letting it go...

[on the edge]

here is an e-mail that i rec'vd from a friend that i used to work with. it sure has helped me to see things in a different perspective, especially with all that has happened to me in the last year...

[moon]

Yes, I agree. We should all just let it go. I think it can take a while to come to that point, though. I think you have to grieve first. I think two or three months is probably sufficient, but up to six months (max a year) is okay too.

 

I think it helps if you didn't go out with "Mr. Wonderful." If the guy who left you wasn't exactly your idea of the perfect guy for you (or even close) then I think it's easier to say good bye in the end.

 

But I think it's important to be able to let the pain go. I think it takes at least one bad break up to realize that harboring all the pain and sitting around hoping after the relationship ends isn't going to do much for you. Once you do this for at least one person, I think future break ups force you to realize that you can't just hope, pray, wait and make yourself feel bad. Life is too short. But those of you on your first big break up....I feel for you most. Because it doesn't register yet that it's a waste of time to mourn that person for a long, long time. After they are long gone, even.

I think dealing with post-break ups is sort of trial and error. We begin to see what works and what doesn't,

 

But in the long run, I think giving yourself an appropriate amount of time to throw yourself a pity party, to wallow, to feel sad, to curse the world, to throw a tantrum, to feel low, to feel sad some more.........is only natural. After that you MUST allow yourself to move on. I think religion can help you. If you believe that God is in control and has your best interest at heart (in terms of what you need to know and when you need to know it) I think you can start to understand that some things are out of your control.

 

It's bee over 2.5 months since my break up. I realized about two weeks ago that things were starting to feel much better. I got in touch with my ex's message machine and told him I was letting go of the pain also. For some reason I needed to do that. He wrote me back an e-mail and told me to call him, but I couldn't. I didn't want to hear his voice. I finally wrote an e-mail back to him a few days ago and reminded him why it all hurt and reminded him what he'd done to me. But told him that I was letting it go. I don't know why I felt I had to do that. But I guess in my case I am glad I was telling the truth. I feel much freer now. I think therapy has helped and the fact that I have my family around me and lot's of friends who are in GREAT relationships. I don't want to be the only one sticking it out with a loser---do I??? NOPE. I gotta aim higher.

 

So like I said, I think it's easier to get over the guy when you are pretty sure he wasn't the one. I think somebody else made a good comment recently here. Basically the comment said don't look at it like your ex dumped you, look at your break up as a release from a bad relationship. I wouldn't have had the strength to leave my ex....I don't think.

 

The only problem now is I can't really be bothered to get into a new relationship. I am sort of realizing that I don't care anymore. I have been facing the facts that marriage isn't my biggest goal and I don't even know if I care so much about having kids. I don't know if this is just a side affect of having a few bad break ups and not wanting to keep giong through them. I guess I just have to hold out hope that one day I'll get lucky. For now I'll keep with the therapy........which might I add, is helping. I've never gone the route of anti-depressent medication, though. But I am just coping everyday and actually feel much better. I do have the occassional slip up and I remember back to my ex........but I truly feel like I am on the road to just letting it go. It's not my fault my ex didn't have my best interest at heart, but it is my fault if I pursue or try to stay with somebody like that! I deserve better. You have to tell yourself that! Once you are single you MUST put yourself and your sanity first.

 

I think listening to the Beattles song "Let it Be" is good too. I started playing that in my car and it made me feel sort of at peace. Good luck.

[Three of Swords]

I have a recurring dream - well it seems to be almost a nightmare cause it leaves me soo rung out the next day. Sometimes I dream this dream over and over for a stretch of nights in a row. Then I go for a long time without dreaming it.

 

The dream that I have is that I am moving to another residence and it is moving day and I don't have enough boxes. Or, I don't have everything packed. Sometimes the other people are outside waiting for me to move out. Or there is something wrong with the place I am moving to - ie in one dream the floors were nasty - crooked with ripped flooring, etc. Sometimes its a combination of these themes, sometimes all of the above.

 

Well I had the dream again last night- it was all of the above. Haven't had the dream in a little while, so was wondering where it came from.

 

Just out of curiosity I Googled the meaning of dreams and this is what I found:

 

to dream of Moving = Change. New start. Ready to leave something behind.

 

Ha ha - makes sense. But the fact that I am not prepared for the move, does that mean I am not ready to let go. Not ready to move on?

 

(Maybe I am still not done with grieving.)

[on the edge]

thanks moon-

it truly has been a hell of a year and i am trying to weather this storm the best i can. i do have a strong family support system and days seem to be getting better, but there are still those gray days that pop up out of nowhere.

 

i really don't care to "jump" into another relationship at this point in time either. it's been almost 4 months since my stbx and i have separated.

 

i have decided to spend some time on myself and daughter to get us both back on track. we both have been through so much and we both deserve better.

 

good luck to you too!

 

three of swords-

it's funny that you brought up dreams, because i have been having a re occurring "nightmare" of my stbx is killing or has killed me. it's been very disturbing. so i googled the meaning of dreams like you did and this is what i came up with.

 

[color=blue]To dream that you are murdered, suggests that some important and significant relationship has been severed and you are trying to disconnect yourself from your emotions. It also represents your unused talents.

 

Note also that dreams of murder occur frequently during periods of depression. [/color]

 

very true! i guess i'm really not as far into "recovery" as i thought!

[alphamale]

Originally posted by on the edge

... LET IT GO!!!

 

 

what a load of krap. "LET IT GO!!!". Human beings are not robots, how exactly does one let strong emotions and memories go without getting a frontal lobotomy?

 

It is very easy to tell people "LET IT GO" but when you give me a decent explanation of how one "LETS IT GO" then I will listen.

 

"LET IT GO", WTF??!!?!?!?

[on the edge]

Originally posted by alphamale

what a load of krap. "LET IT GO!!!". Human beings are not robots, how exactly does one let strong emotions and memories go without getting a frontal lobotomy?

 

It is very easy to tell people "LET IT GO" but when you give me a decent explanation of how one "LETS IT GO" then I will listen.

 

"LET IT GO", WTF??!!?!?!?

 

daammn! it was just an e-mail that i rec'vd from a friend and was passing it along. anyone can take from it what they want.

 

i certainly did not think it implied that people are robots or that you can simply turn strong emotions on or off like a switch.

 

i don't need to give you an explanation. if you thought it was a load of crap, then i guess that's all you got from it.