What is she really feeling?

[mail9993321]

Hi

 

Have worked with a girl for the last 5 years, she has had a boyfriend for almost 6 years.

 

About 4 months ago she started talking to me more and we started taking lunches. Then she told me she tried to break up with her boyfriend because she liked me and thought it was wrong.

 

She said she sorted things out, but we then met up again as we both couldn't stop thinking about each other, she said she needed time to figure out what she wants. Although she wanted time, we didn't stop talking up until Christmas, going out a few times more and kissing.

 

Over New Year she said she couldn't leave her boyfriend but hoped we could be friends. Last week I asked how she was and she said not good, not being able to stop thinking about me (I said I wished the last few weeks never happened and she said she didn't). At the end of the week I told her that I was finding it hard to be friends as I thought she had wanted to leave her bf, she said that it is so complicated and it was messing with her head. Eventually the next day she told me she couldn't leave, saying she wanted to fix things as she was just lonely and confused. I told her she had to break up with her bf or tell him about us and be honest as it would fill her with guilt, this is when I realised she wasn't going to say anything as she said if she did it he would make both their lives a misery and he wouldn't forgive her.

 

She said she has to stop talking to me and we haven't seen or spoken today.

 

Does it really sound like the relationship will last much longer, when she tried to break up just because she liked me? I am just wondering whether she is scared about ending a long term relationship or really wants to fix the issues, but to cheat on someone and then not tell them and even say she wouldn't take back the time we spent together sounds really confusing. She said he is also her best friend but I fail to see how she could do that to someone?

 

I've really fallen for her and am always thinking about her, I want to be with her even though what she has done to him is wrong. From the above what does it sound like she is feeling?

[mail9993321]

I know she said they used to fight a lot when they first got together, guess things must have improved though to be going for 6 years. Her bf is a mature student and she is supporting them both at the moment so finances are tight (I suppose she might be worried about him financially if she leaves, is that an excuse though?). He is out a lot working and this is why she is lonely, and confused probably because she is divided between us.

[mc_v3r]

Being with someone for almost 6 years is no joke, she might feel like taking a step into the unknown if she were to leave her boyfriend boyfriend now; so I understand the fact that she's confused.

 

I don't know the situation and how close you were at work over the past 5 yrs that you've been working together (before the last months when you starting having lunch together), but have you thought about why she is talking to you more now and not before?

- is it because she got the opportunity to do so now?

- is it because something has changed between her and her bf around the time when you started having lunch together?

- is it because she's feeling something is not right with her current relationship and she's trying to find out what it is?

 

You seem to be able to give her what she would like but doesn't have from her current relationship; that is attention, interest in her, etc. and she might be wondering whether she's in the right place with the right person; as well as trying to figure out why she is feeling that way.

[mail9993321]

Although we haven't talked all the time I know she has been attracted to me for the last 5 years, and last year when her bf took her out for a birthday day out she admitted she was thinking about me the whole day (we hadn't even started to chat too much then). I know it was a crush to start but I feel like it has grown to something more.

 

It was only since around last October maybe that we started to talk a lot more, before then it was only work related emails. I suppose she was feeling more lonely and needed the company.

 

She has said we cannot talk anymore but that has happened before, do I just give her some space, tell her I am here if she wants to talk or is that needy? Her birthday is in two weeks so perhaps just wish her a happy birthday and see how she is feeling then.

 

I can always forget about her and move on but I know there is something there based on the whole situation and I have really deep feelings for her now.

[mc_v3r]

If she said that you cannot talk anymore, then it's best if you give her the space she wants.

 

Like this, she will have time to think about how she feels without any contact with you. In a way you will also be showing her that you respect her choices, and that you do not want to cause her any pressure (and thus you are considerate).

 

However there's nothing wrong in letting her know that she can still approach you (if that's what you feel/are ok with).

 

Also, showing that you have your own life to live is important (you won't come across as being needy or clingy or w/e word describes that). Even though you like her and have feelings for her, it doesn't mean that your life will stop if she's not an integral part of it. Giving her space might not be what you want, however unless you do so, she wouldn't have the chance to see how things would be with you out of the picture.

 

Of course there's nothing wrong with wishing her a happy birthday when the day comes. Keep it short and simple but do get the good wishes across She'll know that you're still on a good note and that there are no hard feelings or anything of the sorts between you.

