Teejee Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 Okay. I can imagine that it sucks for you to lose your gf and a friend at the same time. Hope you will feel better soon! Link to post Share on other sites
rosedl Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 How old are (both) of you? I'm very curious. Link to post Share on other sites
Author inventorj Posted January 14, 2014 Author Share Posted January 14, 2014 I'm surprised that no one mentioned that if someone does rebound on one of your closest friends.. that maybe breaking up with them was the right thing to do in hindsight? Doesn't it confirm that emotional instability and immaturity and depth of the love in the relationship if that type of action comes so soon after the break-up? Isn't there ways that mature adults end relationships? Link to post Share on other sites
Author inventorj Posted January 14, 2014 Author Share Posted January 14, 2014 How old are (both) of you? I'm very curious. I'm 24, she's 21. Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 I'm 24, she's 21. Of course she is.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author inventorj Posted January 14, 2014 Author Share Posted January 14, 2014 Of course she is.... what does that mean? Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 I'm surprised that no one mentioned that if someone does rebound on one of your closest friends.. that maybe breaking up with them was the right thing to do in hindsight? Doesn't it confirm that emotional instability and immaturity and depth of the love in the relationship if that type of action comes so soon after the break-up? Isn't there ways that mature adults end relationships? How and when you move is not directly linked to how mature you are. You need to understand that you controlled your end of the break up, but you can't control hers. Mature or not, she'll do what she wants to do, and that's all there is to it. Link to post Share on other sites
rosedl Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 Ok. So, no major age difference and plenty old enough to have your relationship be no one's damn business but your own. My original comment stands. Hell, at your age I was married with two kids (now grown, I'm 42). Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 what does that mean? It means that there is clearly a maturity level to factor in as well. It appears that your "friend" really did a number on you. Let them both be and move along. Link to post Share on other sites
Author inventorj Posted January 14, 2014 Author Share Posted January 14, 2014 Ok. So, no major age difference and plenty old enough to have your relationship be no one's damn business but your own. My original comment stands. Hell, at your age I was married with two kids (now grown, I'm 42). I'm sorry but I have to politely disagree with you. Maybe some more background would help clarify things but I come from a culture that is a small-knit religious community and we think it's important for our religious-guides and close friends and mentors to be supportive of a relationship before pursuing marriage. In our culture, we don't even date unless its for the purpose of marriage. So it is considered a serious thing and I do believe that when it's right, it's right.. but if its the wrong timing and those around you don't agree with the timing of the relationship, I don't think its setup for success. Like I said, we are a small group and the relationship becomes part of the group. I would just want my friends, her friends, and parents and everybody around us to be supportive and enthusiastic instead of being hesitant because they believe she is not ready to be in a relationship that is heading towards marriage. Obviously, you are entitled to your opinion about me but I just wanted to put this out there. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 Come on, folks! That's BS stating that "she can date whoever she wants" which is true, but come on! One of his closest friends? That's screwed up! Doubt you would be saying the same thing if this was a marriage that ended in divorce and the exwife was sleeping with the guy that was the best man at their wedding before the ink even dried on the divorce papers! There's just some things that you just don't do whether you're in the right or wrong. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
margot13 Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 Come on, folks! That's BS stating that "she can date whoever she wants" which is true, but come on! One of his closest friends? That's screwed up! Doubt you would be saying the same thing if this was a marriage that ended in divorce and the exwife was sleeping with the guy that was the best man at their wedding before the ink even dried on the divorce papers! There's just some things that you just don't do whether you're in the right or wrong. Hey, I agree it is not right. But he ended it, you know what it is like to be heartbroken, your emotions do very stupid needy stuff that is not right, makes no sense and just creates more painful mess for yourself. I think people are just trying to get the OP to be aware of his participation in all of this by dumping her in the first place, not by saying anyone is wrong or right. Link to post Share on other sites
Author inventorj Posted January 14, 2014 Author Share Posted January 14, 2014 Hey, I agree it is not right. But he ended it, you know what it is like to be heartbroken, your emotions do very stupid needy stuff that is not right, makes no sense and just creates more painful mess for yourself. I think people are just trying to get the OP to be aware of his participation in all of this by dumping her in the first place, not by saying anyone is wrong or right. I understand that this all started because I ended things. But it was something we talked about. When she was initially against it, I made the effort to talk to her and discuss why I thought it was important for us to put a break on things. By the end of the conversation, she agreed that this was for the best for us to work out in the long run. In the following weeks, whenever we were around each other, we were still good friends and everything was fine. There was no animosity until one day, where she flipped and left me with no explanation as to what caused her to flip. Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 Come on, folks! That's BS stating that "she can date whoever she wants" which is true, but come on! One of his closest friends? That's screwed up! Doubt you would be saying the same thing if this was a marriage that ended in divorce and the exwife was sleeping with the guy that was the best man at their wedding before the ink even dried on the divorce papers! There's just some things that you just don't do whether you're in the right or wrong. He ended it. Look, I wouldn't date one of my bfs male friends because it would be like dating my brother (ew). But he broke up with her. He's entitled to squat. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 I understand that this all started because I ended things. But it was something we talked about. When she was initially against it, I made the effort to talk to her and discuss why I thought it was important for us to put a break on things. By the end of the conversation, she agreed that this was for the best for us to work out in the long run. In the following weeks, whenever we were around each other, we were still good friends and everything was fine. There was no animosity until one day, where she flipped and left me with no explanation as to what caused her to flip. Once again, you can't put someone on hold while you sort out your life. A break is a break up. It doesn't matter that she agreed with it or not, she interpreted it as an ending. Next time, if you want to work your stuff out and keep your girlfriend, do them both at the same time, or accept that "break" = "break up". 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mantlefan Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 I understand that this all started because I ended things. But it was something we talked about. When she was initially against it, I made the effort to talk to her and discuss why I thought it was important for us to put a break on things. By the end of the conversation, she agreed that this was for the best for us to work out in the long run. In the following weeks, whenever we were around each other, we were still good friends and everything was fine. There was no animosity until one day, where she flipped and left me with no explanation as to what caused her to flip. With my ex and I, when we saw each other we were like old friends. But eventually the cat got out of the bag with her and my friend, and now we are as cold as ice around each other. Maybe you ex couldn't keep up the charade anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 Once again, you can't put someone on hold while you sort out your life. A break is a break up. It doesn't matter that she agreed with it or not, she interpreted it as an ending. Next time, if you want to work your stuff out and keep your girlfriend, do them both at the same time, or accept that "break" = "break up". Not trying to be a douche rocket here, but CLEARLY you have to see that she's doing this out of a sort of revenge. CLEARLY she's out to hurt the OP for breaking up with her. Now, since I have the clarity to see this train wreck coming, I thought it best to tell the OP, "Ummmm....dude? You might want to get off the tracks; trains coming..." Others around here are under the impression that he caused himself to end up on the railroad tracks, it would be best to just grab a lawn chair and a tub of popcorn and get ready to watch the carnage. Link to post Share on other sites
Author inventorj Posted January 14, 2014 Author Share Posted January 14, 2014 Not trying to be a douche rocket here, but CLEARLY you have to see that she's doing this out of a sort of revenge. CLEARLY she's out to hurt the OP for breaking up with her. Now, since I have the clarity to see this train wreck coming, I thought it best to tell the OP, "Ummmm....dude? You might want to get off the tracks; trains coming..." Others around here are under the impression that he caused himself to end up on the railroad tracks, it would be best to just grab a lawn chair and a tub of popcorn and get ready to watch the carnage. what do you mean by carnage? what do you think is coming? Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 Not trying to be a douche rocket here, but CLEARLY you have to see that she's doing this out of a sort of revenge. CLEARLY she's out to hurt the OP for breaking up with her. Now, since I have the clarity to see this train wreck coming, I thought it best to tell the OP, "Ummmm....dude? You might want to get off the tracks; trains coming..." Others around here are under the impression that he caused himself to end up on the railroad tracks, it would be best to just grab a lawn chair and a tub of popcorn and get ready to watch the carnage. And if that's what she is doing, then his best course of action is not to look for her to explain herself, or give him reasons, but to simply distance himself from her and his friend. But expecting her to 'wait' for him to sort his stuff out was his mistake. That's a lesson well learned - never ask for a 'break' in a relationship if you can't handle the fact that it might turn into a break up. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted January 14, 2014 Share Posted January 14, 2014 what do you mean by carnage? what do you think is coming? You stated that you're in a small group of friends. She'll take great pride in rubbing her new relationship in your face any chance she'll get. She'll be posting on how wonderful your former friend is compared to others she's had in the past (meaning you) and she'll take great pleasure in posting that they had a lovely romantic weekend getaway, just the two of them. You ready for that train wreck? Because I see it coming! Link to post Share on other sites
Author inventorj Posted January 14, 2014 Author Share Posted January 14, 2014 You stated that you're in a small group of friends. She'll take great pride in rubbing her new relationship in your face any chance she'll get. She'll be posting on how wonderful your former friend is compared to others she's had in the past (meaning you) and she'll take great pleasure in posting that they had a lovely romantic weekend getaway, just the two of them. You ready for that train wreck? Because I see it coming! that sounds really malicious.. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 Hell hath no fury, dude!!!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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