Do you think this was a valid reason

[Debo]

Hi everyone. Newbie here.

 

Reading through some of the posts made me think it might help me to post my story.

 

A couple of years ago I met a woman. She had moved to my city to get away from the pressures of her family and boyfriend.. She had two kids and one was a kid with special needs. At this time she was 25 years old. She had money problems and worked as a waitress, having her friend keep her children when needed. Her father had died when she was 17 and she was very close to him. Plus, she had been married to a guy(not to the bf mentioned above) who abused her physically and mentally. (according to her and her friend, of course)

 

OK, now that the history is out of the way. We hit it off instantly. Of course I was aware of this former bf, who was still calling her from her hometown, so I took it slow. But as time went on, she gave me the whole"you're the best guy I ever have known" stuff, along with also being up front about the damage she had suffered in previous relationships. So, she wasn't holding anything back. She reassured me that this former bf was a jerk(of course) and that she had told him to quit calling her, as she had found someone new.

 

Well, after three great months, she went back home with the kids for Spring Break. All during that week she called me and nothing seemed to change. But when she got back, she told me that she was going to move back home. . She told me that her little brother, who disliked their step father, was in trouble at home and cried for her to come back. She seemed tore about what to do. Also, I will add, she had lost her job. When she first told me, she asked about having a LD relationship but I shot that down. The next night, having time to think, I re-visited the LD talk but she said she didn't think it would work and I was right the first time. Over the next two weeks, she still called me and we saw each other twice. Once she even said, casually, that if we were married she wouldn't be going back. WTF? When she finally left after those two weeks, she called me the day she left to say goodbye.

 

Now my question to the board is has anyone had a somewhat similar situation where family, financial problems and the duty of caring for you kids have caused you to move away from someone you loved? Or do you think that if she really loved me as much as she said, she would have stayed?

 

I understand I had to move on, but I would like to hear some impartial opinions about the situation. But there are times when I wonder if she loved me at all and that her reasons were valid. Having a strong family myself, I wondered about the effects the death of her father and abusive relationships had on her decisions since I have no base of knowledge in that area.

 

Thanks for taking the time to read this and offering your opinions.

[Three of Swords]

I was married to a man who worked out of town a lot.

 

Generally he was home on weekends. But often he was gone for several weeks at a time.

 

The longest stretch we were apart was two years ago. He left on Boxing Day. We saw each other for one and a half days in March. Then we didn't see each other until the end of July of that year.

 

We had two children during the time he worked out of town and I raised them pretty much myself. It certainly wasn't easy. I also had a full-time job. I had a few friends and family that lived where I lived which helped. And somehow I got through it.

 

So does long distance relationships work?

 

Well - the marriage did last for 27 years and he worked out of town for 20 years of it. But we grew apart and I moved out 6 months ago.

 

The years of neglect in the relationship slowly eroded whatever foundation there was. We rarely did anything together, we basically lived separate lives within the marriage.

 

He also had a hobby which took him out of town a lot - for entire weekends at a time. When he first got back into the hobby, I would protest and beg him to spend more time with us. When he did cave, he would be resentful - and that wasn't fun for any of us. After awhile, it was just easier to let him go. So you could say I was at fault for the demise as I no longer made an effort either.

 

I think that long distance relationships can last. As long as they aren't too long and if both partners make an effort.

 

I know this is a different situation, but maybe it gave a perspective on LD relationships.

[Debo]

Thanks Three of Swords for your response.

 

While it was different in some ways, there were other things in your post that resonated with me.

 

I wish you the best.