Are there men that do this, what is the point?

[Leeladams72]

Is it possible for a man to continuously want to pull you back into his life, when you have attempted to let things go, even when they might not have any romantic/sexual intent?

 

Back story. A coworker and I started taking in October. We were both attracted to each other. There was a lot of flirting, we talked everyday, all day, lunch, taking breaks together etc. he asked me on dates(a few of which I did have to turn down). I started to get insecure and would sometimes play games with him in order to not let him know how I feel and to keep myself from liking him too much. I could tell that these games may have hurt him or made him insecure. And them eventually he started playing them right back. By our third month of knowing each other, it sort of became this relationship of two friends that may be into each other in this constant pull-push cycle. And eventually it just felt like we were friends, or so that is how we labeled each other.

 

However eventually once I was ready to stop the games and try to see if there was something there, another girl had seemed to be moving in on him. Though he did downplay it, things had gotten so vague between us that I had no idea where we stood. I did try to ask him... Just more game playing ensued. And there were those rare moments where we would both indicate how we felt about the other.

 

Recently I decided for the second time I needed to be done with this. Just like the first time I told him we should stop talking etc.. And each time he got upset when I told him this and would continue to talk to me or send me messages, pop on me with a surprise visit to my desk--in other words he continues to try to get my attention. As creepy as it sounds, two weeks ago he moved to a completely different department in a building 15 minutes away by driving. I thought that was my escape from having to see him. And nope like I said, I was on the phone talking to a client and felt someone's presence, looked up and there he was... Starting at me with a smile on his face.

 

We've have never had sex or done anything like that. I'm just unsure as to why someone would continue to try to "pull me back in"...

 

Why do guys typically do this? Is it ego?

[tlegend]

Is it possible for a man to continuously want to pull you back into his life, when you have attempted to let things go, even when they might not have any romantic/sexual intent?

 

Back story. A coworker and I started taking in October. We were both attracted to each other. There was a lot of flirting, we talked everyday, all day, lunch, taking breaks together etc. he asked me on dates(a few of which I did have to turn down). I started to get insecure and would sometimes play games with him in order to not let him know how I feel and to keep myself from liking him too much. I could tell that these games may have hurt him or made him insecure. And them eventually he started playing them right back. By our third month of knowing each other, it sort of became this relationship of two friends that may be into each other in this constant pull-push cycle. And eventually it just felt like we were friends, or so that is how we labeled each other.

 

However eventually once I was ready to stop the games and try to see if there was something there, another girl had seemed to be moving in on him. Though he did downplay it, things had gotten so vague between us that I had no idea where we stood. I did try to ask him... Just more game playing ensued. And there were those rare moments where we would both indicate how we felt about the other.

 

Recently I decided for the second time I needed to be done with this. Just like the first time I told him we should stop talking etc.. And each time he got upset when I told him this and would continue to talk to me or send me messages, pop on me with a surprise visit to my desk--in other words he continues to try to get my attention. As creepy as it sounds, two weeks ago he moved to a completely different department in a building 15 minutes away by driving. I thought that was my escape from having to see him. And nope like I said, I was on the phone talking to a client and felt someone's presence, looked up and there he was... Starting at me with a smile on his face.

 

We've have never had sex or done anything like that. I'm just unsure as to why someone would continue to try to "pull me back in"...

 

Why do guys typically do this? Is it ego?

 

If you have told him that you should stop talking....multiple times, it HARASSMENT. and ****ing creepy

[Leeladams72]

If you have told him that you should stop talking....multiple times, it HARASSMENT. and ****ing creepy

 

Lol. I've told him two times. And each time he did disregard my request. I don't know if if its necessarily harassment although it was weird that he just showed up without at least texting me that he was coming... But I just don't know why a man would want to keep a woman in his life? Is it ego? Maybe he actually does want a friendship, etc?

[CarrieT]

Because it is game-playing and YOU LET HIM.

[MrMeh]

It's his ego alright and you keep filling it up. You keep playing along and showing interest which makes him feel wanted.

[Leeladams72]

Because it is game-playing and YOU LET HIM.

 

Well obviously... I guess I don't get why continue expending effort playing games. Like I said I'm no longer playing the games, I'm just curious as to what a man gets out of this type of situation...

[Zahara]

Well obviously... I guess I don't get why continue expending effort playing games. Like I said I'm no longer playing the games, I'm just curious as to what a man gets out of this type of situation...

 

Ego boost. Attention.

 

You said in your post that he was game playing a lot when you both were together. So, does it matter what he gets out of it?

[Leeladams72]

Ego boost. Attention.

