps calling his office, and that they have been to the office Christmas party together.

 

I am totally totallllllllllyyyyyyyyyyy absolutely DEVASTETED(hear me DEVASTATED).

 

Help me get him back. I want to still invite him to dinner. and I think there's still hope. I need advice and a strategy.

 

This is serious. Please help me. I just want another chance.

[Ed]

It is normal to sometimes look and feel really bad after breaking up from a long term relationship. That is not necessarily a reason to try to get back together with the person.

 

I cannot remember the details of your breakup...but, in general -

 

If HE is the one that decided to break it off with you, then let him make a move to put things back together. If you still want to give it a try at that time, then go ahead.

 

If YOU were the one that initiated the breakup, then you can approach him about patching things up.

 

As far as his secretary goes, if you must talk to her, leave him out of the conversation.

[Tony T]

A break up is usually because one or both of the parties don't want to continue the relationship? Why did the two of you break up?

 

Now if you want to invite him to dinner, just call him. Let him set the day so he can't give you any excuses about being busy on a particular day. That way, if he just declines, you know he's not interested and you can go on your merry business.

 

Anything else you do, letters, Email, flowers, gifts, etc., will be counterproductive and turn him off. You really don't want him to know just how devastated you are. And how much of this urgency and devastation is due to the fact that you found out he was with some chick at a Christmas party? You need to really think about the past of the relationship and whether or not you truly want to go back to something that wasn't good enough to continue.

 

Keep his secretary out of any conversations. He'd probably fire her for giving you personal information about his telephone calls, etc. I know at least I'd kick her butt real good.

 

Stop talking to this secretary...it's not good for your healing process to be continuing to get data on his life.

[Rachel]

The past two weeks I have been realizing hooooooooow much I have missed him and how good our relationship was. We both knew how good our relationship was, yet, he said he couldn't commit. So we decided on a break.

 

I had already been contemplating inviting him to dinner. I just didn't think I would feel punched in the stomach, when I found out this girl has been calling him.

 

His secretary and I don't routinely talk(ever) about him, or his personal life. I guess, she was just trying to let me know that he is NOT happy, and that if I am interested, NOW is the time to get in.

 

I just want to know what to do. I left him a message at home, and invited him to dinner, at his convenience, that way , if he doesn't want to go, he has time to ponder it.

 

The problem is, that two weeks after we broke up, he called and asked me to lunch and I was so hurt, I told him it was too soon. So I don't know if he hasn't called due to pride or what?

 

He did drop off a very nice Christmas present for me at my house.

 

Anyway, I love this man and just want to see if there's a chance for us.

 

Please help!!!

[Tony T]

Advice is the same. Ignore what does not apply.

 

You should NEVER leave more than a message on an answering machine. Don't spill all your desires to a tape recorder.

 

Call him, talk to him in person, etc. as I have recommended in my earlier post.'

 

You don't need a game plan, you just need to make a move.

[Rachel]

Thanks Tony;

 

I left a message... Just said wanted to see if you'd like to have dinner one night. Hope you're well, You know where to find me....

 

I guess the thing is, What to do or say, or NOT say at dinner. And how to leave things?

[Tony T]

Just have a nice dinner, talk about current events, how everybody's doing, etc. Keep it light. Stay away from talk about a relationship. If the subject comes up, imply that you may be open to that. Otherwise, just float with the situation. The more intense you are, the less likely anything is going to happen. Lighten up...this is life, nothing more.