chiefsrgr8est Posted January 13, 2014 Share Posted January 13, 2014 I am a divorced male that met an awesome divorced woman 16 months ago. Kids (2 adult 1 minor) all like me. Brother, cousins, rest of family like me as well. Great start! My girlfriends ex husband was very controlling and was into drugs and guns and assault. He spent 10 years in prison. About 4 months ago my GF ex mother in law sends my GF a Facebook request after not communicating with her or the kids in over 17 years! Then, all of a sudden the ex-father-in-law's wife sends a Facebook request to her as well. She accepted them so her adult children could know their Grandparents. I was asked to go to meet one set of inlaws at a barbeque function with GF and her boys and daughter (from a different marriage). So I did albeit begrudgingly I admit. Then came another request for the other in laws (same parents of ex due to a divorce years prior) to meet that other side of the family. Well that went ok until I found out her EX husband just got out of prison. His father was very eager to tell my GF that he was out and had a job and how good he was doing right in front of me! I was perturbed by it but didn't act like it did and just played it off. I kept wondering WHY after all of these years that people were coming out of the woodwork to get "in touch" with "the boys". What was the end game? WHY NOW?? Come to find out that the EX husband was collecting disability and the boys have a lot of back pay (say 25-30K worth) coming to them now. And then the EX husband sends her a Facebook request as well (she says she didn't accept and I know you don't have to be friends with someone to send them messages). I am being told I am too jealous and I need to get over it. Is she right? Am I being to jealous? Should I embrace the whole EX in-law thing? It is VERY hard for me to do and I don't know why other than I have a feeling that something is just wrong here. I feel there is an ulterior motive and I have shared that with her and she passes it off. She says that these people really loved her, but then I ask why didn't they contact you all the time that your EX husband was in prison? No good answer there. Please help because I am head over heels in love with this woman and this is tearing us apart. Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 I am a divorced male that met an awesome divorced woman 16 months ago. Kids (2 adult 1 minor) all like me. Brother, cousins, rest of family like me as well. Great start! My girlfriends ex husband was very controlling and was into drugs and guns and assault. He spent 10 years in prison. About 4 months ago my GF ex mother in law sends my GF a Facebook request after not communicating with her or the kids in over 17 years! Then, all of a sudden the ex-father-in-law's wife sends a Facebook request to her as well. She accepted them so her adult children could know their Grandparents. I was asked to go to meet one set of inlaws at a barbeque function with GF and her boys and daughter (from a different marriage). So I did albeit begrudgingly I admit. Then came another request for the other in laws (same parents of ex due to a divorce years prior) to meet that other side of the family. Well that went ok until I found out her EX husband just got out of prison. His father was very eager to tell my GF that he was out and had a job and how good he was doing right in front of me! I was perturbed by it but didn't act like it did and just played it off. I kept wondering WHY after all of these years that people were coming out of the woodwork to get "in touch" with "the boys". What was the end game? WHY NOW?? Come to find out that the EX husband was collecting disability and the boys have a lot of back pay (say 25-30K worth) coming to them now. And then the EX husband sends her a Facebook request as well (she says she didn't accept and I know you don't have to be friends with someone to send them messages). I am being told I am too jealous and I need to get over it. Is she right? Am I being to jealous? Should I embrace the whole EX in-law thing? It is VERY hard for me to do and I don't know why other than I have a feeling that something is just wrong here. I feel there is an ulterior motive and I have shared that with her and she passes it off. She says that these people really loved her, but then I ask why didn't they contact you all the time that your EX husband was in prison? No good answer there. Please help because I am head over heels in love with this woman and this is tearing us apart. Yeah, I think you're over reacting. The in laws probably didn't say anything because they were ashamed that their son was in jail and reached out once they could say he was doing better. Like it or not, those people have a relationship to your GF, in the shape of her kids (adult or not). And now they've decided to do the right thing, which is to reach out. Probably mostly to the kids, but she was the only means they had to do so. And before you ask, no, people don't stop talking to their in laws after a child becomes 18. My step dad and his ex wife still talk regularly about their 3 children. All of them in their 40's! Link to post Share on other sites
Author chiefsrgr8est Posted January 14, 2014 Author Share Posted January 14, 2014 ASG - Thank you. If its just me then I can accept that but I need to know HOW to deal with it, does that make sense? I know I can be jealous at times and I usually don't make an issue of it and I keep it to myself, but for whatever reason I couldn't and didn't this time. She is an absolutely gorgeous woman and there are always men whistling at her (and she hates that) and I usually put on a smile to them and I am proud that she is with me, the guys just keep on walking...so I guess what I am saying is that Im used to random guys doing that sort of thing but this just feels different to me. Any suggestions or books? I appreciate it. Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 ASG - Thank you. If its just me then I can accept that but I need to know HOW to deal with it, does that make sense? I know I can be jealous at times and I usually don't make an issue of it and I keep it to myself, but for whatever reason I couldn't and didn't this time. She is an absolutely gorgeous woman and there are always men whistling at her (and she hates that) and I usually put on a smile to them and I am proud that she is with me, the guys just keep on walking...so I guess what I am saying is that Im used to random guys doing that sort of thing but this just feels different to me. Any suggestions or books? I appreciate it. Well... I can't say that I understand your jealousy of her in laws, though! I am nt sure there is a book that helps dealing with jealousy... Maybe talk to someone? A psych might help you figure out the root of your insecurity and you might be able to deal with it. Jealousy is normal, but it can be very destructive if you don't keep it in check. So maybe try to get some help. And also talk to her. Tell her it bothers you, but that you're trying to work it out. And that you'd appreciate her being honest. Link to post Share on other sites
juicygirl Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 I can see why you're concerned, but it are overreacting a tiny bit. Most people in your shoes would have doubts, and for good reason. Where have they been all this time? And then, SURPRISE, his out of prison! To add insult to injured they're bragging about his new life in front of you. Your girlfriend needs to speak up for you, in a polite way. I still have a lot of involvement with my ex's family because our kids are still small. However, if I had a partner, I'd have to put some boundaries in places. If your girlfriend's ex husband wants to see his kids, that's fine, but it can be done with his parents and yourself present. Hopefully, your girlfriend is too smart to be romanced by this family again! Link to post Share on other sites
Aggravated Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 I am sorry but I sort of disagree with the other responses here. These in laws didnt reach out to their own granchildren in 17 years??? That in itself should have been enough reason for your girlfriend to question the authenticity of these people. I dont only feel sorry for you...but mostly for the kids who grew up with this family ignoring them all these years because their loser son made poor decisions in life. My first question to them if I were your girlfriend would be...why now???? Most importantly...what are the kids intake on this??? Link to post Share on other sites
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