 

You said in your post that he was game playing a lot when you both were together. So, does it matter what he gets out of it?

 

When that was happening, we both were playing the games... Like I said it was a cycle. I would start it, and then the following week he would mirror my actions. It was a push pull thing. Since I ended it with him, I have not done anything or played games along with him like in the past. So while before he might have getting my attention or possibly another cycle of our games, this time he is not. Therefore I'm curious as what it is to him. Just don't see why a 26 year old man would enjoy this type of interaction. It was fun for me at first when I was doing it, but it got old...

[Zahara]

When that was happening, we both were playing the games... Like I said it was a cycle. I would start it, and then the following week he would mirror my actions. It was a push pull thing. Since I ended it with him, I have not done anything or played games along with him like in the past. So while before he might have getting my attention or possibly another cycle of our games, this time he is not. Therefore I'm curious as what it is to him. Just don't see why a 26 year old man would enjoy this type of interaction. It was fun for me at first when I was doing it, but it got old...

 

Maybe to rope you back in so that he can enjoy the flirting, the ego stroke, the excitement, etc. Men like that. There's no other woman paying him attention and he knows he can get it from you, maybe if he just tries hard enough and prance around like a clown, maybe you'll bite.

 

I think you want to hear -- maybe he misses you and he wants you back -- he's interested in you again and wants another chance.

[CarrieT]

Well obviously... I guess I don't get why continue expending effort playing games. Like I said I'm no longer playing the games, I'm just curious as to what a man gets out of this type of situation...

 

Because - as part of the game - he never knows when he might suck you back in. He's done it before so it is a waiting game of seeing how long he can keep playing and push your buttons.

[Leeladams72]

Maybe to rope you back in so that he can enjoy the flirting, the ego stroke, the excitement, etc. Men like that. There's no other woman paying him attention and he knows he can get it from you, maybe if he just tries hard enough and prance around like a clown, maybe you'll bite.

 

I think you want to hear -- maybe he misses you and he wants you back -- he's interested in you again and wants another chance.

 

There are two women currently pursuing him. One was the women I had mentioned in the first post that had sort of swooped in, it was one of the reasons I bailed out---I didnt like feeling jealous and in addition felt like if it was that deep she could have him. He also has an ex gf that is coming around trying to get back with him. Therefore I know it isn't a case of him not getting attention from anyone else. I guess objectively I don't get why someone would find it fun to prance around trying to get attention.

I mean when I did it, it was to see how much he would do to get my attention or to deflate his ego and make him wonder about me and feel confused.

And no I don't need to hear that he misses me. I already know he does. I know him enough at this point to know that. I also don't need to be good he is interested in a relationship because I don't believe he is anymore interested in one than I am. I was just curious as to why someone would want to continue a game playing process when in the midst of it, it seemed to annoy us both. My bigger concern is that this is how my interaction will be with him at this point no matter what. Whether I want to be a friend or not, down the road, has the damage been done and there is no coming back and having a normal interaction? He even said last week that our relationship reminded him of a movie and he couldn't put his finger on what movie he was talking about but what I got is that it was probably a move about two friends that like each other playing games a lot.

[Zahara]

There are two women currently pursuing him. One was the women I had mentioned in the first post that had sort of swooped in, it was one of the reasons I bailed out---I didnt like feeling jealous and in addition felt like if it was that deep she could have him. He also has an ex gf that is coming around trying to get back with him. Therefore I know it isn't a case of him not getting attention from anyone else. I guess objectively I don't get why someone would find it fun to prance around trying to get attention.

I mean when I did it, it was to see how much he would do to get my attention or to deflate his ego and make him wonder about me and feel confused.

And no I don't need to hear that he misses me. I already know he does. I know him enough at this point to know that. I also don't need to be good he is interested in a relationship because I don't believe he is anymore interested in one than I am. I was just curious as to why someone would want to continue a game playing process when in the midst of it, it seemed to annoy us both. My bigger concern is that this is how my interaction will be with him at this point no matter what. Whether I want to be a friend or not, down the road, has the damage been done and there is no coming back and having a normal interaction? He even said last week that our relationship reminded him of a movie and he couldn't put his finger on what movie he was talking about but what I got is that it was probably a move about two friends that like each other playing games a lot.

 

OMG. Men like this love it when there is an abundance of women stroking their ego. It doesn't matter whether you're # 4 in a line of women chasing his tail or boosting his ego.

 

There is no objective way or making sense of unhealthy behaviors. Just accept that he's not healthy for you, concentrate on your job/career and put this behind you.