[tom670]

If she said that you cannot talk anymore, then it's best if you give her the space she wants.

 

Like this, she will have time to think about how she feels without any contact with you. In a way you will also be showing her that you respect her choices, and that you do not want to cause her any pressure (and thus you are considerate).

 

However there's nothing wrong in letting her know that she can still approach you (if that's what you feel/are ok with).

 

Also, showing that you have your own life to live is important (you won't come across as being needy or clingy or w/e word describes that). Even though you like her and have feelings for her, it doesn't mean that your life will stop if she's not an integral part of it. Giving her space might not be what you want, however unless you do so, she wouldn't have the chance to see how things would be with you out of the picture.

 

Of course there's nothing wrong with wishing her a happy birthday when the day comes. Keep it short and simple but do get the good wishes across She'll know that you're still on a good note and that there are no hard feelings or anything of the sorts between you.

 

I agree^^^ be indifferent with her just business.

You will look weak. Act like you have totally moved on.

That will make you look more attractive that is my 2 cents.

Show her you have options and are not going to wait at least fake it.

[Quiet Storm]

It sounds like she enjoys the attention and validation that you give her, but she doesn't value it enough to change her life. She'll probably contact you next time she needs her ego stroked.

 

You say you really like her, but do you see what kind of person she is? She lied, cheated and can't even face her consequences by being honest. Even you know that isn't right. Your attraction to her is causing you to see her as confused, afraid and helpless instead of selfish, dishonest, untrustworthy, etc.

 

She wouldn't be a good girlfriend for you, so you haven't lost anything. Don't take the rejection personally, she has issues.

[road]

They cheat with you they will cheat on you.

[Darren Steez]

Wait a sec. She's cheating on her boyfriend with you. No matter what the "excuses" are that's what it boils down to. You may like her but dude, you've been going behind another dudes back to be with his girl.

 

So what do you know about this girl? She was sneaking around to hang out with you. Teased you that she was "trying" to break up with her boyfriend, feeding sad tales about their "fighting" etc etc. When push came to shove, decided to "stay" with her boyfriend, and break contact with you.

 

She's been with the guy for 6 years. Maybe she got bored. Maybe she liked the attention and danger of sneaking around, stealing kisses, but when you wanted more, she showed you where the door was.

 

You were a side dude. Don't catch feelings, go out and find a single girl who's into you because if you think your future is with someone willing to cheat on their boyfriend..guess what's going to happen to you?

[Maxtor]

Your story is equal to mine, I mean, almost every detail. My story ended because I got fed up i was the sex guy, the guy she would come when she was lonely, or to laugh. She doesnt love her bf, but she is using you to feel good.

 

GET OUT!

[mail9993321]

Thank guys.

 

It does look like she was just using me for the attention when you think about it. I was just confused that she tried to break up right at the start. She can't love her bf if she was seeing me, dunno why she didn't carry it through? She said he is her best friend, maybe she doesn't wanna lose that friendship they have had all that time, but isn't satisfied she is being loved enough.

[VeronicaRoss]

We all want to believe we're the exception, and we're almost always assured we are -- that other person isn't giving us what we need and you are so very special. It's very seductive, as common of a romantic ploy as dirt, and we all want to believe we're that special!

 

You don't know what's really going on with them. He may be spending so much time working to please her financial demands, or because she's ignoring him.

 

What you do know for sure is how she treats her 'best friend' when she's feeling ignored. She's having romantic 'what if' conversations with another man on the sly to decide if there is something better without the risk of actually being alone and single first. That's humiliating for him. That's how she treats her best friend. Ouch.

 

I'd say you're dodging a very attractive bullet if you stay away.

 

Don't be surprised when you ignore her and you suddenly become very attractive again though! Some people just love the hunt and the drama.

[bubbaganoosh]

Sounds like she playing both ends to the middle. That's a nasty situation to be in. What if her BF finds out about it and wants to have a "talk with you". You could be heading for a problem that you might want to avoid.

 

If I were you, I would find a girl whose not in a relationship and live safe. Not to mention that if you get involved with her, she might do the same thing to you. She doesn't seem very honest and if she can't bring herself to tell him that it's over and cheats instead, then you could very well be in the same position that her BF is in down the road. IMO, not worth it.