MrRightNow Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 There's no way I'd let a girl pay for anything on the first date. Link to post Share on other sites
Iguanna Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 What does the woman do to reciprocate in all this? Let him hope he can have sex with her, one day.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 What does the woman do to reciprocate in all this? What do you expect a woman to do? I get dressed up nice, put on a dress and high heels, am ready on time, laugh at his jokes, smile, listen to his stories, tell him how much I am enjoying the wine/meal and how much I appreciate his generosity, and typically both of us enjoy a nice evening out, possibly at a place neither one of us has ever been to. As Seussy said above -- there is a lid for every pot. If you expect more than this for simply being a gentleman, than I'm sure you can find a woman who follows your same mind set. Link to post Share on other sites
Iguanna Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 I get dressed up nice, put on a dress and high heels, am ready on time, laugh at his jokes, smile, listen to his stories, tell him how much I am enjoying the wine/meal and how much I appreciate his generosity, and typically both of us enjoy a nice evening out, possibly at a place neither one of us has ever been to. I don't want to offend you but I think there is a profession for what you describe... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 I still am stunned at how intense people get about this. Until I met my boyfriend, I'd never had a guy pay for a first date, I always paid for my own share. And I was totally fine with that. Did not care. No reason for a guy to spend money on me when we are just supposed to be getting to know each other. My boyfriend right now is a very big exception because he literally pays for EVERYTHING, won't let me pull my wallet out for anything, wrestles the bill away from me at his own birthday dinner, if he DOES on the rare occasion let me pay for something small, he tries to hand me money in compensation, now that I've started refusing to take his money, I find cash slipped into my purse, tells me to use it for gas, food, coffee... I feel so strange about it! I'm very happy and appreciative, but I feel bad because he spends his money on me. I get fearful that he will resent me for it. Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 I don't want to offend you but I think there is a profession for what you describe... Oh, come on. You are being ridiculous. When I was dating, I went out on dates with men who I both liked and was hoping to start a long term relationship with. I wasn't going out with them solely because I might get meal out of it, much less because they were paying me to go out with them. Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 And the man usually also dresses up nice, is ready on time, laughs at her jokes, smile, listen to her stories, tells her how much he is enjoying her company and so forth To me dating seems like a one way street in the womans favor. And I don't expect anything from women. I know better than that. Like I said, it's a one way street. A woman isn't going to put in any effort if she's dating a man. So it's up to the man to do everything... it's either that or be alone. So I am willing to put in all the effort... but I wish it was different. If you don't expect anything from women, then what is the big deal? I'm asking what you expect from a woman given that it is apparently so much work to plan and pay for a date. (I mean, seriously?) I feel so bad for you that you have to suck it up and put in all that effort to make a dinner reservation and pull out your wallet. You might be surprised to learn that there are a hell of a lot of men out there who have no problem at all planning and paying for dates and who (gasp!) actually enjoy doing so. If you don't like doing it, then you should really find a woman who doesn't expect that. There are apparently a lot of them out there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 Hey I just wish women actually put in some effort from time to time and not just leave it all up to the man to do everything. No I don't think it's hard work to plan and pay for a date. But I would say that doing that is far more effort than any woman will ever put in. I don't understand what you mean by "put in some effort from time to time." How? You mean asking men out on dates? Planning a date? There are plenty of women out there who who do that. Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 Women have the overall attitude in dating and even when a relationship has been established to put in as little effort as they can possibly get away with. Do you actually know any women in real life? Have you ever been in a relationship? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
ChessPieceFace Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 Honestly I'd rather watch a movie by myself with my dog in my apartment than go out with a dude I don't like that much just because I think he might pay for my beer. But when it's $20, $30? Everyone has their price... Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 I have been following LS long enough (unfortunately in some ways lol!) to know that guys think you're whipped if you delineate from the traditional male-role norms, yet are some of the same people who get pissy about paying for dates. You know, "be a man and do this...." or "man, you sound like a *****, man up..." but later, or in other aspects of a relationship insist that women should pay or help pay or not expect that the meal will be paid....etc. Haha, yes, this bit is really quite amusing. "What, you went out with her for 3 dates and didn't try to have sex with her? What a pussy. Man up!", "What, you agreed to compromise with her?! Women don't want men with a weak spine, man up!"... and then, "You paid for her date? What a chump. This is 2014." It's pretty darn clear that none of those people were truly interested in egalitarianism to begin with. My conclusion is that those guys labour under the delusion that people who do what they do are 'men' and people who disagree on any point are 'chumps'. