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5 months...


magicmoon

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It's been 5 months since it ended, and it still hurts so ****ing bad :( I miss him so much and I just hope he will come back... we stayed friends. He asked me out about a week back. I thought it was a date... but he was just... friendly. It killed me all over again. It kills me every single day :( I still hope that he will see what mistake he has made and come back.

But slowly, I'm starting to lose hope... I'm just tired of trying to make him see how great we were. I should stop, should I?

 

It hurts... and I feel like I will never get over it. I just woke up from a dream where we were back together and happy. :( stupid brain.

Is it even normal to feel like this after 5 months? (1 year relationship)

 

I can't do this anymore... i feel like someone is stabbing my heart with a knife.

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You have all the tools necessary to power through this and pave yourself a better future. Yes you have taken a tremendous emotional blow but you will make it out of this and climb out of this hole you are in.

Take the emotions as they come, reroute your thoughts when they get too painful and internalize the fact that the relationship is over and over for good, there is no going back.

Start by working on yourself, and know that the pain will eventually subside but, do keep in mind that it's all up to YOU for things to get better. The last thing you want to do is depend on someone to fix this for you.

Keep going and be strong, you will come out of this a new and improved you.

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I started to improve myself right after breakup... I've travelled, got into univerity. I even applied to a job that I wanted to do for a long time. And I got accepted for a 3 month trial perod :). I did what I was supposed to do but I was expecting that the pain will be over by now. Its so discouraging :( and no one knows. I feel so weak for what I feel. My ego is totally bruised. I tought he was the one. But apperently, it was all just a waste of time :(

I'm 19 and this was my first real relationship. Since it ended, I tried to go out with couple of guys, but it just felt likr Im cheating on my ex and ruining every opportunity for our future realtionship. Which exists only in my head.

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I think you are focusing on rushing this process, and understandably. I'm currently at 8 months post BU and recall month 5 feeling like hell on earth literally. It appears that you are taking action which is great. We have all been through the wringer and back, we know the feeling its beyond excruciating but you will make it out of this. Additionally, I would refrain at the moment from dating, take this time to get to know you and focus on yourself and no one else. You will fall in love again, and sadly be hurt again, it's part of life. We always take risks. Take it a day at a time, be gentle with yourself no need to rush this.

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You really need to go NC. It is hell on earth if you keep seeing him, and you are never going to move forward if you still keep hoping. I did the same things you are doing, and it only delayed the inevitable process of moving on.

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JDPT, thank you for your encuraging words. I have been hurt in the past and got over it... but somehow it's hard to remember how strong I was and doubt that I will be able to do it again.

 

NC is not an option.

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And NC is not we belong to the same social circle... and it would make things very awkward for me. And honestly, even if we didn't... I could never just cut him off. Our relationship was not bad. No cheating, no fights...

I just don't get it.... how can someone just stop loving you. Just like that... :( it's so cruel.

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And NC is not we belong to the same social circle... and it would make things very awkward for me. And honestly, even if we didn't... I could never just cut him off. Our relationship was not bad. No cheating, no fights...

I just don't get it.... how can someone just stop loving you. Just like that... :( it's so cruel.

 

 

 

I'm thinking, and you can correct me if I'm wrong that you are viewing NC as a punishment? NC is all about you, you and YOU. You implement it rigorously in order to heal and protect yourself from future grief. And if you are concerned with being viewed as "crazy" for implementing NC, well guess what? what your ex thinks/thought of you at this point is utterly irrelevant.

 

 

There is no correlation between how any relationship ends (good, bad, ugly...) and NC. NC isn't payback but rather doing yourself a favor and proactively contributing towards paving a better future. I know you are determined on your idea but you should really contemplate this thought for your sake.

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And NC is not we belong to the same social circle... and it would make things very awkward for me. And honestly, even if we didn't... I could never just cut him off. Our relationship was not bad. No cheating, no fights...

