what are the stages of healing ?

[nicepuzzle]

Hi what are the stages of healing and when do you actually stop thinking about him completely?

[RickFox]

not as fast as you want

[Wambo]

and it doesn't include NC being broken on a numerous of occassions.

[lilmisscantbewrong]

I think everyone is different but stages of grief are similar to death. It takes time - some faster than others and some longer - no contact is the best way to heal and move on - true no contact.

[emotionlessbutalive]

I was reading somewhere that there are many stages. Stages of anger grief loss etc

[emotionlessbutalive]

Are you able to love your spouse again? I ended my A to work on my marriage. Had kids. Spouse is loving trusting and caring. Who never found out about A. Still I am not able to love him. I care about him and do everything a good wife does. But haven't been a single day where I don't think about other man. Its been an year since I last spoke to MM and he still lives in my memories. Some good some bad. Some days are worst than others. How do I move on in true sense? I am absolutely NC with blocking everything that reminds me if him. Looks like I will never fall in love again. My unsuspecting husband is a dedicated family man and I want to forget my past. Help please! I feel helpless and his thoughts just stay in my mind 23 hours a day. This is crazy...

[krazikat]

Are you able to love your spouse again? I ended my A to work on my marriage. Had kids. Spouse is loving trusting and caring. Who never found out about A. Still I am not able to love him. I care about him and do everything a good wife does. But haven't been a single day where I don't think about other man. Its been an year since I last spoke to MM and he still lives in my memories. Some good some bad. Some days are worst than others. How do I move on in true sense? I am absolutely NC with blocking everything that reminds me if him. Looks like I will never fall in love again. My unsuspecting husband is a dedicated family man and I want to forget my past. Help please! I feel helpless and his thoughts just stay in my mind 23 hours a day. This is crazy...

 

This is so heartbreaking...I feel so sad for your husband who sounds like a good guy who you are taking for granted.

 

Have you been to ic? If not, I encourage you to go and try to figure yourself out. What are your dreams and goals and loves in life? Do you have depression? Addictions? Resentments against your husband? Explore yourself with the guidance of a councilor.

 

If you truly do not feel love for your husband, be honest with him so he can make the choice to stay or go and find someone who loves him.

 

And to op, the stages of healing are similiar to recovering from a death. And each person is different. Take care of yourself.

[emotionlessbutalive]

I feel for my spouse too and truly want to be with him since we are compatible loving and best friends and want to grow old with him. But dont know why my heart has always been with the other man, no matter how undeserving he was. I amw orking hard to love my spouse but that magic is not there...

 

And no I have no addictions, depression may be, since I am so obsessed about the other man, who left me actually. Have taken therapy and they suggested communication and we do.

[thecharade]

Stage one: happy with him/her!

Two: frustrated with the situation, getting more confused

Three: unhappy

Four: forced reality, slap-punch-kick! Ouch!

Five: fierce pain (inwards=depression, outwards=anger, or some back and forth with both)

Six: DONE!

Seven: darkness, time goes on forever, waiting out the pain

Eight: loss of all hope for an "us," acceptance

Nine: glimmers of peace, occasional pain

Ten: even more peace, less and less pain

Eleven: released, free, wouldn't go back if you paid me

Twelve: happy once again! Without him/her!

[BruisedBNBroken]

Stage one: happy with him/her!

Two: frustrated with the situation, getting more confused

Three: unhappy

Four: forced reality, slap-punch-kick! Ouch!

Five: fierce pain (inwards=depression, outwards=anger, or some back and forth with both)

Six: DONE!

Seven: darkness, time goes on forever, waiting out the pain

Eight: loss of all hope for an "us," acceptance

Nine: glimmers of peace, occasional pain

Ten: even more peace, less and less pain

Eleven: released, free, wouldn't go back if you paid me

Twelve: happy once again! Without him/her![/quote

 

This is great, thank you for posting. Unfortunately I'm still stuck at 7.

[whichwayisup]

I feel for my spouse too and truly want to be with him since we are compatible loving and best friends and want to grow old with him. But dont know why my heart has always been with the other man, no matter how undeserving he was. I amw orking hard to love my spouse but that magic is not there...