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 But when it's $20, $30? Everyone has their price... Uh... no. I'm not denying there are a few women who truly do use men (I've seen it happen), but those women set their sights on the very, very rich ones who splurge on very lavish dates all the time. Think a college student with a 50-yo man who brings her to a $200 dinner on the first date. If you are bringing women on a $30 date I can assure you that you are probably quite safe. Especially if she makes more than $10/hour at work, a date with a man she doesn't like for $30 is quite an inefficient way of getting money. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Monm82 Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 As I've said before: I think there's too much pressure on men to do most of the work during the first few dates. Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 I always offer to pay my share and mean it, because I'm looking for a man who wants a partnership. ^^^ This, in a nutshell. A sincere offer is appropriate, and either response is acceptable. If he declines, then she picks up a check for drinks or the next meal or whatever. No entitlement or rigid expectations. This is how it becomes a non-issue, and it really should be a non-issue in the 21st century. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 ^^^ This, in a nutshell. A sincere offer is appropriate, and either response is acceptable. If he declines, then she picks up a check for drinks or the next meal or whatever. No entitlement or rigid expectations. This is how it becomes a non-issue, and it really should be a non-issue in the 21st century. It is really strange that you cannot differentiate between entitlement and preference here, when you have drawn on the difference repeatedly during your defense of your preference for women who put out within a few dates. In a nutshell, in case you have forgotten: Are you entitled to sex with a woman? No. Are you entitled to a preference for women who have sex early? Yes. Are you entitled to apply that preference to your choice of women you date? Of course you are. That simple, basic flow of logic applies here as well. Nobody is saying the OP is entitled to being wined and dined. We are saying that she is entitled to preferring a man who wines and dines her if that is how she feels. Just like how everyone else, including you, are entitled to their own preferences. End of story. Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Nobody is saying the OP is entitled to being wined and dined. We are saying that she is entitled to preferring a man who wines and dines her if that is how she feels. Thanks for the lesson, Mom. Link to post Share on other sites
MrNate 2.0 Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 I didn't think deciding who pays got this serious. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 I didn't think deciding who pays got this serious. In my experience it doesn't. The only scenario that's incompatible is two people having rigid and opposing expectations. Or in the case of the OP, where she says one thing but does another, and then she gets butt hurt that her secret expectation was not fulfilled. Apparently, this free food preference thing originates in the medulla oblongata in the less evolved and therefore is not overridden by cognitive processes. This can be predicted by the ratio of overall height to combined length of humerus and radius. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Apparently, this free food preference thing originates in the medulla oblongata in the less evolved and therefore is not overridden by cognitive processes. This can be predicted by the ratio of overall height to combined length of humerus and radius. :laugh: 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 I didn't think deciding who pays got this serious. In the land of 'my preference is okay but everyone else's is awful', everything is srz bsnz. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Monm82 Posted January 18, 2014 Share Posted January 18, 2014 (edited) I think the complaning from guys has more to do with the perception that a lot of women have if he doesn't fully pay: "He's cheap, a jerk, a huge turn-off, etc." Edited January 18, 2014 by Monm82 Link to post Share on other sites
ChessPieceFace Posted January 18, 2014 Share Posted January 18, 2014 What? No. I can buy a $10 bottle of wine and have a much better time by myself than with a dude I don't like. Spin, spin, spin. Guess what - most people go on dates WITHOUT being paid for it. Add in free meals & drinks and that's called incentive. So maybe you (who may be introverted for all I know) wouldn't go out for a free meal with someone you DON'T like. But an average / cheap person may easily take a free meal from someone they MAY like. Reminds me of the time in college I paid for some girl's dinner. All of a sudden she wanted to go out with me some more! I didn't pay for her meal on the next one (we paid for ourselves.) That was the end of that. I had no interest in her. I did find her meal-mooching behavior interesting though. Link to post Share on other sites
freetolove Posted January 23, 2014 Share Posted January 23, 2014 Looks like it's going to be 50/50 in this relationship, if your'e okay with it date him, it not dump it. there's no right or wrong, just what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
Monm82 Posted January 23, 2014 Share Posted January 23, 2014 I agree with what another poster said: I love these kind of threads. Link to post Share on other sites
allenpo123 Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 Wow, if the guy really lets me pay for the meal, I'd mark a huge NO across his face. If the guy asks a girl out, he has to be ready to pay for the whole date, although he may not have to. I know it sounds unfair, but if he doesn't it just seems like he's cheap. But usually, on the first couple dates, I always offer to pay some of my half. Like, if he pays for the movie tickets, I get the drinks, then we'd be somewhat even. The guy may not like you that much he wants to pay for the whole date, and the girl won't want to seem like a gold-digger either, keeps pressure off both people. Link to post Share on other sites
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