I just don't get it.... how can someone just stop loving you. Just like that... :( it's so cruel.

 

Sorry you're going through this. IMHO you're going to have to make some hard choices. Just like yourself, my ex and I didn't break up over anything bad like fights, arguing, cheating, etc... it was over faith. We both love each other very much but I couldn't be just friends like she wanted. We have mutual friends, but I had to make the decision to go NC until I can detach. I'm almost three months post BU and I have good days and bad days but I'm making progress. IMO, you're going to prolong your agony by continuing to see him. For whatever reason, he's just not that into you anymore. If you can accept that and commit to not seeing him anymore, you'll heal much quicker. If you hold out hope that you guys can reconcile, then it will be on his terms and who knows how long that can take.. all while your in agony. Take control and heal on your timetable.

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And NC is not we belong to the same social circle... and it would make things very awkward for me. And honestly, even if we didn't... I could never just cut him off. Our relationship was not bad. No cheating, no fights...

I just don't get it.... how can someone just stop loving you. Just like that... :( it's so cruel.

 

Yes you can go NC, and it's really going to be essential for you to move on. If you see him in social circles, you don't have to interact with him. For a period of time, you might even want to avoid places he will be. I know it seems daunting at first because I felt the same way. I thought I could never go complete NC; it seemed impossible. However, you are finding out that the longer you remain in contact, the worse this situation is going to get for you. I'm not saying you will never see him again in your life, but, for now, you need NC.

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It's been 5 months since it ended, and it still hurts so ****ing bad :( I miss him so much and I just hope he will come back... we stayed friends. He asked me out about a week back. I thought it was a date... but he was just... friendly. It killed me all over again. It kills me every single day :( I still hope that he will see what mistake he has made and come back.

But slowly, I'm starting to lose hope... I'm just tired of trying to make him see how great we were. I should stop, should I?

 

It hurts... and I feel like I will never get over it. I just woke up from a dream where we were back together and happy. :( stupid brain.

Is it even normal to feel like this after 5 months? (1 year relationship)

 

I can't do this anymore... i feel like someone is stabbing my heart with a knife.

 

I'm at 5 months post-BU too, actually today exactly marks 5 months, and I feel exactly the same as you. It feels harder now than it did two days after the break up, but I know it'll get better, you will too. Just keep your head up :)

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read this online...

 

 

IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN YOU. The door is in front of you. You can turn around and walk away or sit there and stare at it. Freedom is at the other side. Only you can open it and walk through. You will always have the memory of your ex, so don't be afraid you are going to lose them; however, "you can't go home" you can't have them back, you've come to far, people change, now its your turn.

The past is the past. You can not hold on to the things they have said or done, as that is part of the past. It doesn't matter if they said you are the love of their lives, it doesn't matter what endearments they have uttered ... you must go on with what they said at the time of break up. They don't want you to be a part of their lives for whatever reason ... remember that.

 

Everyone who's in this situation, just take that walk. You have to do it. The road is long, and it's tough, and it will hurt you a lot to do it... but the pain that walking away will bring you is NOTHING in comparison to the endless anguish you'll be putting yourself through if you try to "be there for them". You got dumped, so guess what? They aren't going to be there for YOU. When you're feeling like the lowest grade of crap imaginable, they aren't going to be there for you. If they start dating again before you're fully over them, they are not going to stop just because it hurts you. When someone leaves you, they are no longer there for you in any capacity. You are at best, an awkward friendship...and at worst, an annoying bit of history. Don't waste your time and your peace of mind on an attempt at maintaining a sense of closeness and affection which THEY discarded. You can't make someone dig through a trash can to get something back that they lost. That ball is completely in their court. You just have to walk.