 

And no I have no addictions, depression may be, since I am so obsessed about the other man, who left me actually. Have taken therapy and they suggested communication and we do.

 

Then tell your husband the truth and allow him to decide if he feels you're worthy of a chance to prove that you can be trustworthy again and be the wife he needs again. That magic isn't there so now you need to find out which is more important to you. Feeling that magic and intense love vs a long lasting love with someone who knows you inside and out.

 

Get therapy to help you figure it out.

[SugarHibiscus]

Oh no! I'm at three but transitioning to four. Wonder what my slap-punch-kick is going to be!.

[vanellope]

I am in the stage that do more execise and make myself prettier.

although at the same time i still feel sad sometimes.

 

i think in deep of my mind, I do want one day he see me very happy and with my loving future husband, and he regret that he did not choose me.

 

well, maybe at that time, I already don't care how he feel anymore becasue all my mind is enjoying the happiness I have with my future husband.

[krazikat]

I feel for my spouse too and truly want to be with him since we are compatible loving and best friends and want to grow old with him. But dont know why my heart has always been with the other man, no matter how undeserving he was. I amw orking hard to love my spouse but that magic is not there...

 

And no I have no addictions, depression may be, since I am so obsessed about the other man, who left me actually. Have taken therapy and they suggested communication and we do.

 

Are you currently in therapy? This could be very helpful for you. You still love your husband. You see yourself growing old with him. Do you have date nights and/or other opportunities to explore your romantic/sexual side? This is something that falls to the side in many long term relationship and it can take work to keep the sparks alive...

 

So what steps do you think you should take to help you get back in step with your man?

[wannabdone]

To the OP - - as someone else mentioned the stages are close to death stages. However there is a twist, since there is no real "closure" in most cases. The person you lost is still alive, walking around, just not with you. And they rarely give you the truth to be able to figure everything out.

 

 

As many have said, each is different. You might go through each stage in an hour period. (I had times were I cried & missed him, to immediately hating him, then to laughing about the good times) You feel crazy.

 

 

All I can tell you is that the best thing is acceptance. Even if you are accepting you will never understand any of it.

 

 

as for me - - 2 years NC - - I still think of him every single day. Several times daily. And yes, I still love him. I always will. I have accepted I do, and that I will think of him everyday for the rest of my life. And that there is nothing "wrong" with that.

 

 

I promise, it gets better!!!

[nicepuzzle]

I am in the stage that do more execise and make myself prettier.

although at the same time i still feel sad sometimes.

 

i think in deep of my mind, I do want one day he see me very happy and with my loving future husband, and he regret that he did not choose me.

 

well, maybe at that time, I already don't care how he feel anymore becasue all my mind is enjoying the happiness I have with my future husband.

 

For me that came after 6 years and he wanted me back and I went back. Couldn't help. It was even a bigger breakup this time and I am in the healing stages again. Ha!

[nicepuzzle]

To the OP - - as someone else mentioned the stages are close to death stages. However there is a twist, since there is no real "closure" in most cases. The person you lost is still alive, walking around, just not with you. And they rarely give you the truth to be able to figure everything out.

 

 

As many have said, each is different. You might go through each stage in an hour period. (I had times were I cried & missed him, to immediately hating him, then to laughing about the good times) You feel crazy.

 

 

All I can tell you is that the best thing is acceptance. Even if you are accepting you will never understand any of it.

 

 

as for me - - 2 years NC - - I still think of him every single day. Several times daily. And yes, I still love him. I always will. I have accepted I do, and that I will think of him everyday for the rest of my life. And that there is nothing "wrong" with that.

 

 

I promise, it gets better!!!

 

Thats how it looks for me now. I go through mixed emotions. You are right that closure comes from within and I did that. But couldnt see him knowing he still loved me. Ever time I saw him socially I cried for weeks and there was always a hope that he would be back and he did. And without a word dissappeared again. I have no hope now and did a closure myself in moving in true sense. I am in stage 7.

[nicepuzzle]

Sorry I read again. I am on stage 9

[Thedafox]

I think I'm on step 9, but recently it's been going back to 5.

 

Is it because I'm almost near the 3 month mark of our breakup?