 

The sad truth is that in the end, the more effort you put forth in this "battle" the more you will lose. This person you still ache for so intensely will eventually grow to resent your "persistance" or just consider you to be a depressing presence in their life. Do you really want that? If the relationship ended on a somewhat positive note, wouldn't you rather have them remember you for the good times instead of the end times and the bad times that followed? In no way should you "wait around" for them, but if you cross paths in the future something may just rekindle...unless you've acted like a whiny punk the entire time after the breakup. There's no point in it. You could be stuck pining over your ex far longer than you need to, and maybe even inadvertantly miss the opportunity to meet someone who's far better for you.

 

I'm in this same situation with the rest of you. I want nothing more than to just be with her for a while. Talk to her for a while. I keep fighting the temptation to call her and shoot the breeze. I fight it because while hearing her voice would be very nice, it would cause me a lot of pain in the end. We broke up on good terms and I have no reason to be bitter with her about how things ended. They just ended. Nothing lasts forever. There is no "mile marker" which declares what was or was not a "good" realationship. If the relationship ended without her cheating on you with your best friend and robbing your apartment, consider yourself FORTUNATE. I do. Inside, I think all of us wish things could have "worked out" or "lasted a little longer"...but it serves no purpose to mourn such things. All relationships end. Sometimes sooner, sometimes later. It's just part of life and personally, it's something I'm beginning to accept.

 

What the WRONG thing to do, however, is feebly trying to recapture the spirit of a period in your life (and theirs) that is now over. .

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I'm thinking, and you can correct me if I'm wrong that you are viewing NC as a punishment? NC is all about you, you and YOU. You implement it rigorously in order to heal and protect yourself from future grief. And if you are concerned with being viewed as "crazy" for implementing NC, well guess what? what your ex thinks/thought of you at this point is utterly irrelevant.

 

 

There is no correlation between how any relationship ends (good, bad, ugly...) and NC. NC isn't payback but rather doing yourself a favor and proactively contributing towards paving a better future. I know you are determined on your idea but you should really contemplate this thought for your sake.

 

I am not shure. I always viewed people that stayed friends after breakup like they have some kind of respect for each other, and that what they had actually meant something. I went NC with one 'ex' , but only because he cheated, lied and used me in the ugliest way possible.

 

I have a huge ego problem and if I went NC... shame would probably kill me. It's not just him, it's all mine and his friends. I know it's wrong, but I'm too proud.

Well... probably I just don't really want to let go and kill all hope :( :/

 

 

Sometimes, I just wish that I was born in a different culture, got my marriage arranged, no male friends allowed... and I would never have to feel this :laugh:

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Well... probably I just don't really want to let go and kill all hope :( :/

 

 

If you were my sister or daughter, I would take you by the shoulders and tell you that if you refuse to give up all hope, you will never truly heal and move forward in future relationships. There is another soulmate waiting for you out there... but you will never see him if you continue to hold out for a guy that has already begun to move forward without you.

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I am not shure. I always viewed people that stayed friends after breakup like they have some kind of respect for each other, and that what they had actually meant something. I went NC with one 'ex' , but only because he cheated, lied and used me in the ugliest way possible.

 

Let's start working on the fact that you owe your ex absolutely nothing. I know it's a though pill to swallow but you in time will learn to embrace the concept. You ex is an ex for a reason. You are now this stand alone unit that needs to focus and fend for yourself.

 

 

I have a huge ego problem and if I went NC... shame would probably kill me. It's not just him, it's all mine and his friends. I know it's wrong, but I'm too proud.

Well... probably I just don't really want to let go and kill all hope :( :/

 

 

And this is exactly what you must do, eradicate ALL hope. There is not turning back from this. Internalize the reason(s) of why you two are not longer together. View them objectively and do not sugar coat facts and reality. I know it's difficult to do at this point in your BU but you must bring yourself to it. Again, you owe no one an explanation there isn't anything to prove to anyone but yourself. At the end of the day you are the only one you need to look after. You are doing all of this for you and no one else. When you stop worrying about what others may think of you is when you will sort things out and make room for genuine progress.

 

 

Sometimes, I just wish that I was born in a different culture, got my marriage arranged, no male friends allowed... and I would never have to feel this :laugh:

 

 

Careful what you wish for. I came and sort of still attached to that type of "culture". Trust me I know plenty of couples who are miserable and can't find a way out of this perpetuating agony. Take charge of your life, it's yours and no one else's. You will come out of this a new and improved you.

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I am not shure. I always viewed people that stayed friends after breakup like they have some kind of respect for each other, and that what they had actually meant something. I went NC with one 'ex' , but only because he cheated, lied and used me in the ugliest way possible.

 

I have a huge ego problem and if I went NC... shame would probably kill me. It's not just him, it's all mine and his friends. I know it's wrong, but I'm too proud.

Well... probably I just don't really want to let go and kill all hope :( :/

 

 

Sometimes, I just wish that I was born in a different culture, got my marriage arranged, no male friends allowed... and I would never have to feel this :laugh:

 

The truth is that most people don't really stay friends after a breakup, and it has nothing to do with respect. Most people realize the need to step back and cut contact after a breakup. You are basically saying that your own happiness is not as important as remaining friends with you ex. You are sacrificing yourself for someone who left you. Something isn't right with that picture.

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Oh well... this just got harder :(

I don't know what else to say... I appreciate help from all of you. But all that I want is for him to come back :(

 

I should probably rethink everything and take NC into the consideration, but I really doubt that I will ever be able to do it.

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Oh well... this just got harder :(

I don't know what else to say... I appreciate help from all of you. But all that I want is for him to come back :(

 

I should probably rethink everything and take NC into the consideration, but I really doubt that I will ever be able to do it.

 

 

Don't worry about down the line, focus on today, focus on right this moment. Gather your thoughts, plans and when ready execute them with impunity.

NC is your friend don't be afraid of it, you will learn to embrace the concept and will realize that it was much better this way.

Be gentle with yourself, it's ok to feel.

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Oh well... this just got harder :(

I don't know what else to say... I appreciate help from all of you. But all that I want is for him to come back :(

 

I should probably rethink everything and take NC into the consideration, but I really doubt that I will ever be able to do it.

 

Make serenity your # 1 priority. NC helps that greatly

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I just ran out of words. I don't know what to do... but if I think about going NC, it just makes me cry. I would miss him way to much :(

 

Think about the alternative. He starts seeing someone else and brings his new squeeze around your mutual friends.. whats worse? missing him or watching him move on with other women while you pine away wishing and hoping for him to come back? You can go NC, you're stronger than you think, you're trying to rationalize why you can't.

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You are now thinking with your brain and not so much with your heart hence the difficulty you are having now.

Take your time to internalize all of this, don't fight reality, allow the healing to occur in a very organic manner.

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LostConfused123

Many years ago I went through something like your situation. We had almost ALL the same friends. He had just moved to the state I lived in. We met almost right after that and I introduced him to all my friends, which became his friends.

 

I worked as a bartender and all our friends hung out there. It wasn't just my workplace, but where he and I socialized with our friends.

 

I was able to go NC but it wasn't easy. I got a different job, made new friends because there was no way I could hang out with them (not at first) and had to find new places to hang out and socialise.

 

I felt like I lost EVERYTHING. My bf, my friends, the job I loved etc.

 

He even started dating a friend. Then my friends became her friends. It was absolutely hell but after going full NC I eventually got over it and moved on. I was strong enough to get back to hanging out with my friends but it took about a year.

 

There was NO WAY I could have done that without NC!!!!

 

It hurts at first but you don't want to be around if he starts dating someone!!

 

My ex eventually married her and had a child with her. Thank God I went NC because that would have killed me. Your friends will understand if you keep a low profile for a while. I promise and if they don't, they're not really your friends. A real friend will want you to get through your pain and be happy!!

 

I know it's hard and I'm so sorry for your pain but you will overcome it!! I promise!! ((hugs!!))

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